The antecipation was terrible.
They'd been back at the Dauntless for two days now, and the lack of action made Lilith feel extremely uneasy. Sure, it was better than having to fight for their lives and worrying every second of the day, but she couldn't help but feel that, while they pretended to be safe in their little hole in the ground, Erudite was planning something. Tori and her had handpicked a few small teams to go into the city and bring back information about what was happening, but they always returned with absolutely nothing.
The only productive thing she'd managed to get done had been travelling with Nate and Christina all the way to Amity, to personally talk to Johanna and arrange a meeting point where teams could go and obtain fresh food every two days. The woman hadn't been keen to agree, the instinct to protect her faction struggling against how much she wanted to help, but Lilith had convinced her with the suggestion that they'd meet up on the abandoned part of town, where the Erudite didn't seem to want to set foot in.
Outside of that, she'd been looking into the suspicious deaths that Four had mentioned to Jack Kang, after the attack at the Merciless Mart. There were a lot of them, all pertaining to individuals with very high scores in the second stage of Initiation. Most were accidents that no one would bother investigating, like a fall from the top of a roof or a jump from the train gone wrong. There were a few that mentioned curious wounds on bodies, but they hadn't been looked into, thanks to the influence of the former leaders.
"Lilith!" a voice echoed just outside of her door, before strong knocks sounded against the wood, "It's an emergency!"
Furrowing her eyebrows, she rose from where she'd been sitting on the couch, throwing Jill's journal onto the coffee table in the process. The knocks continued, stronger by the second, only ceasing when she opened the door. In front of her were Nate and Reyna, both looking equally franctic. The blonde girl's skin was slick with sweat, her eyes watery as she wrapped her arms around herself, looking as if she'd just woken up from a nightmare.
Nate spoke before she had the time to say anything, "We have to get to the roof right now," he paused, his features twisting into a grimace, "It's a simulation."
That was all she needed to hear.
The three of them took off down the hallway, Lilith running in front of her friends, feeling as if she was going to throw up. She had no idea of what Jeanine was hoping to achieve with this simulation but, if it was up on the roof, it wasn't good. Her hands felt clammy as she pressed the button to call the elevator, and the seconds it took for it to get to her floor felt like an eternity. Inside, a crowd of other Dauntless who had presumably already found out about what was going on looked at her in a panic, and Lilith could only give them a brief nod as she took her place in front of them.
Her foot thumped against the floor as the elevator went up the remaining floors to the roof. She couldn't stop thinking that they would be too late, that Erudite would manage to pull off whatever it was they were trying to do before she even got there. The doors hadn't fully opened when she left the elevator, bolting as quickly as she could in the direction of the door that she'd gone through so many other times, before the war had started.
A cold gust of wind clashed against her as soon as she exited the building, goosebumps forming on her skin as she pushed her way through the group of people that had already gathered close to the edge of the roof. As soon as Lilith made it to the front, her eyes widened. There, standing on the ledge completely still, were three people. One was a little girl that she didn't know, the other was a boy that she recognized as Lynn's kid brother, and the third one was Marlene. Though they were in severe danger of being pushed off by the wind, none of them moved.
None of them were aware.
"What is this?" she whispered, to whoever could answer.
"We don't know," Rita replied, glancing at her with a worried frown, "Marlene just... got up from where she was sleeping and walked here. Hector and Robin came, not long after. They said they had a message for the Divergent."
Lilith clenched her jaw as her eyes flickered to the trio on the ledge, "Why hasn't anyone brought them back to safety?"
"It's too windy," a voice responded, and she looked to her other side to see Eric, "If anyone tries to grab them, they'll fall."
A closer look at Marlene's boots told her that he was right. Only half of her soles rested on the ledge, her heels jutting out from the edge of the roof. It was enough to keep her in place against the relentless wind, but one wrong move would send her down to her death before anyone could latch onto her. The children appeared to be in the same circumstances, and Lilith felt dread seeping into her body as she met Eric's gaze. He seemed worried as he glanced down at her, his fingers grazing the back of her hand, but retracting as soon as Marlene's voice cut through the silence.
"I have a message for the Divergent," she started. The coldness in her voice made Lilith shiver, "This is not a negotiation. It is a warning."
Mutters started echoing amongst the crowd.
