~ Kaz Pov ~
Per Haskell, that bastard, has rallied my own gang against me. I've done more for the Dregs than he ever did, yet he still holds more power over my head. That will change soon. I straighten my tie and enter the common area of the suite, where the Crows and Colm are dispersed at the kitchen table and the couches. Upon seeing me, they all look at me with question in their eyes: what are we going to do next?
It is a fair question to ask. None of us expected Pekka to team up with Van Eck and ruin last night's plan. They are closing in on us like a snake constricting its prey. But they won't get Kuwei, and they sure as hell won't get Y/N.
I clear my throat. "Everyone besides Kuwei and Colm come with me. We need to discuss our next step."
The Crows get up from their perches on windowsills and couches and follow me to the belltower. Y/N's composure falters ever so slightly when climbing up the short ladder, the wound in her shoulder still fresh from Van Eck's knife. He made her feel useless on Eil Komedie, and as she enters the belltower, her eyes reflect the same look I saw when we were on the roof of the Church of Barter. Her altercation with him last night made her feel helpless again, and I swear by any Saint that dares to hear me that I will teach that smug merch son of a bitch a new language of suffering.
As I start discussing a new plan, one that involves an auction, Inej interrupts me.
"Before you make any permanent plans, Kaz, I have some news," she says, fiddling with her knife.
I study her posture. Shoulders sunk slightly, eyes averted. This can't be good. "Enlighten me."
"When Nina and I were at the silos yesterday, we were attacked," she explains, glancing over to Nina, who nods in encouragement.
"Dime Lions, then, I assume? We already know that Rollins and Van Eck are teaming up on us, Inej."
"No, it is someone completely different. Ravkan. Her name is Dunyasha, and she claims to be the rightful heir to the Lanstov throne. She was hired by Pekka-"
"So?"
"I'm not done, Kaz. She is an assassin hired by Pekka...to kill Y/N," she says solemnly.
I glance at Y/N. She is looking at me, expecting me to say I expected this and have a plan. Neither of those would be true if I said them out loud. Instead, I look back to Inej.
"Well, before you fell twenty stories, I'm assuming you had a chat with Dunyasha. Why did she go for you, then?" I ask.
Inej shifts from one foot to another. "She thought that I was Y/N on the silos. She tried to kill me, and obviously she failed. But she is good, she almost bested me."
"I doubt that. The Wraith can best anyone. Did she happen to say why Pekka wants Y/N dead?"
"Well, Y/N tried to kill him at the Ice Court, and she said something along the lines of 'if Rollins can't have her, no one can, Brekker is too powerful with her by his side'".
I look back at Y/N. She never goes down without a fight. This is no exception. A fire is now lit in her eyes that were clouded with distress mere moments ago. No one will 'have' her, like a shiny jewel being passed around the hands of merchants. She won't let that happen.
Jesper intervenes now. "Let's hide in the countryside and come back to Ketterdam with new strength when we are ready."
I don't spare him glance. "Absolutely not."
"Y/N is currently at the top of an assassin's hitlist. We are vulnerable here, what if she dies?"
"She already almost has because of you!" I exclaim, before I can stop myself. Jesper has been getting on my nerves since we left to go to Fjerda, and him trying to convince me to run away like a dog with its tail tucked between its legs is the last straw.
Y/N steps forward now, eyes locked on Jesper, whose face is marked with betrayal. "What does he mean by that, Jes?"
He looks around at the other Crows for help, but no one else is aware of his incompetence the night before we left. They all step back and give us room, aware that a storm is brewing. I give him a daring glare. "Go on, Jes, tell Y/N how you got drunk at a casino the night before we left Ketterdam. Be sure to add in the fact that you told members of rival gangs about our plan. And that's why we got ambushed at the harbor, where Y/N was almost fatally wounded."
Y/N shows a look of hurt on her face. "Jes, is this true?"
Jesper doesn't meet her eyes and instead glares at me. "Is this why you've been so harsh with me lately? It was one mistake, what do I have to do for a little forgiveness?"
"What do you think my forgiveness looks like Jordie!"
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I know my mistake. Y/N locks eyes with me, and for a moment I feel my features go slack before I regain my composure.
