Days passed like snow flower petals, winter sky was clearing out slowly to give space for the broad sunlight. The scent of newly bloomed wildflowers lingered in the air even from afar, the busy streets leading to the unknown destinations, the chilly breeze brushing off the silky caramel hair as he walked past the crowd.
His fluffy jacket was big on his figure, the Burberry scarf on his neck matched the striped shirt he was wearing, and he looked tiny in the middle of a vast revolving world. Everything around him was changing. Still, he searched for an honest smile in that crowd that would stay permanent.
It's been days. Taehyung couldn't see the flowers withering, the colors of the petals drying and the scent leaving him. He decided to restart everything, though the pain of all those missing pieces was there, and can never be replaced. But that doesn't mean he has to pause where life stopped him.
Taehyung has to go forward with or without anyone on his side. So he walked. Putting a charming smile to facade the sufferings, he walked, head straight, eyes sharp yet soft with a new dream in his heart. To survive and be happy.
As soon as he opened the shop, the flower scent enthralled him, giving a new life to his blue and grey. He oh so badly wanted to smell the buds, hold them in his delicate hands. Nevertheless, he was scared to hurt them, to hurt the petals.
The flowers and Taehyung- they both are naive, soft, and vulnerable in the tough realm. Once they go colorless, once they lose their purpose, they blend with the mud and end up at the root.
He took a sharp inhale, cleaned the counters, vases, and pots, and put the fresh flowers in them that he got from his farm. While taking a seat on the counter, picking some fresh lilies to make a bouquet, Taehyung switched on the speaker and played his favorite songs.
Mornings like that fill him with the happiness that he deserved all this time. Drawing a little smile on his lips, Taehyung sat with the beautiful flowers in his hands. He was busy with the bouquet when a customer came and asked for a bunch of white dahlias.
Taehyung glanced at the man smiling at him, a lady sitting in the car parked on the road. He smiled at both and walked to pick the beautiful dahlias for them. Pulling a card from the drawer, Taehyung asked the man in a suit.
"Should I write something?"
The man in the black suit smiled, nodding as he leaned forward to say something.
"Yes. To my lover and the best wife"
Taehyung couldn't help but blush at the words. It was always like this. Most of his customers tell the sweetest message to write on the card for their lovers. The words do justice to Taehyung's beautiful bouquets, though he always wished to have one for himself too.
A bouquet of Gladiolus to tell himself that he's doing well, he's strong and things will be fine. Too bad, things never went as Taehyung wished. Discarding his inner thoughts, Taehyung wrote the message in his beautiful handwriting for the lady. He then handed over the bouquet and grinned at the two when they waved at him while leaving.
Again, back to the process of collecting the petals and creating an art piece. Taehyung went back to work in silence.
Time passed by, the music went along with his lonely self, and the sun was setting in the pit of the ocean, inviting the cold night of the last week of January. Taehyung wasn't tired. There wasn't that much chaos for him today.
He met some of his old customers, talked to them wholeheartedly after what felt like decades, wrote lovely messages on the cards, bowed to people, sending his warm gratitude.
Hours passed and he couldn't help but think about how he'll have to go back to an empty house, without his brother's loud cheers and rambling about how awful his customers were.
It was his first time. Without Baekhyun and his warmth, the realization of an empty and cold house without his brother made Taehyung pause the message he was supposed to write on the last bouquet to the customer.
The florist looked at the client with an apologetic look in his eyes, his fingers fidgeted with the pen. He waited for the man to say the message again and hoped not to hear any cursing for his zoned-out mode. The man shook his head and thankfully replied softly.
"Umm... To my heartbeat... I miss you..."
It took Taehyung a moment to decide whether to walk home or take a bus. Since he closed the shop early, and the night was still young, a part of Taehyung wanted to walk under the starry sky, through the footpaths of the skyscrapers like he used to.
