-CHAPTER 20-
"Just make it sure. You can't be a mistress, goodness."
"Mom!"
Ella's eyes dilated, making a direct eye-contact on her mom. It would be a same thing from her mom's experiences if Ella's speculations are true. She's barely brushing that thought away. "It is only a miracle that someone actually dated me, I would never pick a married man." The mind was full of battling thoughts about the true identity of Theodore.
She already stopped thinking about his relationship status. They're just fuck buddies!
With cash involved.
"Girls nowadays are quite strategic, older men are good tree to climb." Sasha can't help but to be suggestive. She can see how her daughter flushed at their topic. In the pit of awkwardness, Ella can't remain her cool and her weird facial reactions are showing up. She rubbed her twitching eye and tried to focus on heating the oil in the pan.
"Anyways gotta go. Take care, hmm? Imma hang up." The line went dead as her mother rushed to her work.
Lunch ended, and literally there are no things left to do. So far. She decided to declutter her desk or whatever she finds messy in her room. Maybe her body yielded for work. She folded some clothes and dusted off some corners in cabinets, distracting her mind at best. Ella was trying not to ponder on how she had been feeling for the past few weeks. From the transactions on her online bank account, orgasms she reached, positions she did, for not thinking of what's next at all.
She was delighted on the pleasure that she shared with Theo. Maybe it was her mind itching the negative connotations about a woman having a full sexual control. From the start, Ella had been exposed and lived by the narrative of guilt about taking ownership of one's girlhood. Indeed, it was difficult to unlearn that it isn't dirty nor a disgrace. Being fucked and wanting to be fucked is just as valid as having cravings.
Ella likes to think that Theodore is the quintessence of what an adult should be when it comes in sexual intimacy: well-controlled, disciplined, informed, and receptive. Well, at least in being sexual. She had been afraid to adapt how he practiced and how he talked about it. For weeks, he was happy to talk about how he gets tested regularly, what contraceptives are the best, what brands to avoid, what food to intake too keep the stamina good, and what should be an "aftercare" feels like. It feels natural for Theodore to be informative and making it a less of a taboo for what it's worth. It is still early for Ella to call him a feminist, though. Theodore looks to alpha for it.
What am I thinking? The term maybe unfamiliar for her, but it does ring a bell on what he does. Feminism is such a big term to come up with, and for years, it has been a struggle to unpack the topics aligned with it. Well at least for Ella. Feminist understanding was difficult for a girl from a conservative origins.
It was difficult to learn sexual liberation, and it is extra challenging for women. Being fixated and conditioned about preserving one's 'purity' was all just opted for a patriarchal premise from a man wanting a pure and picture-perfect wife. Earlier years in a woman's girlhood, there are little to no chances of avoiding unsolicited encounters from conservatives of telling how to act, what to wear, what to feel, how to act around uncles and other male relatives, what to say and how it should be delivered, and what it takes to be a 'girl'. It would've been easier for her if she wasn't enrolled in a catholic institution at all. Ella can only imagine what could have been if she learned all of these sooner. Or at least fully grasped the whole wisdom of bodily autonomy and independence. Sexual liberation, was all about having the sex, having little to no sex, and doing whatever suits in personal fulfillment.
Ella was stoned on her bed, staring at her freshly groomed ceiling. What else did I missed? Her soul forever pondered as she contemplated her takeaways about Theodore's sexual franchise, as what she likes to call it. Maybe it is fair for her, beyond everything. Their sex felt like a premium masterclass, she laughed at that thought. Would it be so bad to want more?
Do I want more? Should I call him?
"Ella—guys, my wings are here!" Kath barked outside her room, Ella's door was half-closed, so the voice managed to reach her ear.
"What wings?" It was Lynn's who's obviously busy with org work.
"I ordered. Girls c'mon." Ella lander her toes on her slipper to meet everyone in the dining room. Two buckets of marinated wings with different flavors were served hot with some sauces beside it. It didn't look obnoxious just like when the first time they were trying order food first few months from moving to uni.
