Three months later.
Louis wakes up to bagpipes.
Again.
It doesn't matter how much his life might have changed in the last year, some things will stay the same.
And Louis likes that.
He finds it tranquillizing in some weird way because he's come to realise that maybe there are certain things he wants to keep. That he doesn't want to forget everything. That maybe there was indeed something that he "came here to remember." That was the author's note, the beginning of Illusions, and even if, in contrast, it feels like the epilogue of a part of his story, it also feels like the prologue of the next.
But either way, he is not that big of a fan of those things right now, because he has woken up to the screeching fucking sounds of the possibly worst instrument to have as an alarm.
Louis doesn't really function correctly this early in the morning, but all he can figure out from his drowsy thoughts is that he doesn't know about after death stuff, but if he goes to hell, he's definitely going to find whoever invented bagpipes and fight them for eternity.
Damn Scotland and everyone in it.
And Lottie. Damn her as well. Because her little joke is getting old and Louis is going to kick her ass one of these days.
"Lou..." Louis hears someone whine in his ear and the bed shifts as Harry rolls away from him and takes the dark blue duvet with him, leaving Louis cover-less and in his underwear on his side of the bed. "Turn it off"
Louis sighs as his arm blindly knocks a book over while trying to get to the phone on the bedside table. He finally manages to reach it, but the thing is, he has to crack one eye open to do it and, once Louis opens his eyes, he's officially awake. Especially when the blinding sun rays coming through the window hit him directly in the face, not in a gentle way whatsoever.
He groans as he falls back on the mattress, rubbing the sleepiness away from his eyes before turning his head to look at Harry's back covered with the duvet, facing away from Louis.
Louis smiles.
He's been doing that quite a lot lately, and Harry has too. He doesn't know why exactly because, even if he has an idea, he wouldn't be able to put it into words.
Because it's when he wakes up mostly, that the random smiles just slip unavoidably. And that didn't use to be like that. Waking up used to be the most tedious activity in Louis' life because it meant the start of another day dealing with himself and his problems.
But now it's different. Because when he wakes up, he's not alone. When his day starts now, it does it with his issues and his flaws out in the open and with someone next to him that will help him deal with them as long as he's willing. They're not only for himself anymore, they're for Harry too, and Harry's are for him.
And an outer perspective is always better than your own because yours will always be influenced by years of looking at your own reflection and always seeing something that's wrong. But the person that looks at you from the outside knows that it's the mirror that is broken.
Louis rolls over to Harry, slipping his hand under the covers until it's met with Harry's warm skin, which shudders when Louis presses himself against his back, throwing his arm over his side while placing a swift kiss on his bare shoulder.
"Hi" Louis whispers in Harry's ear as the boy's hand finds its way to Louis', his fingers wrapping around his forearm and squeezing softly in quiet greeting.
"Sorry, I'm asleep. Can't hear you" Harry mutters without opening his eyes, but the side of his mouth quirks upwards when Louis smiles against his shoulder.
"I know, but I'm awake," he says while tracing random patterns with his fingers across Harry's chest.
"So?" Harry questions.
"So," Louis starts before biting softly the skin of Harry's neck, making his breath catch in his throat. Louis smirks, "you have to be awake too. Otherwise, I'll get bored"
"I'm not your personal entertainer" Harry objects, still not opening his eyes.
"I know. You're something much better than that" Louis clarifies.
Harry's hands go up to rub his eyes, which finally open reluctantly, turning his face back to look at Louis. "And what is that?" he asks with a smirk.
He rolls on his back without taking his gaze away from Louis, who shifts until he's kneeling beside him.
"My bitch" Louis answers with his eyes closed, nodding wisely before his own pillow hits him in the face.
He opens his eyes dumbfounded to find Harry has sat up, the duvet now at his waist, and is staring at him with a conflicted look, between wanting to laugh and wanting to elbow Louis' ribs.
"You're a jerk," he says, pretending to be offended when Louis snorts before crawling over to Harry's lap and throwing his arms around his neck.
"I'm actually super charming," he says, running his hands through Harry's hair, which is starting to get a bit long, and detangling the ends...
Harry wasn't sure about letting it grow a couple of months ago, when he started to wear headscarves so his hair wouldn't fall on his face more than it already did, and he nonchalantly told Louis about his thoughts of just cutting it once and for all.
Louis forbid it, naturally.
Not only because he likes it, but also because he knows Harry likes it too, and there was nothing nonchalant about his comment.
Louis noticed very early on that Harry has this notion of himself that he comes across as a little eccentric sometimes because he has grown up thinking that he had to go unnoticed to do well, like what happened with the nail polish. But what Harry is is just very unique, very special. And Louis knows that, sometimes, he just needs a little push, which Louis will always be very happy to give him until he learns how to be the best, most unapologetic version of himself.
In fact, Louis started growing his hair out too, and hasn't cut it ever since he told Harry not to cut his. Obviously, it's not near as long as Harry's because his was already quite long when he made the decision but, even if none of them has said anything about it, he knows Harry has noticed, of course. He notices everything.
So one night, while the three of them were watching a film together, Lottie had reached out and tousled Louis' feathery hair, making a few strands fall on his forehead, over his eyes.
"What's up with that?" she had asked, frowning slightly at Louis, who sat on the sofa with one leg over Harry's lap.
Louis looked at her and shrugged, fixing this hair. "I like it"
"Have you seen that thread about Brad Pitt looking exactly like the person he's dating through the years?" Lottie asked as she kept looking at both of them.
Louis deadpanned. "Well, Brad Pitt has always dated very beautiful people. Can't really blame him"
"He's hot, too. So he pulls everything off" Harry had added then.