But the other part was scared, not in the mood to walk because the nights around Han River aren't the same anymore. The paths that lead him from his shop to home, the Hangang, the bridge, the empty roads, everything reminds him of the past now. A past that will never leave Taehyung to live on his own.
He didn't want to reminisce about those moments once again while walking through the footpaths of the Han River bridge. That's how Taehyung decided to take a bus to his home.
When he got on the bus, Taehyung realized the smooth ride to his destination was all that he wanted after a tiring day. With earbuds plugged in, snowdrops falling like feathers from heaven, and the city lights reflected on the window, Taehyung sat looking outside, his head resting on the glass window, hands hugging the bag in his lap.
It felt nice. Everything around him felt nice. He was never a fan of the night. But tonight, it felt good to look outside and admire the twilight, especially when his heart felt oddly calm and blissful.
He may be a little bit torn and weary, but the hope was still there. After all, that's what he was taught, from his very childhood. His brother has told him that wherever there is chaos, there will be peace too, where the top of one mountain is the start of another one.
He has to move on. Taehyung was so immersed in the music that he didn't realize that his home was one stop away. He stood up from the seat, took his bag, and waited for the bus to stop while scanning around.
Taehyung was ruffling his bag to find the keys when his eyes landed on something. It didn't take long enough for him to understand what it was. He could never mistake the lavender roses cherished on his farm, the note he wrote in his handwriting, or the bouquet he sold today.
It was back on his doorstep, not even withered nor did the colors of the petals fade away. It looked fresh just like it was from his garden, newly bloomed and hopeful. Even his neat handwriting was on it too.
"To my heartbeat... I miss you..."
Taehyung scanned the surroundings before taking the bouquet in his hands and reading the lines again and again.
His heart was already racing. The hangover of yesternight didn't even leave him wholly and here he was, the mystery keeping him spellbound and shaky on his knees. Taehyung pulled his hair in frustration, hands curled around the bouquet tightly as he opened the door and entered inside.
He didn't even waste a moment throwing his jacket and scarf on the couch and walking straight to his room. He can feel his heartbeat. He can feel the scent of the bouquet. He can feel the meaning behind the flowers. The florist stopped breathing for a moment.
He knew something was tugging at his heart when he sold those lavender roses to someone. Taehyung doesn't have any favorites in flowers. He likes them all. Call him delusional, but Taehyung couldn't understand the fascination of the man to get the lavender roses for whom he misses the most.
Taehyung wanted to correct the man that the purple roses are not what convey the meaning he wanted. The purple roses are---
The florist stopped as if someone hit him from behind as if he was losing his dear life. The purple roses are here. For him. With the sweet message Taehyung always wanted to read, the bouquet was really there for him. By whom?
Love at first sight.
Taehyung can see the passion in each eye who buys those purple roses. Love at first sight and the desire to own that feeling forever. He has seen many buying them, he has written many messages for lovers. But none of them returned. None of them ended up on his feet other than this one.
The bouquet was heavy, heavier than he sold. And Taehyung knew. There he was and his fate, trying to pull another dirty game on a tired night. His fingers hurriedly moved the flowers, the sound of the wrapper increased his blood pressure, but Taehyung didn't stop.
There it was, as he knew, Taehyung pulled out the thin package. It wasn't small or heavy but was enough to disguise it in that bouquet. A small humorless chuckle left his mouth as he saw his name written on the package. He unwrapped the bouquet and placed the flowers in the empty vase in his room then his eyes landed on his package. His package.
Sitting on his bed, Taehyung unfolded the package. He wasn't scared anymore. Maybe thrilled? Yeah, a little bit. He liked the unknown surprises a little way too much that it didn't confuse him why it was sent to him. Or why him.
He was sure. It was for him. No one messed up anything. It was meant for him. The purple roses, the message on it, and now the vinyl record that was hidden in that bouquet.
He scanned the record front and back, to find a note on it. The same handwriting. The handwriting on the record he got the day before- Taehyung got it in a snap. And the scent. The sweet April cotton blends with the natural scent the records have.
