April 2016, Paris
The next day I woke up with the worst headache. I really thought that my head would break in a matter of seconds.
Why did I had to drink so much yesterday? And as I expected I went too far...
I told about so many things to Kristy and now she knows too much about me and she maybe thinks that my life is so miserable.
I told to her about every single detail of my relationship with Johanna and I was also even expecting a solution like everything she said and suggested wasn't enough but she actually helped me a lot.
Now I know where I should start from, I have to find a way to make sure that those papers from the doctors that said that she tried to kill herself were real and she didn't pay to get them just to keep me with her.
But what I can't get is that if she's faking everything then why she's cheating? If she wanted me to stay with her and if she loved me she wouldn't cheat but stay with me but she's doing exactly the opposite.
Alcohol really can make you open up about everything to every person that's infront of you. And all those thoughts that I made about Kristy while I was drunk, how much I regret about everything that came into my mind while she was looking to me.
So many good thoughts and romantic ones came into my brain but there were those dirty thoughts that make me feels such shame.
Thank God that I didn't do or say anything stupid. This would really fuck up the good friendship that we're starting and I want her in my life.
I looked in my phone to check the clock. Already 10 am, I should really get up and I must find some painkillers now or my head is gonna explode
I looked in the desk drawer that was in the room and there were some with a small paper next to them, something like a letter.
"I'm assuming that you're gonna need those after the previous night"
Well Kristy now didn't have to take care only of Niko but also me that didn't manage to control how much I would drink. I came here to help and I'm just adding more work to her.
I got a bottle of water and shallowed the pills so soon I would fell better.
I actually don't really remember how I came back here but I'm sure that Kristy was the one to bring me back.
She's gonna have to worst idea about me. She's gonna think that I'm an alcoholic that doesn't know how much he drinks and then loses control of himself
Let's hope that she won't think like this though and that she's gonna understand how much I needed this and I'm not talking about the beers but about the chat that I had with her. Maybe she didn't realize it but she helped me but there are still many things to do so I can make sure that Johanna will be fine if we break up.
I decided to head in the shower since this would also help me more to calm and relax. The hot water would really calm my nerves now and help with my headache.
When I'm done I should go to Niko's room since Kristy will also be there too. Of course she didn't drink as much as I did. She's not like me. She knew that she had to have control of herself, her actions and the things that she said.
But what makes me feel guilty is that I've been thinking about her while I was having this shower so it really didn't help a lot.
I can't get off my mind the way she looks at me and those eyes... Her eyes.
I mustn't think like this about her no.
She's Niko's best friend and I'm with Johanna even if I don't like her anymore I stay royal instead for her.
While I was getting out I heard a knock in the door. I quickly wrapped a towel around my hips and walked to see who was it.
The second I opened the door I really regreted for appearing like this. It would take me some more time to get dressed but I wouldn't feel the shame I'm feeling now.
"I see you woke up" she walked in and went to sit in a corner of my bed
I fell like I should cover up my self immediately but I don't know why. It's not like she can see anything but it still feels awkward for me.
"Yea" I whispered "Also thanks for the painkillers" I smiled to her
I didn't sit down, I felt like if I sat the towel would remove herself and I would end up naked infront of Kristy and that's the thing that I want the least now
"Of course anytime. I know how bad can a hangover be" she returned smile and it felt like the whole room shined. She really got a beautiful smile.
She was wearing her casual clothes what I'm used to see in Finland and not something like yesterday. Something that screamed France. It's normal though or that's what I think.... Why would women wear all of this in the morning if they're not planning to go out?
"So Niko is still sleeping and I came to see if you're also okay after the previous night" she looked at me
I'm sure that my eyes were red from the lack of sleep and all the alcohol that went into my system but I was acting fine
"Well could have been better" I moved my shoulders up carefully so the towel covering my body wouldn't move a single centimeter. She chuckled and got up from the bed
"I'm gonna let you to get dressed and if you want to find me I'm gonna be in Niko's room" she walked in the door and I actually felt really relieved that she was gone
I would like her to stay here for a while if I was normally dressed and didn't have just a towel to hide my private parts.
The next second she left I walked in the bag that I had packed and took some clothes.
Tommorow we're leaving... And what hurts me is that Johanna hasn't called me once, not even once to ask if I arrived, to see if I'm fine. She isn't wondering if I'm still alive? She's acting like she doesn't even care or like I'm a stranger to her
It took me almost 10 minutes to get ready and then I walked out of my room to get on Niko's. I'm sure that he's also awake by now.
I was about to knock in the door when I heard them mentioning my name in their conversation and for first time in all the years of my life I would stay behind a door to listen to what people are talking about since my name was mentioned but I'm sure that they weren't saying anything bad. At least I hope
"Niko he needs help" this was Kristy's voice. Who needs help though? Is she talking about me?
"What can we do Kristy? You know that those things aren't easy to deal with" I'm still not sure why my name was mentioned
"Joel can't handle this alone. He's living in a hell right now and as his friends we must help him get out of all of this" she was speaking louder than before
She wasn't only trying to find a solution yesterday but now she's trying to convince Niko to find a way to help me.
I knew that it would be extremely hard to make it alone but I would never ask for help but if they offered maybe I would really be happy that they're being by my side and Kristy....
We know each other for some months and she's trying so hard to get Niko to understand that I can't go on like this with Johanna, it's not possible.
"You're overreacting now Kristy. Why hasn't he said all of this to us then?" Maybe because I'm not really comfortable while I'm talking about my personal life and especially about my relationship with Johanna.
It isn't easy and I never feel calm when I'm talking about myself and with Kristy I managed to do it because I was almost drunk and didn't control what was leaving my mouth.
"I don't know Niko but please he is your best friend, he is your band mate" I knew that she was almost begging Niko from her tone "and he is a human and everyone deserves a normal and happy life"
With their help we would make it to find the truth sooner and that would mean that I would be much faster free from her. And I know exactly who's the one that would love to look about things and details that would reveal that she's faking everything and she said all of those shit just to keep me close. Joonas would have such pleasure to do all of this and I just wish that the other's are also in
Maybe it wasn't really bad talking to Kristy after all. She's really trying to help me and I'm gonna be thankful for this for the rest of my life.
"You're right you're right. He doesn't deserve the life he has now and you know I never liked this bitch" I heard them laughing
And that's when I decided to knock the door. Getting to know that Niko was also in with helping me was enough. That's what I needed to know though
Also hearing the way Kristy was talking about me. How concerned and worried she sounded about what's happening in my life made me feel so glad to have her in my life and so happy that I got to know her
*Author's note
Last chapter in Paris, in the next one we're going back to Oulu.
Just saying.....
Also Kristy seems really worried about Joel.....
Enjoy 🖤