Out of the corner of her eye, Lilith saw Tris step forwards. Her movements were slow and careful, and she understood that the blonde was preparing herself to dive after whoever fell from the roof first. She clenched her fists as her eyes moved to Marlene again, and her legs bended slightly as she readied herself to bolt forwards as well.
"Every two days until one of you delivers yourself to the Erudite headquarters, this will happen again."
Just before anyone could ask what this was, Marlene and the two children stepped backwards, their feet losing their support on the ledge. A gasp left Lilith's lips as she threw herself in the direction of her friend, two other blurry figures diving for the children on her sides. Her outstretched hand reached out for Marlene, her fingers grazing the girl's jacket. She closed her hand, eyes widening as she realized that she had grabbed nothing but air.
Marlene fell.
The momentum made Lilith tumble over the ledge.
The world seemed to freeze. Air got caught up in the brunette's throat as her body became a victim of gravity, who pulled her down with all the strenght it could muster. Marlene fell a few feet below her, her face still emotionless, still unaware of what was going on. Unaware that she was going die.
It all happened at the same time.
Several hands clasped Lilith's legs, holding her in the air before she could plummet down to the ground. The sudden rescue caused her to smack against the side of the building, her nose burning in pain as she dangled back and forth in the air. Trying her best to ignore the pain, she forced herself to find Marlene again. Just before she disappeared into the darkness, her features twisted into confusion, and then fear.
Lilith would be forever haunted by the sound her body made as it crashed against the cement.
A scream of pure anguish left her lips, tears rolling down her cheeks and mixing with the crimson liquid pouring from her nose.
Marlene was dead.
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The roof had once been a place of comfort for Lilith.
It was where she came to escape from the heavy atmosphere that had settled over the initiates, back when they were going through Phase Two and all they had to worry about was battling their fears inside their heads. Now, many of their fears were real, and the roof didn't bring her the same sense of temporary security as it had back then.
She'd once enjoyed sitting on the ledge and looking at the buildings around her, wondering how they must have looked like before the factions had been formed. It was calming to just sit there and let the warmth of the sun seep into her skin, pretending that her future didn't depend on how she did in those dreadful fear simulations that seemed to last hours.
Now, all she could do was stand where Marlene had stood on the previous night, her eyes fixated on the red stained pavement down below.
It looked like it was spinning.
It was probably the vodka.
Taking that as a sign that standing on the ledge with the wind clashing against her wasn't a good idea, mainly with the alcohol coarsing through her system, Lilith sat down on the ledge, her legs dangling in the air. Her fingers were wrapped tightly around the neck of the bottle she'd brought up with her, the second in as many hours. She'd thought that being drunk would drive her thoughts away from Marlene, but the vodka had made it ten times worse, and she'd made the journey from her apartment to the roof before she could manage to stop herself.
The alcohol burned on her tongue as she took a few more gulps, before sighing, "Sweet, sweet Marlene," her slurred words were low, "I'm sorry I failed you. You deserved better. So much fucking better."
There was no answer. A tear rolled down Lilith's cheek as she realized that she would never be comforted by Marlene's kind words ever again, and that she wouldn't get to laugh at the way the blonde's eyes lit up when someone spoke about something that she really enjoyed. She'd never get to hear more of her silly jokes, or go shopping for clothes with her and Lynn, who hadn't left Shauna's bedside since they'd made it back from Candor. Her sister had almost died, and now her best friend actually had.
"They wanted me to make a speech for you," she started again, furrowing her eyebrows as she looked away from the red stain below, "I... I couldn't do it. I can't stand there, and pretend that the fact that you died makes me admire your courage. You are... were brave. And you're strong enough to face whatever the hell comes next," a few more gulps, and the bottle was nearly empty, "But you didn't choose to leave us. You didn't know what was going on. It doesn't feel right to sing praises about it," she chewed on her lower lip, before shrugging, "You're one of the bravest people I've ever met. But this wasn't an act of bravery."
She clenched her free hand into a fist as she remembered the way Lauren had come up to her, with the revelation that Erudite had managed to pull this off because they hadn't destroyed all of the cameras. Lilith should have gone with her gut feeling that the cameras would end up screwing them over, but everyone had seemed so keen on coming back to the compound that she'd allowed herself to be contaminated by their enthusiasm. If she'd stood her ground and said no, none of this would have happened.
