[Explete: To perform fully; to carry out, accomplish.]
Somehow another week went by, and August was coming to a close.
Proteus got adjusted to life at the mansion, at least for the first week, fairly well. No incidents to speak of.
Storm...well, she was down about her garden for a while, but then she rallied and just set about fixing it. She also said she appreciated that they helped her with it. In fact, that just trying to do something instead of talking about it mattered more to her anyway.
The others had some room to breathe, thankfully--though it was doubtful things would stay quiet for long.
Kurt, having given the matter careful consideration, decided he was supposed to stay longer. The X-men would have missed him, they thought.
Actually, he said he'd been convinced partially by Angel, of all things.
"There is a clear need for mutants to heal," he said. "I vish to be part of it.... Vould it be all right if I talked to him? Does anyone know vhere to find him?"
"Xavier could find out," Shine said. "You should."
"After vhat you told him, I thought you said you didn't care if he came back," Kurt said.
"I don't," Shine said. "But if you do, I'm no one to stand in your way. You should go. Perhaps God will use you to move him."
Kurt smiled.
"You know, even vhen she is angry herself, Fraulein Shine vould never tell anyone to do something vrong," he said to Logan. "It is easy to see vhy she has gained all of your respect."
"It's the darnedest thing," Logan said. "When they got here in June, we all didn't like it, and no one would have dreamed of takin' orders from 'em...and now even the Professor takes their suggestions seriously. How did that happen? Heck, even Cyclops has started to come around.... Workin' on that Cajun."
"I vill tell you, Herr Logan, it is favor," Kurt said, "like Joseph vhen he vas in Egypt. No matter vhere he vas, he vas put in charge of it, over time, as a trustvorthy person. It is just the vay of Gott."
"Makes it sound like we didn't have a choice," Logan said.
"I have a sense that you didn't," Kurt said. "You chose vhether to submit to it villingly and treat them fairly, but of them becoming important? I do not think ve choose this. It is God who determines this."
"Well, God could throw some of that favor our way," Logan said. "Get some traction for Mutants."
"This is already happened," Kurt said. "Just vait, you vill see soon enough. More change than you realize has happened. But even one person changing vould be vorth it. It is a miracle, is it not?"
Logan shrugged.
"I vill go after that poor man," Kurt returned to the other subject. "Should I take anyone vith me?"
"Rogue was the one he trusted the most before," Logan said. "Take her. Could be siblin' bondin' thing."
He meant this to be kind of a snide joke, but Kurt took it seriously. "Ja, that is vise."
Rogue agreed, surprisingly.
"I was mad enough to spit over it, but now that I've cooled off, maybe I shouldn't judge him too much," she said. "It could have been me, after all. I figure I helped make this situation a thing, so I'll help ya, but, Kurt, I ain't good at preachin'. Barely good at listenin'."
"It is quite all right, Sister. I only vish to talk to him and see if he is open," Kurt said. "It is a shame to quit things this vay...not that I didn't fully agree vith Sister Shine telling him vhat she did. Ve cannot receive help if we are refusing it to others like that."
"Well, Momma didn't stick around," Rogue said. "One thing you and I have in common now, Kurt, she ditched both of us without sayin' goodbye. Guess I ain't her favorite anymore."
Kurt shook his head. "I am sorry."
"Why you sorry for me? Didn't you ever resent that?" Rogue had projected her own thoughts about it onto Kurt, naturally.
"Oh...it hurt vhen she said it, but I understood that she hardly knows me," Kurt said, "and that I remind her of too much pain. You and her have more in common...I understand.... In the end, mother is not that gut at loving anyone, so it is no profit to me to split hairs, as you Americans say."
"You're too good, Kurt," Rogue said.
"I merely seek to understand," Kurt said. "Does it hurt you that she has gone now? Vithout talking to you?"
"Oh...I dunno," Rogue sighed. "I guess I wasn't that nice to her anyway. And I didn't think I cared, until she up and disappeared. Guess I figured in a way she'd never quit tryin' with me, and it annoyed me big...but now I feel like..."
"You feel like it means you vere not vorth fighting for," Kurt said.
Rogue bit her lip.
Kurt put a hand on her shoulder. "Just how I have felt many times...but take comfort, sister. Gott fights for us. Our mother is not strong enough to do this. Ve must not blame her too much. I do not think anyone ever fought for her. She probably does not know how."
