You hadn't seen Eren change into a titan and you didn't know what to expect, but it wasn't the lightning show that you received from both Zeke and Pieck. Pieck's titan was horrifying in its own way: having an elongated face and crawling around on all fours. You watched as she was saddled with equipment, allowing her to cart around people and other heavy equipment. Instead of going with Zeke, this time you rode on Pieck's back. Granted, it was more comfortable than a hairy hand, but she still may want to kill you.
The plan was to bring you Utgard castle where, you assumed, the other titan shifters were. You weren't told who they were, but that they, along with other scouts, had decided to stay there for the night, presumably after scouring the walls for a hole. With the way Zeke worded it, it made it seem like they were looking for something that wasn't even there. Like what they were doing was pointless. The moon illuminated everything beneath it. Beams scattered about through the leaves and branches of trees as you rode to the castle, making things seem almost like a dream.
It made you wonder if this really was a dream. If you had really died and this is how your brain was coping with moving on. 'I never got to say goodbye to Erwin.' It hurt, thinking that you wouldn't have been able to tell him you loved him. Pieck slowed as the trees broke in front of you. The castle looked like it had seen better days, with pieces of stone everywhere. Torch light came from within, lighting up dark windows as people passed by.
"You can get off here. Reiner knows you're here." Pieck's voice came out distorted from her titan body like Zeke's had.
"Reiner..." You hoped off. Of course it was him. You should have known. He stood at the top of a tower, looking down in your direction.
"Thank you." 'For not killing me.' You wanted to say, but she knew. All you got was a nod as she turned around and went back to where Zeke waited. Thankful that you were still alive, you booked it to the castle door, Reiner having disappeared from the tower.
"Y/N!" His familiar voice shouted from behind the door you approached. He opened the door, shocked to see you. With nothing but anger in you, you brought your fist to his face, meeting him smack in the nose. A small pop could be heard in the silence.
"Move." You pushed past him. "Where's Miche?"
"What the fuck?" Reiner, having recovered from the shock, turned to you in disbelief.
"I want to know he's okay."
"He's fine, but was injured, so he was sent back." A sigh of relief left you. He kept his promise, so you'd plan on keeping yours. At least partly.
"We've got company." Bert popped into the foyer. He was in one of the other teams, so you assumed that they had converged here at the castle. His face paled when he saw you.
"Pieck." Reiner answered. "Don't think about running."
"Don't plan on it." Following him and Bert to the top of the tower, you noticed titans had begun to appear around the castle. Feeling trapped, you looked to Reiner, but noticed that both of the guys looked terrified.
"Guys, we need help here." Someone called from another room. Not wanting to be the first one to go in there, you waited until everyone else had made their way up the stairs before following. Passing a window, you noticed that there were titans surrounding the castle. Where were they coming from? People were boarding up windows and barricading doors to prevent them from coming in. Scouts were putting on gear to fight and all you could do was stand there and watch everything happen. You never felt more useless in your life.
"They're in the tower." Reiner shouted, further down the stairs from you. You watched as Bert went to him, pitchfork in hand. Behind him followed Connie and two women. Deciding to join in, they started pushing a canon to the door that Reiner and Bert just went through. Pushing it down the stairs, it crashed through the door that the small titan was breaking through, effectively knocking it out.
It was quickly replaced by another one, though, almost getting Connie if it hadn't been for Reiner. Having taken a bite into his arm, you watched as he carried it to a nearby window trying to throw it out. Connie cut the jaw, allowing him to free his arm and letting one of the women kick it the rest of the way out of the window. Not having any more immediate threats, you helped board up the doorway that the titans came through. Christa, as she introduced herself, took the opportunity to bandage up Reiner. And by the looks of it, he enjoyed it.
Below, the veteran scouts had cleared out the remaining titans that were trying to get in when they were interrupted by debris being thrown and damaging the tower they were on, killing two of them instantly. Hearing the commotion, you made your way to the top of the tower to find that part of it was missing; concrete rubble scattered across the ground.
