That Afternoon:
My house was filled with family
family i knew, family i never seen, and family we never talk to
it's sad that it take someone to die to get us all together
just to morn
i sat there
on the couch
all night
didn't move
didn't blink
didn't speak
It Should Have Been Me:
It should have been me
the one lying in the casket
the one who will never come back
the one who suffered
the one who went through surgery
the one who... died
I Thought:
All of my family's voices were a loud echo in my head
swarming me
and they never come out
the crying and screaming
it never left
it never will
i thought about all the times i wasn't there
the time where i couldnt go over your house because i had piano lessons
the time when i had to go upstairs to study when you came over
the time when i begged to leave the hospital
That Night:
i was disturbed
Something wasn't right about me
there was ringing in my head that wouldn't go away
i screamed into my pillow
and ripped it apart at the seems
i wasn't myself
i wasn't me