After Clementine accepted her offer, Adrianne seemed like she didn't know what to do. The silence that followed made Clementine wonder if Adrianne really planned anything to say or was just winging it. From the looks of it, it was the latter.
Both of them moved to the side, to avoid getting in the way of anyone passing by. Both of them sat down on a patch of grass under a tree. Clementine waited for Adrianne to say anything, but she only sat there, thinking of what she might say. Curiosity was really beginning to take hold of Clementine, and she wanted Adrianne to stop the theatrics and get on with it already.
Finally, Adrianne turned towards Clementine, locking her eyes with her. Intensely enough that Clementine wanted to avert her eyes, but she wasn't going to back down. Adrianne sighed, "I'm sure you're aware of how bad things have gotten. I mean, this is all anyone talks about anymore," Adrianne ran her hand through her hair, "Everything is going to shit with you gone. All of us are fighting, and Celine is driving us apart."
"I would not have guessed this would happen," Clementine replied in a deadpan voice. Truly, she had been the peacekeeper of the group when she was friends with all of them. It was her role, which is why most of them liked her or hated her. But all Clementine really wanted was a feeling of true friendship from those people, which she never got. So she wasn't surprised they weren't getting along. Even in her last days of being their friends, she was always there, ready to resolve anything, and she got betrayed in return. So she wasn't really sad about it either.
Adrianne pulled her knees to her chest, and wrapped her arms around her thighs, "I'm sorry Clementine," She said, completely surprising Clementine, "You were right about everything. They're tearing themselves apart at this point."
Clementine sighed, rubbing her eyes, "Of course, I was," Adrianne looked over at her, bright green eyes staring into Clementine's brown ones, a hint of guilt below the surface, "I mean, what did you expect?"
"I don't know," Adrianne replied, resting her chin on the palm of her hand, "I guess I thought with what happened, we might be able to move past it but I can see I was wrong."
"Move past it?" Clementine laughed an incredulous look on her face, "Brave words coming from you. I can't move past it because no one is allowing me to!" Clementine hadn't meant to shout, She immediately calmed down, putting her head in her hands, and whispered, "Do you have any idea what this school year has been like?"
"I'm sorry..." She heard Adrianne mutter back.
"You know how long I had to go without friends? How long have I had to hear people talking about me? How long have I had to deal with people directly targeting me? All because of you, a person I thought was my friend. I don't want to sit here and see you try to apologize to me."
Clementine thought her point had been made. She got up, brushed the grass off of her, and turned to leave. But she turned one last time and saw Adrianne was still sitting and staring at her. Adrianne had nothing else to say, she only had a sad look in her eyes to communicate what she wanted to. Clementine shook her head.
"We miss you," Adrianne said, catching Clementine's attention.
"I'm sorry?"
"We miss you. We really do. Even if the others are too cowardly to admit it. I miss you a lot. You were always a lot of fun," Adrianne continued, her voice melancholic, longing for older times.
If Clementine were to admit anything, she could say those times with Adrianne's group of friends were tiring and harmful to her mental health. She could never feel enough around them as if there was always something wrong with her. That everyone was disgusted with one small thing she would do. Clementine always stretched herself too thin when she was with them, and she wasn't intending to return to them, right when she was starting to feel like she had some sort of control over her life now.
"Well it's a real shame you miss me now," Clementine replied, "I'm sure that would have made a real difference when all of you abandoned me and betrayed me. Maybe then it would have done something," Clementine would be the first to admit she was spiteful, and looking at Adrianne's pitiful face, only made her angrier.
Adrianne had no right to pretend she was innocent. She had been the start of all of her pain and anger. Now she was trying to break down all the progress Clementine had made over the past few weeks and months. Progress she had been proud of. But she wouldn't fall or the things Adrianne would have to say.
Adrianne sighed, gazing at Clementine with a pleading expression, "I want you to know that I do. No matter what happened or what might come out of this," She explained, "I'm not asking for you to forgive me. Or any of us for abandoning you when the rumors spread around. All I want is closure for both of us. To put an end to what happened. I know of all people, you deserve it," Adrianne stood up, standing in front of Clementine, forcing Clementine to look at Adrianne.
Clementine didn't know what to feel. She still had a lot of anger buried deep inside her that she never confronted. Only pushing it down further and further, never wanting to see it and feel it. Maybe it's why she was so reluctant now to forgive Adrianne, why it's so hard to even look her in the face. Clementine wasn't even sure she could forgive it, or be able to move on when Adrianne was acting as if she wasn't the start of all of her problems. Adrianne was acting as if she forgot it even happened as if the only conflict that happened between them was the rumors breaking Clementine away from the group, and never receiving any support from her disloyal friends.