Lottie had just shaken her head and looked straight at the TV again with a tiny, knowing grin. But Louis turned his head towards Harry, who was already looking at him with a smile on his lips and a "thank you" in his eyes, and took his hand in his, bringing it up to kiss the back of it before continuing to watch the film...
"You think you're charming?" Harry then asks with a smirk, making Louis snap out of his thoughts.
Louis nods. "I know I am. Charmed you, didn't I?"
Harry tilts his head, pretending to think the answer very thoroughly. "I think it was the other way around..."
Louis raises his eyebrows suggestively, slowly leaning in, pressing their foreheads together as Harry's arms sneak around his waist. "You think?" he whispers.
Harry nods, smile in place as he closes the gap between them in a soft kiss that is very promising to turn into something way less innocent but that doesn't last very long because Louis is quick to break it, making a face as he looks at Harry.
"What?" the boy asks.
"Your breath is terrible" he jokingly says, as if he didn't kiss Harry every morning without giving two fucks about morning breath.
Harry rolls his eyes at Louis' words. "Really? Well, you didn't seem to have a problem with my mouth yesterday when I fixed your little morning problem, did you?"
Louis stares at him with wide eyes for a couple of seconds before ultimately bursting out laughing at Harry's remark combined with his annoyed glare, which immediately turns amused at the sound of Louis' laugh.
"Shut up," Harry says, rolling his eyes again and weakly pushing Louis by the shoulder as his chuckles die down.
"Shut me up," Louis mutters grinning while his face moves closer to Harry's again, this time slipping his tongue in the younger boy's mouth as Harry's hands lower and lower until they reach the waistband of Louis' boxers, his fingers dipping under it before they're interrupted by a loud knock on the door of their bedroom.
Louis throws his head back as Harry takes in a sharp breath and his hands quickly shoot up the small of Louis' back.
"Bitches, I'm leaving!" Lottie yells from the other side of the door.
Louis grabs the pillow that Harry had previously used to hit him and throws it at the door. "Go away! We don't like you, you alarm tone profaner!" he shouts under Harry's fond gaze.
"Love you too!" Lottie answers, ignoring Louis' lame insult. "Bye!"
"Good luck!" Harry exclaims then.
"You too!" Lottie yells back.
"Yeah, show them who's boss!" Louis follows, throwing his fist in the air as Harry laughs and they hear the faint sound of the front door closing.
The flat goes completely quiet then, only the high sounds of the birds and the honking of a car outside are distantly heard as Louis turns his head away from the door to look at Harry again with a suddenly worried look.
"You think she'll be okay?" he asks, but he knows the answer. He knows how strong Lottie is and he knows it's him who is irrationally scared and not her. He knows he's not asking if Lottie will be okay, he's asking if he will.
Harry smiles in understanding before nodding confidently, tucking Louis' hair behind his ear.
"Definitely" he replies, and Louis sighs, getting up on his knees and letting himself drop from Harry's lap and onto the mattress, rolling until he's on his back, feeling Harry's eyes on him.
Lottie really had zero problems with changing schools, it was Louis that was nervous about the change, but she claimed that she was tired of being the "girl whose family died in a tragic accident" anyway, as she put it.
Louis also understood that the whole thing with Marcus had been quite the talk in town lately and, even if she made absolutely no reference to that problem, he knew it was the main reason why she was fine with going to college in London instead of staying in Doncaster for the remaining two years she had left in school.
After having talked to Alan Fisher about his situation, Louis had felt much better. Not any less nervous or scared because, after all, all those years of living in fear and intimidation can become quite stagnating, and when something remains the same for a long time it is difficult to make a change, because you've already told your mind that you're not strong enough to do something about it.
Alan immediately referred him to a different lawyer, one that actually took care of problems like that. And even though Louis didn't like that idea at the beginning because it had already taken a big effort to trust Mr Fisher in the first place, Harry talked to him that same day, with words that were as cautious as they were those of someone who knows they're right, and made him realise that maybe Louis endured everything that fell upon him a little too quietly.
And maybe this was the time to shout about it. Maybe it was the time to complain, to scream into a pillow and throw stuff around, to break a few plates and punch the mattress.
And yeah, perhaps when Louis went up to that fucking stand that called him weak in a million different languages and temperately told what he needed to tell, his voice was steady and collected, but his soul was yelling inside.
The slow, calculated words that were leaving his mouth were simultaneously also leaving his heart in angry waves of fire and ocean salt. And it almost felt good because, if he looked right in front of him, he would see the face of what he had let be his personal nightmare for years, but if he looked past it, both literally and figuratively, if he let the focus of his eyes go from one spot to the one beyond, then the nightmares would go blurry and he would clearly see Harry aching, suffering, getting stung by every single word, feeling everything Louis ever felt through them and letting them leave cracks in his core that Louis would make sure to kiss better later.
He did look at the nightmare at court that day though, even if it was just for a few seconds. He looked him straight in the eye as something about the man's expression suggested, not apology or regret, not even remorse or compassion, but some kind of pity. As if he was telling Louis "well, seems like I ruined you then".
But Louis held his stare, he kept his head up and, as best as he could, he said -or thought- "you didn't ruin me" to the nightmare's dull eyes. And he doesn't know if he understood what Louis was trying to communicate with his hard gaze -he doesn't care, actually-, but Louis definitely did understand. And maybe he realised that all of that, all the yelling his soul was doing up in that stand, all the screaming in those raging tidal waves, all of it had always been for himself in the first place.
And once that was done, once he figured it out, the nightmare lost all of his power.