"I reckon she fought the only way she knew how to." Rogue hit upon an actual good idea. "And when that didn't work.... Yeah, maybe I get it too well, actually. I'd probably have quit too.... Just makes me mad, is all. Things ain't never goin' the way we wish they would."
"Family is messy," Kurt said. "It's not perfect...but Gott sustains me."
"You really believe that, huh," Rogue said.
"Ja...I could not go on if I did not," Kurt said.
"I reckon you might be right about that," Rogue said. "I wonder how I got on before I thought there was hope out there like that.... Seems like I didn't. I just stayed put."
"That is a very good description of how it is," Kurt said. "I should remember that.... Shall ve just fly to vhere ve are going? I am...not confident about taking the plane."
"Eh, for just two of us, ain't so bad to fly," Rogue said. "I hope it ain't far."
* * *
It was far.
While they were getting there, Warren himself was sulking in his castle.
But his boredom was interrupted by an unannounced visit from Psylocke.
She was there..ostensibly to steal...though these days, she never got very far with it before a tussel ensued.
She kept coming back though.
Warren was desperate though, and when he caught her in his living room, he said
"Just take it for all I care."
Psylocke stopped, like it offended her.
"Yo're not even going to try?" she said.
"I'm not in the mood," Warren said.
"To not get robbed?" Amused and perplexed.
"What good is all this anyway," Warren asked of no one.
"Something got you worked up," Psylocke observed unceremoniously. "What, did you try to get rid of your wings again "
No answer.
"Well are you going to tell me or not." She said.
"Can't you read my mind?" Warren said.
"I'm no Charles Xavier," Psylocke said. "I can pick up on enough to know you're depressed...course I could do that anyway...not sure a thief is the best person to talk to, but, since there's no one else in this gloomy old dump, want to try me?"
"Why not?" Warren could be a bit of a whiner. "What do I have to lose? You want to hear something pathetic, I'll tell you."
And he did.
Psylocke at first listened to this with the dismissal of someone who thinks it's stupid, but then she became more interested when she heard about Mystique.
"That b---" she said. "She helped kidnap me...well...and they had her with them?"
"I think perhaps I have said too much," Warren realized.
"Oh I'm not anxious to crash the X-mansion," Psylocke waved her hand. "What a crazy idea, though...but does what they do work?"
"It seems to work," Warren said. "At least, I was told, and I don't think the X-men would have lied about that. It worked on the kid too. That was why I went there...apparently, another mutant who was having trouble with an alter ego had also been getting some help from them."
"And you turned it down?" Psylocke said.
"Well, I was thrown out," Warren said. "Unless I go back and eat my words."
"So are you going to?" Psylocke pressed.
"I wasn't...why?" Warren noticed that this was not the reaction he expected.
"Are you stupid or something?" Psylocke said. "Oh right, look who I'm talking to."
"I'm sorry, did you not hear what they told me?" Warren said.
"Yes they stepped on your pride," Psylocke said. "Defended one of your sworn enemies, I know the drill. Heard it before. But they have something you want, don't they? The ability to finally shake Apocalypse's influence...if it works. And you don't want to take it? What kind of moron are you?"
"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised a thief is telling me that," Warren said. "But I am surprised that Psylocke is."
She shrugged. "I don't have to like someone to work with them, sorry if that hurts your privileged feelings."
"There it is again...what because I have money, I'm privileged then?" Warren said. "No mutant is really privileged."
"No, but most can't hide alone in a castle and not be bothered by anyone," Psylocke had no pity. "Seems like you're just afraid of getting it back when you dish it out. I don't know, call me old fashioned, but going and insulting someone you're planning on asking for help, as well as their taste in friends, seems kind of backwards to me."
She tossed her hair. "Sort of like this whole situation is...so I guess look at who I'm talking to...Starting to think you like it if people do bad things."
"Perhaps it's a residue of what happened," Warren said. "Or perhaps I'm bored. But I don't think I'm bored enough to go back there and put up with that kind of humiliation."
"Oh sure," Psylocke gestured around. "I'm sure you'll get better on your own...I mean, it's working so far...you've made lots of friends...don't live alone anymore...have better things to do than pretend to let someone break into your house on a bi-monthly basis and stop them just to have some excitement..."
"You're mocking me" Warren said.
"You catch on fast," Psylocke said.
"Well, I don't know, you'd miss these little times, wouldn't you?" Warren said. "What's breaking and entering without a good scuffle in the middle of it."