"Who the hell is Jordie?" Jesper inquires, clearly losing patience.
I've been trying to erase my past, but Jesper keeps reminding me of it, specifically a brother of mine who was stupid with his money.
I run my hair through my hair. "Listen, Jesper. All you do is lose. Card games, bets, boys, girls. So why don't you just give up and walk away for once before you wind up dead."
Now, Y/N steps back to join Inej and Nina. They are all watching this go down and know that they can't intervene.
If Jesper is hurt by my comment, he doesn't show it yet. Instead, he rolls out his shoulders. "If you're going to start a fight, Kaz, at least throw a punch. And make it a good one."
Challenge accepted. It is almost like I can hear the inhale everyone takes as I sock Jesper across the jaw.
~ Y/N Pov ~
As Kaz punches Jes, we all take another step back, giving them as much space as possible. It would be stupid to intervene, we all knew a fight would break out eventually. Besides, they are teenage boys, and if this is their way of settling tension, then so be it.
Wylan seems to disagree. "Somebody stop them! Why are you just standing around?!"
Inej lays a hand on his shoulder. "Kaz isn't using his cane."
"And Jesper isn't using his guns," Matthias adds.
Wylan looks distraught. "So?!"
I grab his hand. "So, that means that they aren't trying to kill each other. They'll be over this soon."
We all watch as Jes and Kaz emerge into a full-on brawl. Fists landing punches wherever they can, coats lying on the floor, and grunts of determination and pain. They don't seem to stop. Kaz takes a blow to the nose, Jesper gets shoved to the wall. I still can't fathom that Jes was indirectly the cause of my near death experience on the harbor the night that we left. And I'm also pissed that Kaz didn't tell me the truth about the situation even though he knew who was at fault.
After about twenty seconds, the fight still rages strong. I exchange a glance with Inej. This should've fizzled out by now. Kaz has a bloody nose and Jesper has a black eye. We can't have them injured for this job. I step forward and grab Kaz's arm before he can punch Jesper again, but he shrugs off my grip and continues. It is no use, they won't listen to us if we tell them to stop. We need someone else...
"Jesper Llewellyn Fahey! Stop this right now!" Colm yells, emerging from the ladder.
Surprisingly, they both back away from each other now, looking down at their shoes in shame like two children being chastised for spilling wine on the carpet.
I hear Nina snicker. "Oohh you're in troublllee..."
Colm steps in between them. "Why are you two fighting? I thought you boys were friends."
Jesper runs a hand over his face. "We are, Da, we are just having a disagreement."
"I can tell. But this isn't how I raised you to handle things like this. Or anything for that matter," Colm says, now looking at all of us individually. Then he looks to Jes and starts speaking in Zemini.
"I am almost ashamed of having a son like you who can't handle the adult responsibility of money and drops out of education to run with theives. I thought I was coming to Ketterdam to visit the Jesper that I once knew. But at this point, I don't even know who you are, Saint forsaken and rugged, fighting with your black-cad friend because you can't agree on something. It is pitiful...," Colm rambles on.
I look at Kaz, who is giving me a look that says he can't insult me if I don't know what it means, then he heads out of the belltower, clearly done with all of us this morning. I look back at Jesper, his face reddening and his head hung in shame. His father is saying some pretty awful things about him. And while he may be a reason I got stabbed in the harbor, Jes is still one of my closest friends, and I know he struggles mentally with a lot of burdens. But I would never go as far as to say that he is someone to be ashamed of.
As Colm says something along the lines of "why did I ever think you could be trusted..." I step between him and Jes and start speaking in Zemini.
"Calm down, Mr. Fahey. We have a lot on our plate right now, and Jes will talk to you later when we get things settled. Right now, it is best not to start another argument. Let your son cool down," I say, clearly to Colm's surprise. He didn't expect me to speak Zemini and understand what he was saying. He leaves the belltower, and as I turn to talk to Jes, he pushes past me and quickly leaves the belltower, too. Bruh. I follow close behind him.
Kaz is standing down the hallway, staring out a window. Jesper starts making his way towards him. Before I can stop him, Jes calls out to Kaz.
"Who is Jordie?"