And now there are barely any bad dreams anymore. And if by some coincidence one of them slips out of the deepest part of his subconscious and reaches the surface, giving Louis a rough night every now and then, then Harry is always there to hush them away. And Louis doesn't fear falling asleep anymore.
Marcus is out of the picture now, will be for a few years. Hopefully for more than that, if he doesn't make the stupid decision to reach out again when he gets the chance to. With Louis and Lottie's allegations, the judge didn't need much more to lock him up, but even if Phoebe didn't want to talk, Daisy did willingly tell how she saw Marcus bust Louis' lip once, which Louis didn't know, but he immediately felt guilty about it, even if he knew he shouldn't.
It is those kinds of things, those sort of leftovers of blame and remorse that make Louis realise that he still has a lot to work on. But it was okay that day when Daisy said that because Harry was sitting next to him, and he immediately felt him shift closer until their thighs were touching, placing a hand on Louis' knee so his leg would stop bouncing. And it's been okay the rest of the days because Harry has been in that exact same spot next to Louis, in body or mind, and like the day of the hearing, he reminds Louis that none of it is really his fault whenever he gets the chance to.
Louis reminisces everything as he lies in bed with his eyes closed, a hand covering them while the mattress shifts under Harry's weight.
"Are you excited for today, then?" he asks, lying next to Louis, his hands on Louis' upper chest as his chin rests on them.
Louis removes his hand from his face to bring it down to the back of Harry's neck, scratching his scalp softly as the boy -his boy- smiles at him. "I guess nervous, mostly"
"Don't be. You gotta be happy about it, don't worry so much" Harry replies as Louis opens his eyes to look down at him.
"Easier said than done, babe" Harry shakes his head, rolling his eyes, which makes Louis chuckle softly at him.
They stay like that for a few seconds, staring at each other with a subdued intensity that always seems to be there, no matter how many times they find themselves in that situation. And whenever it happens, Louis takes his time to admire every single one of Harry's features. His green eyes and how, little by little, they've been abandoning that darkness that hid in the pupil and danced in the iris and weighed down his eyelids unnoticeably. How they've carefully substituted that darkness for a faint light at the end of a tunnel and how it has grown into the bright green light that Louis knew was potentially in there, somewhere. He looks at the way his nose scrunches up when Louis says something dumb that he wants to pretend isn't funny. He stares in awe at the way Harry has filled his life with days where it's just easy to find beauty in every single thing, which starts when Louis wakes up next to him.
Mostly he looks at the way Harry looks at him. As if he were able to identify everything about Louis that was perfect and put it on a list. He looks at him as if that list were days long.
Louis realises how exactly a year ago he stumbled upon a boy who was as lost as he was. And, by finding their way to each other, they found themselves. He knows that scholarship was a fucking gift for him, not necessarily because of what he's learnt in the school but also because someone there finally saw him. Saw him and decided he was worth it.
"Everything's going to be just fine, Lou. You know that already. Just feed good stuff to the mind, huh?" Harry winks as he says the words and Louis just grins at him.
"You're very perfect, you knew that?" he whispers as the hand that was playing with Harry's hair moves down to the boy's back, drawing gentle circles with his index finger.
"You may have mentioned it a couple of times" Harry whispers back, throwing his leg over Louis' and tangling them together.
"I'm a very wise man," Louis says nodding his head solemnly as Harry scoffs. "Did I also mention that I love you?" he says, in a more meaningful tone but with the same soft grin, as he looks at Harry blush just like he does every time Louis says those three words. Louis finds it so amusing that sometimes he says them just to look closely at Harry's reaction and find something new about it each time.
"Couple times..." Harry mentions looking distractedly at Louis' lips.
"Not enough then..." Louis says against Harry's mouth before kissing him lazily, Harry obeyingly parting his lips almost out of habit.
It was weird to Louis at first, to figure out when to say "I love you" and when to just think it. That was until he realised that every time you think it, you should say it. Even if it's at the strangest of times. He's learnt that the words "I love you" aren't like a treat for special occasions because treats feel so much better and mean much more when the occasion isn't special. Louis has learnt to say "I love you" in almost a reckless way. He's learnt to say it in the casual, daily things that always seem to be dancing in the back of his brain, not just in the words. He says it in the way he makes Harry's tea in the morning, and even in the way he teases him when the boy says that he prefers coffee that day. He lets it show in choosing Harry's playlist instead of his and in buying the brand of apples he likes and in making the bed every morning even if he thinks it's pointless because he knows Harry appreciates it.
Because yeah, that wasn't the only thing that took some adjusting. Everything did. Living together was weird at first. The first week was probably the most awkward in Louis' life because neither of them knew what to do or how to behave with each other. It only took a few days until Louis realised the subtle intimacy of learning someone's routine and slowly becoming a part of it is what it takes for everything to make sense, to fall into place.
Because that's what it was. That's what they do. They make sense. Because sometimes Harry still goes to bed with good night texts on his phone and Louis wakes up with love paragraphs written in orange post-it notes on his bedside table even if they are literally in the same room. And despite the incoherence of it all, it feels right, it fits. They make sense because sometimes they don't make any.
"Lou..." Harry whispers, breaking the kiss.
Louis hums in acknowledgement, momentarily closing his eyes and realising how tired he actually is this morning. Sometimes it happens. You wake up and think nothing about it and then a while later your eyelids start to get heavier and it dawns on you that you're exhausted. Louis is definitely getting back at Lottie for this one.
"You think we... That we're going to be fine, right?" Harry asks, the palms of his hands nervously becoming fists on Louis' chest.
That makes Louis' exhaustion temporarily evaporate as his eyes open to look at Harry frowning. "What do you mean?"
Harry tilts his head. "Well, I mean things are going to change, like- like we start uni again next week and the shop and everything..." he sighs. "I was just wondering, you know?"
