Hey fans! I know the show can go anywhere right now, but I thought this would be a nice touch. Cried a little writing this, so I know you will too.💕
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Jac remembered her head hurting so bad before she went unconscious. The fog she sank into felt comforting, but scary at the same time. She was very disoriented when she found herself in a forest clearing. She felt like she had woken up from a bad night's sleep; foggy, drained. Her head pounded as she sat up. She took in her surroundings. There was nothing but trees surrounding her. She was afraid and began crying. She looked up at the sky. "Why won't anyone answer me? Why can't anyone see me? Please, please let someone hear my cries. Help me."
"They can't hear you, Jac. But you can leave them a sign when you're ready." a familiar male voice said. Jac spun around, seeing the last person she expected. She looked at Kian, who smiled warmly.
"Kian?" Jac cried. "Is this a trick? Am I hallucinating?"
"I think not, sweetheart." Kian replied. "I know, I was confused when it happened to me too. You're in Heaven....well, my Heaven. I'm here with Vanessa."
"Vanessa's here too? What is this place?" Jac asked, still staring at Kian. "where am I? How did I get here? What's happening?"
"You're dead, Jac. It's confusing but I'll try to explain it to you. When you get to Heaven, you meet people who you're connected to. Then, when you're ready, you get to choose your own Heaven. I think because of how we were, you came to my Heaven."
"What are you talking about, Kian? You died! We buried you! Don't tell me you're alive now? Is this some sort of joke? What the heck is going on?" Jac exclaimed, looking around.
"Jac, before the drugs, you saved me on that mountain. I hate that I hid the fact I was using from you. We were so happy. I would have been Emma's stepfather. But you left.....and without you there to help me, I got worse. Finally, I just ended it all. I woke up here with Vanessa....remember? My wife who died?"
"It's been over a year...." Jac said, trying to make sense. She was a rational woman, so this was something she never expected. Kian took her hand gently and lead her into the sunlight. A beautiful woman with golden hair was sitting on the riverbank.
"Vanessa, this is Jac." Kian said as they approached her.
"Nice to finally meet you Jac." Vanessa said, smiling at Jac. "Are you alright?"
"Yes, I just need some air." Jac replied.
"Come sit." Vanessa invited, gesturing toward the water. Jac sat down wearily, and Kian sat down beside them.
"Thank you for making my husband happy, even for such a short time. We are all connected you, see? Fate has a way of letting that happen."
"If I hadn't left Holby, I could have taken care of him...and he could have taken care of me."
"Jac, it's in the past now. He is at peace now and he's with me. That's all that matters."
"How much do I owe you, Vanessa?" Jac asked, glancing at Kian.
"None. It was a gift, and you deserve a gift." Vanessa replied as she stood up.
Kian hugged Jac tightly. "It'll be okay, Jac. You couldn't predict what was going to happen to me, no more than you knew what would happen to you." Jac breathed in Kian's scent, fresh air and woods. She felt her stomach flutter at the memories of them together, waking up with him holding her in his arms, her head against his strong chest. They had a tendency of making out on a whim, tearing each other's clothes off.
She gazed up at him with adoration and said. "You are so handsome, Kian. You look the same as ever. And your smile....your smile is one I've never forgotten."
"That means a lot coming from you, sweetheart. I loved you, I really did."
Jac kissed his cheek softly. She wanted to kiss his lips, but it felt odd with his wife sitting next to them. With the memories of Kian came the the ones of her daughter.
"What about Emma?" Jac asked, tears springing to her eyes. Emma was 10 years old, old enough to understand that her mom was gone.
"She's okay, Jac." Kian said cupping her face.
"How do you know?"
"I'm her guardian angel. If anyone knows anything about her, it's me."
"You mean you're her guardian angel? But why?"
"We don't know why, but we're here to protect her. And that includes you. Now stop worrying. Everything will work itself out." Jac went to stand up, but felt dizzy. Kian caught her, and let her lean against him. For being in such a peaceful place, her mind was a whirlpool of fear, uncertainty, confusion, and sadness. "Don't worry. We'll get through this. We love each other. We always will." he reassured her. Jac nodded, taking comfort in his words. She didn't know if the truth of his words was helping. He led Jac to a clearing. A cozy-looking bed was under the forest canopy.