I can see the pain in Kaz's eyes when he looks at me. We both know that that is a lot to unpack right now. He sighs.
"Someone I didn't want to lose," he states, walking away back to the suite, leaving me and Jesper alone. Jesper starts to follow Kaz, clearly not satisfied with his answer, but I grab his arm and shake my head. Kaz needs time alone right now.
I look at Jes, not knowing what to say. We both know that we need to have a conversation about the ambush at the harbor sooner or later. Jesper looks uncomfortable but starts off anyways.
"I'm sorry about the harbor. I really should've told you, but I thought it was better to leave things unsaid, because I wasn't the one who stabbed you. But then again that's terrible and I should've told you.." he rambles on, until I grab his hands firmly.
"Jes. It is okay. You made a mistake, we all do at some point in our lives. But promise me one thing: you will try to stop your gambling addiction. Please. Your apology will only bear weight if you actively try to better yourself," I state.
He takes a deep breath. "Wow. I was almost the cause of your death and in return you are trying to help my addiction problems? I don't deserve you Y/N."
"You need someone to clean up your messy dancing skills."
"Hey, I'm not that bad."
I smile and squeeze his hands. "Debatable, Llewellyn."
He gasps dramatically and just like that we are back to normal, but I have one more thing to say. "Go find your father and set things straight. Tell him you will stop gambling, and sincerely apologize for the fight, even if this situation wasn't your fault. That will be easier than explaining why you and Kaz were fighting in the first place."
"Okay I will," he says, looking at the door to the suite, where his father awaits, then back to me. "Forgive me, Y/N."
"I've already forgiven you, Jes."
He takes my hand and spins me around, terribly at best. However, he grabs the arm that got stabbed by Van Eck last night, and I hiss in a breath as the pain sets in. Jesper realizes his mistake and takes a deep breath, ready to deliver a new set of apologies. I laugh and use my good arm to push him towards the suite door.
"I'm fine, don't worry about me, this isn't the first time I've been stabbed, remember? Go talk to your Da," I say, following him back to the common room of the suite.
I look at the kitchen area and see Nina and Matthias attempting to make waffles. Inej is teaching Wylan how to braid hair, and Kaz is staring out of the far window. Jesper and his Da take a walk to discuss their own matters, and after looking around the suite one more time, I head over to Nina to check her and Matthias' progress on the waffles. Long story short: they aren't getting anywhere.
Matthias grabs some flour. "I think we need more of this. The batter is too liquid-y."
Nina stirs the batter and shakes her head. "The batter is just right. I've seen plenty of waffles during my time in Ketterdam, so I think I know what I'm talking about."
"You've seen plenty of finished waffles, you've never made one," Matthias retorts, starting to pour the flour into the mixing bowl.
Nina reaches for the bag of flour. "You haven't made one either! They don't have waffles in Fjerda, they just have prejudice and big trees."
Matthias rolls his eyes and tries to pull the bag of flour away from Nina's reach, but she is too quick and gets a hold of it. In a messy two seconds, she yanks the bag towards herself and is met with little resistance from Matthias. Flour goes everywhere behind Nina, landing on me. Everyone in the suite turns to us to see the commotion.
Nina turns to me and immediately starts to brush the ingredient off of my shoulders. "Saints, Y/N, I didn't know you were there!"
I laugh and do a little shimmy to dust off the flour. "It is alright, Nina. If becoming a waffle is my fate, I am quite alright with that."
Nina doesn't laugh at my joke, but instead looks at my shoulder with concern. "Y/N, I think your shoulder is bleeding. You should put some fresh towels on that right away. I wish I could be of help, but I'm dealing with a grumpy Fjerdan right now."
Matthias grunts and I look down. Sure enough, the white dusting of flour is mixed with the dark red tinge of fresh blood. The wound must've reopened when Jesper grabbed my arm. I thank Nina for letting me know and start to walk to the bathroom. Inej gets my attention as I pass her.
"Do you need any help, Y/N?"
I shake my head. "I'll be fine, 'Nej. I think Wylan needs more help than me at the moment."
"Hey, I'm doing great! Look at Inej's hair, isn't it plaited to perfection?" Wylan asks, making Inej turn around to showcase a classic Ketterdam Twist.