Louis smiles as if he hadn't been worrying about that for a big part of the summer, particularly these past few weeks. But he's found out that, like him, Harry usually worries unnecessarily sometimes, and he's realised that he has made it his responsibility to calm him down.
"I think we'll work it out," Louis says shrugging his shoulders. "We've been okay these three months, haven't we?" Harry nods with a dimpled smile. "I think we'll be fine, love"
He knows things are going to change. He knows he's spent these three months learning and studying everything about Harry and him like this, just for it to be torn down and rebuilt again when the routine changes. He's going to have to learn how to deal with Harry when he freaks out over an exam and Harry will have to encourage Louis when he has an assignment he thinks he won't do well at. They'll have to deal with Christmas presents and the book shop and with hurrying in the morning when one of them is late.
But he figures that's the way it ought to be. That's what's supposed to happen.
The world had never seemed better. It had never looked so beautiful and Louis had never been as happy and as free as he is right now. But their day to day changing doesn't mean their feelings about each other will too, not necessarily. Louis knows he's in too deep. That there's probably no going back. And it's the little things that won't change, the way Louis likes his tea and watching a film on Saturdays and blasting each other's music when the other feels bad. Dealing with the bad days. All of that will be the same and Louis is going to hold on to it until everything else falls into place around it.
"Besides, we've survived Lottie's invasion anyway" he adds, winking at the younger boy when he chuckles, making his chest vibrate warmly against Harry's. "That's gotta count for something"
"Like practise" Harry nods.
Louis snorts. "Yeah, like practise"
Because yeah, Lottie has been living with them since Louis officially became her legal guardian after the custody of the girls was revoked from Marcus.
Child services were immediately able to find a foster home that would take both Phoebe and Daisy because they are still very young. Louis insisted a lot on them not getting separated and they managed to make it work thanks to Martin's really good, really expensive lawyer friends. They live with a young couple about a twenty-minute drive from Louis and Harry's flat.
Louis was reluctant at first, to get to know them and actually spend time with them, even if Lottie is there pretty much all the time because she basically looked after the twins for the whole summer, making sure everything was in order. Which, Louis knows it is. But accepting them as some sort of new parents for his sisters also meant accepting the division of them as a family, and he wasn't very enthusiastic about that. Still isn't. He still picks them up every other weekend to go for ice cream and he knows the foster family is completely okay with it, but despite what Harry might say, it isn't the same and it's taking a while to get used to it.
Lottie's case was different, though. Even if he hadn't properly thought about it or considered it an actual viable option, he realised that, at least subconsciously, he didn't want her with anyone but himself. Mainly because she's already able to take care of herself, so he knew she would be okay regardless, but also because they both have been through something so similar it was hard to let go now that he had her back. They had a few discussions with the lawyer Alan had set him up to until the man suggested Louis became Lottie's guardian.
He wasn't expecting it to be suggested by someone else because he knew he definitely didn't have the requirements two months ago, so it would've been like a shot in the dark. But now... Now his whole situation had changed. Not only was Lottie only less than a couple of years ago from turning eighteen, but he actually had money. Not just money, he had the bookshop. Income. That meant being able to sustain Lottie and himself after renting the flat he and Harry had gone to see together that same week, and that is where they live now.
It's actually pretty small, one of the ones that Louis had been looking for when they weren't talking, without Harry knowing, but that was at the bottom of the list of possibilities because, back then, it was a little bit over the budget and Louis had just added it because it was only a couple of blocks from campus.
It doesn't really have much. One bathroom, two bedrooms, a tiny kitchen and a decent-sized living room. Lottie brought all of Louis' CDs and vinyl records from where they were hidden from Marcus at her friend's house and Harry brought all of his books from his parents' house. Still, the first couple of weeks they lived there, at the very beginning when it all felt kind of awkward, each one had his stuff and the flat felt all strange. It was filled with things and still, it felt empty.
But little by little -because that's just how these things go for everyone, Louis has found out, little by little- everything started to morph together and all of Louis' music and Harry's books became their stuff. Neither of them knows when it happened exactly, but all Louis knows is that, at one point, the flat was suddenly full.
It has come to a point where, if Louis borrows Harry's clothes, he borrows them from their closet. If Harry feels like playing music, he takes the CD from their collection, and even if he still says "Louis has this or that CD", Louis knows he says it while holding Louis' hand, squeezing briefly. And in that little squeeze, there is a word hidden that Louis knows very well now, and he knows Harry means "Louis has this or that CD at home".
Home.
It felt weird to call it that at first. But it wasn't weird because it left a foreign taste in Louis' mouth, but because it came almost too naturally to it.
Even for Lottie, it was easier to call the small flat home than Doncaster. The transition had been much smoother than Louis had anticipated. He sometimes finds himself half laughing at how well Harry and his sister actually get on. Those times there's also something in the back of his brain that makes the smile be wiped away because he would have actually loved to see Harry with his own sister, and he doesn't miss the way the boy looks at them whenever he and Lottie banter or when they laugh, talk or even sing together. He knows that every time it happens means a drop of alcohol into the biggest of Harry's wounds, he knows it stings but it's somehow sort of cleansing. He knows that, even if it burns, Harry enjoys seeing Louis with what he once lost because he wants Louis to be happy the way he will never be able to be again.
But that sad look in his eyes is slowly becoming fainter because Lottie has become like a second sister to Harry and there are even certain things she will go to Harry to talk about instead of Louis. Usually, fashion related, but also about stuff Louis will for sure overreact about. And by that he means boys. Because, as Harry makes sure to remind him, Lottie is a bit older now and Louis needs to learn to accept that she might want to date, which Louis always mutters begrudgingly about because he hasn't really recovered from the "fucking Luke fucking episode", as he likes to call it in spite of Harry laughing at him for it.
