Patience and perseverance; two words that described Shuri, Princess of Wakanda, perfectly. No challenge had ever proven too great for her. Shuri liked answers. She liked resolutions. Solving problems for the betterment of Wakanda, that was the way the young woman made her mark. Smart and sharp, her dark eyes expertly examined the image that hung in the air in front of her. The brain of Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. His mind was fascinating, though that wasn't a word she'd use in front of the weary soldier. Some areas were highly active, while others were dark and still. There were cognitive blocks in place intermingled with the physical damage Hydra had inflicted upon him.
The young Princess crossed one arm across her chest as she lightly chewed on her thumb nail absently. Her mind worked fast and every now and then, she reached out to enlarge the focus on specific structures. She heard footsteps approaching from the hall, the gait telling her exactly who it was. "Good afternoon, Sergeant Barnes," she greeted, though she didn't turn his direction. "Captain Rogers reached out to let us know that he would be visiting. He's on his way now." Finally, she turned on her heel and offered the dark haired man a small smile. "Did you sleep at all?"
A bit of happiness reached James' eyes at the news of Steve coming to Wakanda. He walked over to the exam table that Shuri always had him sit at and shrugged. "If I did sleep, I don't remember. I stared at the stars most of the night last night... and the few nights before that." He huffed and looked down at his boots, which were hanging barely above the floor from where he sat. "What are you doing today?"
"You don't say," Shuri replied. Right where Cleo had left him a few evenings ago. Beside the exam table there were wireless electrodes and her deft hands went about picking several up at a time. Shuri stepped in closer to him and her dark eyes darted around his face as she placed them on either side of his temples and a few other strategic spots. "I am hoping to perfect the algorithm that will unlock the association of the trigger words," she explained before she gestured for him to lay down. "I want to leave everything else intact. Your memories, personality..." she mused, though as she turned to face him her expression wasn't entirely relaxed. She moved her hands to her hips and narrowed her eyes on him. "Though some parts of you may benefit from a little adjustment."
James rolled his eyes as he laid back on the table and rested his head back on his arm. "I think the rest of the world would agree with you," he grumbled. The electrodes ticked as Shuri turned everything on, which only made him want to remove them, but he wanted to feel himself again. At least what much of himself that he could remember.
Shuri's own eye roll followed his and as the flashing activity of his brain lit up before her, her eyes fixed on it. Her hands began to work, using her hands to expand one of the structures in his prefrontal cortex. "I know a few would," she assured him. She wanted to scold him. If the body on the table were anyone else, she likely would. James... while it wasn't an excused behavior, it also wasn't something she felt he did on purpose. "You made my best friend cry," she observed aloud.
"What?" James asked. What on earth is she talking about? His eyes moved upward to look at Shuri. "I don't recall making anyone cry," he said honestly. "Not recently anyway... that I know of."
It didn't surprise the young Princess at all that her friend had escaped before the tears came. She hid her feelings away, especially since they'd returned from the snap. Shuri wanted her to come out of her shell, but an interaction with James like the one her friend had described would only push her back in. "You weren't introduced to the veterinarian?" she asked, hands pausing in the air as she turned to look disapprovingly down at him. "I'm a ticking time bomb," she parroted, nose wrinkling with attitude. "I'll be a shell. Seriously? That's how you talk to people you just met?".
"What was I supposed to say?" James retorted, slightly aggravated. "I'm not going to lie to the woman. It wouldn't be a good idea to get close to me," he told her. Even if she is attractive.
"Okay," Shuri huffed, a heavy audible sigh escaping her as she pushed the image in front of her away with her hands. "What are we doing here?" she asked plainly, meeting his eyes directly. "Is all hope lost? Is that how you really feel? Because I will not work harder than you." Was that how he really felt? "If you don't believe that there will be a day that you will not be dangerous, this will never work."
James closed his eyes and took a shuddering breath. "I want to get better," he said quietly. "I just... I don't have the motivation. I've hurt everyone I've ever been around and that includes Steve." He dared to open his eyes and look at Shuri, knowing his own were full of unshed tears. "Please help me."
That look in his eyes was exactly why Shuri had proposed this...experiment, for lack of a better word. What he had done, it wasn't his fault. He'd expected to die falling off of the train. Her expression softened, creases caused by annoyance relaxing away. "I will help you," the Princess replied and she reached out, gently resting her delicate fingers on his right arm. "But you need to let others help you too. That is how you will find your motivation."