"Saints, Wylan, you're actually really good at braiding. But I'll be fine with my shoulder. Thanks for offering though," I tell Inej, continuing my trek to the bathroom.
As I step inside and start close the restroom door, a cane is put in the way to stop me. I step back as Kaz quickly enters and shuts the door behind him.
I look at him, unsure of what to say. "I- uhm...if you need the restroom, I can come back later-"
"I can help you," he says, looking into my eyes with sincerity.
I know that Kaz has a problem with skin to skin contact. And there is no way that he can do this task with gloves on, it is too precise. I am pretty sure he is aware of that, though.
"Okay," I say, sitting on the counter.
Kaz takes off his gloves and sets his cane on the countertop. I am the only person that has seen him without his gloves on. Many people think that he has claws or scars, but none of it is true. His hands looks the same as they always have, since I first met him. He grabs a pair of scissors and some fresh towels, then steps forward in the space between my knees. A bit of flour falls from my hair down into the small space between us. His eyes watch the dust fall.
"Oh, how the tables turn. You're the one covered in flour now," he says, starting to cut a piece of towel.
I smile and remember the day we first met, when we were ten. I led him to the kitchen counter and dusted flour on his head. He proceeded to chase me around the table, and just like that, we were friends.
"I thought you were done with Jakob Hertzoon's mansion and the memories that came with it," I say, watching his hands cut the towel into small strips.
"I never said I was done with the memories. I just don't want to go back. I am fine with being here at this exact moment," he says, finished with cutting the last strip of towel. "I need you to move the sleeve of your tunic down so I can take off your old bandages."
I do so and talk to distract myself from our close proximity and my oncoming blush. "It's funny, you think that I am capable of besting a Ravkan assassin but can't change my own bandages."
Kaz starts to gently undo the knot of old towels on my shoulder, currently covered in blood. "I never said you can't do this on your own. I'm saying that I can help you with it."
I watch his face as he concentrates on not brushing his hand on my shoulder. "Good to know I can count on you to help me each time I get stabbed then."
He discards the old bandages. "It is hard to believe that this isn't the first situation in which I've had to carry you to safety while you bled onto my shirt."
I wince. "I'll buy you a hundred new shirts when we get our reward, my treat. Say, why didn't you ever tell me that Jes was the reason for the ambush at the harbor?"
Kaz grabs a fresh towel and delicately cleans my wound with water, not meeting my eyes. "We needed a group that was tight-knit for the heist, not turning on each other."
I laugh. "Right, so last minute prison detours and fist fights are now acts of friendship, then?"
He rolls his eyes with a grin and rinses my blood off of his hands at the sink. I feel a little light headed from the blood loss and start to lean backwards, and Kaz reaches out quickly to steady me. Once he realizes his bare hand is on my arm, he quickly pulls back, but seems calmer than usual about skin to skin contact. He steps back into the space between my knees again and begins wrapping fresh towels around my shoulder, being gentle to ensure that he doesn't hurt me or touch me for too long, and keeping one hand at my lower back to prevent me from falling.
We stay in silence for the remainder of the bandaging. Only our erratic breathing fills the room, and occasionally one of us clearing our throat. Kaz starts to look more troubled, like he is fighting a battle with himself to stay in this gilded restroom. We are mere centimeters apart, and suddenly the space between us feels like miles. I want my best friend, but I can't do much about it.
Kaz swallows once and finishes tying the last knot of towels. I'm not bleeding anymore, and Kaz pulls my sleeve back into place. But he doesn't step back. His hands rest on table on either side of my legs, and his head hovers just above my neck. I can feel his breath every time he exhales, and the warmth of his skin less than a centimeter away from my own.
Do it, I silently beg him. Kiss me, touch me, do whatever. Give me a reason to stay. He doesn't move, and I can tell that he is contemplating what to do, fighting a battle with himself to stay still.
I lean my head back, exposing my neck more and pushing my left braid onto my back. "Go on."
I can feel Kaz hold in a breath for a solid few seconds. Do it. All Saints, I'm tired of waiting. I close my eyes and shut out the bathroom lights, and in that moment, I feel it. Kaz's lips softly brush my neck. It is the ghost of a kiss, one that you may not even know is there. But it happened, and it felt good.