No one would have died and gotten hurt.
Tears rolled down both of her cheeks as she finished the vodka, grimacing as the liquid burned her throat. She fucking hated the way straight vodka tasted in her mouth, but it had been Marlene's favorite, so it had seemed to be an appropriate choice. Gritting her teeth, she held out the bottle in front of her, her eyes scanning it for a few seconds, before she released her grip on it. Lilith didn't look as the container fell out of her hands, and a few seconds of silence went by before the glass shattered on the ground.
A sob escaped her lips, and several more followed.
"I'm sorry, I... I'm so fucking sorry," she cried, covering her eyes with her hands. Her frame shook as she wailed, all the compusure she had struggled to hard to keep now gone.
Not one, but two of her friends had died right in front of her. Siobhan had been shot in the head because Lilith had been too scared to hurt her, and she'd felt her fingers touch Marlene's jacket right before she plumetted to her death. Had she been faster, she could have saved her. Had she been stronger, she could have saved Siobhan.
Had she been good enough, both girls would still be alive.
It seemed like she had been crying for an eternity when the door that accessed the roof was thrown open, and voices echoed behind her as footsteps approached. She didn't bother lifting her head from her knees, even when a hand landed on her shoulder in a comforting manner, and voice that she recognized as belonging to Nate mumbled reassuring words in her ear. A few seconds passed before she felt herself being pulled away from the ledge, as the blond did his best to help her to her feet.
"Is... is she okay?" someone else asked.
"Do you really think so, Eric?" Nate snapped at him, as he pulled one of the girl's arms around his shoulders.
Her legs gave out from under her as her head spun, and she nearly dragged Nate to the ground before Eric swopped in and supported her from her other side. It had been forever since she'd been that close to him, and Lilith found herself moving closer to him out of instinct. Even if he was just holding her so she wouldn't fall flat on her face, it still felt comforting and safe, like a shelter from what was going on around them.
She heard Nate sigh, "I'm sorry for snapping at you. I've just been looking for her for hours," he paused, "I've been worried for a while, and I was scared this would be the final push," another pause, "How did you know she'd be here?"
"Are you sure you're best friends with her?" Eric replied, only to shrug his shoulders, "She always comes here when something's wrong. It's quiet enough for her to think. "
"Did she tell you that?" Nate questioned, as they began dragging her back to the building.
Eric didn't speak for a few seconds, "No. I... forget about it, Nate."
There was a slam behind them, and the wind came to a stop. She attempted to lift her head to see where they were, but her surroundings seemed to spin and blur together as she looked around. A groan left her lips as she closed her eyes, her head hanging forwards limply once again. Her boots dug lines into the layer of dust on the floor as the two males dragged her forwards, in the direction of what was probably the elevator.
"You really fucked up, Eric."
"I know."
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"Piss off, Four."
Those were the words Lilith heard as her eyes fluttered opened, only able to see a few shapes in the dim lighting coming from the lamp on her bedside table. Her head felt like it was going to explode, aching even more when the voices coming from the entrance of her apartment got louder. The pink tones of sky outside of her window told her that it was almost sunrise, and made her confused as to why Four seemed to be in her apartment at that hour.
As she pushed herself to a sitting position, her gaze landed on what seemed like a pile of blankets on the other side of the bed. Upon closer inspection, she realized that it was Nate, his breathing slow as he slept, seemingly undisturbed by what was happening outside of the room. Memories of him and Eric guiding her back to her apartment came back to her, and she cursed herself for drinking that much.
It took her a few seconds to drag herself to her bedroom door, and she grimaced as she pushed it open and was partially blinded by the ceiling lights. Shielding her eyes with one of her hands, she turned to the entrance, where Eric stood, currently barring Four's entrance. Her fellow leader looked like he was almost panicking, anxiety evident on the way he looked into the apartment over Eric's shoulder.
"What's going on?" she mumbled, closing the bedroom door behind her to avoid waking up Nate.
Both males looked back at her, and Eric tried to close the door, "Nothing," he said, gritting his teeth when Four stopped him by putting his foot forwards, "He's just heading out. Go back to sleep, Lilith."
"Don't listen to him," Four retorted, his eyes meeting hers with a sense of urgency, "I need to talk to you. It's about Tris."
