[a/n Sorry if I killed any of you guys with the last chapter; I loved the comments though, oops. This chapter is dedicated to the lovely kellic_pls03 because we are friends now. Also, please be aware that this chapter contains some sensitive material, so be careful when you're reading! Enjoy, and comment everywhere!
It's okay to hate me for my choice of media/song of this chapter. I hate me too.]
Song Of The Chapter: "World Turn" by Copeland
"Now you can feel the world move slow
If you lay down on your back and wait,
And suddenly you're home
And the waves will just keep crashing on your back
Until you're finally covered over
And you felt the world turn
And you felt the world turn its back on you."
Kellin's POV
For a moment, time stood still the way it did before. It was like I was sleepwalking, and nothing that was happening was real. Katelynne and I had halted mid-argument, and the only sound in the house was the eerie music from Copeland's video still playing downstairs. The silence was deafening.
"Oh my god!" Katelynne screamed, her words cutting deep. We both snapped out of our trances and ran for the stairs. I gripped the railing tightly as I gingerly took the first few steps, but my heart ceased beating and flew into my throat at the sight at the bottom of the stairs.
My sweet, innocent baby girl sprawled motionless in white shorts and a Blue's Clues t-shirt. I could see a strip of soft skin where the shirt was riding up. There was no blood, but her small back was missing the reassuring rise and fall that I'd been so desperately hoping for.
"No, no, no, oh please, no, no," Katelynne wailed, and I realized that while I'd been standing frozen in horror, she had descended to where Copeland lay still. Katelynne cradled our limp daughter in her arms, tears streaming down her face and dripping onto Copeland's pale skin.
"Don't just stand there! Do something!" Katelynne yelled, and I sprang into action. I grabbed my cell phone and stood beside my broken child and distraught wife. Katelynne was delicately performing CPR that she was taught back in the parenting courses, trying to get our girl breathing again.
"M-my daughter, she fell d-down the stairs and blacked out. We live on the corner of 4th and Freemont, p-please hurry," I told them.
"Sir, we have dispatched an ambulance. If she won't wake up, it's likely that a severe hematoma has occurred. This means that blood vessels have burst in her brain and are pushing the tissue. Breathe in, breathe out. The chemicals can bring her home again," the operator assured me.
"T-thanks, my wife is performing CPR. She isn't breathing," I choked out.
"Is there a pulse?" the operated questioned. I carefully pressed two fingers to the side of Copeland's neck, searching in vain for a weak heartbeat.
"N-no, oh god, there isn't," I cried, my body beginning to shake violently.
"Sir, you must remain calm for your daughter. The ambulance is on its way, so have your wife keep performing CPR, and call right back if she begins bleeding externally or having convulsions," the operator instructed before hanging up. The sobs were making my shoulders shudder, and I knelt down to hold Copeland's tiny hand as Katelynne continued trying to help her breathe.
"God, I need you now," I choked out, caressing Copeland's cold hand with my thumb. She seemed so small, so fragile. How could I have let this happen?
As the paramedics loaded my baby into an ambulance, I finally realized the truth. I not only let this happen, I caused this to happen. If I hadn't yelled at her, she wouldn't have been running down the stairs, and she wouldn't have fallen. As Katelynne screamed at me to get the hell away from her baby, I let the guilt consume me. I didn't deserve to be near Copeland; I was a monster. As the ambulance pulled away, sirens blaring, I sat numbly at the bottom of the staircase. My breathing was constricted, and I couldn't bear to let myself think. I had to get to my daughter at the hospital; she could be dying right now, and I wouldn't be there for her. She could be awake and asking why Daddy had been so mad at her. I wanted to be there for her, but I didn't even trust my legs to allow me to stand again. I slowly picked up my cell phone and called the one person I needed more than anyone right now.
Vic's POV
"Kells?" I answered the phone hesitantly, afraid of another screaming match with him. Needless to say, I was startled and concerned to hear my best friend sobbing heavily on the line.
"What's wrong?" I questioned, anxious and heartbroken as his cries choked his words. I could barely understand what he was saying.
"C-Copeland. Hosp-pital. H-help," Kellin finally stuttered out. He sounded like he was having a panic attack. I ran downstairs, ignoring the confused looks from Jaime and Tony as I passed through the living room.
"What's going on?" Jaime called as I yanked open my car door. I covered the phone speaker before replying.
"Something with Copeland. I'm going to get Kellin, meet me at the hospital," I told him quickly, starting up my car and slamming the door shut. I returned to Kellin who was still crying over the phone.
"Kells, it's going to be okay, I'm coming to get you right now. Just keep calm, okay? It won't help Copeland if you freak out, just breathe, please. Darling, you'll be okay," I tried to soothe him, but I could tell that he was just getting more and more hysterical as I crawled through traffic.
"I breathe you in with smoke..." I started to sing softly. I heard Kellin's breathing steady a bit as he listened to me.