I am breathless now. "Go on."
He holds another breath, then quickly steps back, stumbling and backing up to the opposite wall. I open my eyes in an instant, feeling the space between us grow apart. No, my thoughts say, this isn't what you want. It is true, I do want Kaz without his armor, but I can't force him to take it off. Instead, I just look at him, silently begging him to say something. He locks eyes with me, and his expression flickers with sadness for a brief moment before turning stone cold as usual.
"I'm going to the Slat," he says, walking over to get his gloves and cane. Our moment is over. A shame.
"For what?" I ask. The Dregs are currently parading against us, we have nothing left for us anymore.
Kaz pulls his gloves on. "I'm reclaiming my Dregs. No matter how this job ends, I will have control over the gang I've spent blood and time on. And maybe there will be people to join our cause."
He just got into a fistfight with his friend and now he is going to throw himself into a lion den for what? To show Per Haskell who's boss? To stroke his pride that the feeling of my skin diminished?
I slide off of the table. "What is wrong with you?"
"Is that a rhetorical question?"
I step towards him. "You could get killed. Why do you always have to be so willing to give up yourself for this Saints forsaken city?"
He stares at me. "Ketterdam has seen the worst of me. I have taken too many punches and bled too many times to count for this city. But if there is one thing I've learned, it is that you can always bleed more."
Kaz starts to move towards the bathroom window, but I step in his way. "Let me come with you."
"No, you are hurt, and Dunyasha is in the area. This is my responsibility to shoulder. If you ever cared about me at all, don't follow," he says, pushing past me and leaving hastily.
Don't leave me here. I'm standing alone in a hotel bathroom, where just moments ago I was closest to Kaz than I have ever been. I like him a lot, Saints, maybe I even love him, whatever that feels like. Maybe he is right: you always can bleed more. I don't care what he says, I am going to follow him.
I quickly open the small bathroom window and climb through it, then spot Kaz a few buildings ahead, taking his time. I travel silently on the rooftops, following close behind but never close enough to where he can see me. Maybe this is how it will always be. Us being close but never touching. Could I possibly settle for so little?
When Kaz approaches the Slat, he enters his office window. It seems he will be making his grand entrance from the top of the stairs. I swiftly make my way past his window as his back is turned and scale around the building to my room. When my feet touch the wooden floors, I am brought back to a better time, when I couldn't have imagined being anywhere but here. Now, the spring winds blow and the Slat is now a house of enemies, ready to pounce on me if they are lucky enough to get the chance.
I am shaken from my thoughts as I hear Kaz's door open, the same familiar sound of the door hinge creaking. It is his time to gain control of the Dregs or die trying. I grip the handle of my knife and wait for any sounds of struggle, but instead I hear my bedroom door open. I jump out of my skin and throw my knife towards whoever is entering the room, and it lands two inches from Kaz's head.
He doesn't flinch at my reaction, and instead takes my knife from the wall and hands it back to me. "I told you not to come."
"How did you know I was here?" I ask, shaken that anyone could've heard me.
"I know everything," he says, looking around to make sure no one is near. "Just don't be seen by anyone. The Dregs are out for blood, these aren't our friends anymore. These are Pekka's men."
We lock my eyes and I extend my hand, which he firmly shakes. "The deal is the deal. I will be nothing but a specter."
Kaz has changed his shirt and combed his hair. I guess he wants to look good for his enemies. I step out into the hallway and scale up to the rafters, then inch my way along the ceiling until I am at a point where I can see everything. Kaz steps out of my room next and straightens his tie, then loudly knocks his cane on the wooden slats, announcing his presence.
The Dregs look like they are going through the five stages of grief. They haven't seen Kaz, or any of us Crows for that matter, in a couple of months. That makes us all the more valuable. The shocked silence doesn't last long, as Per Haskell and Kaz begin talking. Peaceful would be the worst way to describe it. I hear the words "coward" and "bastard" being tossed around like kruge at a casino table (specifically one that Jesper is playing at lol).