"Let him in," she said, leaning her back against the kitchen counter. Eric seemed reluctant in doing as she asked, his expression shifting to one of worry for a few seconds, but the reassuring nod she gave him was enough to convince him to do as she'd asked. With a clear path into the apartment, Four walked in, glaring at Eric as he did so. Lilith rolled her eyes at the both of them before raising her eyebrows, "You said it was about Tris?"
"Yeah," Four nodded, "But I'm not telling you in front of him."
Eric released a bitter chuckle from where he was standing near the couch, that Lilith now noticed to be looking like someone had been sleeping in it, a pillow against one of the armrests and a blanket messily thrown aside, "Typical."
She glared at him in warning, "Shut up, Eric," she didn't give him a chance to reply before her attention turned back to Four, "And you, anything you want to tell me, you can tell me in front of Eric. You might not trust him, but I do."
Four didn't look convinced, but he seemed to realize that she wouldn't change her stance, "Fine," he rolled his eyes, anxiety returning to his face as he placed both hands on the counter between them, "The message they made Marlene say. It told us that they'd execute our people like that until a Divergent turned themselves in, right?" he paused, and Lilith knew what he was going to say before the words left his mouth, "Tris is gone, and there's no doubt in my mind that she went to Erudite."
It felt like the ground had disappeared from underneath her feet, and she gripped onto the edge of the counter to keep her balance. She'd just lost Marlene, and now Tris had ran off on what was obviously a suicide mission. She should have worked on a plan instead of wasting her time getting fucking drunk, she should have given them other choices that didn't involve someone sacrificing themselves for the greater good. Lilith didn't blame Tris; in fact, if she was a Divergent herself, she'd have probably done the same. But the fact that her friend felt the need to do it made her stomach churn.
"Lilith," Four's voice reached her in an unusual gentle tone, bringing her out of the myriad of thoughts that cascated over her. She chewed on her lower lip as she looked up at him, her vision of him slightly blurry because of the tears that brimmed her eyes, "I have a plan, but I need your help."
Her chin wobbled, "Okay."
"According to one of our insiders, that I've met up with yesterday," Four began, straightening himself up. Tori had given them the identities of others who were only pretending to side with Erudite, and with Four's years of experience with technology, it had been up to him to establish a way of exchanging information. She furrowed her eyebrows as he continued, "Jeanine hopes to have her final serum ready in three weeks, at the very most. She wants the Divergents so that she can study them and understand how to make a serum that works on them as well, so she's going to need Tris for a while."
"Three weeks," Lilith repeated. It seemed like an eternity but, at the same time, it was nowhere near enough time. She looked up at Four, "What are we going to do in three weeks?"
"Prepare to storm the Erudite headquarters," Four revealed.
Her head snapped up in his direction, "We're outnumbered. We can prepare as much as we want, but we're very much outnumbered, Four. There's no way."
"We were outnumbered when we left Candor," he corrected, "Since then, I've reached out to Evelyn, and she agreed to an alliance with us. The Factionless have been moving to occupy the Abnegation sector, and both them and the survivors of the first attack are willing to fight with us when the time comes. We have an army."
Half of her wanted to go off about how Four shouldn't have many any type of agreement with Evelyn before consulting her and Tori, but she managed to restrain herself as she realized that it was done, and that having the Factionless backing them up was essential. Still, she remembered how much of a tactician Evelyn had appeared to be when they'd seeked refuge with her, and it was evident that Four must have had to promise her something in exchange for her help.
"What did she ask for?"
"Essentially, full access to the Erudite data. To destroy it," he quickly added, when Lilith raised an eyebrow at him, "And they get a place in the new government that will no doubt arise after the attack. That's all."
All.
To Lilith, it seemed like a lot, and it seemed eerily similar to what Jeanine had originally promised Dauntless. As much as Evelyn claimed to be different from Jeanine, the brunette could see the similarities between both women. Both ambitious, with a thirst for power and control. Both willing to fight for what they believed in with little regard for the people who would suffer for it. She didn't like the idea of being allied to Evelyn. But it was the lesser of two evils.
"So we're supposed to join them in Abnegation?" she asked, her eyes flickering to Eric to see if he had the same reservations as her.