"I think I can handle it," Psylocke said dryly. "Anyway...you said once that for some reason you were concerned about my well-being..."
"Yes..." Warren said oddly.
"Well consider this me returning the favor, just once," Psylocke looked miffed. "I can pick up enough on that inner turmoil you've got going on. Apocalypse is no joke, I saw for myself. You should go get that taken care of...no one wants to live with someone else in their head." She tapped hers. "Who knows, maybe you'd be less of a fool."
"That's a very interesting reason," Warren said. "I can't believe I'm taking advice from a ninja thief of all things...you're right...there's literally no one else I can talk to...I am pathetic."
"Hmm," Psylocke said. "Well...who isn't at times?"
That was about the most sympathetic thing she'd ever said. Though it was probably sarcasm.
"I know what you think," Warren said. "I'm a traitor to mutants...it's easier to have a mutation you can hide, it's different."
"Is it?" Psylocke said.
"It would have to be," Warren said.
"Whatever," she rolled her eyes. "Doesn't matter. Whatever you have, you have to deal with it, not wish it away...more to the point, how did that woman know about that?"
"How did you?" Warren said.
"Because I can read minds and I know the gossip," Psylocke said. "But if the X-men didn't know, then how did she? Who is she anyway?"
"I...you know, I never actually was introduced," Warren said. "She knew who I was...Perhaps Moira told her. I have no idea. I think they said her last name was West...apparently her and her husband were asked to come help the kid...perhaps she's a psionic mutant."
Psylocke shook her head. "I don't know about that...maybe, but it sounds more just well informed...but how many people know about that."
"Maybe the blue witch told her herself," Warren said tightly. "Since they're such friends."
"I don't like it," Psylocke said. "And Mystique is on the loose again. This can only mean trouble...You know, forget stealing," She rubbed her arm. "I think I might need to do a little digging. Something about this is weird. It better not be what I think it is."
"And what do you think it is?" Warren asked.
Psylocke headed for the window. "Let's just say...no, never mind. Tell you what, I'll let you know if it ends up being that I'm right...'course by then, knowing might not do that much, but I'm not going to jump the gun."
"When you say that, it sounds bad enough already," Warren followed. "Who do you think it is?"
"Not saying, Psylocke put her mask back on. "You watch yourself if you go back there. Could be trouble. In fact, if you see anything that looks wrong...contact me."
She tossed a card up.
"You're giving me your number?" Warren said.
"Technically it's more of a family one," Psylocke said. "Watch your back. I'd hate to have found a new house to break into."
She dropped.
"That wasn't ominous at all..." Warren said drolly.
He put the card in his pocket.
"As if I'd go back there...Who does that woman think she is...anyway....besides, they'd never allow it."
He paced around. "Still...I could need help..."
Like Psylocke said...you didn't want someone else in your head.
It wasn't as bad as it had been, but Warren still woke up in a cold sweat, or with burning rage, and couldn't get back to sleep. He still sometimes felt like he'd be able to kill quite easily if he was face to face with one of his enemies.
He wasn't always this way...but it also haunted him...could it be that there was some of himself in that hate? What mutant didn't resent humans? Didn't resent other mutants...and their own self.
While he'd gotten better, he was not free...and he wasn't sure he'd ever be. Because his anger and the machine induced kind had blended together at some point and become indistinguishable...and he wondered if Apocalypse didn't care, whether you hated or revered him...you came back to him either way, didn't you? He was still in control.
That kind of obsession had driven him almost to madness, but it was at the door any moment, now, ready to do it again.
Warren stared at his fire.
This couldn't go on, he thought. The treatment at the island hadn't helped him as much as he wanted...they just didn't know how to, the tech of the machine had been new to them.
Was it really his only choice to go back? Even to people who'd been willing to harbor one of his worst enemies? Surely not...
But...was there any other way?
"My words come out like an avalanche in silence. And you've got oceans trapped in your eyelids. They tell me that no man is an island. But it feels like it's a storm that I've been fighting .
And I used to listen to the radio. But I've got an army of voices in my head. And we used to live in stereo. But I've got an army of voices in my head.
How come the friends and the foes invisible, are the ones that made my soul most miserable? Head's reeling from the feeling. In my mind but I feel it in the physical. Why's the sunlight hiding?Ain't letting any light in. It's a storm that I've been fighting
Every moment crowded with choices. Speak to me and drown out the voices."
