And here we go :))
Life After Rehab had officially begun!
Chapter One - Where There Is Pain There Is Progress
Bailey's Pov
It hurt to move on sometimes, literally. Julian thought that I would chicken out but here I was leaning back in the chair with my arm extended to the side as he dug the needle into my arm and damn it, it hurt. I looked over at Julian and he was sitting easily beside me, watching my reactions as they did the same thing to him.
He was smiling damn him! We may be getting them together and for the same reason but they were completely different. I was getting lace done down the whole outside of one of my arms and if they say hey, it would be great to use white ink, tell them to go fuck themselves because white ink is so freaking painful. It wasn't one of those heavily done ones where you can see basically no skin, it was large in areas and in others there was no ink at all.
I liked it this way and on my upper arm in the gap was a quote
"New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings."
With her name and the date she died.
Julian was getting his whole lower arm done with half of it being the beach and the other half a forest, one part for Lacey and other for Sarah, both their favorite places. He was getting Sarah and Lacey's initials but I didn't ask about Mia, I don't think he's ready to accept that death and move on yet, he still blames himself and I think once he learns to stop hating himself for it, he'll get one for her too.
"Fuck." I cursed and he chuckled
"It's not that bad." he teased and I wanted to slap him but I wasn't allowed to move. I went with grey instead of black so it didn't contrast too bad and then there would be light color added into it as well and I still can't believe I was doing this, it was a drastic first tattoo but I was standing by it.
He started on my upper arm and as he got lower it started hurting a little less, that's probably why he's smiling the jerk, to try to give myself some motivation long term I was going to get tally marks done on my wrist every year I stayed clean.
Right now it was easy to say I would and I wasn't looking forward to when it all hits me.
Julian grabbed my hand when I cringed, sure it was exciting when we got here like three hours ago, he warned me it would be a process and I was really starting to feel the pain now but in a weird way, it felt good.
It wasn't the pain from slashing at my wrists or inserting a needle into my veins, it was the pain of progress, of letting go and of moving on. It made me feel excited for the future and I hoped it would give me some kind of strength every time I looked at it.
"So when do you start on the movie?" I asked and he frowned and swallowed hard, he always got weird when I asked about it. I've been out of rehab three weeks now and he avoided the topic every time I brought it up but maybe now was when I would demand answers, he was a little confined and with the artist digging a needle into his arm too, he couldn't exactly avoid me.
"Filming starts in three weeks." He mumbled
"What aren't you telling me?" I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Nothing."
"Don't lie to me." I told him
"She knows something is up dude, I wouldn't make it worse." The guy doing my arm said
"Shut up Hunter." Julian knew him which is the reason we were here, I stared at him and he wouldn't meet my eye. There was something going on and I know he's not cheating on me, I know he's not on drugs, I know he's not drinking and I know the film will be shot for a month in new York.
He's been meeting with the cast for three weeks now and they pushed up the date of filming and would be going to New York sometime after the first of the year, the date was still up in the air.
"Who?" I asked him
"What?" he asked instantly and I knew I figured it out; I've been driving myself nuts for weeks on this, ever since he came home that first Monday after the cast meeting. He looked uneasy and I knew I wasn't getting answers from him so I would get them myself.
"Fine." I grabbed my phone and went on IMDB and typed the movie in and his eyes widened in panic.
"Bailey, don't." he told me and I pulled up the cast Kimberly Kate was the lead actress.
"Before I google you and her, do you want to tell me who Kimberly is?" I asked him, guess it's a perk of having a famous boyfriend, his secrets weren't secrets and I knew who she was to him but I wanted to hear it from him.
"Shit." I looked at Hunter and he avoided eye contact and so I looked back at Julian and he sighed.
"Fine, she's an ex, if you can call her that." He told me and my heart dropped but I pushed it away as Kylie's voice rang in my head 'He can't change his past and you're his future. Trust him.' And I did trust him, he knew that and that's why I didn't know why he didn't tell me.
"Why couldn't you have told me that, why did you lie?" I asked and he reached out to grab my hand and I let him.
"I'm sorry I didn't want to hurt you, she's my past." He squeezed my hand but I think it was more than that, why didn't he want me to google it? I needed to know what he wasn't telling me so I decided I would do it when I got home.