Having no clue as to who Evelyn was, he stood in the same place, arms folded his chest and his features twisted into a focused frown. He had always been hard to read, but Lilith had always managed to get at least a hint of what going through his head whenever she looked at him. That time, however, she got nothing. Perhaps it was the hangover that she was desperately trying to ignore.
"You and Tori are supposed to take our people to Abnegation," Four nodded his head, "I'm turning myself in, too."
Her brown eyes widened as they met his, "Are you out of your fucking mind, Tobias?"
It was the first time she'd ever adressed him by his real name. Though she'd learned it long ago, it had always felt wrong to call him Tobias. That was the boy he'd left behind in Abnegation, not the man he'd become after choosing his faction. However, as he made his intentions clear, it just slipped out, in what Lilith recognized as the tone she used when Scott told her he wanted to do something that was plain idiotic.
"The main purpose of the attack in three weeks will be to destroy the computer system and the simulation data," he started explaining, as she shook her head, "How are we supposed to do that if we don't know where any of that stuff is? We need to know which places to target, if we have any hope of pulling this off."
"But you don't need to turn yourself in!" she exclaimed, before an idea crossed her mind, "Eric! You were there. You know where all of that stuff is, right?"
Her distress grew as he shook his head, looking somewhat embarassed, "I didn't have the clearance for that part of the building," his steely eyes narrowed as he looked at Four, "But you should look for a total of two control rooms. I know that much."
Four simply nodded, before looking back at her.
Lilith stayed silent for a few seconds, before sighing, "I don't like this."
"This is our chance to finally put an end to Jeanine and her tyranny," Four stood confidently, but his voice was almost unoticeably shaky, "We're not going to get another opening like this, Lilith. In three weeks, she's going to have the power to control everyone. If we want to stop her, he have to act now."
"It does sound like a good plan," Eric added, walking a few steps closer to the two leaders, "As much as I hate to admit it."
Four looked at him in surprise, but Eric refused to meet his gaze as his attention stayed focused on Lilith. Were the circumstances not to stressful, she would have been equally surprised by him agreeing to anything that left his rival's mouth.
As reluctant as she was to go forwards with this plan, she knew that Four was right and this was their window. They had the numbers and the time to strategize and, if everything went well, they'd catch the Erudite by surprise. There were still various things that could go wrong, but it was impossible to have a plan without any risks and, deep down, Lilith knew it. This was her chance to make sure that Jeanine would never get to Scott, and to get justice for everyone that had already suffered from her actions.
Slowly, she nodded, "Okay," her eyes met Four's, "I'll do my best."
"You've got this. You're gonna need to tell Tori everything, okay?"
"Yeah," she agreed, and Four exhaled through his nose in relief, his eyes moving between Eric and Lilith, before he started making his way to the front door. Lilith's gaze was pinned to the back of his jacket as he stepped out into the hallway, and his name left her mouth before she realized it, "Four? Huh... stay safe, okay?"
He seemed surprised, before nodding, "I will."
Only when the door closed behind him did Lilith allow herself to collapse to the floor, her back against the fridge as she slid down until she was sitting. Her mind was going through all the information that Four had just told her, trying to organize it into smaller bits that she wouldn't forget. The hangover made it feel like someone was banging her head against a wall over and over again, making her wince in pain.
A hand landed on her shoulder, and she opened her eyes to see a glass of water in front on her. Almost greedily, she took it from Eric's hands, drinking the whole thing in a matter of seconds. Though it didn't make her return to a normal state, the ache inside her skull subsided, and she could finally stand to open her eyes fully. The reality of what was expected of her finally settled in, and a whimper left her lips.
What if she fucked up again?
"Hey," Eric's voice echoed from where he was crouching on her right, and she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. His hand squeezed her shoulder in a comforting manner, "You're not alone in this, okay? We've got it," he held out his pinky finger, and Lilith hesitated for a few seconds before wrapping her finger around his, "I promise."
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AUTHOR'S NOTE
Hi, guys!
Sorry for not updating last week, I had a really strong headache and I couldn't bring myself to work on Bullets.
This chapter is very sad to me, for obvious reasons. Lilith is also going through some shit because of everything that happened, and now she has the added pressure of organizing a whole attack with Tori and Evelyn when she doesn't trust the latter.
Also Eric and Lilith have made some progress this chapter! Still not back to normal but better than before!
But yeah, thank you so much for reading, and don't forget to leave me some feedback!