"New store? Or new packaging of that chicken parlor that I hate?" Ella complained while redoing her messy bun before sitting on a chair.
"New store that I discovered," says Kath while tasting some of the excess sauces from the packaging. "Their main branch is in Manhattan, so if this is bop, we're should probably try their dining."
Lynn echoed the same thought as she was placing the bowls with rice. "That sauce coating sounds promising. Good job for ordering, Kath. What's with you today?"
"Stress eating, my man and I had an argument?"
Pairing it with rice it looked even more mouthwatering, Ella insisted with confusion. "You mean Brandon? I thought he was kindest so far—"
"Well, he lost it— well I- uhm... No. It was his fault," her voice was full of guilt as she reckons. It was actually Kath's but she just trying to blame him over simple arguments. Brandon was right about not being available all the time even in planned schedules. She's having a hard time dealing with it because she just missed him so much. Kath decided spill what happened as they dig into the flavored wings.
"Well, we are just hoping that it won't be a breakup. I can't afford to see you cry in the middle of a piled week-long revisions, plus the upcoming acquaintance party." Lynn segued the shit ton of academics that frustrations painted on their faces while chewing carbs. "I am currently working with the graphic backdrops by the way."
Ella reached for the can of coke that she opened minutes ago. "I hate being busy for stuff like that. I heard, marketing, business ad, social studies, and accounting departments are gonna organize the whole thing?" she earned a nod from Lynn.
"What was the theme then?"
"Bohemian, majority wins at the poll last week. I am expecting a lot of material and resource gathering for this on Monday. It's a fucking real work, you guys." Lynn complained even though it's not starting yet .
Ella slyly asks the question, "is everyone going with a date? Is that a rule?" It didn't turn out to be sly when she watched Kath's reaction. It all boiled down to his supposed boyfriend, Theodore.
"Oh God. I seriously forgot that you have a guy to hang out right now. Are you gonna bring your young and English 'lad' to a casual party then? Interesting." Kath teased and faked a British accent at the end, which was terrible that she would rather listen to a fork scratching a ceramic plate.
"Stop. It was harmless question, geez." Ella dipped the chicken to the mayo and prayed to the gods that her friends should stop talking about Theodore, she remembered their recent encounters. No. She cannot afford to drag Theodore again. Ella had been garnering a lot of lies when it comes to using the boyfriend card when it's just a 'sex mate' in the first place. She just hopes for these girls to be quiet enough so that he won't know any of these. Who knows what stunt he would do to participate in the party and to appear as her boyfriend?
Bohemian date, though.
+++
She was in the right headspace to handle all of the meetings, lectures, bitch-faced librarians, and even invasive block mates who kept asking questions about the stupid acquaintance party. Ella haven't got the full plans about it yet. For fuck's sake. She dedicated her eight minutes to stare at the locker and do some touch ups, she looked horrible with the messy bun compared to these YouTube vloggers who filmed about how their day went.
Her phone beeped from her pocket, hoping that it wasn't about org or any demands at her end from the group chats. The messaged was from Theodore, and it didn't fail her thoughts to bug her.
"Does Dark Caramel Coffee sound nice this afternoon? My treat 😉."
It took her breath away that the only thing to respond was to chuckle. It was always his treat at this point. Ella had no access to caffeine ever since she stepped out of the house, the coffees for vending machine rarely reach the 'ok' quality to her liking.
"God, yes. I need caffeine, everything and everyone is pissing me off." That was so impulsive of her to send it right away, not to mention her speculations about his married life— or if that was even true at all.
She took a breath, a deep one. Ella is willing to take a risk of seeing him despite the conspiracies. Ella didn't count the minutes of the cab ride just to arrive immediately at The New York Grinds, she did not think twice to leave the school premises after today's lecture. And only did mind telling her friends about her sudden disappearance followed by her café catch-up plans this afternoon.