"You need to sleep, Jac. Clear your head. Relax." Kian said, placing Jac gently on the bed. He gave her a reassuring smile, which made Jac feel a little better. "Sleep, honey. I'll be here with you the whole time."
"Goodnight, Kian. Thank you." Jac replied. She let her eyes flutter closed, feeling safe in his strong arms. 'This place is so peaceful....it's almost like home.' She thought. As the darkness took hold, Jac fell asleep, knowing she would wake up later with the knowledge she was loved.
After a while, Jac slowly opened her eyes and noticed she was lying on her side facing the river. She could hear birds chirping nearby, their song filling the atmosphere, and she felt warmth spread from where her head lay resting against the pillow, onto her body. Kian and Vanessa, were asleep nearby, Kian resting his back against a tree and Vanessa snuggled against his chest. Jac felt mixed emotions watching them, the memory of their passionate encounter flooding back to her. Her heart ached to feel his arms around her once more, but she also felt strangely free. She was surrounded by beauty and tranquility. She could smell lavender and roses. She could hear birds singing. She could feel everything that had been missing in her life right here. Kian had his wife, but Jac had loved him too.
Kian woke and turn his head towards Jac. Vanessa stirred, and Kian shifted so he could stand waking her. He walked to where Jac lay, and sat on the edge of the bed.
"How do you feel now?" he asked her. Jac glanced around the room, noticing the two chairs and the window overlooking the lake.
"Like a weight was lifted off me." She replied quietly. "Thank you, Kian. This place has helped."
"I hope so. We still have to tell you about Emma. You will see her again..."
"Will she...?"
"Oh, no; she'll live to a ripe old age. Odds are she'll grow up to be just like you; smart, hardworking. Fletch and Sacha will help out. You can watch over her like I do. You just have to use your mind to see her."
"Really? Is it that easy?"
"Yes. Your mind will show you the things you need to see. It's the way the universe works. You can leave her a sign, too."
Vanessa stretched and walked over and hugged Kian.
"It's true Jac. Kian's told me how much you loved your daughter. He loved her too. Why don't you go see her together?"
"She might hate me now."
"You're wrong about that Jac. The poor kid knew your job was hard; working in a hospital day and night to save people. You see she doesn't blame you, but what she needs is a message of love." Kian said. He took Jac's hand.
"Come on, just think of your little girl. We'll go together." Jac close her eyes hesitantly, visualizing Emma at the playground, her drawing her mum a picture, hugging her friends.
Soon, they were in Emma's room. She was curled up in bed, like she had cried herself to sleep. Jac was scared. Would this scare or confuse Emma?
"It's okay, Jac. She can only see you if you want her to."
Jac walked slowly towards the bed and knelt down. Emma turned her head towards the sound. Tears rolled down her cheeks when she saw the familiar blonde hair of Jac.
"Mummy." She whispered. Jac wrapped her arms around Emma and held her close, crying with joy as she heard her little voice say her name.
"Is this a dream, mummy?" Emma asked
"Yes sweetheart. Go back to sleep. Mummy will always be here. You'll have Daddy, Stacy, Fletch, and Uncle Sacha to take care of you. "
Emma cuddled against Jac, and Jac felt something wet on her shoulder and glanced at Kian who smiled at her reassuringly. Soon, Emma started talking, telling Jac that she missed her, that she hated it when she wasn't with her anymore.
"Don't be upset, sweetheart. Mummy's not sick anymore. I won't be watching you alone either...Kian is with me." Kian let himself appear beside Jac, smiling at Emma.
"Kian! You're all shiny!"
"Hey Em. Have you broke the swing ball record yet?" Emma laughed, as she remembered all the times they played catch.
"No, silly! I haven't broken the record! Mum never found out about all the chocolate bars you gave me."
"Did you eat any of them?" Jac asked, still having her mother instinct.
