by iris2489
I wasn't supposed to go outside tonight. I had already gotten into trouble three times for being on the grounds after curfew, but I managed to talk my way out of it every time. I mean, I am Lily Evans; Head Girl, "goody-goody," perfect student, you can figure out the rest. But no matter how many times I'd get yelled at, no matter how many detentions I'd receive, hell, no matter if I lost my badge, nothing and I mean nothing, could keep my away from a thunderstorm.
I should start by saying that I am a hopeless romantic. Most people wouldn't believe you if you told them that, but it's true. To the majority of people who know me, I am just a brainy, sometimes stuck-up, boring Head Girl. But in reality, that's merely a façade, a defense mechanism if you will. I grew up on fairy tales and prince charmings. So as a way for me to not be disappointed with the harsh realities of life and love, I stayed away from love on the outside. But truthfully, I'm as soft as a pillow. I mean, every time I watch Casablanca I burst into tears when Rick lets Ilsa go and tells her "We'll always have Paris." Why, oh why can't I have a man like Rick or any of the other incredibly romantic men you read about? Like Mr. Darcy, or Mr. Rochester, hell, I'd go for the beast before he turns back into the prince from Beauty and the Beast. I just want to be swept off my feet, I guess. Something that is apparently an impossible request.
I am seventeen years old and have never had a real kiss. Now others, like my best friend, Bella, would say that I'm lying and merely setting my standards too high. I mean, sure I've had my fair share of boyfriends in the past and I've gotten to second base with a few of them, but no kiss has been real. Not one has meant something. I've never felt that spark, that jolt, which quickens one's heart and makes you all dizzy and makes your legs feel like jelly, and creates hordes of butterflies in your stomach. Terribly clichéd, I know, but like I said, I'm utterly hopeless. According to Bella, I haven't given a guy the chance to create all of those feelings because I dump them before they have the opportunity to. But I'll know when it's right. You're supposed to fit in the other person's arms. It's supposed to be the last piece in the puzzle of your life. I'm just waiting to fit somewhere.
Now back to my rebelliousness. Before anyone jumps down my throat, it is true, I am not lying. I, Lily Evans, broke a school rule. And a big one at that. Being on the school grounds after curfew is a very serious offense at Hogwarts. It's much too dangerous for the students with all the creatures in the Forbidden Forrest that may decide to go for a moonlight stroll. But I couldn't help it. Thunderstorms have always been my weakness. And this particular one was absolutely perfect. The rain was coming down in sheets of cool water; the perfect way to be refreshed. The thunder was rumbling from all sides of the school so the sound completely surrounded me. The lightning came in quick blinks that were long enough to illuminate the castle but short enough to wonder if it really happened every time it ended. So really, could you blame me? I needed to get out there and be part of the most magical thing happening at the castle at the time.
It all started at dinner. I was sitting with Bella, my other friends Alice Longbottom (You may have heard of her? She eloped with her long time boyfriend, Frank, who graduated last year over summer break. Now she's a girl who got the fairy tale), Theresa McKay, Nicole Hayden, Mundungus Fletcher, Tom Patil, and last but certainly not least, the Marauders. The Marauders are the pranksters and heartbreakers at our school. They are the "every girl wants them, every guy wants to be them" kind of people. In all fairness, three out of four of them are very good looking. Poor Peter Pettigrew is the sort of oddball out of the group measuring at 5'3 and weighing about 175 pounds. The poor, poor boy. But the others always treat him the same and it is the others that everyone is interested in.
Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and James Potter are the most sought after people at school. They literally have fan clubs follow them around. Sirius is your average heartthrob. He is about 6'1 with soft, long black hair that makes him look tres chic. He has a very defined face and, um, well, muscles… I mean, those things should be illegal. He could poke someone's eye out. HE also has the whole bad boy complex going for him, too. He has a detention practically every night. Sirius just has an issue with rules I guess. Not only rules at school but also rules with women. I think he's gone out with every girl fourth year and above. Well, every girl except me, Bella, and Alice. We vowed in first year to never date a Marauder, something said Marauders were not pleased about. The real thing that reels every girl into Sirius, however, are his storm-gray eyes. Okay, I admit it. I have been caught in those babies a few times, but c'mon! Like I said, I'm obsessed with thunderstorms so obviously I'm going to be a little attracted to his drop-dead gorgeous, deep, hit your soul, so gray you could get lost… okay. Sorry. I'm better now.