"We've got twice as many as before." Connie stood at the edge, looking over part of the remaining wall. Titans began attacking what part of the tower they could reach, trying to get to you. You watched as Nanaba and Gelgar returned to fight, both running out of gas and usable blades. Feeling sick to your stomach, you couldn't look away as you watched them die. Surely, this was a dream, right? You'd wake up to Erwin, not trapped here on the top of a tower with people you barely knew.
"Ymir!" Christa's yell snapped you out of your thoughts. 'This is real. It has to be.' Turning your attention to her, you watched as Ymir jumped and fell to the ground below, knife in hand. It took seconds, but the lightning gave way to a small, rather ugly titan that started attacking the other titans, much like Eren. Not listening to what they were saying, you noticed Krista become angry towards her actions. Despite her efforts, the tower began to give way. Her priority became apparent as she climbed back up the tower and let the five of you climb on to her back and hold on to her hair. It'd be a lie, if you said it wasn't a thrill riding on the back of a titan. You even thought it while riding on Pieck. With the tower gone and you on the ground, Ymir took off towards the remaining titans.
Not knowing what was better, daybreak or the additional help coming in, but you were thankful for both. You watched as Hange led the Scouts into killing off the remaining titans, bringing relief. You let the group as they greeted their friends to go and sit against a fallen piece of wall, the stress of the evening getting to you. If this was normal, then you couldn't begin to fathom how Erwin and the others felt. Reiner and Bert watched you from a distance, but decided not to approach you. With any luck, they'd want to talk later about what happened. Hange came up to you, looking worried.
"Are you okay?"
"No. How's Erwin?" Honesty was the best course of action here.
"Don't know. I haven't spoken to him or Miche since you have. He's going to be pissed that you came out here. Where's Miche?"
"He was... Injured and was taken back." The worry was evident on their face.
"Why did you come out here, anyways? I saw Miche take you with him, but didn't know why."
"I'm a nurse. I thought I could be of some help if someone was injured. Guess that doesn't say much for Miche, though, does it?" You let out a chuckle to try and ease the tension.
"I guess not. Why don't you come back with me? I need to meet Erwin anyways and he'd love to know how you're doing." they offered you a hand. Glancing to Reiner, he had lost any interest in you while he talked to Eren and the others. Taking Hange's hand, you let them help you up.
"Or I can take you to Trost. You live there, right?" Nodding, you watched as Ymir was put onto a gurney and carried away. She looked comatose, but she had Christa by her side so you had no doubt that she would be fine. An ache rose in your chest at the sight.
"Erwin." Hange smiled, in an almost knowing way.
"Erwin it is, then."
----
Hange dropped you off, just outside of the gate in Wall Rose, but didn't stay around for long. They mentioned something about regrouping in Trost. Having gotten away from Reiner, you felt this was the perfect chance to talk to Erwin. He stood off to the side, talking with soldiers; everyone in uniforms and green capes. Levi was the first one to notice you when you approached, Erwin's back turned to you. He held a hand up to tell you to wait, as if what they were talking about, they didn't want you to hear. While you waited, the sun vanished behind gray clouds that opened up to rain. Not bothering to seek any sort of shelter from it, you enjoyed the cool feel of it.
Erwin turned away and headed straight for you. He looked so serious and coupled with the rain, it made him intensely more attractive. Neither of you said anything as he reached you. He lifted up the leather necklaces that fell just between your chest. You could have sworn your heart was going to beat out of your chest. It took the brush of his skin as he laid it back down for you to start crying. The stress from the past day had caught up to you and now Erwin was looking at you in shock, like he had never seen someone cry before.
"I'm sorry. I didn't realize what it was like for you." You threaded your arms underneath his green cape and pressed your cheek against his chest, not caring who saw. His arms snaked around you, placing a hand at the nape of your neck. Right now, all you wanted was for him to hold you like this.
"Y/N..." Lifting your head up to look at him. The rain masked the tears in his eyes. "I hate to see you like this. What happened?"
"I thought I could help, so I convinced Miche to take me with him." Having calmed yourself enough to speak, you told him everything that happened since you left, hoping that he believed you. Reiner, nor Bert, were there so you felt comfortable talking about it.
"I believe you." Taking off his now soaked cape, he wrapped it around your shoulders. It didn't do much to dampen the cold, but it did provide a sense of comfort. The smell of amber and soap filled your senses. His blue eyes were filled with concern. It was a relief knowing that he didn't doubt what you said.
