The Weeknd - high for this (slowed + reverb)
𝔚𝔚𝔚
Nico
My hands flex against the delicate skin of her chin.
My shoulders tense as I stand there.
My ears ring as anger courses through me.
How the fuck hadn't I figured this out sooner?
It was all there, right in front of my fucking eyes, but they'd been so set on the girl that'd been consuming my thoughts to even put the pieces together.
This town and the people in it.
The way Bambi refers to her father by his first name.
The way she along with everyone else refers to that old piece of dust by Father Kade, yet not one of them seems to be religious.
I could go back further.
Her innocence.
The questions she'd ask.
The words she clearly didn't know.
She was always so naive, but it was never a choice. She was simply denied access to the world around her.
"I'm not in a cult." Her brows pinch together and the adorable look on her face makes me want to rip my hair out.
How someone so sweet could make me so crazy was absolutely beyond me.
My jaw ticks as I narrow my eyes. "You really expect me to believe-" I cut myself off with a sigh and a curse under my breath. "Do you even know what a fucking cult is?" I snap.
Her pretty plump lips part and she does that thing where she blinks up at me, so blissfully ignorant.
It makes me want to fucking cut my dick off and snap the head off of anyone who tries to fuck up her innocence and happiness in any fucking way. "Not really-no...."
I let go of her chin and step back, running a hand over my jaw. "Jesus fucking Christ." I mutter under my breath.
Her eyes narrow at me and she crosses her arms, practically tapping my foot.
This girl was fucking crazy and it was rubbing off on me. That was the only explanation to my behavior when it came to her.
"Are you going to tell me what it means or sit there and judge me for something I don't even know is a thing?" She suddenly snaps.
I raise a brow at the sudden attitude but before I can say anything, she spins around and begins to walk away from me.
I want to be mad, yell, drag her ass back here and make her tell me every fucked up thing that saggy balled man did to her. But she's just so fucking amusing.
"And where are you going?" I muse, watching her as she attempts to walk towards the door, her strides determined. Only it's hard to take her seriously when she's in nothing but my shirt and limping from how hard I'd fucked her.
"I'm going to find my friend." She snaps over her shoulder, "And then, I'm going to ask Google what you mean by cult becasue you're clearly no help."
I cross my arms and hum. "Is that so?"
"Yes." She practically growls before she gets to the door and grabs the handle only to stop and lower her voice slightly. "After you check if the coast is clear and Father Kade has left."
I somber up. The way she seems scared of him rubbing me the wrong way.
But instead of demanding answers, I take a different approach. One I've never done before.
I comply to see this through.
I shut the fuck up and walk past her, opening the door and moving into the hallway.
I glance around, before nodding for her to get out.
She walks and I follow her to what I presume is her room. - the one across from me.
She stops at the door and turns around to face me. Quickly lifting up on her tippy toes and pressing her lips to mine in a kiss. I make a low frustrated noise, it wasn't enough.
She bites her lip, like she's holding back a smile. "Thank you, sweetie-"
I narrow my eyes. "Don't fucking call me that-"
Her lips stretch into that small smile but she spins around and walks into her room, ignoring me. I'm tempted to drag her ass back to my bed and show her just how hard I am to ignore. "I'll be busy for a few hours. But after that, I'm all yours."
I follow her into the room, my scowl deepening as I grip her wrist and spin her back around. "You're mine all the fucking time. Even when you don't know it."
"Okay, then you're always mine." She rebukes.
"Fine." My chest fills with satisfaction and I watch her turn around and move towards the dresser in the side of the room before pulling on a pair of pants and some shoes.
"I have something I need to take care of." I watch her delusional ass, curious as to how she thinks I'll let her do anything alone. "But we can go home after, okay?"
She turns around and looks up at me expectantly. "Fine." I lie, and she smiles before reaching up and pecking my lips once more.
Fuck these sweet kisses.
She turns to leave but I grab her neck, drag her back and tilt her head up before giving her a proper kiss.
One that has my lips glued to hers, one that allows my tongue to slip into her mouth and one that gives me the chance to suck her tongue into my mouth.
She doesn't protest, she merely sighs out in content and when I finally do pull away, she swallows thickly, staring up at me with that hooded look in her eyes.
My lips twitch, I could see the way her eyes were glazing over, her nipples were hardening and her thoughts were being consumed.
I really did corrupt this girl. My girl.
I raise a brow at her, "Don't you have places to be?"