Louis didn't really know how Harry would react at the suggestion of Lottie living with them at the beginning. But the boy had just frowned as if Louis was speaking ancient Greek or something.
"I thought that was the plan all along" he had said confused by Louis' uncertainty when mentioning it.
So yeah, Louis is very much in love.
"We have to get up, Lou," Harry says, rolling off Louis and stretching on the bed.
Louis groans. "No, thank you"
"C'mon! You said you were excited" Harry reminds him, smiling at him as he sits on the edge of the bed.
"No, I never said that. I said I was nervous," Louis corrects matter-of-factly, sitting up and looking at Harry, who just rolls his eyes, still smiling.
"Well, I'm excited," he remarks, standing up and grabbing his trackies from the chair by the bed, putting them on, probably more than aware of Louis' eyes attentively following every move.
"Well, good for you, love," Louis says, dropping back on the mattress again before Harry rounds the bed until he gets to Louis' side.
"Louis, get up" Harry commands, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
"Oh, don't 'Louis' me. I know you're not actually angry," Louis says teasingly with a grin.
"Take it seriously, Lou," Harry says, then, making Louis' little grin grow considerably at the use of the nickname. "It's a big day"
"I'm taking it seriously" Louis insists, rolling his eyes at Harry. "But you're always obsessed with being early"
"And you're always late"
Louis snorts. "So what? We own the place, we can be late" he says, waving a dismissive hand.
"Not on the first day!" Harry exclaims frustrated, making Louis laugh out loud before finally sitting up and taking Harry's hand in his own, pulling him towards him until the boy is straddling his lap.
"Will you take it easy?" he whispers softly as Harry's hands make their way to his shoulders. "Didn't I just say we're going to be just fine?"
Harry eyes him irritated as he sighs reluctantly before his glare turns softer. "I know, but-"
"You're nervous?" Louis asks, raising his eyebrows with a smirk. "I thought I was nervous and you were just 'excited'" he mocks jokingly, tapping Harry's waist with his finger.
Harry shrugs. "Shut up"
Louis chuckles, making Harry's lips break into a tiny smile. "Would it make you feel better if we got there super early, though?" he asks with a knowing look.
Harry looks away, rolling his eyes for the hundredth time before answering. "Yes, please"
Louis laughs again at Harry's annoyance, nodding his head before the boy raises from his lap and onto his feet, waiting for Louis to do the same. Louis stands up and smiles radiantly at Harry, who just glares at him, before pecking him swiftly and starting to walk towards the door.
"Let's go, babe! Today we become self-employed, self-sufficient members of society" he exclaims sarcastically, hearing Harry snort behind him as he follows him to the kitchen.
***
They walk the few blocks that separate the flat from the book shop hand in hand, Harry squeezing and lightly pulling back whenever Louis makes the move to step off the curb too soon because sometimes they like to walk quietly, in comfortable silence, not needing to talk to enjoy each other's company, and Harry knows those times Louis tends to get into his own head a little bit, enough to lose a tad of perception of where he's going.
Louis gets his keys from his pocket, the set Mr Fisher gave him in his office three months ago and that Martin had finally remembered to make for him, and opens the door of the book shop.
They decided to wait until now to officially open because neither of them felt the need to rush. When everything was finally settled with the lawyers, Louis added Harry's name to the contract after the few days it took him to convince him that he wasn't taking anything from Louis and that Louis actually wished to give it to him, not only because it was what Martin would've wanted, but because it was what Louis desperately wanted as well. So now they were both rightful owners of the shop on equal terms.
They kept Paradiso as the name because Louis has always thought it suited the business but they did introduce some changes. They mainly repainted the whole place and substituted the little coffee table between the two armchairs for a bigger one where books had been piled up in a circle to avoid them being scattered all around. They also fixed the door, naturally, and Harry grabbed all the music and film posters he had in his childhood room to hang them on the walls and, after a lot of psychological preparation, Louis went back to his house in Doncaster with Lottie to take his, plus any other thing he might have left there last September. Marcus decided to sell the house a month into the summer, which, Louis will agree, was the best choice the man has ever made, given neither him nor Lottie wanted to be back there ever again. They gathered all of Fizzy and their mum's stuff and left that living hell for good.
The most significant change they've actually introduced in the book shop are second-hand vinyl records, which they've carefully placed in a cart near the window display. Martin kept a list -a handwritten list- of all his suppliers and their phone numbers, which they amusedly examined and transferred to the computer they bought for the counter, under Harry's claim that they needed one that wasn't at least fifteen years old.
"I don't know, H," Louis had said with a smile, "I'm gonna miss you fighting with the bloody thing whenever you need to do something on it"
That had earned him a small shove and a glare in the middle of an electronics store but the laughs afterwards were still worth it, in Louis' opinion.
They buy second-hand books from people that come into the shop as well. They don't take just anything, obviously, they are somewhat select, but people selling their books and buying others is always highly appreciated by Louis because he feels like he's keeping something alive, an evergoing cycle that everyone can benefit from.
Anne-Marie was the first one to sell them books. Actually, Louis tried to buy them from her but she said she would never in a million years take his money, so she just gave a bunch of them to him in exchange for a short novel by Katherine Mansfield she found on the round wooden table next to the counter.
When she heard about Martin, she was equally as affected as anyone else who knew him because the kind of figure Martin was is not one that someone ever expects to lose. It's the kind of spirit that's evergreen, that you don't think is going to go away. That's why, when it does, you feel almost taken aback by that deep, unprecedented sadness the loss brings on.