"Help me how?" James asked. "I don't know of anything someone could help me with other than freeing me from Hydra," he admitted. Is Shuri talking about making friends? The only friend I can remember having is Steve... maybe someone from the squadron we were with. The... the Commandos? Yeah... them.
"But doesn't that free you to live whatever life you decide?" she asked, the faintest of hopeful smiles rising onto her angular cheeks. "It will take work, Sergeant Barnes. Your pain is real and it runs deep. Facing it will feel impossible, but you do not have to face it alone." She would be there, Captain Rogers would undoubtedly be there. And anyone else he wanted could join their ranks.
James watched as the image of his brain re-emerged above him. He actually enjoyed watching what Shuri did. It was interesting to him. "Do you have anything that could help with... PTSD?" he asked softly. "I assume I'll need something other than our talks," he said gruffly.
Her shoulders now relaxed, Shuri's fingers moved nimbly to refocus the image and reached in with two fingers and highlight what looked like some kind of blockage in neural activity. "I will have to consult a doctor for medicine." Apparently being smarter than him did not make her a doctor yet. "That is where I can begin to reconnect the circuits first. If I can reduce the pressure on your hypothalamus, you might actually be able to relax."
"That sounds... like a huge relief," James admitted quietly as he watched every move Shuri made. He watched her for a while before a thought came to his mind. "Do you want me to apologize to her?" he asked suddenly.
James's voice broke her focus and her eyes dropped to his face, brows furrowing as she considered the question. She released a sigh before she replied. "Not now. Don't force it," she advised gently. "Knowing Cleo the way I do, she already understands and would never hold it against you." Rapidly a glare fell onto her expression and the younger woman held his eyes. "Don't hurt her feelings again, James Barnes," she warned, but a smirk eventually broke onto her lips as she smiled more sincerely. Her eyes seemed to light up for a moment then and she tilted her head in thought. "Actually...she might be the doctor you want to speak to about finding some relief." Cleo could care for not only animals, but for people too.
"I thought she only treated animals?" James asked. He watched as Shuri worked on the 3D image once more, making focus on the image again himself.
"She does," Shuri remarked with a smirk. She enjoyed teasing him a bit, when he could tolerate it. "But that just means she has the good drugs. You're a super-soldier, you could probably use what the tigers get." Shuri hummed lightly to herself as she worked, muttering to herself every now and again. "One day, we will need to start utilizing the trigger words. Reading them to find their connection..." She could feel it as the tension filled his body and she reached her hand out again to rest it softly on his arm. "We won't let you hurt anyone. I promise."
"How can you be so sure?" he asked. "How can you guarantee that I won't harm anyone?" James' mind spun with the thought of being triggered again, a cold sweat running down his back.
Shuri knew how important it was for her to be calm for him. His brain misfired, they had evidence of that. That, in fact, had been another motive for introducing James and Cleo. Her presence was calming for so many. "We will go one word at a time for as long as we can," she explained. "Besides, you are literally disarmed and Ayo and Okoye of the Dora Milaje will join us just in case."
"I might be able to help with that from time to time," a friendly voice called, the sound echoing a bit in the open, sleek space. It was a voice most would recognize anywhere as the tall, strong blonde man that it belonged to strided into the room.
"Captain Rogers! You shouldn't surprise me, what if my fingers were in his brain?" the young Princess greeted with youthful exuberance.
Steve held his hands up in surrender, chuckling softly while James looked towards Steve, showing off a real smile for once. "Hey," he greeted.
As the Captain approached, Shuri turned to save the image of the section of the brain she'd been working on before she collapsed it away. "I think I can give your brain a break today, Sergeant Barnes. I believe I have everything I need to start running simulated trials of the algorithm." She didn't want to try anything on the poor soldier until she had a high belief it would be successful.
"Wow, I have excellent timing," Steve remarked, intensely grateful for the smile on his best friend's weary face. He looked tired. But that amount of recognition was enough. He adopted his own easy, handsome smile and raised his brows as Bucky sat up on the exam table and Shuri removed the electrodes. "Feel like walking?" he asked Bucky, gesturing back towards where he just came from.