Unlike the midterm crisis atmosphere of the university, The New York Grinds is much more adequately peaceful this afternoon. Right amount of crowd that isn't annoying, sunlight peeking through glass windows just right on the wooden surfaces of the café, oddly enchanting bossa nova in the background, and the scent of roasted coffee bean variant that she couldn't tell. The serene surrounding didn't reduce the feeling on her chest, thinking about finally meeting Theodore after more than week after avoiding him.
How is he? I mean, I think he's still dealing with that wife— is there any marriage between them? She couldn't just stop thinking about it, even if she would get paid for it. Ella's thumbs are rubbing the strap of her back deciding what to do next.
Hide.
Stupid.
Luck enough, the single stools at one corner were vacant, facing the peaceful street of the neighboring shops through the huge glass. The wooden counter table was spacious enough for her bag to sit on, she placed it there and sat on the tall stool. It would be better for Ella if she wouldn't appear right away, cowardice got the best of her. The clips freed her bun and coming it afterwards. Her hair is getting longer these days. Ella rarely finds time to trim or to even treat it on a nice salon. Maybe I can try that. She thought of her bountiful wallet.
"Are you hiding from me, yeah?" Of course, she knew that voice. All too well.
Theodore stood tall with a tray of Dark Caramel Coffee with extra flat oat milk and pump of toffee nut syrup. Beside the drink is a slice of a classic blueberry pie that serves for two people, he is mindfully aware that she is alone, it wouldn't be so bad for him to offer a snack on a lady. The coffee recipe wasn't even on the menu as he only made it up minutes earlier, he'd like her reaction for the drink to see how it tastes like. Her eyes were seen as shy, he can tell.
"Not really." It has been a while since she glanced at his green orbs, sharp jaws with right amount of fat in his cheeks, making the face sculpted-like. The obvious crimson hair was finally showing its roots, for the first time, she took a scan of it—up close to figure out what cheap hair coloring did he used. Hints of dark shade of brown that's lighter than hers. The roots only made her assume that Theodore might be a ginger. To her surprise. Theodore placed the order and sat on the empty stool.
"Is that your roots that I am seeing?"
"I know I look dashing with this color, aren't you too observant with my hair?" he said to his defense as he ran his fingers on his scalp.
"It is quite obvious up close." Ella positioned the tray, noticing extra slices of cake other than her coffee being a venti sized. "This is quite a lot? How much are these—"
"No sweat. It's on me, Ella. Besides, the café had a massive restock this week, so I get to play around with it. That coffee isn't on the menu by the way, I made that earlier." Theodore's bright teeth was surprisingly attractive when he gave that smile. Not that she cares about it.
It took her seconds to react, he had been really generous on money and orders like these. She can absolutely pay for it. "O-okay... cool. Thanks." Ella got the hint that he might be waiting for her reaction on the coffee. Gripping the cup, she shook the cup gently and heard the satisfying collision of ice and coffee, and finally went for a sip.
Ella makes sure that she orders coffee herself and not lee others do it for her. A bad coffee is always a day ruined. Dark Caramel Coffee was quite strong, but with the add-ons that Theodore mixed, the cup was tolerable. It made her nod after ate a forkful of the cake, which makes it a great pair. A strategic order for such curious tongue, she feared. Theodore was almost ignored.
"It's good. I think it would taste obnoxious to my liking if you didn't add oat milk and stuff. Thank you, really." Priceless reaction. He thought, that made his mouth arched to a smile subconsciously.
Of course, he wouldn't forget to boast. "I am just good at my job." Theo laughed at her nonchalance with a bad stare.
"But you're not that good for coloring your own hair."
"Oh c'mon, I did it for sex. Of course, I am not that good of a hair stylist. Plus, you seem kinda into it," he teased.
"Excuse me? I didn't say that.... I find it stupid rather than nice."
He scoffed and leaned his head on his fist, resting his arms on the counter table and faced her. "I just know that I look good with it."
"You look like a strawberry shortcake fanboy." Ella quarreled, earning a bored and offended face of him.
"Rude. How about my roots?"
She couldn't stop presuming about it, so she segued the question. "They look tolerable, even. Are you a ginger though?" Looking at the intrigued guy, she's getting the conversation longer than anticipated.