Anne-Marie was remarkably excited when she found out who was going to take over the shop and was quick to text Louis in case he needed anything. Which he did.
Because opening the shop just when they're going to start their second year at university wasn't accidental or deliberate. Harry and Louis were more than aware of the fact they needed people to work there in the morning while they were in class. That's why they had planned to open now. Because that way they could give a couple of students from art school the opportunity to fall in love with the place just like they had thanks to Martin. So he asked Anne-Marie to tell new students that asked about jobs in the area like Louis did on his first week here. Louis obviously wanted to test them like Martin tested Harry and him, with the George Eliot test. So he left the interviewing part to Harry with the excuse that he needed to "prove his acting skills".
They have already hired two people, a boy and a girl, who have afternoon classes and can come in in the morning, because Lottie has decided to work there with Louis and Harry in the afternoons after school, under Louis' fraternal supervision.
"Heeere we are" Louis chirps up once the door closes behind them. "And half an hour before the time we said we'd open! You must be ecstatic" he turns to Harry, who gives him a bored look as he goes to unlock the back room.
"We would've gotten here even earlier if you hadn't taken forever in the shower" Harry protests, making his way around the desk to turn on the computer.
Louis laughs. "That was on purpose"
"I know" Harry mutters absentmindedly, distractedly biting his lip as his hand rests on the computer mouse.
Louis looks down at Harry's colourful, pink and blue nails, that he himself painted three nights ago at home, with their legs tangled together in bed as they nakedly lay under the sweat-stained covers at ungodly hours of the morning. Even if he tries his best to avoid it, such a thought brings a smile to his lips, and maybe a faint blush to his cheeks, as he slowly moves towards Harry, rounding the counter as well to get to his side, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his chin on his shoulder, looking up at the side of his face.
"What?" Harry asks in a whisper, not taking his eyes away from the screen as Louis sees a smile slowly appear.
"Nothing, I'm just looking" Louis explains. Harry just nods, a little bit less self-conscious every time something like this happens, which Louis is oddly proud of him for. "Hey," he whispers again in spite of his contradictory, previous answer. Harry turns his head to look at him, silently asking him to continue with what Louis identifies as adoration in his eyes. "We made it, love"
Harry fully smiles then. Because he knows Louis isn't just referring to the shop even if their whole summer revolved around it. He knows he means it in general. He's talking about them, both separately and together. He's talking about the way happiness is still a too-broad statement but they've managed to narrow it down slightly by being with each other, but also at peace with themselves, with who they are on their own, even if they know they're better together. He's talking about the way they're growing up, each at his own rhythm that is somehow compatible with the other's. And he's talking about the way they've learnt to make the most out of the fact that they just fit.
Harry's eyes light up at Louis' words. "Yeah... we made it" He leans down until their lips naturally join in a soft kiss. Harry doesn't turn his body towards Louis and Louis doesn't move his hands from around Harry's waist. They don't need to do anything. They don't need to deepen the kiss because it's the kind of kiss that doesn't say "I love you" in an intense, hungry way but in a casual, domestic one that is able to unravel just as much passion and warmth with the mere, tender graze of their lips as it would with their whole body.
They're so immersed in their own delicately burning affection that they miss the familiar chime of the little bells at the door.
"Ugh, seriously?" The person that came in groans in disappointment, making the couple break the kiss. "I come here with the best intentions of buying you gentlemen a fine book and this is what I find? Didn't know this was a bookshop-slash-whorehouse..."
Louis rolls his eyes, unwrapping his arms from Harry's body. "Shut the fuck up, Niall" he calmly says, passing Harry from behind, patting his bum before placing his hands on the counter and hoisting himself up until he's sitting on it, flashing Harry a smile that the boy returns by winking at him.
It is actually a new thing, being with Harry, touching him, kissing him without giving a fuck about what the world could think about it. He wasn't able to do it before their fight because he was too critical, too disapproving regarding who he was. But once he realised how unconditionally in love he was with Harry, he also realised how that meant no one's opinion mattered but his. And Louis has also been able to reestablish his own relationship with himself because nothing is so irrelevant and unimportant when one is in love as the judgement of other people about it.
"I'm serious!" Niall insists, not even taking a look around considering he's been in there about a thousand times already, helping them get everything ready in order to open. "This could seriously damage the business"
"How so?" Harry curiously asks with an amused smile, indulging Niall's need to make fun of them every chance he gets.
"Well, imagine a customer has a very important question about a book and they have to wait for you two to stop making out" Niall explains holding the door open for Alex.
They've been dating for about four months now, and things seem to be going good for them. Niall isn't going to live in the dorms anymore because he's rented a flat with one of his classmates from the music program, Lewis, who also happens to walk around with a guitar everywhere he goes. Louis honestly pities their neighbours.
"Well, of course they'll have to wait" Louis wisely comments. "I have my priorities straight" he looks back at Harry and wiggles his eyebrows. "Might as well put on a show"
Harry snorts and shakes his head as Niall gags. "You're disgusting"
Louis deadpans. "Oh, we are disgusting?" he incredulously asks. Niall nods before Louis clears his throat and speaks in a mocking tone that goes an octave higher, faking an Irish accent and exaggerating his hand movements. '"But Louis, she's so pretty, do you think you could ask her if she's with someone? I thought you were like, friends or something-"'
"Stop it" Niall hisses embarrassed, pushing Louis' shoulder as Alex laughs, her gaze wandering along the different shelves.
"You're five years old" Harry sighs, shaking his head again but with a grin on his lips as Louis laughs at Niall.
"Anyways!" Niall announces. "Am I your first customer?" he optimistically asks.