Then, the chaos begins. The Dregs start charging up the stairs, two or three at a time, ready for a chance to get their hands on Dirtyhands. I tighten the grip on my knife and watch this all go down like a hawk. Kaz swings his cane and the sound of a bone breaking echos up to the rafters. Punches are thrown, many of which land. It is a fair fight, which is wild considering it is one guy against three at a time.
As the fight goes on, the Dregs drop like flies. Some stumble down the stairs, trying to drag Kaz down with them. Others fall and don't stand back up, at the mercy of a crow-headed cane. Kaz is also taking a beating, his nose is bleeding again, his cheekbones bruised, his fresh shirt now stained with blood that isn't my own for once. But still, he puts up one of a hell fight. That's what happens when you're raised in the Barrel.
After the first wave of men are down, Kaz runs his hand through his dark hair, smiling a bloody-toothed grin at the shocked Dregs below him. I fiddle with my knife. I want to help him right now, I know that he is pain. Not that he'd ever show it. He actually seems to be enjoying getting his ass kicked.
"So," he says, surveying the crowd. "Who's next?"
Basically inviting the Dregs to beat him up. How very Kaz-like. And many of the Dregs take the invitation with determination. This time, ten members of the gang rush up the stairs, with their own knives and clubs weilding. I only see slight panic in Kaz's eyes before he starts swinging his cane and getting kicked in the guts too many times to be considered healthy. It takes everything in me not to jump from the rafters right now and raise hell of my own. But I made a deal with Kaz, and I will stick with it. No one will see me.
After a minute or two, things start to look bad for Kaz. He can best this. I know he can. But as he gets kicked from behind and falls to his knees, my fight or flight kicks in. Mainly fight. I grip the rafters until my hand aches, resisting the urge to jump. Kaz takes punch after punch, kick after kick, hit after hit. He still fights, but he is clearly losing energy.
Someone knocks him onto his back, and another steals his cane, using it against him. I get into a fighting stance as best I can from the rafters. I see Kaz's eyes close as his ribs get kicked relentlessly, his face scrunched in pain. There are about five more men still attacking him, but one in particular catches my eye. The Dreg that stole Kaz's cane is now raising it high above his head, ready to crack down onto his skull. I take a deep breath.
Kaz opens his eyes and locks his gaze with me. I'm still alive, he seems to say, though he never opens his mouth. I don't care about his pride, I am helping him now. And no one will even need to see me, the deal is the deal. I aim and throw my best knife into the chaos below. It strikes my target with stunning proficiency, and the man holding Kaz's cane falls to the ground beside him. No one even notices through the chaos. Kaz, however, sees my knife lodged into the man's head and seems to regain a new strain of strength. I pull out my other knife though, just in case.
By some miracle, Kaz regains control of his cane and swings it full throttle, colliding with an unfortunate person's shins. The crack is deafening, only drowned out by the sound of screams. Three more to go. Kaz pulls two rusty nails from the wooden slats on the ground and lodges them into someone's throat, then fully stands up and expends his last bit of energy into throwing punches at his opponents.
When the ruckus finally dies down, Kaz looks like he is about to fall down the stairs himself. Though, he still raises his head high and talks business with Per Haskell. From the rafters, I can't hear their negotiations, but I can see that Haskell looks like he wants to scream. As he storms away, Anika and Pim stay and profess their loyalty to our cause. Kaz glances up once at the rafters where I stay crouching, then chats with them. Kaz then starts to head out of the door, and Anika and Pam accompany him, wounded and bleeding, back to the Geldrenner.
I take one last look at the Dregs below me. This gang doesn't belong to Haskell anymore. I hop down from the rafters and land at the top of the stairs, then head into Kaz's room. It looks the same as I remember, and smells like the light scent of his cologne. I open his drawer and grab one fresh white shirt, then slip out of his window and head back to the Geldrenner myself, keeping my head on a swivel for any Ravkan assassins.
~ Kaz Pov ~
Well, they don't call me Dirtyhands for nothing. My gloves are still dripping with blood, some of which belongs to myself. Out of all the Dregs, only Anika and Pim were smart enough to stick with me and the Crows. The rest of them, well, let's just say the Slat won't be their home for much longer. I frequently look up to the rooftops to see if Y/N is there, as she was when I noticed I was being followed to the Slat. But I never see her gracefully hop from one building to another. She better be okay. I told her not to follow me, but she is stubborn. I'm still thankful for that, though.
