In my uncertain life, one thing is certain—Dior Kobe Gallardo is still the one I want to see the rest of the world with.
"What do you mean?" he asked as we stood right in front of each other.
The view of the moon from his living room gleamed brightly, unfazed by the shadow that fully consumed everything. He took me outside the room after hearing what I said, and right there, I knew I had to talk to him about it.
"Narinig ko kayo ni Ate Clea," pag-amin ko.
He exhaled sharply. "Let it go. I'll stick to my guns."
Bahagya akong lumayo sa kanya. Alam ko kung gaano siya kagalit sa pamilya niya. Nakalimutan ko na ang poot na minsan kong naramdaman sa mga Gallardo dahil hindi ko naman iyon itinanim at inalagaan. But to him, it was still new. He was still reeling from the betrayal.
I wanted so badly to convince him to view things differently, because I didn't want him to be filled with regrets. Ayokong magdesisyon siya nang nakatuon sa sariling emosyon.
"Kapag ba naipakulong ni Ate Clea si Tita Penelope... may magbabago ba?" I asked softly. "Kapag ba ibinigay ni Don Lucho ang kalahati ng shares ng company niya sa akin... sasaya ka?"
"Those are the consequences they have to pay, Karsen." His expression hardened. "I trusted them... pero sinaktan ka lang nila. I can't turn a blind eye to that."
I pressed my lips together. He was reasonable, but right now, I didn't want us to live throwing rocks at people who hurt us. Alam kong sa likod ng galit niya sa pamilya ay ang matinding pagmamahal para sa kanila. Na ang desisyon niya ay masakit din para sa kanya—the very reason why I hid Gayle from him.
"Hindi naging mabuti sa 'kin si Tita Penelope, pero naging mabuti siyang ina sa 'yo."
Umiling siya. "We won't justify her mistakes, Karsen."
Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi at yumuko. "Kobe, mali ba 'ko kung ayaw kong talikuran ang pamilya mo para sa 'min ni Gayle? Mali ba 'ko kung wala akong makapang galit sa kanila? Mali ba 'ko kung gustuhin kong sundin mo na lang 'yong gustong gawin ni Ate Clea?"
"Karsen, my mother tried to kill Gayle." Madiin ang pagbigkas niya sa mga salita, para bang ipinapaalala sa akin ang ginawa ng ina.
Umiling ako. "Hindi naman natuloy, 'di ba? Tumakbo naman ako, eh."
"No." I heard him grit his teeth.
I raised my head and sighed. "Kobe, 'wag na tayong gumanti, ha?" I smiled lightly. "Ang bigat-bigat kasi sa loob no'n."
Nag-iwas siya ng tingin sa akin.
"Hindi ko kailangan ng yaman ni Don Lucho kaya alam kong hindi ko tatanggapin 'yong sinasabi n'yong shares. Wala naman akong alam do'n, eh." I chuckled. "Saka, 'di ba? Nagastos naman na 'yong parte ng tatay ko. Basically, wala na 'kong habol do'n."
He massaged the space between his brows. "Why... just why are you being too kind, Karsen?"
I took a step closer to him, dahilan para mapabaling ang atensyon niya sa akin. I smiled to assure him that I meant everything I said.
"Alam kong nasaktan ka rin sa ginawa mo," marahang saad ko. "Your family has already learned their lessons. Okay na 'yon. Masaya naman na tayo... 'di ba?"
"But—"
I shook my head to cut him off. "Mag-focus na lang tayo sa pagiging mabuting magulang kay Gayle. Hindi natin kailangang manakit din, Kobe. May sakit ang nanay mo. And given her past, mas kailangan niya ng tulong."
"Kailangan nilang magbayad, Karsen," he insisted.
"Hindi pa ba kabayaran 'yong nangyayari sa kanya ngayon? Si Lord na ang kumilos para parusahan siya. Your family is living with guilt, at mabigat na punishment 'yon. They're physically free, but emotionally imprisoned, Kobe." I reached for his hand and gently brushed it. "Ayokong mangyari sa 'yo 'yon. Ayokong makulong ka sa galit."
I watched how his eyes glisten. "They hurt you..."
"And I forgive them." I tightened my grip on his hand. "Kasi nasa akin si Gayle. Kasi nasa akin ka naman."
Nanlaki ang mata ko nang higitin niya ako palapit sa kanya. My cheek crushed onto his chest and my whole being calmed down when I heard the tunes of his heart. Naramdaman ko ang paghaplos niya sa buhok ko at ang marahang paghalik sa tuktok nito.
"I really don't want to do that to them... I really don't..." Nabasag ang tinig niya. "I love them, but I don't think I can forgive them like you did."
Pumikit ako. "You don't have to."
His chest heaved. "Okay lang ba talaga sa 'yo? Na hindi ko ipakulong si... Mama?" Humina ang boses niya nang sabihin ang huling salita.
Tumango ako. "Ayoko rin no'ng shares. I-donate na lang nila 'yon sa charities."
Sandali siyang natahimik. Bahagyang bumilis ang tibok ng puso niya, dahilan para mapamulat ako. Sinubukan kong humiwalay sa kanya ngunit humigpit lang ang hawak niya sa akin.
"What can I do to deserve you?" mahinang tanong niya. "Sabihin mo sa 'kin, Karsen... ano'ng gagawin ko para maging karapat-dapat ako para sa 'yo?"
His words made me feel like I was a piece of art that deserved the highest bidding in an auction, the most beautiful painting in a museum filled with different masterpieces, and the only person he could see in a room full of people. I was worthy. I felt like one.