Harry nods. "Yeah, which is surprising because you never get up this early unless you have class or something"
Niall snorts. "Pl-ease" he says, emphasizing the word as if it had two syllables instead of one. "Do you have any idea how excited I was for this?" he rhetorically asks, lovingly clapping Harry's back. "I hadn't fangirled this hard since you told me you liked Louis"
"Heeey" Harry protests, shoving Niall, who carelessly laughs when Louis' face lights up with an innocent smirk as he looks at Harry, who groans and covers his face with his hands.
"Besides, I wanted to get here before Liam and Zayn" Niall continues explaining. "Now! I would like to buy a book, please" he says as someone who just asked to buy a dishwasher, waiting for Louis and Harry to actually do something about his request.
Louis is the first to break the silence with a loud, sarcastic snort. "You?" Niall nods. "You're not even gonna read it"
"So? I wanna buy a book from you! It's exciting! I wanna be your first sale" he cheerfully insists.
"Don't worry, Louis. I'll read the book" Alex says from behind a shelf.
"Yeah, good idea," Louis says, looking devilishly at Niall. "'Cause I don't believe we have one with lots of pictures"
Niall is about to snark something back when the bell chimes again as the door opens to reveal Zayn, followed closely by Liam, who laughs at something the dark-haired boy said before smiling brightly at Louis. Then his eyes drift to Niall and his jaw drops open.
"How the hell did you get here before we did?" he asks with an incredulous hint in his tone, looking at the blond boy, who cackles loudly.
"Get in line, Payno, I'm making the first purchase, you can't stop me"
Zayn smirks as he quietly observes the interaction with his arms crossed, exchanging amused looks with Louis and briefly with Harry as well. He slowly approaches the pair with a mischievous glint dancing in his eyes and gets close enough so the back-and-forth bickering between Liam and Niall drowns his words.
"If I buy something right now without them noticing, do you think their anger will get to the level of Liam breaking up with me?" He discretely mutters the question, making Louis snicker under his breath while Harry smiles at Zayn's petty suggestion.
"I don't think so..." Harry says shrugging. "Niall might eat you, though" Louis laughs at the comment, staring back at Harry from his spot on the front desk.
"I don't know which one's worse" Zayn comments without taking his eyes from the arguing couple near the door.
Zayn and Liam moved in together at the end of the summer, a couple of months after Harry and Louis did. The difference is that each of them spent most of the holidays at home with their respective families while Harry and Louis nervously experienced their first time actually living together all by themselves.
Yet, as he looks at his friends in his shop, with his boy by his side, he allows himself to think that he wouldn't change what he has now for the world. There are certain things about his past he would've liked to be different, yeah. There are certain people he would love to see again, too. But he is aware that he's going to have to carry those lacks with him for as long as he lives, and he decides this is exactly how -and with whom- he wants to do it. And as Harry wraps his arms around his waist and rests his head against Louis' side, allowing the boy to throw a hand over his shoulders, caressing the soft skin under the short sleeve of his t-shirt, he decides that maybe this is the first time he finds himself hoping that "for as long as he lives" means a very long time.
***
The first day of their second year of university is, to Louis, much more exciting than the first because that day exactly one year ago, he was more terrified than thrilled.
He strolls past the gates of campus with Harry by his side, holding his schedule with one hand, the other one wrapped around the shoulder strap of his bag, his upper arm grazing Harry's. He looks around and sees a couple of familiar faces already -the best part being that there is none he's afraid of-, and thinks that maybe this is going to be the happiest year of his life so far. Because sure, he met Harry last year and let him flip his whole world upside down, but this year they get to reassemble it together.
When they get to the building where Louis has class, where they're supposed to split, the boy has already noticed Harry has been awfully quiet the whole walk, ever since they left their flat. So as he turns to him, knowing he's supposed to say goodbye because otherwise, he'd be late for his first lecture, he decides that what one is "supposed to do" barely matters when Harry's mind is clearly somewhere else.
"Harry?" the boy's eyes shift from the floor to Louis. "Darling, is everything okay?" Louis asks, using a softer tone than he would use on anyone else. Liam calls it his "Harry tone", the little shit, because he says that his voice changes when he talks to or about Harry.
Harry smiles and, even if it doesn't fully reach his eyes, it's genuine enough for Louis to know that it's not something terribly serious. "Yeah, I'm okay, just..." Harry says in his deep voice, reaching out for Louis' hand and pulling, making Louis follow him until they're not in the middle of the door of the building anymore, blocking the entrance. Harry then smiles wider. "Skip with me?"
Louis furrows his brows. "On the first day?" he asks. "Are you sick? Do you have a fever? Are you even Harry?" he jokes dramatically, making Harry huff out a laugh.
"I know, I just... They're just going to present the subject anyway and most of them just read out the programme from the online campus" he explains, playing with Louis' fingers, slowly stroking the back of his hand. "I just want to be with you"
But Louis hears past his doubtful words and sees past his uneasy eyes. He can tell Harry needs it. Sometimes it happens. There are still bad days. For both of them. There are still times when the rain falls into still open wounds and when the sound of the drops against the window isn't soothing but deafening instead. And each one has developed his own mechanism to let the other one know. Harry turns shy and insecure and Louis just goes quiet. They have learnt to deal with each other's bad days with help and guidance and patience. Harry knows that, sometimes, Louis' bad days can get pretty dreadful and he knows and understands that he prefers to be left on his own for a while. He enjoys a little bit of physical loneliness because he knows that, emotionally, he isn't alone. That he has Harry.