I didn't want to be ambushed by anything later and as soon as filming started was when everything else would be, the trailer would be set to release after the new year as well and so this was the last calm we would get, if it even lasted that long.
"I know which is why I don't know why you felt like you couldn't tell me." There had to be something else that he wasn't telling me and I was tired of him trying to spare my feelings
"Because she's a bitch and she's lucky she's attractive and a good actress because she's a fucking nightmare to work with." I let the attractive comment go, I refused to let it bother me, but he had to address it again. "I mean, you're way more-"
"Julian." I stopped him there.
"I didn't mean."
"Stop." I said calmly and tried not to laugh at the distressed look on his face.
"Bailey."
"I'm not the only woman you're attracted to; I understand that and it would be really fucked up for me to think I was. It's fine, I trust you." I told him and he sighed
"Thank you." he leaned back in his seat.
"She's a keeper man." Hunter said
"I know, and being a keeper also means keeping her a secret for now, right." He looked at Hunter and Jay, the girl going his arm and they both nodded
"There's a code, we'll keep quiet. It's not going to stay quiet for long though." Jay said
"I know but I need Bailey comfortable before it goes public." His drug addiction hasn't yet and we knew it would, I think as soon as the trailer releases and people know about him being in this movie, it's going to get crazy.
"I'll be fine as long as I have you." I cursed suddenly as he got to a sensitive spot and I gripped his hand so I wouldn't move.
"Okay, how about we take a break, the grey is done and now all that's left is to go back, do the wording and then all the color." he said and I frowned
"Oh that's all?" I asked
"It's an intricate tattoo, suck it up." He teased and I sighed
Jay let Julian have a break too and they went for a smoke break while we hung out, Hunter agreed to come in on the day they were closed for this so there weren't so many people around. We had to get Julian's done now so it had time to heal because they were going to have to cover it for filming.
"Before I went into rehab I was under contract for an album with my label and they're really pushing it now that I'm out, I wanted to ask you if it was okay before we went ahead with recording because it's a song I wrote when we were in rehab and it has a lot to do with you.
"Can I hear it?" I asked actually kind of flattered that I would inspire him to write a song
"Not yet. I'm not even sure about writing music or playing or singing anymore, I don't want to." he said and I thought about it, I've never seen him play his piano and it was collecting dust, I've never seen him play guitar, I've never heard him sing.
"You promised me you would sing for me." I said softly and he looked pained but this was something I couldn't let go, he loved it and it was a part of him and I wanted him to be happy again.
He had to write a song for this movie and record it, he needed to get past whatever was keeping him from it and I would do anything I could to help him with that.
"I will." He promised and he kissed me lightly and we turned when we saw a flash of a camera
"It was too cute to pass up, don't worry, I'll wait until you two come out to post it." Jay said and Hunter smiled at her as did Julian and Hunter wrapped his arm around her, they were a cute couple; heavily tattooed and pierced but cute.
"Ready to get this finished?" I asked and I hopped up into the chair for Hunter to spend the next eighty hours working on my arm, or that's what it felt like. The color was the worse, he was going back and tattooing over raw skin and it hurt like a bitch but Julian held me hand and even he was cringing at some parts.
We were there a little over six hours and I can't believe he agreed to it so when we finished at seven we invited them over for dinner, Julian and I didn't go out much yet and they were just find with a relaxing night in.
From what I understand Hunter's done all of his tattoo's this was the first that he didn't do and only let Jay do it because he knew she was fantastic, Hunter was also better with the lace tattoo's and Jay was better with nature scenes.
I went home and Hunter helped me cook dinner while Jay and Julian hung out on the couch.
"So how long have you known each other?" I asked him and he shrugged
"Few years, Julian's a pretty cool guy from what I know. This is the first time we've hung out though outside of a bar or the tattoo studio. He seems different now though." He looked at me and I shrugged.
"He is." This Julian I was going to move in with; who I loved and who I could see myself marrying, he was a completely different person from the one who took my headphones and pinned me to a wall.
"A good thing, he seems nicer now." I smiled as we continued to make some spaghetti. There was a throbbing in my arm and I groaned, it was going to hurt to sleep tonight.
