KHUSHI
I blinked my eyes severally, everything seemed blurry and I felt a strong pain at the top of my head, I sat up wondering what was happening to me suddenly.
A few moments later, memories of last night started sinking in, no wonder I was feeling this way, after that amount of drink, I was bound to feel this way, and then to make it worse, I remembered what I did last night.
I called Arnav! Holy Shit! I didn't just call him, but when he showed up I actually broke up with him. Oh God, what did I do?
I stood up and started pacing around my room nervously, what the hell was wrong with me? Firstly, I confessed my love to him and then I broke up with him, what was I doing here? I know maybe it was the right decision for me, but I shouldn't have made it when I was drunk.
I grabbed my phone and stared at the screen just in case he had sent me any texts or anything but there was nothing, well it looked like I gave him what he wanted, freedom from me, without the guilt that he left me after all the promises he made to me.
I thought breaking up with him would make this pain less, it would hurt less but clearly it hadn't made any difference, if anything, it had made the pain worse. I didn't know how to deal with this pain, so I dealt with it the only way I knew how. Music.
I played the playlist of Darshan's songs and placed the phone back on the stand and headed to take a shower, I needed to freshen up, I needed to get back to work and concentrate on it forgetting about Arnav, that was the only way I could deal with this.
I stood under the shower as the warm water fell down on me while I listened to the music, since the time I became obsessed with Darshan and his music, it was always about how beautifully he sang, how I always loved all his songs because they never disappointed me, it was always about music really I never cared much about the lyrics.
But now that I had had my heart broken for the first time ever in life, somehow the lyrics to his songs started making so much sense, it was like the songs were written just for the situation I was in.
I shut my eyes remembering that day when Arnav and I showered together, he had promised me he would fall in love with me, well turns out it was just a lie right?
Juthi thi kasmein teri, juthe vaade sabhi, juthi teri hasi aur juthe the ansu tere...
Ab yaadon me aunga mein, rehjayegi meri kami, sazayein bhi bolegi tujhko yeh kya kiya, tune kiya...
Kaash aisa bhi hota... tum mere hote... me tumhara hota... to yeh ghum na hote....
I walked out of the shower and got dressed, I stood in front of the mirror and stared at my reflection, my puffy eyes scared me so bad. This wasn't me, I wasn't someone that lived in pain, I was someone that spent days crying, I loved life, I loved everything about it and I was always so happy, how did I become like this?
"Khushi?" Manvi knocked at the door of my room.
"Yeah."
"There's someone here to see, can you come out?"
"Okay, I'll be there in two minutes." I said wondering who it was, I was sure it wasn't Arnav because Manvi wouldn't even let him in let alone come tell me that he was here so I could talk to him.
I grabbed my concealer and dabbed it under my eyes and every area around it that looked puffy, once I felt like I looked a bit normal, I headed outside to see who it was.
I found Barkha seated on the sofa and the only question I had was why was she even here? Had Arnav sent her here or something? He wouldn't do that unless he was in love with me and if he was in love with me he could just come say that himself and the whole problem would be solved right? But this wasn't it, it definitely seemed something else.
"Khushi." She smiled as she stood up and greeted me with a hug while I just stood there awkwardly, I seriously didn't even know how I was supposed to act in this situation.
"I'll leave you two alone." Manvi said as she headed to her room leaving us alone, I didn't want to be alone, everything about Arnav and his family just scared me, I felt like somehow I was just going to end up hurt again.
"Can we talk?" She asked breaking the hug.
"About what?"
"Everything that has happened recently. I know Arnav must have talked to you or something but I felt like I should also come talk to you, just so you aren't insecure or anything." She said.
"I am confused, what are you saying?" I didn't understand her, what was I supposed to be insecure of when Arnav and I weren't together anymore? Did he not tell his family that? Did they still think we were together?
"You've been to our house so many times, I'm sure you've noticed the bond we all share with Asha, for Arnav she's always been like a second mother, sometimes I feel he loves her more than he loves me. Anyway, the point being, we're basically a family, Arnav and Sonakshi grew up together Khushi, there wasn't a day where Sonakshi wouldn't be in our house or when Arnav wouldn't be at her house, she's like a daughter we never had.
That day when she came back, I realized we all ignored you and I just want you to know that it wasn't on purpose, I know you must have been hurt knowing she was back, I mean you and Arnav are just starting out and then she comes back, if I was in your place I would be scared too, but at that moment, we were all shock.
Imagine instead of Sona, if it was Arnav that we thought was no more and then one day he showed up alive, I would only concentrate on him right? Sona is like that to us Khushi, I might have not given birth to her but she has always been like a daughter to me, when we thought she had passed away, we were all so heartbroken.