"Hmm, do I look one? You have serious problems with ginger men?"
Defeated, she responded "you're not answering the question. Never mind, just asking." Her face implied a small hint and glint of prospect that Theo might answer it. But it didn't happen, and he only gave her a victory laugh. Secretive as ever.
"On a serious note, I can pay for the other. Seriously Theodore, you've helped me more than enough." Her arms snaked through her bag to search for her wallet.
But Theodore insisted. "No, darling. Take it or leave it. It's an afternoon treat."
"This is lowkey bribery, who knows what are your demands after this?"
He finally got the idea that made his lips purse, he took a deep breath and tried to explain it. "Look, Ella, it is my pleasure to treat people I know, even my mates that I know from other cafes. I just want you to let me, and my sincerest apologies if this made u feel slight uncomfortable. But I am absolutely fine serving people like you."
Frozen, she waited for more.
"You were never a charity work. I hope you don't see it that way. And what I did today, does not come with any demand at your expense, nor condition you with something that will violate your consent. Just let me know if you wanna sleep with me when you feel like doing it. That's what we signed up for. Trust me, this is fine. And of course, I will let you pay next time." Theodore carefully empathized.
Ella was astounded of how well done was that. "Oh..... okay. I understand." Silence filled their space. Eyes blinking. Eyes staring. Both lost in it before one of the cuts it off, hiding the hint of awkwardness.
"And you do sound like an English politician on press conferences." Ella bickered for the last minute, that successfully made Theodore cracked in laughter.
"Oh, do I? What do you think should I be sounding then?" Hints of laughter was still evident from what he said.
Smiling, Ella sipped from her coffee. "I am just saying that you are good with your words. You smooth talker." She added with a tap on his lips with her fingers.
Theodore cleared his throat and fixed his posture all so casually. "So how are you and your friends? Students are quite in a rush in ordering their coffees for the past few hours, it must be stressful. They really need that much caffeine, caffeine— and oh you should've seen their faces. Really stressed. I can't even barely count students ordering here with a grumpy mood, most of them are rude to the staffs, geez."
"That makes all of us in uni." She took a pause to chew some slices of the cake and sipped aggressively on her coffee afterwards. Ella did not realize how hungry she was. Thank Theo for these extra slices. "Meetings, internships, expenses, revisions, reports, worksheets, they were always the highlight of our weekdays. And yes, for crying out loud, we look terrible, deteriorating even— I mean have you tried finishing a freaking degree?" To their surprise, it apparently sounded like she was ranting, it made the guy smirked.
"Yes." Theodore wasn't planning to give that detail, nor give a fucking answer. But he did. "No.... I mean, what degree— No." He didn't manage to lie, and he ended up scratching of his eyebrows. It was asked to smoothly for his vigilance, he was completely taken aback.
"Oh.... I wasn't supposed to say that. But whatever"
Ella cackled as she tried to keep it down, the sight of him being awkward and perplexed was such a comedy. "Huh. I didn't realize that you could commit mistakes amidst of being overly secretive barista. Harmless question though, tell me, what's your degree then?
He comically nodded while he stole a bite from her cake. "so this is about me sharing details? because I have a lot duties to do after serving. Perhaps, hooking up with you after this shift?"
"Duh. You keep changing the subject, you sly flirt." They both know that Theodore couldn't keep up that the only thing left to do is to share a good amount of laugh.
"Okay, fine. For fuck's sake. Degree of Economics and Master's Degree of Applied Economics at Cambridge. I am not responsible for your reactions, not going to elaborate that." Ended with a mean stare, Theodore gave it up to her.
He was impressed of how Ella caught him off guard at times. That laughter gave him a time to behold her squinted-tired eye laughing, the arch in her lips, the little hairs behind artful ears, and her dimples that once he wiped when he soaked with kisses and other 'liquids' every hook up.
Was he just glad that he gets to see all of those details again after a few weeks of disappearance?
Theodore supposed that it might be just a platonic amusement.
Again.
©Leo_Polaris