James nodded in response and slid off the table. "Yeah, sure." He looked over at Shuri and gave her a kind nod, truly thankful for all of the help she was providing. Then he turned and followed Steve out of the room, through the palace, and outside. "How long are you staying?" he asked.
"I'm hoping a few days," Steve replied, slipping his hands casually into his pockets as they began to meander down the hill, going nowhere in particular. "Sam will call if anything changes but I don't think things will fall apart if I'm hands off for a few days." Besides, Sam seemed to like being in charge, or at least making people listen to him. He snapped his fingers and made a face at his ignorance, remembering a moment too late that Bucky barely even knew him. "Sam Wilson, he's one the newer Avengers. Goes by Falcon," he explained. "The one with wings." It had felt great to get Sam back after the second snap, but that relationship wasn't quite the same as he and Bucky's.
James nodded, remembering the man. "He wouldn't move his seat for me in that tiny ass car you were driving around before the airport fight," he said, remembering the memory easily. "He's a bit stuck up... Sam."
A quiet chuckle escaped Steve as his friend recalled his interactions with the former Air Force pilot. "Eh, I know he can seem that way but it's all bravado," he explained gently. He wouldn't force the two of them to be friends; they were adults. But it would certainly make things easier for Steve. "Don't let him know he bugs you, though. He'll lean into that," he advised, glancing in the wearier man's direction. He turned his eyes out to the horizon again and took a full breath. "How're you feeling, Buck?" he asked, wanting to reach out and pat his friend on the shoulder in the way he used to but... there would be time for that.
"I'm... I've been better," James admitted. "I don't sleep much. Not until I absolutely can't stay awake any longer. I try to keep the dreams away."
Steve's brows furrowed and a slow breath escaped him. He didn't know how to make this any easier. He felt helpless, useless. If all he could do was support his friend this way, he would do it. "Have you tried anything to distract your brain?" he offered, though he was sure there wasn't anything he could recommend that could make any real impact. "Reading or listening to music or, there are these things called podcasts. People talking," he elaborated but eventually his words faded into a dry chuckle. "You used to be able to fall asleep in less than five minutes, no matter where you were. I was always the one up all hours."
James grinned softly as he looked at the dirt path while they walked. "I wouldn't know how to get hold of music or the pod whatever. But I have been asking for books... and I journal." He kicked at a pebble along the path, making it jump along in front of them. "I don't sleep because of the dreams," he added quietly.
Wakanda was the most technologically advanced country in the world. Steve was sure they could easily provide Bucky with something to listen to, but he wouldn't push that now. "What kind of dreams?" he asked, willing to accept silence as the answer. Bucky had no obligation to let him in. "About things... he did?"
"As memories come back... I remember him... and me," James said softly. "They're muddled together... hard to distinguish between the two most of the time. Sometimes it's a normal memory, sometimes I'm killing someone."
Steve frowned gently, nodding in quiet understanding. "That's not you killing someone, Buck," he reminded. He would reinforce that for as long as he needed to. Bucky hadn't had a choice in what he did. "You want me to see what I can dig up about your past?" he offered, raising a brow. "I know there are some pictures, some videos..." There was an entire exhibit about the life of James Barnes.
James shook his head. "Not yet. I'd like to know, but I'm too much of a mess right now." He looked over at Steve, making his face brighten. "Although I do remember keeping you from getting your ass beat a few times. You were smaller then."
Steve couldn't help but chuckle and he shook his head. "It was more than a few times," he said with a pleasant smile of his own. "I was sick a lot too. Still not entirely sure how I didn't die. Probably had something to do with someone always making sure I took care of myself."
"I remember that... sort of," he replied. "I moved in with you after my parents died, then when your mom passed, we had a place of our own."
These remembrances warmed the smile on the blonde man's expression and he nodded in continued conformation. "We did. Which you mostly paid for because I was too sick to work a lot of time." His eyes turned to the beautiful panoramic view of the horizon and he allowed it to settle there for a long few moments before he spoke again. "You were always there for me, Buck. There's nothing you could do that would make me walk away."
James reached out and placed his hand on Steve's shoulder. "At least I know I have one person that won't give up on me." He looked down the hill to see Cleo brushing one of the dairy cattle in its stall. "I tend to blow it with everyone else."