"Julian will help you clean it, in the morning you'll probably notice ink bleeding, it's normal, I would change the bedding to one you don't care if it's ruined if you can. Just wash it carefully and don't be grossed out, and have Julian help with the lotion." It was still wrapped right now and I nodded in understanding.
"I'll buy new bedding later." Julian came into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around me
"You just bought this bedding." He told me he had gotten rid of the bed and bedding when he got out, that he didn't want to sleep there anymore than he wanted me to after what he had done and I appreciated that.
"Well now you can help me pick one out, it's just plain white bedding bay." He kissed my other shoulder and I leaned against him.
"Now out to the living room with you, you're a guest. Thank you for helping me." I sad sincerely and he went to sit on the couch with Jay.
"I like them." I said once he was gone
"Me too." He helped me finish up and we brought out dinner and when everyone was finished we wouldn't let them help clean up and they stayed another hour or so before going home and leaving Julian and I alone.
"I'm staying over tonight." I told him and he caught me around the waist as I went to go into his room to change and kissed my neck.
"I'm glad you're here, you're my reason to stay clean. I know if I relapsed that my family loves me but I wouldn't let you go through that with me and you would be the one I would lose." I didn't know what I would do if he relapsed and if I did I wouldn't want to drag him down either.
I looked at his large arms around my small body and felt safe. His arm was wrapped up too and I could see the smeared image through the clear wrap they put on it, these things are going to get ink absolutely everywhere.
"I love you." I leaned against him and he sighed and let me go.
"Go get changed." I looked at him a little embarrassed
"I don't know if I can and I need help cleaning it." He looked a little pained as be brought me into the bathroom. My tattoo was too large to be bandaged and It looked gross as he pulled the clear wrap off of it. The ink was sheading and it looked almost goopy and he laughed at my reaction.
"Come here." He turned the shower on and very gently rinsed it off before grabbing soap from under the sink and he rubbed my skin incredibly carefully from my shoulder to my wrist and washed my arm off again and I could actually see it there.
The skin was red and raw but the actual tattoo was beautiful. The floral pattern and all the lines were delicate and intricate as they went down my arm and her name was done right on my bicep with the date she died.
The coloring was enough to notice but not enough to be overpowering, the flowers were the most colored and the rest was more like shading.
"It's beautiful, just like you." he said and I kissed him before he instructed me on how to do his tattoo and Jay did a fantastic job capturing it, there was a small silhouette of one girl on the beach and another sitting among the trees with their names.
"Where are you going to get Mia?" I dared to ask and he tensed
"I don't know." He looked down at me and I wrapped my arm around him and he rested his head on top of mine.
"Bed time." I asked and he nodded.
Tomorrow was our group therapy day, we went to group twice a week but only one of them was together and then we both saw a friend of Robert's for individual therapy and would be doing a session together once a month and Robert was allowed complete access to our files.
"I'll help you." he told me
"You don't have to." I knew that it was incredibly difficult for him. There were no rules to follow out here, no Kylie to disappoint, nothing to keep us apart if we wanted to be together fully.
It was just us stopping ourselves and I know I was tempted to give in and so I can only imagine how he feels but I know he's struggling, it's the only familiar way to deal with the stress that doesn't involve drugs and alcohol and I tried not to make it harder on him.
He just rolled his eyes and slowly pulled my shirt up so he didn't brush it against the tattoo and I don't know why this was such a big deal, I had a tank top on and he's seen me in a bikini before when we would go to the beach.
He rubbed the lotion in and washed his hands before doing the same for himself.
"I'd recommend sleeping in that, my sheets are a whole lot softer than a t-shirt." I went into the room and changed into shorts and I adverted my eyes as he stripped down to his boxers, he wasn't the only one who had inappropriate thoughts and I crawled into bed with him and he wrapped his arm around me and I rested my leg over him.
"You comfortable?" I asked and he nodded
"I think next you need one here." Julian pushed the blanket back and ran his pointer finger down my thigh and gripped my knee
"Maybe." I said just a little breathless, he was killing me.
"Goodnight pretty girl." And I wasn't going to protest. It was a long day and I was exhausted.