"In the backyard lights..." I continued singing until I finally pulled into Kellin's driveway. I hung up the phone and sprinted through the unlocked front door.
"Kellin, where are y-" I started to yell, but stopped when I saw Kellin sitting hollowly at the bottom of the staircase. When we locked eyes, his tears started up again. I sat down next to him and pulled him into a tight embrace. He buried his face in my chest and I felt hot tears saturating my shirt.
"Shh, baby, it's okay," I mumbled, rubbing his back tenderly. I whispered sweet nothings in his ear until the sobs subsided once more. He rested his head in my lap, his entire body shuddering.
"She fell down the stairs," Kellin breathed, his voice a weak rustle. My breath caught in my throat at his words; those stairs were a fucking deathtrap, and if Copeland had smacked her head just right on the edge, she could very likely be dead by now.
"It's all my fault. I was fighting with Katelynne, and when she came into the room, and when she came into the room I-I screamed at her t-to get out. A-and she ran so fast to get away from m-me..." Kellin trailed off and I sensed the bawling on the horizon. I gently touched his wet cheek, trying to calm him.
"Don't worry about that now, Kells. We need to get to the hospital," I told him, aware that it had probably been almost 40 minutes since the accident. Kellin shot up, nearly cracking my nose with his skull.
"Shit! We need to go now!" Kellin realized, leaping to his feat. I followed right at his heels out to the car before driving obscenely fast to the hospital.
"Where is she? Where is she?" Kellin shouted as soon as we set foot in the children's wing. The poor blonde secretary looked at me for help as Kellin screeched unintelligibly at her.
"Kellin, sweetie, calm down. Breathe. We're looking for Copeland Quinn, admitted maybe an hour ago," I supplied for the secretary. She nodded, still glancing at Kellin warily. Tears had welled up at his eyes at the mere mention of Copeland's name.
"Room 182," the secretary informed me, and Kellin was off running down the hall again, narrowly dodging a doctor with bright red hair making out with a short, black-haired nurse. We reached the room and Kellin yanked on the doorknob, but it didn't give.
"Something's gotta give! What the fuck?" Kellin shouted, pounding on the thick wooden surface and trying desperately to twist the knob.
"Mr. Quinn?" The same doctor with bright red hair approached us. Kellin looked up in alarm.
"Haven't you people ever heard of opening the goddamn door?" Kellin demanded. The doctor put a calming hand on Kellin's shoulder, looking at him with wide eyes lined perfectly in black.
"Take this, read it over, and then I'll let you in to see your daughter, alright?" the doctor requested, handing Kellin a folded slip of paper. Kellin hastily grabbed for the sheet, and unfolded it messily.
Kellin's POV
Name: Copeland Quinn
Age: 2 Years 11 Months
Parents: Katelynne and Kellin Quinn
Approx. Time of Death: 12:26 PM, April 21st, 2015
Cause of Death: Fatal hematoma due to cranial injury
Notes: Fell down stairs at home, head cracked on edge of stairs. Severe hematoma lasting approx. 16 minutes. Dead upon arrival at hospital.
I reread the words on the page over and over again, trying to convince myself that it wasn't real. Copeland wasn't dead. She was my daughter, my child, my baby girl. I still had yet to forbid her from going on dates, tell her she couldn't leave the house wearing that, chaperone her at Warped Tour, call her "young lady" when I was annoyed with her.
None of that could happen if she was dead.
It wasn't real. It couldn't be. I would go into that room and see my little girl, tired and headache-y, but alive. The doctor with bright red hair slowly opened the door and I rushed in, ready to see Copeland lying in bed with Katelynne dutifully by her side. I was ready to apologize profusely for yelling at her to get out. I was ready to sing to her and fuss over her while she was here. I was ready to take care of my living, breathing baby.
I was not ready to see Copeland's painfully familiar small figure covered by a white sheet on a wheeled hospital bed, a nurse preparing to move her.
"No," I whispered softly, feeling a tight clench in my chest. I gripped the edge of the table to steady myself, but a hollow sob escaped my lips.
"I'm so sorry for your loss, Mr. Quinn. Your wife is out in the waiting room with some others. Would you like to take this packet of information out to her?" The nurse offered sympathetically, his brown afro swishing back and forth as he turned to me. I only briefly glanced at the packet, but the word 'funeral' cried out to me from the cover. We had to plan a funeral for my two year old.
"I'll take that. Would you give us a moment, please?" Vic asked the nurse, grabbing the packet and resting a hand on the small of my back.
"Of course, I'll be back in a few minutes," the nurse agreed, quietly closing the door. I moved to the miniature hospital bed, standing over my child's lifeless body. I felt sick to my stomach. I pulled back the sheet covering her face and immediately wished I hadn't.