Steve's head turned so that he could meet his friend's eyes and offered him a sure smile. "Never. Besides, I'm nothing if not persistent," he replied with a perfect grin. It certainly drove people crazy every now and then. "What do you mean? Bucky Barnes is a smooth talker. I've never seen you blow it."
"Pfft... I haven't talked smoothly since forty three," he countered.
"You're just outta practice. I've seen you pick up two different girls at the same dance and then they fought to be the one that you walked home that night," Steve recalled, giving his best friend a smart look.
James rolled his eyes then looked back down at Cleo again. "It's not even about trying to pick a girl up, Steve. Nobody should want to be around me, much less like that. It's... it's hard."
Steve shook his head, expression tightening as his friend spoke about himself that way. "Nobody?" he asked, quizzically raising a brow. "Come on, Buck. Don't isolate yourself like that. You deserve to have the same things everybody else does. I mean, I know I'm great and all, but you can't just want to stare at my face forever."
"I don't see you having a girl on your arm," James pointed out. "Why haven't you searched for someone for yourself?" he asked. "If I have to open up, I think you should have to do the same," he grumbled.
An audible sigh escaped Steve as he moved his hands to his hips and he shook his head, a knowing smirk gracing his expression. "You know what, Barnes..." he remarked. "Deal. Sam's been bugging me about it, too. So if you open up, I will too."
James chuckled and shook his head while patting his friend's shoulder. "Do you have anyone in mind?" He asked curiously.
Steve wrinkled his nose and shook his head. "No, no one is on the radar," he replied. "Sam's trying to set me up with his sister, so there's that," he added with a smirk. "There's probably plenty of people in Wakanda who I'm sure would love to spend time with a hundred year old veteran. People do volunteer work all the time," he added with a smirk.
"I'll keep my eyes open for you then," James replied. They continued walking, reaching the village. James chuckled softly as the kids that were kicking a ball around squealed noticed him and Steve. "Incoming."
"Captain America!" the children exclaimed and an easy laugh escaped Steve.
"Hi, hello," he greeted, lazily waving his hand.
"White Wolf," a small boy said as he stepped in closer to Bucky. "You weren't home to play. We looked for you," he explained.
"White Wolf?" Steve asked, glancing in Bucky's direction.
"It's what they've taken to calling me," James answered, then looked at the boy. "I was at the palace," he informed them. "I had a treatment."
The children all nodded in understanding. A treatment at the palace. Princess Shuri was helping him. "Later we are going to see the baby rhino. Miss Cleo said we can touch it!"
"Will you come?" a smaller girl asked, big eyes turned up to the strong man.
A laugh escaped Steve before he could contain it. "I don't know how you say no to that, White Wolf."
James looked at Steve with narrowed eyes, though a small smile was on his face. He looked down at the little girl as a debate warred in his mind. "I can go," he answered. "But I don't know if Cleo likes me much."
"Miss Cleo likes everyone," the little girl said matter-of-factly. In her experience, that was completely true. Miss Cleo had only ever been smiley and nice.
"He'll be there," Steve interjected, nodding surely before he gave the little girl a friendly wink.
As the kids scampered off again, Steve crossed his arms loosely across himself and gave Bucky a questioning look. "Who's Miss Cleo?"
"She's the animal vet here," James answered. "She's also Shuri's best friend... and I apparently upset her a few nights ago."
Steve's teeth clenched together and he released a slow, hissing breath as he shook his head. "That's tricky... what'd you do that upset her?" he asked as they began to walk again.
James shrugged as they started walking again. "Apparently the way I talked upset her. She thinks highly of you though."
"Ah, okay," Steve said, nodding a little as he pursed his lips. His eyes dropped to his feet as they walked, and he couldn't help but smirk a bit. His image had been both loved and hated so many times over, he wasn't entirely sure what most people thought anymore. He found he didn't care, though. "The way you talked... and how did you talk, exactly?". He had an idea of what it looked like; Bucky was carrying a monumental amount of self-hatred right now.
"The usual way," he answered with a shrug. "I really don't know of another way to talk. She asked a couple of random questions and I told her that I wouldn't be a great friend, which I wouldn't be."