"Right."She shakes her head, her shoulders dropping in almost disappointment as she spins around and walks out of the room.
I watch after her with a small smile trying not to focus on the way she's trying extra hard to walk properly, but fails.
This girl was delusional.
I wasn't just obsessed with her anymore. I was consumed by her.
I wanted to suffocate her, and then give her my air.
I wanted her to starve, only for me to feed her.
I wanted her loyalty, time, and everything else.
I wanted her to need me, just like I needed her. To the point where she was irrevocably tied to me and only me.
Maybe I really am as sick as they'd once told me i was, but I didn't care.
I'd never had anything so wholesome, I wanted to ruin her, and then slowly put her back together so that she needed me. So that she couldn't escape me.
Yet at the same time, I was going to destroy anyone who thought they could get in the way of her getting what she wanted.
With a light shake of my head, I slip my hands into my pockets and take a step to follow after her.
If she thought I'd let her handle any of this shit on her own, she truly didn't know what it meant to have my attention.
Like I said, Obsession was too loose of a term. I was irrevocably consumed by her and only her.
I was going let her get a head start, let her think she was all brave and shit, but the second I sensed something I didn't like, I was taking matters into my own hands.
Only just as I take a step, I stop.
The empty room is quiet, still and nothing seems to be out of order.
Nothing that I can see upon first glance anyways.
I take another step, but stop short as I look to the floor and run my gaze along the dark strip of black above the baseboard.
I follow the first end of the cable all the way too the edge of the curtain and stop when I make out what I'm looking for.
A camera.
Larger than the palm of my hand, the thing is hidden behind the curtain, with the lense pointing right into the bedroom and the small red light beeping tells me there's a recording in progress.
There wasn't a camera in my room, I'd know if there was, which meant someone had the intention of recording her and only her.
It was fucking disgusting.
I tilt my head before pulling it off the wall and tracing the portion of the cable leading out of the room.
I follow it, down the hall, up a flight of stairs and finally towards a set of double doors.
I try the door, it's locked.
I hear voices coming from inside and when I make out his voice, my entire body tenses.
Kade Rogers wasn't just a dead man.
No, I had something far worse in mind for him.
Josie
I was a quiet child.
I understood others, I was able to talk to myself, I could learn to read and write like everyone else, but I didn't speak.
Father Kade senior had deemed me a mute, but shortly after he died and his son- the current Father Kade took over, he'd been confident he could cure me.
He'd refereed to it as a phase I could grow out of with his help.
And he helped me do just that.
He was able to cure me of the plague, while the Colony had deemed it a miracle that had strengthened their faith.
His methods, however weren't all that conventional.
You see, Father Kade had earned mass obedience through a series of disciplines.
When someone ran away, they were exiled.
When someone committed a sin, they were sent to repent.
When someone wasn't conforming or was misbehaving, they were thrown in the cellar.
Once used as a Dungeon in the medieval times, it was a small room, three stories below the town hall, the only entrance being a door that led to a staircase that led to the cellar in his office.
It wasn't insulated, there was no air flow. It was just a cold empty room.
One that went completely dark when the door was shut.
I hadn't misbehaved, I hadn't sinned nor had I ever even lied. Yet he still put me in there and shut the door.
I didn't know how long I was trapped in there, crying, screaming, kicking until my body went limp and I passed out. All I knew was that I didn't like the dark and the fear of what I was surrounded by didn't help either.
And only when I had finally managed to force out the words help me before passing out due to the lack of oxygen did he open the door and carry out my limp body.
My initial fear of the dark was a relatively harmless fear. One that most children had.
But after the anxiety induced event, my fear had developed into a full blown phobia of the dark.
A phobia that hadn't gotten any better, which was why this was going to be so hard.
I debate turning around and asking Nico for help but think better of it.
If Ella was in the cellar, the sight of another man, one that was as beautiful - yet frightening - as Nico would only further terrify her.
Besides, I was capable of pulling this off on my own.
I tentatively knock on the office door. The voice of the man sounds a moment later. "Come in."
I do just that, pausing at the sight of the two people already in the room as if waiting for me.
Michael and Marie.
I shut the door, before looking between everyone carefully. "I've been looking for you, Josephina. It's very late and you weren't in your bedroom." Father kade speaks, glancing from the monitor at his desk to me.
Michael and Marie eye me like there's something they know that I don't, but I'm too busy turning and walking towards the pitcher of water on a nearby counter. "I'm sorry, I was looking for Ella
to inform her of my wellbeing."