Moving on, the next Marauder is the one and only Remus J. Lupin. Now Remus is different from his friends. Not only is he a werewolf (a fact I found out last year when he had one too many firewhiskeys) but he is much more quiet and studious compared to his chaps. He is the strong and silent Marauder. He is always thinking of others and is the most sensitive and kind-hearted boy I have ever met. This might be the reason I had a major crush on him for two years. Or maybe it is his dark blue eyes that strongly resemble the ocean. Not that I pay attention to such things about Remus… anymore. He also has a surprisingly muscular body. I always figured it was due to his maraudering escapades with his friends. But this crush on Remus was extinguished when something very unexpected happened. Something in the form of the last, and incredibly infuriating, James Potter.
James Potter. What is there to say about James Potter? Well, he is the most sought after boy at Hogwarts for one. Even more so than Sirius and Remus. He is extremely rich and he is the heir to one of the oldest and well-respected pureblood families in the world. Not to mention he is annoyingly good-looking. He has a body to die for, "run your fingers through" soft black hair, full, pink lips (not that I stare at his lips often, it's just… I mean c'mon. They're kind of hard not to stare at), and two of the most beautiful hazel eyes I've ever seen. Even with his glasses, he is undoubtedly the best looking boy I've ever met.
But James Potter is not all good-looks and galleons. He's also the most arrogant, annoying, conceited, infuriating, big-headed, stubborn person I've ever known. We, Potter and I, don't exactly have the brightest past. Ever since the first day on the train in first year when James turned my hair purple and I said he looked stupid with his glasses, we've been sworn enemies. We would prank and make fun of each other incessantly. That is, until fourth year when James found out that I was a girl. He all of a sudden had a major crush on me and would constantly ask me out. It was beyond all things annoying. Then last summer, James' parents died fighting Voldemort. He came back to school more mature, reserved, and surprisingly, he was named Head Boy. But the biggest surprise of all was that we, well, became… friends. Through rounds I got to know the real James Potter; the sweet, funny, sometimes insecure boy that few people knew. It's now November and I have confided in James things that I've never even told Bella and Alice. He has surprised me immensely and… it scares me.
Anyway, back to dinner. So I'm sitting there with my darlingest friends just discussing our lessons when suddenly I feel something graze my foot. I look up and everything seems normal.
"Maybe I imagined it," I thought to myself.
So I go back to the conversation on the impossible Potions test earlier when I feel it again. But this time it more… rubs against my foot. I look up again and instantly get lost in a pair of deep, mischievous hazel eyes. I tilted my head to the side and the corners of James' mouth quirk up as he continues rubbing his foot against mine. He then joins Sirius' discussion on dungbombs without stopping the "dance of the feet" as I've now named it. But the strange part was that I didn't want him to stop. The feeling of his foot brushing on mine sent tingles up my leg and got my heart beating hard and fast. And then the butterflies came. That's when I knew I was done for.
"BOOOOOOM!"
Everyone in the Great Hall jumped at the sudden crash of thunder. This included James' foot leaving mine. And I couldn't help but miss the warmth it sent throughout my body.
"Oh Merlin… this cannot be happening… no…" I thought with this strange and scary realization.
I jumped out of my seat startling everyone. I started rambling an excuse, "I, um, got to, uh, go. Yeah, go. To the dorms. Yeah, the dorms, because I have some, uh, stuff, and other stuff to do. Yup, stuff. So, I'll see you guys, uh, later! Bye!"
I rushed out of that place as fast as I could, ignoring the puzzled and concerned looks on my friends' faces. I also felt the gaze of someone's eyes on my back, but I was too scared to look back and see whose eyes it was that were following me.
Once I got out of the Great Hall, I looked around desperately trying to find somewhere I could think. I heard another clap of thunder and rushed for the entrance to the school. I was greeted by the calming storm which had engulfed Hogwarts. I ran as fast as I could to the boulder by the lake; my sanctuary. I sat on the rock and let the rain wash over me as I collected my thoughts.
For the past two and a half hours I have just been sitting here in the rain replaying everything over and over again. But I'm still as confused as ever. Why did James Potter have this effect on me? Why did I feel so cold when we stopped touching?