Taehyung can feel it, the vibe, the rhythm, the soothing harmony even before playing it. He couldn't help but trace the note on the record as if it was the string of a guitar, sharp yet melodic whenever his fingertips touch them.
"I got Youniverse! [0903]"
Taehyung stumbles a lot these days. He's born clumsy but when he read those lines, all the florist could think was how his heart stumbled upon each phrase. Clutching the record too tight but careful to not break it, Taehyung placed it on the recorder.
There was a pause, Taehyung was holding his heart in his sleeves, and then after a creak, the sound resonated in the room, with a beautiful symphony that was so catchy to his ears.
And the voice. Taehyung will never miss a chance to remind himself that that voice is the best he ever heard, that voice can both hurt and heal him, can push him to an abyss, and pick him up into his strong arms, still, Taehyung won't complain.
That voice- the voice of Jeon Jeongguk has that power over him and he will never get tired of listening to that.
This time the song was a pop-rock one as if it was a love letter in that dulcet voice, carefully picked words reverberating in the room, echoing in Taehyung's body to soul, skin to bone. The lyrics caught him faster than the light, Taehyung found himself curling in the bed, just like last night, craving for the unreachable moon from another universe.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
" ~...It leaves me feeling seasick, baby
Seems like I'm locked deep in the dreamlike reality
It spins me 'round and drives me crazy
It seems that I'm like the moon in the midday
If I had been alone
If maybe I had cried
I may have given up
Lost at sea...~"
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
Taehyung clutched his pillow, too tight and close to his chest to masquerade that something was hurting his heart. He was in a bundle of questions, thrown like a mess, with a severe headache taking over him, shivering hands held back from embracing himself, and his footprints were slowly fading away.
He was becoming a dot someone put without any purpose. Yet, Taehyung finds himself floating, with scorched wings, catching fire on his eyes, he floats in the air along with the soft music. He wished the music would not end.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
"~...But my heart's still on fire
With a burning desire
I will find you again like destiny
I wish that you would love me
Just like yesterday again, without letting go of this hand
And every time my heart beats
Match your step with me again so that
I don't wander anymore...~"
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
The song went on. Taehyung gathered the meaning of each phrase and understood the feeling of the singer even though the man was unknown to him, Taehyung could feel it all. Jeongguk's voice told every untold thing. There was turmoil in his head, violent thoughts soaring in his poor mind even after closing his eyes shut or staring at the ceiling.
Nothing in front of him made his eyes glitter, other than the purple roses. Taehyung was special to that person whose love he couldn't reciprocate. He can never. Taehyung doesn't even have a token of gratitude to extend to that person for choosing him, for loving him.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
"~...Unmyeongul neukkyeo neo eo eo eo neo~
Unmyeongul neukkyeo nal nal nal nal...~"
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
There was a crack in the audio. The same scratching sound filled the room, breaking the smooth mellow vibe, and Taehyung almost cursed. He waited for the track to play again and bring back his tranquility. But the song didn't come. The music didn't play. Instead, he heard---
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
"Jagiya~ "
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
In a snap, Taehyung opened his eyes. It was like someone whispering in his ears, deep and serene, that almost made Taehyung sit on the bed, astonished and quivering with goosebumps. No, it was not like the song. The word- someone was calling him that. Someone whose sound octaves were lower, more profound than the blue ocean, laced in a satoori that Taehyung could barely recognize. The word chimed in his ears again and again.
As if he was awakened from a dreamlike reality, Taehyung held his breath in his hands, stuck in reverse suddenly because the essence of that one word pierced his soul. That one word from Jeon Jeongguk's lips, deeper than his usual vocals, laced with passion and longing. It was Taehyung who ended up in an abyss but why the hell was not trying to save himself?
Instead, he was letting himself drown deeper knowing the dangerous caves that would be waiting on his way, craving to listen more and more, he stared at the vacuum, imagining a blurry portrait in front of his eyes.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
"Jagiya~
You did well.
You did amazing today.