I pour out a glass and discreetly slip the bit of cyanide I'd gotten from Daniel into the glass as I hear Marie scoff from somewhere behind me.
I can feel his stare on my back and my nerves start to spike but I mask it as I turn and walk towards him to hand him the drink.
I smile sweetly. "Thats actually why I'm here. I was wondering if you know where I could find her-"
The drink is thrown out of my hand and onto the ground as father kade suddenly stands.
My entire body tenses as I shift my focus from the spilled water to the tension in his tone. "Do you know why I favoured you as a child? Why I let you work as the nurse instead of having you down at the compound with the rest of them?"
It takes everything in me not to take a step back. "Because I was special to you-"
"Because you were mine!" He explodes, his composure crumbles and the vein in his forehead pulses. "I had chosen you to be mine. I wanted you for so long." The rage on his face has me questioning my actions and why I had thought it a good idea to deal the man on my own.
"I don't know what you mean-" I breathe out nervously while I try to calm the sudden burst of anger at his words.
I was merely a child, nothing but a baby when he first met me.
"I mean, you were supposed to be mine to touch, mine to help carry on the legacy. Mine to impregnate." My stomach turns at his last statement and I have the sudden urge to vomit. "You would have had it all, Josephina." He steps closer to me and gets in my personal space. "You would have had me-"
My simmering anger blows, so much so that I snap, the loud echo of the slap across his face proof of just that. "You're nothing but a disgusting old man. I would never want you." I seethe.
A loud gasp sounds and I know it's Marie, but the sound of her voice only makes me angrier. So angry that I snap at her too. "Shut up!"
"And you think I wanted something that's been passed around?" Father Kade suddenly spits, grabbing my face and turning me towards him. His free hand makes it's way down my body until he's resting his hand over my lower stomach as I try to get away from him. His touch making me want to burn my skin off. "You're nothing but used and dirty."
Tears cloud my vision and my hands shake to do more than just slap him, "No I'm not." I spit and then father Kade's lips are on mine.
It's disgusting and nasty and so bad that all I can do is bite down as hard as I can, tearing through his skin and causing him to pull away.
I push on his chest, prepared to hit him but I'm suddenly pulled back by Michael and Marie who grab ahold of each one of my arms and restrain me.
I trash and try to fight out of their grasp but Michael's hold is too strong. "Let go of me-"
"I've waited too long for you to simply kill you and or let you go." Father Kade continues walking towards me. I thrash and struggle against them only stopping when he wraps a hand around my neck and squeezes so hard that he momentarily cuts off the oxygen getting to my brain. "You will bear my children, even if I must force you. And then you will give birth to them and only after that will I kill you."
I choke and vigorously shake my head but he steps back and begins to hastily undo his pants. "Hold her down." He grunts to Michael and Marie as they drag me towards the couch in the corner of the room and force me down on it. "This will only take a minute."
My eyes wide and I shake my head, screaming out all I can before Michael covers a palm over my mouth to shut me up while Marie starts to unbutton my pants.
I scream and struggle, panic taking over as the reality of what's going to happen settles in for the second time in my life.
He gets his pants down to his knees and moves towards me, only stopping at the sound of wood cracking.
"A minute? Really? That's how fucking long you'd last?" Nico's voice brings an instant flood of relief and the door frame drops the the floor behind him as he steps into the room and takes on the scene before him. "Really fucking embarrassing if you ask me."
I didn't know what he'd been doing in the time I'd left him but it seemed like it was enough time for him to change in a black dress shirt and slacks.
I watch him, my lower lip trembling as a sob wracks through my body and his attention snaps towards me, then to Marie's hands undoing my pants and finally to Father Kade who's on top of me, with his pants down.
Nico's entire demeour changes, his face turning stone cold and that terrifyingly dark gaze settles on the man.
Father Kade pushes off me and makes his way towards Nico, pointing a finger up at him. "You have no business to be here-" he's cut off not only by the sound of his own scream but by the loud crack as Nico bends Father Kade's pointer finger in one fast motion so that his finger is now at a ninety degree angle.
But that's not all, I watch, completely horrified at what he does next when he pulls out a gun and aims and shoots it right into Father Kade's crotch.
He drops to the floor with a groan of immense pain.
"Now here's how it's going to go." Michael let's go of me and is immediately by Father Kade's side as he rolls on the floor."I'm going to kill each of you but Bambi here is going to choose who I start with."