This is where I am now. Still on this bloody boulder trying to make sense of the last three hours of my life.
'I don't get it!' I think to myself. 'Why would Ja—I mean, Potter, effect me like this? Okay, so I admit he's good looking, and smart, and funny, and sweet, and has the cutest smile ever, but I mean, c'mon! He's James Potter and I'm Lily Evans! It just doesn't fit!'
I let out an exasperated sigh and jump off the boulder. I'm just standing here now, willing the rain to wash all this confusion away.
"Lily!"
This is all just so annoying! It's not as though I like James or something. Sure, he's a good friend now. But that's all! No romantic thoughts, whatsoever.
"Lily! Lily Evans!"
Well, there was that one time where I thought of how nice it would be to be in James' arms and have his lips on mine. But that was only three, um… I mean ONE time. And who doesn't think about kissing James Potter? And being in his arms? And having him smile at you all the time like you're the only girl he will ever smile at again? And watching him slip a gorgeous ring on your finger…
"Lily! Are you okay? Can you hear me?"
I'm pulled from my thoughts by the sudden presence of the person I've been thinking… okay fine, obsessing about.
"James," I say his name just above a whisper.
I can't help but notice that James looks pretty dang good in the rain. With his hair flat on his head and his clothes sticking to his body and the water drops dripping down his face to the crevasse in his neck where the pulse point is and… okay. I'm done.
"What are you doing here?" I continue in that annoying above whisper thing because I don't think my voice is physically able to talk in normal volume due to the six feet of wet gorgeousness standing in front of me.
"I was going to ask you the same question," he retorts with that half-smile that sends my heart soar—what! No! No! No!
"Oh. Um, well, you see…" Wow. Great start, Evans. Really, you should win a medal for eloquence or something.
"I love thunderstorms," I finish quickly.
"Oh. That's cool," James says as he reaches up to run his fingers through his hair. HE stops though and ends up rubbing the back of his neck instead. Maybe I'm hallucinating, but he looks kind of… nervous?
"Why are you out here, James?" Yes! My voice sounds semi-normal! Score one for Lily!
"Well," he starts, "I was, uh, worried about you. I mean, you kind of rushed out of the Great Hall really fast earlier and I wanted to make sure that, you know, everything was okay and that you were okay. I mean, that was practically three hours ago, Lils, and I was really getting nervous. So I've been looking for you for the past hour or so. And now I see that you obviously are, okay that is. Not that you're not normally okay, because I think you're much better than okay but that's just me and I should probably shut up now."
Somewhere in the middle of his mindless rambling, I noticed that James has the nicest ears I have ever seen. I mean, seriously. They were the perfect size and shape. I wonder what it would be like to whisper in there…
"Lily?"
"Huh!" I practically jump into the lake from James surprising me out of my reverie.
"Sorry, it's just that you look kind of out of it. Like you're in a different world or something."
"Oh, well I kind of am. I just have a lot on my mind right now."
"Oh. Gosh. I'm sorry, Lily. I'll leave if you need time to think," James says as he turns to go back to the castle.
But the second he turns around I have the strangest feeling like him leaving is the last and worst thing that I'd want to happen.
"Wait, James!" I find myself calling him back before I know what I'm doing. "You can stay. I don't mind."
James turns back towards me and he has the most beautiful, happy, and hopeful look that I've ever seen gracing his face. The sheer beauty that radiates off of his face because of me sets my heart beating faster and faster. The weird thing is that I don't want it to slow down. I actually wouldn't mind if it sped up some more.
He walks back over and just sits at the bottom of the boulder without saying a word. We sit there in comfortable silence, except for the storm surrounding us, for about fifteen minutes. I then realize there is something I have been wondering and wanting to talk to him about.
"You've changed a lot this year, James. I don't know if Id recognize you if I hadn't seen you since last year."
James stiffens slightly. It seems like he doesn't know how to respond to my blunt statement. I immediately feel guilty. How could I be so careless? Of course he's changed. If your parents are brutally murdered then you are obviously going to change at least a little. Oh Merlin, he probably thinks I am some cold, heartless, stuck-up bitch now.
"Not that it's a bad thing!" I quickly continue. "I mean, it seems like you have grown up a lot. Not that you were really that immature before. But, I mean, yes, you would tend to do childish things like prank and hex people for sheer enjoyment, but that's not saying you were a bad person or anything. But, I mean, you don't do that kind of stuff anymore and it's a good change. Not that what might have caused the change is a good thing, because it most certainly isn't… mmhmm!"