Copeland's soft skin looked horribly pale under the harsh fluorescent hospital lights. I touched her cold cheek softly, placing a delicate kiss on her forehead. I could almost trick myself into thinking she was just taking her usual afternoon nap a little early today. The nurse had closed Copeland's eyes, but her small features displayed a slight expression of fear. Not enough for a doctor to notice, but I could identify the slight crinkle of the skin beside her eyes, the tiny frown on her always-smiling pink lips. Copeland had been terrified when she died. Terrified of me. I had made my precious little baby afraid of me.
And then I killed her.
Like a deer in the headlights, I was frozen wide-eyed as I met my fate. I had essentially killed Copeland. It was my fault that she was dead. I only had myself to blame, and I wished we could start again. But she was gone.
"Kellin!" Vic shouted and I thought I hit the floor. My body was failing, and I couldn't feel anything anymore. I felt numb to Vic cradling me in his arms, numb to the wails of anguish escaping my lips, numb to the door opening and the nurse with the afro covering and wheeling Copeland's body from the room. I was oblivious to everything except the realization that I murdered my daughter.
"Kellin, Kellin, slow your breathing, you're okay," Vic promised once I was somewhat aware of my surrounding. I'd stopped sobbing, but my insides were in the process of collapsing.
"Help," I whispered. Vic cuddled me closer to him and placed soft kisses on my face, calming me down. Under normal circumstances, I probably would've pushed him off in anger. But as he held me close to him, I realized that I actually needed the comfort, and it absolutely had to be from Vic.
Because it had to be comfort from someone I loved.
Vic's POV [a/n Sorry for this super long chapter oops]
I literally carried Kellin bridal-style into the waiting room, his face tucked in the crook of my neck. He felt like a china doll in my arms, light and all too breakable. I entered the room; despite the happy zoo painted on the walls, this was the most heart-shattering day I'd ever experienced. I couldn't even begin to imagine how Kellin was feeling. Jaime, Tony, Jack, Justin, Katelynne, and Jesse all sat together, collectively looking in surprise at Kellin curled up against me. I noticed Tony sitting as far away from Katelynne as possible; she had her head resting again Jesse's shoulder, tears cascading down her cheeks.
"Here, the nurse wanted me to give this to you," I said to her, handing her the packet of funeral information. A choked sob escaped her lips as Katelynne sat up straight, staring angrily at Kellin.
"I don't want to see him! He killed my baby!" she cried hysterically. Jesse took her hand, trying to calm her down, but it didn't work. I felt Kellin trembling in my arms.
"It wasn't his fault. Those stairs were legitimately dangerous, it could've happened at any time," I explained, caressing Kellin's back as I felt his tears on the skin on my neck.
"But it didn't happen any time, it happened when he screamed at our two year old daughter! She was frightened of him, and she died because of it," Katelynne wailed, burying her face in her arms.
"Maybe you guys should take Kellin and Katelynne home. We can handle he funeral business with the doctors," Jack offered, and Justin nodded in agreement. I realized then that the two of them were clinging to each other's hands for support. This day had been horrible for everyone involved.
"Uh, Vic, can you take Kellin to get his stuff and then maybe back to your place? I'll bring Katelynne back in maybe an hour," Jesse suggested knowingly. I nodded, understanding that if they were alone together, all hell would break loose.
"Sure. Are you guys okay with Kellin staying with us for a while?" I questioned.
"Definitely, it's not a problem at all," Jaime assured me. I shifted a still silent Kellin in my arms and took him out of the building his dead daughter was in.
-----------------------------
Later that night, Kellin was sitting blankly at the edge of my bed. He hadn't spoken to anyone since his quiet cry for help to me at the hospital.
"Kells, eat something," I insisted, gesturing to the plate of tacos I'd fixed for him. He didn't even move. I sighed, running my fingers through his hair. Kellin looked up at me then, and the sadness in his eyes made me want to cry for him. He was falling to pieces.
"Do you want to go to bed now?" I asked. Kellin nodded slowly, looking down at the floor. After a few moments of silence, I leaned over and helped him out of his clothes like he was a child. Once Kellin was just in his boxers, I pulled back the blankets and laid him down.
"Everything will be alright," I told him, pulling the covers up to his chest. I kissed his cheek softly and went for the door, clicking off the overhead light.
"Don't go," a small voice croaked from my bed. I walked back over to Kellin hesitantly.
"What?" I questioned, not sure I'd heard him correctly.
"I can't live with myself, so stay with me tonight," Kellin whispered, reaching over and lacing his fingers with mine. Far too soon, he pulled his hand away so I could undress. I crawled under the covers in only my boxers, shivering slightly at the heat from Kellin's close proximity. He latched onto me, curling up against my bare chest. I put my arms around his small frame when I felt the wetness from his tears again. I held him there until his breathing slowed down and the tears stopped falling.
"I love you," I mumbled under my breath once I was fairly certain he was asleep. But I'd swear that just as I was drifting off, he quietly replied.
"I love you too, Vic Fuentes."