Nico's voice is lighthearted as he walks towards me, slips his gun into his waistband and proceeds to tie up my pants and put them back to how they were originally.
"Estás Bien?" He asks, glancing up at me a moment, the look on his face so serious and heartbreakingly perfect, I can do nothing but nod as tears flow down my cheeks. (Spanish | you okay?)
He nods and turn back towards everyone, his posture casual and completely controlled as he begins to roll up the sleeves of his dress shirt. "Josie baby, who am I killing first?"
I swallow thickly as I try to control my breathing while everyone stays silent. Everyone else is horrified while I'm still confused trying to figure out what to say.
I don't protest, nor do I want to stop Nico.
Michael and Marie were both ready to let someone violate me, rape me.
And Marie- my own mother was pulling down my pants, helping him.
I glance up at her, her eyes are wide as she stares at me, terrified. I don't offer any remorse. "Marie." I choke out.
"Whatever you say, Bambi." Nico nods and without even blinking, he pulls out his gun, aims and shots a bullet right through Marie's skull.
Michael screams and the woman some would refer to as my mother drops to the ground, taking her strong grip hold me down with her.
It finally allows me to take a deep breath.
And then I glance towards Michael. The man who some would refer to as my father.
He'd been absent, and so out of my life that I don't even blink when Nico moves onto him. Putting a bullet right through his skull from behind.
I should feel bad, he's just killed the man that had raised me.
But I can't find any compassion.
"Now your death," I look up to see Nico walking towards Father Kade who's on the ground, groaning out in pain. "Won't be as painless."
He glances towards me. "If I'm dead, they'll all know to come after Josiphina. I'd made sure of it. Consider it an insurance policy of sorts."
Nico chuckles while he takes another step, shoving the man to the floor. "I think you're underestimating what I'm capable of." He speaks, raising a brow, "I'll kill each and every one of them if I have to."
And I don't doubt it for a minute.
"Josie." Nico calls over his shoulder, moving towards me and pulling me up, while, his gaze is set on his current target. "Go wait outside for me."
I slowly stand, staring down at Father Kade.
The man i'd been so scared of was nothing but a frightened old man, now begging for his life by Nico's feet.
"Is she really worth all this?" Father Kade groans once again. "You'll lose everything you built here without me. The compound operation, the people, the product, the money."
Nico doesn't look the least bit concerned as he walks towards the window pulls open the curtain, drawing all our attention to the far distance where the bright flames contrast the dark night.
"What compound operation?" Nico tilts his head. And stares down at the old man. "The ones that wanted to leave, ran away and the others, well they're all dead."
"What have you done?!" Its father Kade who screams in horror as he looks out the large window and towards the compound building that was now in nothing but flames.
Laughter draws my attention back to the old man on the floor, his hand gripping his bleeding crotch and his head thrown back as he laughs. "All this for someone that isn't worth this all. "She's nothing but a dumb nuisance, just like her no good bro-"
I launch myself at him.
I don't know where I find the time to grab a nearby throw pillow but I do, and the second I'm on top of him, I hold it to his face.
I don't give myself time to think, I merely act on instincts and desires I'd had since the moment I stepped foot back in here.
Father Kade tries to struggle, and fight but he can't. I hold the pillow to his face, smothering him with it.
"Stop it. Stop it. Stop it." I repeat. Tears flowing down my face, my hands shaking as I press down impossibly harder.
And even when his body goes limp and there's no signs of movement, I can't will myself to stop.
I wanted him to stop. Disappear forever.
I hated him and all the ruined memories I had of him.
The way he'd look at me, talk to me, touch me. It was wrong, all of it. But no one else had batted an eye and I had gone through life thinking it was okay, because no one had said anything.
Two hands cover my shaking ones still holding the pillow to his face. They grip mine and gently pry them off, stopping me and I look up into Nico's intense grey gaze. "He's gone. You can let go now, baby."
I blink, once, twice before slowly peering down and removing the pillow to see the face of the unconscious man.
The one I just killed.
The sight however doesn't make me feel better. In fact, it has the opposite affect.
It terrifies me to a point where I don't think I can breathe.
"He's not dead... right?" I mumble weakly. Nico stays silent while my heart hammers in my chest and my breathing picks up. "I-I didn't kill him did I, Nico?"
I look at Nico. He's crouched down, staring at me, his mouth opens and he goes to respond, but he stops himself, hesitating.
He hesitates.
