Twenty more minutes have passed, and we've done nothing but sit in silence. Well, I lie, Tate was humming a song to himself at some point, but one irritated glare from me shut that shit down quickly. I think the song was a Taylor Swift song--either way, it made me feel ill.
Maybe I can simply wait this out. If I just sit here and do not try to initiate conversation, I won't have to share anything else with Tate. Sure, learning about him is interesting and certainly beats sitting here doing nothing, but learning about him means that I would also have to give him information. Talking feels icky. This isn't a movie, and I certainly don't feel like sharing my whole life with someone that I've only ever said awful things to.
I just don't get it. How is Tate still being nice to me? If I were in his shoes, I'd be facing a corner or taking a nap just to avoid talking (or even looking) to me. I've been a horrible person to him, always belittling him or saying snarky things to Ayisha about him, and yet he's still so annoyingly polite and courteous and--ugh. Ayisha has never taken what I've said seriously, as she thinks I'm pining over him like a bully in highschool, but still. Sigh. I'm not a bully. I'm an adult.
Did I just say 'sigh' in my head? Great. Now I'm losing my sanity in here.
"So, how did you end up here?" Tate says, cutting me out of my thoughts. I turn to him. He's lying on his back now, arms tucked underneath his head as he stares at the ceiling. I arch an eyebrow. The heck does he mean?
"I walked through the front doors?"
He chuckles. "No, you idiot, I mean how did some beefy rugby player end up in the corporate publishing industry? No offense, but you would look much more at home on the field than behind a desk."
I pause. "You think I'm beefy?"
Tate smiles, surprising me. "I'm not blind. Don't think too much into it. I'm merely stating a fact. Look at you, your shirt can barely contain all that underneath it."
I don't know what to say, so I lie down next to him. Resisting the fuzzy feeling in my gut, I decide to entertain his question a little.
"It's complicated," I start. He turns to me, waiting. "It's also a long story. Don't know if our situation has earned you the right to hear it."
"I'm just making conversation, Kian. Christ. Besides, does it look like I'm in any rush? It'll make the time go faster if we talked."
"Right." I swallow.
This is exactly what I didn't want to do. The last time I told someone about who I was, he laughed at me and called me a failure with no real dreams. Spineless. A fool. That person was Amir. It was during my job interview with him. I don't even know why I got the job--I was humiliated.
"Why don't you tell me about you first?" I say. Deflection, my favourite tool. He sighs, lying on his back again facing the ceiling. Crisis averted.
He takes a breath before talking.
"There's not really much to say. I was a smart kid in highschool and a smart kid in university. I was loved by my family, parents always so proud of my achievements. But, they also loved the church, a little too much. While my dad was fine with me when I came out, my mother was not. We became estranged. I started working here to help build a life away from her, but to be honest, working here has been awful."
Woah.
"What do you mean, working here has been awful?" I know full well that Amir may have something to do with that statement, as he's the root cause of a LOT of problems in this place, but I couldn't help but pry.
He shakes his head, waving a dismissive finger in the air. "Nope. Your turn, rugby boy. C'mon. I haven't told anybody that before."
I swallow. I want to shrink away, melt into the wall to avoid speaking. But, the kind look in Tate's eyes make me feel at ease. They're nothing like Amir's, judgemental and cold. He seems to actually care about what I have to say.
Here goes nothing. Well, not nothing. Everything. "Fine. It's actually pretty similar to yours."
He arches an eyebrow. "In what way, exactly?"
"I was a star rugby player. Worked hard in highschool, got a scholarship to a fancy university, but it all derailed in my first year. I discovered that I was bisexual. Despite being in the closet, my coach, my parents, hell my entire team was so extremely homophobic that it made being myself around them an impossible idea. So, at my lowest, I abruptly quit the team, change degrees, and applied to work here after I graduated. I also stopped talking to my family, hence why I don't speak to my sister either anymore"
"That's... wow. So much to unpack there. Jesus."
I surprise myself with a laugh. "Yeah, I guess."
"Why would you throw away all that for this life? If I had met you when you were making that choice, I would have told you to stick it out and find another team. Sure, sports politics is awful, but it's a whole 'nother level when you're in an office."
"It's... it's fine. I always did enjoy writing, and I've actually found some joy in writing some stuff. I want to be published one day."
He shrugs. "Still... I'm sure you were a good player. Also, hold the phone--you're bisexual?"
My skin pricks. I don't know why, but I feel defensive. "Why? Have you got a problem with it?"
Tate shakes his head, throwing me a look I can't quite decipher. Contentment? Caution? Contemplation? I don't know. "Not at all. I just... I thought you were straight, is all. Good to know you're like me."
"Yeah. I guess we have that in common now."
I only just realise that my heart is pounding in my chest. Hell, not even Ayisha knows about my history, just vague bits and pieces that I've let slip over the past few weeks. Why is it so easy to talk to Tate? I haven't felt this about another person before in my life--this sense of ease. Relaxation.
Blinking, I realise that I've been looking at him the whole time. He has a half smile on his face, and I look away from him, trying to avoid him seeing me blush. That damn half smile, it's cuter than his normal smile.
"S-so, you're gay, yeah?" I say a lot more awkwardly than I mean to. He laughs.
"Yes, Kian."
"R-right. So, you and that reeptionist never...?"
He groans, putting his hands on his face. "God, that Moira girl? Far out, she's been trying to hit on me since I met her and I have let her down in every concievable way possible but she just won't stop! She hasn't done anything creepy that would warrant me contacting HR, but ugh. She doesn't seem to want to take the hint."
Confused, I arch an eyebrow. "Why don't you just tell her the truth? That you like guys?"
Shaking his head, he looks away from me. "I don't want to tell her that I'm gay because I've seen how she treats others, and the last thing I need is for her to have something she can laud over me once she's over me. Plus, not a lot of people know about that part of me. It's not exactly something I like to share with a lot of people, given how my mother reacted."
Before I can stop myself, I open my mouth. "Well, I am glad you told me."
He looks bewildered. "Wow, you're being nice again. You're so much more pleasant when you're not being snarky."
I freeze. "I-I can be snarky! Uh, your hair is bad! Your shirt is crinkly from sweat!"
"Right, right. Really kicked my feelings in the nuts with that. Ouch, I'll never make it this time, you've wounded me."
Laughing, I playfully hit his shoulder, making him laugh as well. Realising what I just did, I stop laughing and look away from him, sitting up. Is my hair fucked from lying down? I look at my reflection on the wall opposite me and fix my hair.
Maybe, just maybe, this elevator situation isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.
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A/N: Guess who had a spare moment and was struck with inspiration! I had to reread the book to remember what I was going to write here, and hopefully I've still hit Kian's snarky voice despite it being a few months since touching this book.
What do you all think of the chapter?
It's nice to see Kian gradually lower his walls. I hope you all liked learning a little more about their backstory, and I hope to flesh it out a lot more as the chapters continue to spill out.
Any thoughts?
Also, the Question Of The Chapter: What is your favourite song at the moment? Mine's In The Dark, by BMTH. Can't stop listening to it, it's so damn good.
Until next time,
Jacob x