***
It was into this brooding that Kurt and Rogue came barging, Rogue flying through the window.
"This is the place," she said. "I don't see no other castle anywhere...gee whillikers, it's huge."
"Reminds me a little of the monastery," Kurt said.
"What in the--" Warren jumped up from a chair. "What are you doing here? Does everyone just know where to find this place now?!"
"Calm down, Sugar, Xavier knows how to find anyone," Rogue said, holding up her hands. "We ain't here to hurt ya none, we just came to talk."
"Well, if it's to hurl more abuse, you can fly right back out," Warren said.
"Now listen you," Rogue suddenly got a little mad, and jabbed a finger at him. "You good and mad because someone called you out? You shoulda told us all the truth ages ago, you never told me, and I was almost one of them victims. So get off your high horse. Anyone can make a mistake. Sit yourself down and hear us out."
Warren blinked at her, then he sat down.
"Fine...what is it?"
"Not how I vould have said it, but effective, I suppose," Kurt put his hands together. "Though my sister has some strong vords, our purpose is not to criticize you, Herr Varren."
"Sister? I don't see much resemblance," Warren interrupted. "Are you being metaphorical?"
"It vould be Ecclesiastical," Kurt said.
"I'm adopted," Rogue said.
"So, who's his mother, Mystique?" Warren said sarcastically.
Silence.
"Wait...is that right?" Warren said. "I was...because of the color..."
"Hey, you're blue too, don't make us cousins," Rogue said, real feisty.
"Well, I'm not naturally like this!" Warren said. "In fact, may I remind you who's fault it is--" then he stopped. "Well, anyway, I feel sorry for you. Are you here to defend her?"
"No," Kurt said. "My mother and I have never really known each other, and I can't defend her actions."
That pacified Warren. "You're lucky," he said.
"I don't agree vith that, but it is as it is," Kurt said. "I believe in Gott's plan."
"Do you?" Warren said. "Tell me then, why did Gott allow her to do this to me? My whole life was ruined because of Apocalypse."
"You do not know that," Kurt said. "You whole life is ahead of you, even now. And Gott can redeem the rest of it--"
"Are you real?" Warren said. "God, if He was real, clearly doesn't care."
"Will you let the man talk?" Rogue said.
Warren went quiet again.
"As I vas saying," Kurt said. "Gott offers us redemption...not no suffering at all. But I did not come to argue vith you, I came out of concern. I saw you vere in great distress before, vhen you left. It is a hard thing to feel angry at the vorld...and yourself. I have felt it."
Warren softened. "Probably not for the same reason."
"The reason does not matter," Kurt bowed his head respectfully. "It is the same pain."
Warren leaned on his hand. "I guess so...so you came all this way just to say that?"
"More than that," Kurt said. "I thought you might vant to talk more about it. You vere hurried away before, ve never head vhat you even came for."
"Well, your friend with the sword sure didn't seem interested," Warren said.
"You're wrong about that," Rogue said. "She'd help anyone, her and her husband. Same as Kurt here. You done did that to yourself, Warren. The way you took on, anyone'd have gotten angry at ya."
"Is this supposed to make me want to listen to you?" Warren said.
"Vell, ve cannot sugarcoat things, as the Americans say," Kurt said.
Warren finally managed a small smile. "I suppose...but the way she talked to me...Ever felt like someone took a club and just hit you with it inside?"
"Yeah, I've been stung a few times by her words," Rogue said.
"Not me," Kurt said.
"Because she likes you," Rogue said.
"But she likes you too," Kurt said. "I know she does, she says so. She think you're a sveet girl, I've heard her."
"She do?" Rogue said.
"You mustn't mistake her bluntness for disdain," Kurt insisted. "It is startling at first, I admit...but I've known others like that, very passionate about their beliefs...it is not vrong. She is a vise voman, even if she is not always as gentle as is comfortable for us all...but, then, I've read very strong vords in the holy book also. Stronger than hers...so perhaps ve should not assume it is vrong to use them."
"It don't feel good," Rogue said.
"I don't believe that vas the point," Kurt said.
"But it's not a great way to get people to trust you," Warren said.
"I vould have to ask you, if she lied to you, or was untrue about her past actions, vould that make her trustvorthy?" Kurt said. "There's no denying it, she vas trying to help my mother, however unreceptive she regrettably turned out to be. Should Miss Shine apologize for that to you, Sir? Or feel ashamed of it? It is her ministry. You insulted it. It is not for us to judge others who need help, God vill judge them."