I know, You're tired from all of the work, I know you wanted to sleep a little more, I know you tried so much to keep everything in the right place, I know you wanted a flower for yourself...
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
Taehyung hates how his heart paused for a moment, unable to reckon the feelings taking over him, agreeing with whatever he just heard yet he wanted to listen more. Without him knowing, tears pricked inside his eyes, finally someone understood the pain.
Finally, someone cared about his desire to keep himself warm and happy. Finally, someone told him what he wanted to hear after an exhausting day, after coming back home.
Someone...
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
"I'm sorry, I can't come in front of you to tell you how good you did today, but my heartbeat, I'm proud of you...
I'm proud that you tried and you deserve the most beautiful flower in the world."
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
The florist could only let his tears roll down his cheeks. He could only sit like a lost speck of dust in a foreign galaxy. To whom Jeongguk was saying those? Who was the heartbeat Jeongguk just called? About whom Jeongguk said he was proud?
Taehyung didn't realize he was crushing the pillow in his hand as if it were the flowers of the bouquet as if the thrones of the roses pricked his palm as if the blood stained his hand, he let himself perish in tears. He wasn't even thinking about what his heart was going through at that moment. Then he heard a little giggle. Jeongguk's soft giggles.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
"I don't know... Maybe you can call me insane. But...
It's my first time seeing you today, the first time falling in love with anyone. It's my first life and I already chose you as my forever.
Seeing you making bouquets for those lovers, writing messages for them, and smiling while watching them walk away, I wanted to run toward you and give you a flower too.
Now, don't call me a coward... I'm not..."
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
Oh, how Taehyung can feel a pout on Jeongguk's blurry face in his imagination, as his words trailed off. A soft smile lingered on his lips, drying the tear stains on his cheeks as he shook his head unknowingly. The recorder continued playing.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
"It's just...
I want to come in front of you when I can finally call you mine.
On a busy day like this, after we wrap up our turmoils and messy work while walking back home, in the middle of the crowded streets, I want to call you mine, and I will, I will make you look at me, with those starry eyes of yours...
I want to confess like a fool in love when you need me the most...
So... Umm... Oh, wait!
Until I find out your name, I'll call you... my lover?! Would you like that?"
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
There was an interlude in his breathing, the little silence made Taehyung's eyes wander around as if someone was watching him. He tucked a hair strand behind his ears while dwelling deeper into that feeling of being called a lover?!
Of course, he would like it. He would like to hear more from the lips of the man, at least through that tape, at least through that vinyl record, Taehyung can hear Jeongguk calling him. It's his first life. It's his first time being someone's lover.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
"And...
The name is JK! "
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
He heard it right. He heard it clear like a day as it felt like a whisper only for him to listen. The initials in the deepest voice exploded millions of butterflies in the pit of his stomach. He felt like touching the moon, so high and lightweight, free from every pain andmiserys, expectation, and desire.
He felt like he was there, in a world of fantasy, with a rosy blush adorning his face. Taehyung doesn't even know why all those things happening to him. Worst case, he doesn't know why he was liking all that feelings. The song, the music, the whispers, the addressing, and now the initials.
It was dangerous, he knows. But is it bad that he didn't want to back out from this?
That's where Taehyung found himself stuck, unfit to find a way out of this chaos, he repeated the recorder once again, twice, thrice until he fell into a deep slumber.
The voice in the background was still crystal clear to his ears while dozing off, with his mind sketching some foggy images- precisely, a portrait that has a name. Before he fell asleep solely, Taehyung heard the voice once again.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
"Jagiya~
You did well, and I'm proud of you..."
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Hello there!
A whole rollercoaster, huh?! Deserved for silent readers! And...
[BehindOfHTA: Jagiya~ is an affectionate way to call your boyfriend or girlfriend, similar to 'honey', 'darling', baby' in English.
The song Jeongguk sang: Heartbeat By BTS]
Share your thoughts, please...
Thanks for reading💜
~Rin♡︎