"Of course I did silly! Do you think you would keep them away from me forever?! Of course I ate them all, even the last three. I'm a growing girl, you know!"
Jac couldn't feel mad. She tucked Emma in and kissed her daughter's head.
"Go to sleep now, sweetie. I love you so very much."
"I love you too, Mummy." Emma yawned, and within seconds, she was asleep. Jac still wanted to leave Emma a sign. She found Emma's tablet on her bedside table, and pulled up her photos. She found the perfect one; it was a photo of a pencil sketch Jac had drawn of them together. It was the first gift she gave her daughter when she came back from rehab. She made sure the tablet was on sleep mode so the photo would be on when Emma went to use it.
"Ready to go back?" Kian asked gently. Jac nodded, getting up. She looked at her sleeping daughter one more time, before taking Kian's hand.
"Yes...I'm ready." Jac said as they both faded.
Quicker than she could blink, Jac and Kian were back by the river. Only then did Jac allow herself to cry.
She sobbed uncontrollably into Kian's chest, soaking his shirt wet. Kian wrapped his arms around her.
"It's alright, baby. She'll forgive you. You're forgiven. You can go home. You'll never have to go through any of this ever again."
"I wasn't always there for her.....it was always my job....then shuffling her between her dad's house and mine....now I won't be able to teach her about growing up, or how to drive, or take her to university....."
"It'll be alright, Jac. All that matters now is that Emma knows you loved her." Kian assured her.
When her tears subsided, Jac wiped her face, sniffing, trying not to break down again.
"Thank you." Jac managed a weak smile and took a deep breath.
"You can stay here with me and Vanessa until you're ready." Kian said.
"How long?"
"I don't know, time's weird here." Kian said, walking with Jac to a stand of trees where Vanessa was standing.
"Did you say your goodbyes to Emma?" Vanessa asked.
Jac nodded. Vanessa took her hand gently.
"There's something important I need to tell you; when you get to your Heaven, you won't be alone." Vanessa said.
"What are you talking about?" Jac looked confused.
"Someone you really loved and miss dearly. You just need to open your heart. You'll find it; trust me." Vanessa squeezed Jac's hand. "Now, you better get going."
"I don't want to leave here, just yet."
"It's alright, Jac. Where you're going, we can visit. Bea visits us all the time."
"You're spending eternity with your wife and your girlfriend?"
"Yes, and not like you think, Naylor." Kian said, using his old jab at her.
"Kian, I know we had a physical relationship once...but, I know you love your wife."
"It's okay, Jac. What we had was great. It was me who screwed up. Don't blame yourself."
"Can you just hold me....just for a little while? I'm a little scared of this." Jac whispered.
"Of course, I will. C'mere." Kian stepped closer to Jac, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her towards him.
She let him hold her for the longest time. When a beautiful column of light appeared, Jac felt safe and protected. And then it vanished.
"You can go, it's okay." Kian said into her hair.
"I think I'm ready." Jac said, looking around. She wanted to remember this paradise. Kian held her close, and he let her kiss him softly on his lips.
"I loved you, Kian; I never stopped."
"Thank you for loving me." Kian replied, tears rolling down his cheeks.
Vanessa came over to them, and hugged Jac like she had known her for years.
"I'll see you soon."
"Yeah...soon....take care of Emma and look after yourselves." Jac replied.
Jac felt a strange feeling of peace come over her. She took a deep breath and walked through the light.
The first thing she heard was the birds singing. A flower-strewn clearing with a mirror-calm pond was before her. At the edge of a strip of woods, was a little cottage that looked like it belonged in a fairy tale. The house was surrounded by roses and flowers, with a blue door.
The sun was high in the sky but the wind blowing around was cool; Jac shivered slightly. She heard a pop song playing and approached the cottage slowly. A younger blonde woman appeared, smiling.
"Hey, Jac. Can you give your sister a hug?"
"Jasmine! It's you!" Jac blurted out, running into her sisters arms. She felt the love her childhood didn't have, and after a lifetime of saving others, the peace she needed.