Warren sighed. "Sure...so did you come to talk me into trying it after all...funny, you'd be the second today."
"Who else is here?" Rogue looked around.
"She left already," Warren said.
"She?" Rogue said.
"I doubt you'd remember her," Warren said. "Not sure you ever met, actually...anyway...well maybe I should take it as some kind of sign that such different people are saying the same thing."
He stood up, hands folded. "The truth is, I wanted help because I cannot seem to shake this...this darkness...Rogue took it away somewhat, enough for me to have my own mind...but I was still obsessed...and after all this time, I think I have barley managed to control that. I'm not free of it. I've been afraid to leave this house, though I dislike living alone also. But who knows what I might be capable of..."
He rubbed his head. "What I said the other day, I meant it in a way...but there are other times when I don't, and I wonder what I have turned into. Anything about Apocalypse makes me become another person...maybe I'm not another person, maybe it was already there...and then I get so hung up, asking which is is, that I can't even tell what I'm thinking anymore."
"I hear ya," Rogue looked somber. "It was just like that for me...but they used their gifts, Warren. You know, Shine got the evil out of me, even what I took form you. You didn't see this, but last time we met...y'know...when ya...uh...well, you know what happened."
She glanced at Kurt, who was confused.
"Anyway, after you flew away, I got real sick, taking that inside me." She touched her stomach. "I thought I was dying...she helped get it out...I mean, it's...not their power, but they know how to use it. I feel different, anyway. It's hard to describe...and I don't have someone in my mind anymore."
"Really?" Warren said.
"Honest," Rogue said.
"Even I have grown more peaceful because of their counsel," Kurt said. "What Gott has given them, it is powerful. And, it is free...no cost. That is how ve do things...all you need is a villing and open heart...vould you reconsider?"
Warren paced...thinking.
What did he really have to lose?
He turned back to them. "Will they be nicer?"
"Depends," Rogue said, hands on her hips. "Are you gonna come and be nice yourself this time?"
"I'll try..." Warren said. "There are times...I almost can't control it."
"Then talk to them about it, explain," Rogue put her hands up. "Don't just leave it there. Gosh...not that I should talk...but, come on, let's go then."
"Can I pack first?" Warren asked meekly.
"Of course," Kurt said. "Everyone needs a toothbrush and comb...and a change of clothes. It is best to live simply."
Warren glanced around at his fancy house.
"I suppose I should lock this place up..." he said.
***
"Where Rogue?" Gambit asked Wally after he'd checked the entire house.
"Oh...I think she and Kurt went out," Wally said.
"Dey what?" Gambit said.
Wally looked up from his show. "You know, to visit Angel."
"Dey what?" Gambit repeated.
Wally shrugged. "Kurt was worried about him. He's cool like that. Hey, no worries, I'm sure they can take him if he goes berserk again. Like in the mov--uh, I mean, two to one, and all that."
Gambit glared at him.
"You're not jealous are you?" Wally asked, amused.
"Gambit never like him," Gambit said. "Once a man go down dat road, he ain't never come back."
"You can't really buy that," Wally said, frowning. "Everyone should get a second chance, shouldn't they?"
Gambit fingered a few cards.
"I see what is is," Wally said. "I bet you're worried because Rogue can be pretty reckless...I mean, I know some ladies like that too...and gents...come to think of it. Not everyone can be Batman, right?'
Actually now that he thought about it, the girls in the Justice League were usually more reckless and scrappy than the guys were.
[At least they are now, in the older comics I feel like superheroes were more responsible and cautious in general than in newer renditions.]
"Batman is not real," Gambit said.
"Sure he is," Wally said.
"Not here," Gambit by now had gathered that Wally was from the DCU...not that he knew to call it that.
"Look...I uh, know it's not really my place here," Wally felt he was going out on a limb. "But maybe Rogue would be...you know...a little more open to this kind of input if you explained it differently. No one likes to be criticized and told that they're wrong for hoping all the time."
"Dat is da facts," Gambit was defensive as ever. "No sense gettin' around it."
"You guys are so weird," Wally leaned back, now miffed. "You pick and choose what you're hopeful about like it's that easy to just know what's likely to happen. What are you worried about anyway? You've got to be the most paranoid guy I know."
"Not paranoid," Gambit barely even knew what the word meant, it wasn't used that often yet.