But Harry isn't like that, and his way of handling those days contrasts and collides with Louis'. Because he usually prefers Louis to stick around, to spend the day with him. To remind him, with both words and actions, that he will never be unloved by him, that he has been given a spot in Louis' soul that he gets to keep forever.
And Louis knows that this is one of those days because they can arrive at the most unexpected, most inconvenient times, including the first day of the school year. But they never are inconvenient to Louis. Never. He would enjoy every single one of them -because they mean spending time with Harry-, if it weren't because he feels every inch of the boy's pain every time it occasionally emerges from where it was hidden under layers of Harry's carefully cultivated strength and Louis' raw, chaotic, impetuous love for him.
"Yeah, sure. Let's skip" Louis whispers, making Harry finally look up at him, narrowing his eyes, blinded by the sun. "We're building ourselves a reputation, love"
Harry laughs freely, nodding his head and tangling his fingers with Louis' as they start walking. Harry leads the way to the area behind the library, making Louis smile once he realises where they're going.
They haven't really seen the tree since May, but Louis feels much better every time he remembers it's there because it also reminds him of the first time he and Harry actually did something together. Needless to say, Louis got an A on that assignment. Which, to be honest, all credit should go to Harry, because Louis wouldn't have been able to rescue that idea from the back of his brain if it hadn't been for him.
They sit down under it, the sun warming the parts of their skin that are exposed to it as they lean against the colourful trunk, Louis' back to Harry's chest as the younger boy runs his fingers along Louis' forearm.
"My mum called," Harry suddenly says with a small voice after a few beats of silence, failing miserably to make it sound lighthearted as Louis' eyes open and he barely tilts his head where it's resting against Harry's shoulder.
Ah, so there it is. Louis knew this was a bad day.
"Again?" he feels Harry nodding. "She's been doing it quite a lot"
"She wants me to go home more often" Harry continues. "Like on weekends and stuff. Now that my dad... You know"
Louis does know.
Harry's parents split up during the second half of July. Even if Harry had previously told Louis that it was something they clearly needed, it still took him by surprise because he never thought they would actually do it. Seems like Harry's mum is becoming a more reasonable human being every day that goes by, and Louis doesn't know if it will be enough for Harry, he doesn't even know if it would be enough for himself, but he feels kind of pleased that the woman is, at least, trying. Because he thinks that Harry's worth the try.
The news was still kind of tough on Harry, though. Not necessarily because his parents were parting ways, but because they had parted ways with Harry a long time ago, and only one of them was trying to go back to him. Because his dad hadn't reached out to tell him, just his mum. Anne explained that Des was moving out and that he had managed to transfer to a different branch of the company he works for, so he is currently living in Manchester by himself.
Louis sometimes feels the impulse to stop Harry from feeling bad about it because, in Louis' opinion, the man is not worth it. But he just lets Harry's emotions flow while he makes sure to remind him that the whole situation isn't his fault, because he is also learning that feelings are a good thing, that they should happen, and stopping them is never fair.
"Do you want to go?" Louis asks softly.
Harry sighs reluctantly. "I... I'm not- I don't know," he hesitantly answers.
Louis nods. "That's alright, H. You have time to consider it. At least she's trying"
"I know but-" Louis carefully turns around in Harry's arms, draping his legs over Harry's thigh so he can look up at him. "That's exactly what worries me, see? Because she's trying and what if I'm ruining it?"
"Hey, hey" Louis stops him, raising a hand to gently caress Harry's cheekbone, then tucking a stray curl behind his ear. "You're not ruining anything" Harry looks down at him. "If someone ruined things, it's them, okay? It is your choice to let her back into your life or not, and whatever you decide, you're entitled to" he affirms as Harry nods, attentively hearing Louis' words, one by one, and letting them sink in, letting himself believe them.
They stay silent then, Louis' head finding its way back to Harry's shoulder as the boy softly runs his nails across the small of Louis' back. "I guess I'll think about it," he says, and Louis nods approvingly. "She said you're invited, by the way. For Christmas and everything"
Louis smiles against Harry's chest, his eyes partly closed. "Well, of course I am" he mutters. "She loves me ever since I snapped at her"
Harry scoffs, signalling the end of this particular conversation before Louis' voice is heard again with another matter.
"I decided on my minor, I think," he casually says then, clearly awakening Harry's curiosity as he looks down at him.
Ms White had had the decorum of letting him think about it until the last minute, which Louis is forever thankful for because he really couldn't make a decision and he really needed the summer to think about it.
"Yeah?" Harry asks. "Animation, isn't it?"
Louis smiles and nods. "Yeah. I really liked making that film. Even if we didn't win"
"That was rigged"
Louis snorts. "No, it wasn't"
Harry laughs. "Okay, but who cares if we didn't win? As long as it makes you happy others don't get a say in it.
Louis laughs at Harry's cliché inspirational quote, his admiration for him only growing as he lets the words slip out of his mouth, looking up at Harry with affection in his eyes. "I love you, Harry"
Harry smiles brightly, catching Louis' lips in a soft, brief kiss. "I love you, Lou"
And he knows Harry is his. That Harry is his person. He knows that whatever happens, he's always going to be there for him. If he ever freaked out, if something ever happened, he knows Harry would meet him under the coloured trees and laugh or perhaps cry about the weird things humans have to do in order to feel alive sometimes.
And yeah, maybe Harry's fears and concerns are well-founded. Maybe his are too. Maybe their life is going to change. With the routine, with the pressure. But they won't know until it happens, if it ever does, that is. And Louis is positive they will make it through anything together because that's what they've been doing their whole lives. That's what they know how to do. And he would even dare to swear that they will never ever fall apart.
But... well, you know what they say.
Everything in this book may be wrong.
But Louis has a pretty good feeling it isn't.
~THE END~