Which really forced Clementine to question truly what was Adrianne's intent here? Did she really want to solve anything? Or was this another ruse? And why wasn't she confronting the real problem between them?
Clementine had to give Adrianne an answer though, "That's nice of you to say," She started, "But as long as your friends continue to harass and bully me and my friends, there is no closure. I know you at least want to solve things, and I admire that, I really do. Ask yourself this though, if a person you forgave continued to do nothing while their friends continued to spread rumors, would you say it was worth it to forgive them?" Clementine paused, letting Adrianne process, "I do want to forgive you, I want you to know that. But I just can't right now. Show me you are becoming a better person."
Adrianne didn't respond for a few moments, and Clementine started to feel tense. Adrianne's eyes were down to the ground as if she was bending her head over for mercy, and finally, in a quiet voice she replied, "I understand."
"Thank you, Adrianne."
"I still want to prove to you I'm not as much of an awful person you perceive me to be anymore," Adrianne continued, "I will talk to my friends, and I will make sure those rumors stop spreading. I heard about them too, and I did try to stop it from happening. But it's going to have to take a lot of brave voices to refute anything anyone has to say anymore," Adrianne brushed her hair out of the way and tried to push her bangs from her face. Adrianne with defeated eyes, and a frustrated smile. Clementine could see now she was at a loss with what to do.
Clementine shrugged, stepping away from Adrianne, "I guess I understand where you are coming from. But you're going to have to do it for your words to mean anything," Clementine paused, "I'm only hoping you will."
"I promise."
Clementine wasn't going to put her faith in a liar's hands, but a part of her deep down wanted to believe Adrianne was going to be a better person, despite the history Clementine had with her. However, knowing the people she used to hang out with, their words meant next to nothing when it came down to promises. Words bought you a lot, but they didn't buy you faith or loyalty. Clementine knew that better than anyone.
Clementine didn't say anything more, only nodded slightly at Adrianne, and then turned in the other direction. Her mother was probably wondering where she was, and Clementine never liked to make her mother worry. It only ended badly for both of them. While walking away, she could hear Adrianne muttering to herself, as if she was debating whether to say something or not. Clementine just wanted to go home, she ignored it.
"Clementine," Adrianne called, and Clementine stopped for a brief moment, "I know a lot of people are talking about you and Elizabeth. I don't know what happened, but you two have got to talk about whatever happened. Because you might just be losing the best friend you've got, Clementine," Clementine could hear Adrianne sigh, and the sound of her footsteps walking away.
Clementine rubbed her hand over her face, groaning in frustration. Adrianne wasn't the person who had the right to advise Clementine on her personal relationships, especially if she was the one who ruined all of her friendships before.
And as much as a stupider part of Clementine wanted to believe in Adrianne and her ability to make up for what she's done, Clementine had no trust in her to actually do it. Truthfully, Adrianne had always seemed to be a good person. She always volunteered, she had helped run clubs, got straight A's, and had so many friends it was hard to count them all. Perhaps Clementine befriended her because she saw Adrianne as a better version of herself, a smarter and kinder version of her. She was not only angry to find out she was wrong, but also brokenhearted. Below all of her levels of anger, Clementine was deeply sad to lose all of her friends. Even if all of them argued more often than not, and Clementine would question her role in the group, there were undeniable times when Clementine felt at home with them.
With all the grieving and anger that came with losing them, Clementine almost felt hollow when she thought about them. But sometimes, late at night when she's thinking about everything and nothing at the same time, Clementine thinks about her time with them. And sometimes she misses it greatly. Even the things that hurt the most had better times. Maybe it was just the comfort of memory, but Clementine missed it.
As Clementine approached her mother's car, she thought about the failed driving test and all the friends who laughed at her for it. The arguments and the loss of her old friends Ezekiel and Adrian. Clementine had been selfish like Adrianne for a time, only thinking about herself, and her image and not caring about what other people ended up feeling because of it. At that moment, Clementine understood Ezekiel all the much more. Because never in a million years would she ever forgive Adrianne for anything she had done. But she only hoped she would do better. Hoped, but never believed. Clementine never felt so stupid for not understanding it before.
Clementine opened the door to her mother's car and climbed in. She didn't say anything, and that was routine. Nothing to be said anyways, her mother didn't ask anymore.
It was a mistake, a mistake to leave Elizabeth behind. But Clementine wondered if it could ever be repaired.