So when she came back we all had so much going on, so many questions and it all just seemed unbelievable, I mean someone we had thought to be dead was back after so long, it was just overwhelming, there were so many emotions.
Everything that happened that day was just about that specific moment and it would never mean that I or any member of my family doesn't care about you. You made Arnav happy after so long, we had tried everything we could to get him back to normal but none of us were able to until you came and I would always be thankful to you for that Khushi and I would always want for you to feel happy too.
So I am really sorry if we hurt you in any way that day or you felt that you weren't a part of our family or anything because you will always be a part of our family." She said.
I just stared at her blankly, I didn't know what to say, I didn't even blame her for anything, the only person I had a problem with was Arnav, he was the one supposed to care about me, his family members didn't even know me that well, they had just learnt that we were together, I expected nothing from them, the only person I expected everything from was the one that dint really understand me.
"You don't have to apologize to me for anything, I can understand what you must have been through, it was a difficult situation."
"It was, it's more difficult for Arnav and I know he might act a bit strange now but everything will be okay, all this that has happened has just affected him so badly, he might act up or do things that he wouldn't otherwise, he just... he used to love her so much, but now he has you and I know he loves you so please be patient with him, I'm sure he will be fine soon."
"I don't have to be anything with him because we aren't together. I don't know why he hasn't told you that but we broke up."
"What? Why Khushi?" she looked like she couldn't believe me, I mean wasn't it obvious? Sona was back, she said that Arnav loved her too much, so why would we even be together now?
"Because he doesn't love me, for him it's always been her."
"That's not true, I have seen how he is around you, I've seen how happy he's been since he met you, I can't believe this is true. Yes he loved Sona, but that was in the past."
"Well I don't think so... Look, I'm not trying to be rude or anything here but I'm already heartbroken enough, can we please just end this topic here, Arnav and I were together, now we are not, end of story. I am really tired, I just want to move on in life, please."
"I'm so sorry, I'm sure there's something missing, I'll go talk to him."
"I really don't care anymore, he made his decisions, I've made mine. If you'll excuse me now, I have to get to work." I said as I stood up, she stood up too and hugged me once again before walking out.
I was tired of everyone trying to defend Arnav or take his side, he couldn't make a decision so why should I be punished for it?
I hated everything I was feeling at the moment because they were all mixed emotions, at one point I was okay with the breakup and at another point I was asking myself why I did it, I really didn't know if I could have made the decision while being sober, maybe sometimes best decision were made while drunk.
*****
I stopped by the florist to finalize the flowers for the wedding I was currently planning, the client had very specific ideas and I wanted everything to be perfect, that's how it had always been for me, to turn their imaginations alive.
I was always happy and excited about all the weddings I planned, this one though seemed really difficult, since Arnav and I started dating I had imagines of my own wedding, how I would plan it, how I would make everything perfect and now all my dreams were shattered.
Oh the pain!
"So, should we finalize these ones?" The florist asked bringing me out of my sad bubble, I looked at her in confusion for a moment and then realized what she was asking, so I nodded.
"I'll send someone to pick them up, let me know as soon as you have them."
"Sure, I'll give you a call." She smiled, I smiled back faintly and headed out, maybe drowning myself in work was going to help get over the pain, maybe if all I did was work, I wouldn't have the time to think about all this and be sad about it. Work was the solution to all my problems.
I bumped into someone at the exit and looked up, yes of course destiny had to be cruel because who else would I bump into if not Arnav? Why was he even here? Was he following me or something?
"Khushi." He smiled at me, I honestly dint even have the strength to smile back or act like I knew him even though he meant the world to me.
"I have your flowers ready as promised." The florist said reminding me of the time I had bumped into him here, that reminded me... he came here to get those flowers he always did for Asha.
I walked out leaving him alone but he wouldn't leave me alone, he followed me and grabbed my wrist pulling me back. I dint want to feel this way, all I could think of was how he was holding my hand and how it made me feel but I knew it was temporary anyway and that just somehow made me angry.
"What?" I shouted angrily.
"So now you're going to act like you don't know me?" he asked.
"I asked you to leave me alone, so leave me the hell alone. If you see me anywhere you don't have to talk to me, just mind your business and I'll mind mine."
"Why are you so bitter towards me Khushi? I am trying to talk to you here."
"Put yourself in my position and the ask yourself that question, you'll know why I am bitter, and now, leave me the hell alone!" I pulled my hand out of his hold and headed straight to my car. I hated how his touch made me feel, it was the only touch that ever felt so special and now it was ruined.