Suddenly a warm hand is covering my mouth. I look up and see James with an amused glint in his incredibly gorgeous, undeniably breathtaking, heartstoppingly… sorry. I guess I got carried away again. Anyways, his eyes are amused.
"Lily," he says quietly, "it's okay. I understand."
"Oh," I so cleverly respond. I find myself to be disappointed that his hand is no longer on my mouth.
James sits back down and gazes across the lake that is currently being attacked by the torrential downpour taking place. He looks as if he's thinking about something really important; like the meaning of life or something. I start to open my mouth to get out of our semi-uncomfortable silence, but James beats me to it.
"You know, you're the only person in this place who has treated me like nothing has happened since the start of term. Even Dumbledore acts like he's walking on eggshells around me." He smiles to himself a little.
"Which just makes you that much more amazing, Lily."
My heart involuntarily starts racing. I feel like I've forgotten how to breathe. Did he really just say that?
"I was so scared," he goes on, still gazing at the lake, "that you were going to start treating me differently like everyone else. I could deal with my family, the teachers, hell, even my friends treating me like I was made of glass. But you," once he said this he looked at me with so much emotion that my heart lurched forward in my chest. "You, Lily, I could never have you treat me like that. That I would never be able to deal with."
After James says that, he looks back towards the lake, almost embarrassed. I, of course, continue looking suave and cool and just gawp at him like he grew three heads. Do I really mean that much to him?
"James," I start in that bloody half-whisper voice again.
"Don't Lily," James says almost pleadingly. "Don't say anything," he continues with what looks like a very forced smile.
"You have no idea how much it means to me that we're actually friends this year. I mean, it's like a dream come true for me. I've always wondered what it would be like for you to look at me and not scowl or frown but actually smile. And believe me, its one of the most amazing things to be on the receiving end of one of your smiles. Your eyes just light up when you smile and they just… blow you away."
Here, James stands up and moves a wet piece of my scarlet hair from my face. His fingers bring a warmth through my entire body. I try to look away from him but I find that I can't.
"You have the most beautiful eyes," he confesses more to himself than to me in that half-whisper voice I have become famous for.
I am absolutely frozen. I wouldn't be able to move even if I wanted to. In this moment, it's just me, James, and the rain. I am completely consumed by the deepness of his hazel eyes and the feeling of his hand on my cheek. I briefly notice James' face growing closer to my own. We are so close I can feel every one of his warm, sweet breaths on my face. He leans a bit closer and one more centimeter when…
"CRASSSHHH!"
Thunder claps and the entire school is bathed in light from a flash of lightning. James jumps back as though he was physically pushed away. I feel a pull on my heart the second we lose contact.
I look down, scared of what I'll find on James' face. He must be disgusted with himself for almost doing what it was we were about to do. I most likely look like a wet, red rat right now and he probably can't believe he was touching the likes of me.
"I'm sorry, Lily," I suddenly hear from a few feet ahead of me.
I look up and see that James doesn't look disgusted. Not disgusted at all. Actually it seems like he's looking at me with… wait. Is that longing? And resignation? No. James Potter doesn't give up on anything. But what is he giving up on now? Surely it can't be…
"I shouldn't have," he starts but cuts himself off. He gives me a sad smile and says, "I am so happy that we're friends, Lily. But I guess that's all we'll ever be, huh?"
He looks down at his feet and gives a humorless laugh. He then looks back up at me and I notice the usual sparkle is missing in his eyes.
"I should be heading back in," he says over another clap of thunder. "Don't stay out here too long. We can't have our Head Girl getting sick, can we?"
He gives me what I'm guessing is supposed to be some kind of smile, but it comes out more like a grimace. He then turns to go back to the castle. It is at that exact moment when he turns from me that I come crashing back to earth. He can't go. Not now. Not when I want him to stay so badly. Not when I need him to be next to me. But why do I all of a sudden need James Potter? And then, just like the rain, memories start to fall on me until I'm almost drowning in them.