I glance back down at my hands, hands that have killed for the second time. "I killed him."
I killed a man once before - on accident and hadn't been able to stop thinking about it.
But now, I just purposely took his life.
I try to breathe through the panic, but it doesn't work. Not when I'm wheezing and barely able to get a word out. "I can't breathe, Nico." I draw in a breath.
I'm up and off the old man and dragged onto Nico who's now sitting against the floor and pulling me into his arms.
I didn't have my inhaler, I couldn't calm myself down and the panic attack was only getting worse.
I didn't know what to do.
"I-I didn't mean to take his life..." I cough, forcing out words between shallow breaths. "I just wanted to... make... him go... away..."
"Shit." I hear his deep voice curse under his breath. But I'm too busy blinking past the blurry tears in my eyes to worry about what he's doing.
"I... really.... Didn't mean... to take.... His life-"
"Shh." He whispers in my ear, kissing my temple. "Don't talk." before I hear shuffling and the sound of a tiny ball being giggled. I don't register what it is until something cool presses to my lips.
"Take a breath for me, Bambi." He murmurs urging it into my mouth and pumping.
I do as I'm told and a rush of oxygen immediately pushes into my mouth making its way up to my brain.
He does it again, until I'm able to take in a deep breath on my own.
I finally calm down, having had enough oxygen in my brain to realize what he's doing and my gaze naturally drifts down to Nico's large hands to find my inhaler.
I didn't have my inhaler with me.
"You brought my inhaler?" I ask softly, looking up at him.
"Yeah." He mumbles absentmindedly, his eyes are too busy scanning my face and his hand smoothing the hair out of my face and his response has my heart hammering.
"Why?"
He pauses and raises a brow like the question is the most absurd thing he's ever heard. "Because I won't stay here without you."
I swallow thickly, and take the inhaler from his hand before shaking it and taking another pump, the sudden way his responses sound taking my breath away. "And what does that mean exactly?"
He lifts my chin and kisses me once, its sweet, soft and touches my heart. "That I can't live without your stubborn ass-"
I tackle him to the ground and press my lips to his in a long, deep kiss. It's sloppy and I can't seem to get enough of a taste but he doesn't complain.
Not when his back hits the floor, not when I push my tongue into his mouth, not when I tangle my hands in his soft hair. He merely groans and tilts my head, kissing me back with double the intensity and passion.
I pull away and take another drag of my inhaler.
Nico doesn't say anything, he merely rubs my back and waits patiently, staring at me with a look I can't decipher.
I finally find my voice a moment later. "I don't know what a cult is... but this place isn't normal." I confess.
He looks down at me, a dry expression on his face. "I'm shocked."
I rest my forehead against his chest and exhale, ignoring his statement. "I want to go home."
"Yeah?" He murmurs, his tone causal while his arm tightens around me and his heartbeat picks up against my cheek, telling me the statement was anything but casual to him.
"Yeah." I point to the door behind Father Kade's desk that leads down into the cellar. "Can we take my friend with us?"
He doesn't hesitate. "No."
I look up and blink at him, tracing my finger against his jaw as he lays on the hard floor. "Please Nico?"
And as if there isn't a thing he wouldn't give me, the man sighs, gets up and off me before walking down into the dark cellar and returning with an unconscious - albeit alive - Ella in his arms a moment later.
My heart beats faster, while Nico gives me that look. The one that tells me the last thing he wants to be doing is carrying a random girl around in his arms, yet he still does it, because it's what I want.
And it's that simple look, combined with all the ways in which he's been there for me that make me believe I'm irrevocably in love with this man.
𓆩❤︎𓆪
GUYS the person in front of me on the plane kept calling her man "daddy."
And she was like an older lady in her 40s😭 AHEJERJFNF now I'm not one to judge others, but omg I have never cringed that hard in my life. AND THE WAY SHE USED IT WAS SO NOT IT.
I like reading ab the word sometimes but I realized I do not like it irl. maybe she just ruined it for me, idk.
Also guys I didn't get my y/n moment in Italy 😩
But I did see A REALLY HOT GUY that works at the company I work in.
He's literally what I picture Hardin Scott to be like, the one from the books not the movie. British accent, tattooed sleeve, rings, black painted nails, tall, and super hot.
He talked to me ONCE and it was to ask if the water I was drinking was sparking or not 😭
He was like an irl 'bad boy' so hot for no reason yet so out of my league it's insane.
Anyways thank u guys for reading <3 ily
Gn❤️