"I won't let on that I know. Now that we know what - or who - they want, we can bait them out of hiding. But I don't want you doing something like this again." He took your face into his hands and met your lips with his. "I care about you too much to let you go." You gently pressed your lips to the palm of his hand as he was taking it away.
"Come back with me? I don't want to be alone."
"I can't right now." A cracking sound came from behind you and you didn't need to turn to know it was lightning. And just like that, he was gone again. You had him, then you didn't. Erwin's face became the stoic soldier's again before he ran off without saying another word, cadets following him in flight. You watched them head toward the commotion, this time you were able to see the Colossal partially formed on top of the wall, ribcage holding it up. Wanting to follow after Erwin, you knew that it would be pointless trying to catch up to him now.
----
Two days had passed and you sat on the bed at your house. You stared at your laced up boots as light from the window spilled over them. You had all but moved in with Erwin, but now empty bags lay at your feet, their contents having been put back in their rightful place. With Reiner and Bert gone and Eren saved, you weren't sure what was planned. You had convinced him to let you return home, promising to come by often when you could.
He had lost his arm getting Eren back and it left you torn between wanting to take care of him and the wound and not wanting to be there to look at it. Hating that he was hurt, but thankful he was alive. Smiling, you remember that morning. He seemed well enough to sit up in bed and let you change the bandages. Pulling you into his lap, he kissed you.
"It looks like you need a shave." Chuckling, you grabbed a razor and shaving cream and set them next to a bowl of water on the nightstand.
"So now you're taking to shaving me? I must be in a poor state."
"No, I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to straddle your lap." He had found out through Connie and Hange the following day that all titans, in some form or fashion, came from humans. Not taking it well, he retreated into himself. You hadn't left his side since. Straddling his lap, he let you shave his face, a small smile teased the corner of his lips. He was hard underneath you, but didn't make any move, other than to rest his hand on your hip.
"It could use some work." He said as you held up a mirror in front of him to get his approval. Giving him the cheesiest smile you could muster, you wanted his mood to lift. Cradling your face in his hand, he pulled himself up to place another soft kiss on your lips.
"Now that Reiner and Bertholdt are gone, you're welcome to go back to your home. I won't hate you for leaving."
"I don't want to leave you."
"I know, but I don't want to bore you over the next week or two. I'll be busy nonstop with tying up loose ends with what just happened, plus we need to plan on what to do about Zeke and Eren. If what you say is true, and I do believe you, then they could very well still be after him. He's expecting you to bring Eren to him, now that he doesn't have anyone else to do it for him." It made sense.
"Lure him out?"
"And put you in danger again? I don't think so." He was back to his serious self. You gave him a pout, causing him to wipe his thumb over your lips. Kissing him on the corner of his mouth, you teased him by running your hand along his length. It twitched underneath your palm.
"Sounds like I need to get packing, then." He watched you with a grin on his face as you put on clothes and packed your bags. There was only one more thing you needed to do before you left.
The notebook that you stuck his letter in was partly filled with memories that you had of him. Wanting to do something sweet for him, you planned on leaving it in his desk where he'd find it. You made your way to his office on your way out. Opening one of the top drawers, you found a folded up piece of paper. It was old and had started to yellow.
Curious, you picked it up and replaced it with the notebook. You opened it to find that it was a letter. It was written in Erwin's handwriting, though it wasn't as neat as it was today. Assuming that it was from when he was training, you decided to scan over it.
My Beloved Marie,
That gentle voice, forever... My nights have been sleepless once I was charmed by you... I will bring joy to us both as proof that I've become a heroic soldier...
While the paper was years old, you stood there in silence. Marie? Nile's wife? He wasn't in love with her was he? If this was from years ago, why keep it? Suddenly feeling insecure, you placed the letter on top of the notebook and closed the drawer.
Birds chirping outside pulled your mind out of your thoughts. You hadn't bothered to speak to Erwin on your way out, not wanting to bother him with your feelings with everything he's been through. Hurt, you made up your mind. Not wanting to cause more trouble for Erwin, you'd take matters into your own hands and bring Eren to Zeke. As soon as you got the chance.