First year when James taught me the rules of Quidditch. Everytime he told someone off for calling me a "mudblood." Fourth year when he showed me how to get to the kitchens and introduced me to the house elves. Whenever he called me 'Flower' and 'Tiger.' The glow in his eyes when he laughs. The look of disappointment whenever I turned down his date requests to Hogsmeade. When I found out James became an unregistered Animagus to help Remus. Last year when he helped a first year Slytherin get to class. The dimple in his right cheek whenever he smiles. The look of adoration it seems like he saves only for me. The blank look in his eyes when he got on the Hogwarts Express this year. The feeling of his hand in mine…
"Oh my bloody Merlin," I whisper, "I'm in love with James Potter."
I look up and see that James is still walking towards the doors. All of a sudden I'm filled with this new courage and strength that I never knew I had. I stand up on the slippery boulder and yell with all my might, "I LOVE JAMES POTTER!"
I see James stop in his tracks. He turns and looks at me with total incredulity. Lightning flashes again and James' features light up. I catch a glimpse of this beautiful hope in his eyes. Even though I'm now at least twenty-five feet away from him, I still catch him mouthing 'Lily' questionably.
I jump from the boulder and walk slowly and deliberately towards the now immobile boy. I stand in front of him and cautiously snake my arms around his neck. I can feel his breathing quicken and it just makes me love him even more. I pull his head closer to mine and look at him straight in the eyes. I clear my throat and say clearly and slowly, "I love you, James Potter. And there's nothing you can do to change my mind. I'm known as being a very stubborn person, Potter, so you might as well get used to it. Now what are going to do about it?"
The look of complete and total elation that consumes his face while I say this is enough to make me fall in love with him all over again. He grabs my waist and starts spinning me around while having the largest and brightest smile I've ever seen on his face. I laugh out loud at the clichéd act of excitement.
He puts me down and holds me closer to him like I am all of a sudden going to disappear. I revel in how right and amazing it feels to be in his arms. He gently takes hold of my face which is dripping with both rain and tears. He just looks at me for a moment like he still can't really believe that this is happening. He then opens his beautiful mouth hand murmurs so softly I almost have to strain to hear, "I have waited so long to hear you say that, Lily."
Then he draws me in closer and puts his face next to mine. He keeps saying "Lily, my Lily" in my ear and it sends delightful shivers throughout my body. Then he looks back into my eyes and says what it feels like I've been waiting a lifetime to hear him say.
"I love you so much, Flower. I always have and I always will."
He then dips his head closer to mine so that our lips are merely a centimeter apart.
"For all time," he breaths on my already parting lips. He moves the tiniest bit closer when another crash of thunder goes off. James is startled again and involuntarily takes a step back, but I pull him right back towards me.
"I'm not letting you go that easily, Potter," I say with a smirk.
He smiles back and our lips finally meet in what is the most incredible, perfect kiss anyone could experience. It was slow and gentle, but filled with more passion and love than I've ever known. We slowly explore each other's mouths and in doing so, seal a bond between our hearts that can never be broken. This is right. Being in James' arms. This is where I belong for the rest of my life and I don't intend on ever leaving. He's my missing piece.
x.o.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.o.x.o.x
"Well, well, well, it seems Moony, old chap, that our friend Prongs here, has finally gotten the girl."
"I'm going to have to agree with you on that Padfoot, dear friend, if how they are sucking each other's faces off is any indication."
Sirius Black's laughter fills the Entrance Hall where he and Remus Lupin have been spying on their best friend and his "lady love" for the past twenty minutes.
"They are snogging quite ferociously, aren't they?" Sirius asks with a chuckle.
"That they are, Padfoot. I also think it will be a safe bet to say that Prongs is going to be rather partial to thunderstorms now."
"Alas, Moony, he will now drag us outside whenever it starts raining," Sirius answers with a look of fake seriousness.
"Oh well," he sighs as he continues. "Now there's only one thing left to worry about, Moony."
"And what is that, Padfoot?" Remus asks with amusement evident in his voice.
"I should think it quite obvious to an intellectual such as yourself, Remus," Sirius answers. "The question is, when is the wedding and who will be best man?"
Remus laughs out loud and takes a last look at the two people outside who are completely too wrapped up in the other to notice the two Marauders in the Entrance Hall. He turns to head back to the Gryffindor Common Room still chuckling over Sirius' response.
"I mean it, Moony! And how many little Prongsies and Lilykins will there be? And how many will be named Sirius? Moony! Moony! This is important here!"