"Sure you are," Wally said. "All about change...I know how it is...well, actually I don't, change doesn't scare me that much. I guess I'm too fast for it to catch up with me. You know what scares me? Nothing changing."
"And why would dat scare ya?" Gambit didn't see why it mattered, but supposed Wally was going something with this.
"Can you picture everything just being frozen the way it is?" Wally looked uneasy, like he was speaking from personal experience. "Never going anywhere, never looking any different. Who wants that? Might as well be dead...I actually almost died once in a literal nightmare of that. [See animated JL show]"
"You making dat up," Gambit said.
He got a look that said "really?" in return.
"Yeah, I guess things being...what's the word...static, freaks me out," Wally said. "The speed force, it's always moving. Maybe that's why. The only reason to not change that I can think of is that you think you'll lose something if you change."
Gambit frowned. "Dis gettin' personal now?"
"Oh...not really, I think a lot of people feel that way." Wally said. "But it's not like that makes it any better. Everyone's gonna change...Don't you think not changing is still changing? It's natural to grow, so if you don't, aren't you just getting small compared to what's around you? It's fine to talk about how good the old days were, and all that... but it's like they say, can't put a genie back in the bottle. Not even if you go back in time and try to redo it all, it's not exactly the same...might be better to just go forward, don't you think?"
"Just what you tryin' to say?" Gambit asked tersely.
"I know about your little tiff with my girl," Wally said, shrugging. "I won't get in the middle of it. But there's one thing I'mma have to just agree on...it's immature to keep trying to hold everyone else back just because it's uncomfortable for change to happen...and hey, I've been called immature a lot, so can't believe I'm the one saying that. But I guess I changed...funny how that works."
"Immature? Just another word for cautious, apparently," Gambit said. "You so sure you making da right choices?"
"You know, Cajun, even if we screw this up, we'd keep going forward up until we fixed it," Wally said, with more vigor. "That's what you do when you're willing to grow, you learn from your mistakes. So what if it's not perfect the first try? It's better than nothing. I've heard you complain that things don't get any better on the mutant front...but if they don't get better with you first, and you don't learn to make your approach better...well, hey, it's not like you have to have a degree to figure this one out. You gotta adapt, that's the rule. Aren't you guys supposed to be the next stage or whatever? I don't really know if I buy that, but if you are, why do you spend so much time looking behind you?"
Silence.
It was actually a good point.
"Now our approach is wrong?" Gambit said.
"We've been saying that for weeks," Wally could be just as blunt as Shine when he was in the right zone. "I mean...isn't there a reason after 2 or 3 years, nothing is that different? Give me a break. Look if you don't like what we're doing...come up with a better solution than us...heck, I'd be glad to hear it, this can be a difficult way to solve things. It's really wearing to do things one day at a time and not know what your plans for next week are, let alone next year...but you know, I like it. I like not knowing, because I have to try my hardest every time then. No half baked efforts this way. But if you want to slack off I guess complaining about how it doesn't get any better is the way to go."
He shrugged. "Just never saw much reason to complain myself...heck my league got framed for attacking the government a few times, and we just kept going, did what we had to to reassure them...worked out in the end. Nothing is usually the end of the world except the actual end of the world...we've dodged that bullet a bunch too...maybe I just see things as not that big of a deal because of that, but the funny thing is, you guys have done the same thing, but you're never any more confident, or any more peaceful because of it. And you never feel like you've arrived anymore, either...so, maybe it really has nothing to do with success, hmm? It's all in here."
He pointed to his head.
Then he shrugged and went back to his show.
Gambit walked away...but he wouldn't be forgetting that conversation for a while.
[You know, in my personal experience, Wally is 100% right. I have struggled with anxiety over my success for years because I was treated like nothing was ever good enough for so much of my life, that even now, when people like what I do, I have to fight that fear that I'm screwing up majorly.
It's true that two people can accomplish the same thing, even if it was saving the world, and one of them will be content that the job got done, no matter how close it was to not succeeding, and the other will obsess over how many things went wrong along the way, or could have. It's never enough for them.
You can approach things with the attitude of someone who will learn to accept them, or someone who will never accept anything, even success. It is a choice how to think, I've been working on it...I'm much better than I was. It's nice in one way, aging actually can help with this problem. You get to be even in your 20s like me and you realize no one else has it as all together as you thought when you were a teen.
Anyway, we'll see if Gambit gets the point soon enough. We're so close to the end of this book now.]