His friend's explanation pulled Steve's eyes directly to him, almost laughing at how obvious it was what had happened. "Oh, Buck, buddy," he breathed as his feet planted, no longer moving ahead. Bucky had been through more than his fair share of pain. He'd been hurt in ways so inhumane, he shuddered to think of them. But this, this wasn't a way to walk through life. "Why the hell not?" he asked, his expression reading of quiet desperation for his friend to hear him. "You are the best friend I could have ever asked for. And that guy? That guy is still in there. But you've gotta let him breathe."
James sighed, then turned and led Steve to a vast willow tree. He moved the long reed like branches aside to reveal a blanket on the ground. He sat down and waited for Steve to sit too. "I don't know who I am anymore," he admitted. "I can feel the soldier clawing to get out sometimes. Other times I'm just... blank. Or it's a glimpse of a past I'm trying to remember."
Once he lowered himself beside Bucky, Steve leaned back on his hands and listened with focus as the other man spoke. It broke his heart that such a good human had been broken down so badly. He would likely always feel some responsibility for that. "I can't even imagine what that feels like," he acknowledged empathetically. His sky-blue eyes turned out to the distance again, taking in the largely untouched landscape in the distance. "Complicated and painful don't even feel like good enough words to describe it. I just... you don't have to go through it alone." Bucky had said nearly the same thing all those years ago after his mother died.
"Thanks," James said softly. "It's nice to know that I'm not alone. I don't like being alone," he admitted. "But I'm scared of hurting anyone that I let get too close. You're the only exception."
"Because without your arm I could kick your ass?" Steve asked and a faint, almost boyish smirk slipped onto his expression for a moment as he glanced over at Bucky. "I get it. I really do." It was important to him that Bucky knew that while he didn't agree with it, Steve did understand his concerns. "You just said it. You don't like to be alone. Seems like there's a possible solution for that..."
James leaned back onto his elbow and looked up towards the top of the tree. "My need to not hurt anyone outweighs the dislike of being alone. I can picture it... getting close to a girl, having a nightmare... it's not worth the risk."
It was disheartening to hear. Sam had counseled him to be realistic, not to get his hopes up. That was just the Steve Rogers way, though. "It doesn't have to be about getting a girl, Buck. You could do that in your sleep if you decided you wanted to. Start with a friend. I've heard M'Baku throws a pretty good party."
"I... I liked talking to Cleo by the fire that night," James replied. "Until I ruined it."
Something he liked, thank God, Steve thought to himself, lines of his face relaxing again. "Well...un-ruin it," he said as if it were obvious. "You heard the kids, Miss Cleo likes everyone. Why not you?"
James laughed dryly. "Because I'm me, that's why," he said simply. "I tend to do it to myself. You're the only person I relax around."
"Aw, shucks," Steve said with that charming grin of his and he sat up a little. Then, something began to stir in his head. "Only me... what about me and a few others?" he proposed. "The royal family is having a small gathering tonight. Just something to make me feel welcome." They didn't need to do that for him, but he was grateful, nonetheless. "You're coming, obviously," he announced simply. "So maybe when you go to pet that baby rhino, you casually mention it."
"You mean invite her along?" James asked. "I guess I could. Or you could mention it. I figured you would want to meet her."
"Oh, now I have to meet her. Apologize for you the way you had to apologize for me to all those girls you tried to set me up with," Steve remarked with a sure nod. "Blonde, brunette, or redhead?" he asked as a sly boyish grin swept onto his features.
James chuckled and shook his head. "Dark brown. Although at night it looks like it could be black," he answered.
"I pictured a brunette. You always liked them, said they were more mysterious," Steve said with a small chuckle. "Is Cleo mysterious?"
"I don't know," he chuckled. "I've barely talked to her. She's a little odd, but so am I. I've always been odd I think."
"Who are you talking to about being odd?" Steve retorted. It was funny to think about it now. They both had joked that they'd been born in the wrong era. "Being odd is cool now, apparently. Where was that in nineteen forty?"
James scoffed and smirked. "Saving your ass from a back alley fight. Or better yet, attending one of your damn art classes you made me go to."
Steve rolled his eyes dramatically, though he wasn't without a smile. "Yes, it was so painful for you to sit in the corner and make eyes at all the girls," he retorted. He dropped his head back for a moment in the breeze and closed his eyes, exhaling slowly. "This place'll be good for you, Buck."
"I hope so, Steve," James nodded. "I hope so."