As we enter the suite, I hear gasps all around. My vision is starting to blur, and I just try to make my way to the restroom without giving out any details.
I hear Zenik in one ear. "Saints, Kaz! What happened to you?"
Colm turns to Jesper. "If I ever see you in that bad of condition..."
"Da, I'm fine!"
Inej is on point. "Why did you leave? The whole city is trying to kill us!"
"Did Y/N go with you?" Wylan asks with worry in his voice.
I look around the room. Y/N isn't here yet. Hm. I ignore everyone and walk past their prying eyes. I even resist giving Matthias a stone cold glare as he whispers "so the demjin lives.." under his breath. I definitely have multiple broken ribs and if I make any sudden movements, I may pass out. But no one needs to know that.
I enter the bathroom and shut the door as fast as my body will allow. I hear Jesper in the other room.
"What is wrong with him?"
Nina replies. "The same thing that is always wrong with him. He is Kaz Brekker."
I rest my head against it and take a slow breath. I did it. I overthrew the old man. The Dregs are now under my sole control. And best of all, I'm still alive.
I sense her before I hear her. I lift my head from the door and slowly open my eyes. "Hello Y/N."
Right now, I really would like to be alone. But for her, I'll always make an exception. She stands by the window with one of my shirts in her hand, taking in the sight of my bloody face and messy hair. She doesn't seem to know whether to move closer or give me space. I shouldn't have closed up earlier, but it was all so sudden, I got caught up in her hurricane and almost got swept away. And I'm not used to that feeling.
I walk to her and take the clean shirt, then reach into my coat pocket and hand her back the knife that she used in the Slat. I retrieved it when I got hold of my cane. She smiles my way and goes to leave, but I say the first thing that comes to mind before I can decide against it.
"Stay with me."
She stops walking and considers, then sits on the countertop and rests her head on the wall. I take off my coat, gloves, and bloody shirt, and start to rinse my bruised torso at the sink.
Y/N speaks after a few minutes of silence. "You know, I thought you weren't going to make it at one point."
I splash my face with cold water. "It's nice to know you have faith in me."
"I have plenty of faith in you. Amongst other things."
"Of course, how could I forget your beloved Saints probably lifted me off of the wooden slats and helped me murder a handful of men thirty minutes ago? How very pious of them," I say sarcastically, reaching for a towel.
Y/N grabs my arm and stares at me. "I will keep you in my prayers."
I shake off her grip and grab a towel, patting my face and torso dry. "I don't want your prayers."
"What do you want then, Kaz?"
A fair question. One that we both know the answer to. I've already answered it before. Jordie's voice rings clear in my head, unwelcome but also correct. Say you want her, Kaz.
I look at her. "You."
She shifts her position, sitting up straighter. "And how will you have me, Kaz?"
This, I did not expect. I raise a brow in surprise, and she continues. "How will you have me? Gloves on, clothes on, backing away so that we can never touch?"
I turn away in shame, putting my arms through the sleeves of my clean shirt.
Y/N slides off of the countertop now, speaking to my back. "I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker, or I will not have you at all. Give me a reason to stay."
She waits for my response. I don't know what to say. She deserves more than what I can offer right now. But I'll be one damned son of a bitch if I don't try to pull myself into some semblance of a man for her. As she turns around to leave the bathroom, I turn to her and grab her hand. My gloves reside on the bathroom sink. She looks as surprised as I feel.
I take a deep breath. "I can best this."
She looks at our hands, intertwined for the first time, then back at me. "I know you can."
She gives my hand a squeeze then lets go, to my silent relief, then leaves the bathroom. Each day, I will get better. I can best this. And someday, I will be the man that she deserves. I take another deep breath and turn to the mirror, putting my gloves back on. Kaz Brekker doesn't need a reason. But somehow, my reason is always her. And I'm okay with that.
//THANK YOU FOR 3K READS AAAAA
This week has been hella busy for me but I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!! 😎🤟//