AN in the end is really important. Kindly read that too. Thank you <3
I lost him
I lost my baby
I don't even know if it was a boy or girl
They couldn't tell.
He was way too young
Barely 3 months old
I don't remember half the things the doctor said to me except that there were already some complications and my body was super weak plus I took too much stress.
Damn it, I should have taken care
I was hardly eating, doing too much physical work and was stressed all the time.
The doctor had the nerve to say that me losing my baby was for good because my body wouldn't be able to give birth in this situation and I was sure to put my life in danger
As if I care
It would be good if I died already
I lost my only hope
I'm so sorry baby, Mumma couldn't protect you
I am so sorry
Devastated
That's exactly how I feel
I really don't wanna live anymore.
There's nothing left
Absolutely nothing
I wish I hadn't woken up. The reality is too much to handle
Atleast while being unconscious,in my head I had my baby with me.
I was planning to start a new life
Planning to be a mom
It's been 4 hours since I was woke up. And was informed about the horrible news
I have been sitting in the same position all this time while staring at the plain white wall in front of me
It was completely silent . The walls were sound proof and the door was shut.
I haven't spoken a word since then. I've been to numb to process anything.
I remember the doctor asking if I'd like to meet the people who brought me here and I've shook my head violently, so he left
I've cried vigorously for almost an hour and a half before my tears ran out.
I was frustrated
I can't help but blame myself for everything
I should have stayed back. Should have eaten a little more. Should have gone to the doctor for daily check ups since I got the news as the doctor suggested
The doctor back in New york had asked me to come for a daily checkup every week since it was my first baby and my body was weak which hinted some complications .
I had assured him to be there every weak
But it was my stupid heart that wanted to wait for my pathetic excuse of a husband to come back from his supposedly 'business' trip so that we could go together for the first appointment
Which sadly never happened
I also thought about how it'd be. If I had chosen to stay with them. Atleast my baby would be okay
I was sad, empty, frustrated but mostly angry. On myself
I did this to my baby
I'm the one responsible for everything
"Sia"
The inner battle of my thoughts was interrupted . I looked up to see Aaron looking down at me whose eyes contained nothing but sadness
She sat down beside me and took my hand in her wrinkled ones
I opened my mouth to ask her to leave. I know I was being ungrateful and plainly rude but I wasn't in a stable condition right now and I surely didn't need anyone's sympathy
But she cut me off
"Look I know you don't want to talk with anyone right now but I just wanted to say I am here. We all are "
I looked in her eyes trying to hold myself and not say anything I'd regret later.
"C-can I be alone please? " I whispered looking down . My voice barely audible
Aaron responded with a sigh and squeezed my hand in attempt to provide comfort and said
"Sure.. Ju-just know that its-its okay "
Which caused my eyes to widen and jerk my hand away from her
"NO ! IT'S NOT OKAY! " I screamed causing her to flinch backwards
"How dare you say that it's okay! MY BABY DIED!! "
I yelled at the top of my lungs as tears started brimming my eyes
I saw how a now afraid Aaron carefully reached for my hand but I jerked back
"Sia! I'm sorry I didn't mean - " She tried explaining but I cut her off
"JUST GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT AARON! " I screamed
I saw how she stood up and looked at me with tearful eyes . Hurt written all over her face. I didn't mean to hurt her but I definitely couldn't care less right now
She kept looking at me as her wrinkled chin trembled. I regretted my actions immediately as I saw a tear escape her eyes and she turned to leave
"Aar-" I began but she was out of the door in a second and I sat there in complete remorse
Gosh how can I scream at her? She had helped me so much
We were complete strangers yet she did so much for me. She was here for me when no one else was
And by no one I mean, absolutely no one.
The instant guilt of my actions caused me to take my face in my hand and cry silently
I can't lose Aaron too.
I've nothing left. Not even my bab-
"How dare you talk to my mother like that?! "
Before I knew what was happening my arm was grabbed roughly and I was forced to look up at a really angry Justin
His eyes were filled with fury and he stared down at me with a scowl on his face
"J-Justin I-" I tried speaking but I couldn't
The lump in my throat wasn't allowing me to
I closed my eyes shut as I turned my head slightly and cried
I felt him leave my head and take a sigh and then he took a seat right beside me.
Where Aaron sat just a few minutes ago
I looked back at him. Tears still flowing down my cheek as I saw his angry eyes turning soft for the first time
"I-I didn't mean-" I Stammered as I tried explaining myself but stopped when I felt him grabbing my hands
He took a deep sigh before he began talking
"Listen I-I know you're not okay. I-I am s-sorry for everything that happened. But you need to understand that you can't talk to her like that okay? She was just trying to make you feel better "
I've never heard him talk with so much delicacy. His soft voice and soothing words made me feel safe and welcomed for the first time which caused this sudden urge of explaining myself into my body
"I-I know I shouldn't have said that I-Im really sorry ! I'm just not stable right now " I said as my voice cracked
I felt him shift closure to me as he squeezed my shivering palms into his big and warm ones
"You're gonna be fine " He said ever so softly
"No! I'm not gonna be fine! I lost my baby Justin! I promised him I'll take care of him ! I couldn't! I couldn't protect my baby!! "
I screamed again as I began pulling my hand away from him but he wasn't letting go
He kept a firm hold of my hands and kept looking at me with a sad expression
"It's not your fault" He said
"IT IS!! My baby was all I had and I lost him too! I-I don't wanna live anymore! I just wanna die!!! I LOST MY BABYY!! "
I cried out as my body shook Vigorously, and before I knew my frame was engulfed into his warm arms causing me to wrap my arms around his torso and lay my head into his chest
I couldn't care less who he was.I needed this comfort.
I needed this warmth . I kept crying into his arm. All the stored anger, the frustration, the sadness, it was all coming out.
The tears just won't stop
We kept sitting in each other's embrace for I don't know how long. I kept crying over my misfortune and Justin kept consoling me
"It's not fair Justin! It's not fair! What'd I ever do to deserve this?! I lost everything!! " I exclaimed as I squeezed my eyes shut and tightened my hold around his torso .
I felt him return the gesture but he didn't say anything. I felt my eyes getting heavy by each passing second. I've been crying for way too long . I was on the verge of getting into a deep slumber when I heard Justin say
"It's okay.. I'm here"
***************************************
Hey!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 30K+ READS
I'm so grateful for all the support and love you've shown for this story
Anyways
Long time no see? 👀
I know I know I just disappeared and I'm sorryyy for that
It won't happen again! I promise!
But guys I've been going through so much.
My first ever book "Painful love" It had almost 150k reads and it just vanished. Like Idk what happened but it's just not there on the platform anymore. It demotivated me so much. I was too numb to do anything
But now I'm back! So I'll try to be as consistent as possible
Also I was thinking of doing a chill QnA
Like you can ask any type of questions to any of the characters and I'll answer you in their pov?
Like for e.g "Justin why do you hate Sia so much?"
And I'll answer as Justin
You can ask me questions too if you want
How does that sound ? Bcoz I've been gone for a while now so We can interact a little bit . What do you all say?
Anyways I'll see you all super soon
Keep commenting , sharing, and voting
Ilysm
Bye!