Doon kami nagpalipas ng gabi ni Gayle. Kobe insisted on that. Nagpadala lang siya kay Kuya Enzo ng damit namin pamalit. Gayle and I slept in his room, and he spent the night on his couch. Nang mag-umaga ay sabay-sabay rin kaming nag-umagahan na para bang walang espesyal na nangyari kagabi.
As the days went by, I noticed how consistent Kobe was. Walang palya ang paghahatid at pagsundo niya sa amin. Nagsimula na rin ang therapies ni Gayle at iba't ibang private conventions ang pinuntahan namin ni Kobe tungkol sa pag-aalaga sa mga batang may special needs.
Inclusion—that was the most important thing I learned.
Individuals with special needs require more than just acceptance; they must also feel included. As a society, we must ensure that everyone is a part of our community and that one's differences do not result in a denial of basic human rights.
People with disabilities face a lot of difficulties in finding jobs because their disability is seen as more relevant than their competence and ability. Hindi iyon iba sa mga paaralan. Most schools in our country aren't inclusive. Mas tumatanggap sila ng mag-aaral na walang kapansanan imbes na turuan ang mga kabataan na yakapin ang pagkakaiba ng bawat isa.
All students, with or without impairments, should be able to stay in the same room without feeling like an outcast.
Hindi dapat mahirap sa isang bata ang pagkakaroon ng kaibigan dahil lang sa pagiging iba niya.
"I-enroll muna natin si Gayle sa sped, tapos kapag maganda ang performance niya ro'n, i-enroll natin siya sa inclusive school," sabi ni Kobe matapos ang isang convention na dinaluhan namin. "Mas maganda rin kasing may ibang bata siyang nakakasama."
I nodded. "Kapag nag-improve na siya... let's do that."
Tulog na tulog ang bata sa bisig ng lalaki. Inihatid kami ni Kobe pauwi bago siya tumulak pabalik sa trabaho. I'm glad that he's making time for this. Iniwan niya pa ang laptop sa apartment dahil dito niya raw itutuloy ang ibang gawain mamaya.
Habang pinapanood na matulog ang anak ay nag-ring ang cellphone ko. Napatingin ako roon at agad na napangiti nang makita ang icon ng group chat naming magkakaibigan.
I answered the video call, and my smile grew wider when I saw my friends.
"Hi," bati ko bago dahan-dahang lumabas ng kwarto. "Natutulog si Gayle."
Mill scoffed. "Ba't ka nakaayos? Sa'n ka galing?"
Ngumuso ako. "May convention kaming pinuntahan. Nag-leave ako sa canteen."
"Pang-ilan na 'yan? Apat ba?" tanong ni Ate Kat. "Mabuti at may oras si Kobe."
"Siya nga ang naghahanap, eh," tawa ko.
Nakita ko ang pag-irap ni Mari. "Naku, I smell something fishy going on..."
"Ha?"
"Hindi ko gusto ang kinang ng mata mo nang banggitin ni Kat si Kobe, Dawn Karsen." Nangingiting umiling siya. "You remind me so much of your past self."
Nag-init ang mukha ko. Umupo ako sa couch at nakurot ko ang sarili nang makita ang pamumula ng pisngi ko.
"Hindi pa naman kami nagkakabalikan," pagrarason ko.
Mill's eyebrow shot up. "Pa?"
"Hindi ko pa sinasagot."
"Pa?!" she echoed.
Lumabi ako. "Ate Kat..."
Marahang tumawa si Ate Kat. "Tigilan mo nga 'yan, Millicent. Nasapak mo na nga 'yong isa, galit ka pa rin."
"Hindi ako galit. Ayoko lang magkabalikan sila."
"At bakit?" tanong naman ni Mari. "They both suffered. Ano'ng mali kung magsasama ulit sila?"
Tumango ako. "Oo nga. Kawawa rin kaya si Kobe..."
"Ayun." Mill shook her head. "Wala na. Hindi na raw mahal pero makikipagbalikan."
"'Wag n'yo nga silang pakialamanan," saad ni Ate Kat. "Malaki na si Karsen. Hindi na 'yan kailangang diktahan."
"Ang akin lang, halata namang mahal pa nitong bata natin... what's the use of prolonging the courtship? Kobe has proven himself already. He chose Gayle and Karsen over his family. Kung hindi pagmamahal 'yon... then what the hell is that?" untag ni Mari. "Isa pa, Gayle deserves a complete and happy family. Stop holding back, Karsen."
"Hindi! Magpakipot ka!" giit ni Mill. "Sagutin mo lang kapag college na si Gayle."
Mari and Mill always have opposing views. Kapag sila ang kausap ko ay wala talaga akong napipiling tama.
"Kaya wala kang manliligaw, eh," pang-iinis ni Mari.
Sarkastikong tumawa si Mill. "Oo, sinasapak ko kasi."
Mari sighed. "You and your violence."
"Ayoko sa lalaki. Mga gago silang lahat." Ngumisi si Mill. "Best example is your ex."
"And your ex," segunda agad ni Mari.
Mill's eyes widened a fraction. "Hindi ko ex 'yon!"
"Ay oo nga! Hindi ka nga pala pinili!"
Malakas na bumuntong-hininga si Ate Kat. "Hindi ba kayo titigil dalawa? Para kayong mga bata."
"Paano 'tong si Mill! Idinadamay ang pagiging bitter niya sa love life ni Karsen!"
Naririndi ako sa pagtatalo ng dalawa pero hindi ko maiwasang mapangiti. Dahil sila ang magka-batch ay mas alam nila ang nangyayari sa isa't isa. Kahit madalas magtalo ay sila naman ang laging magkasama. I missed that. I missed living in a small apartment with them.
"Bakit ba kayo napatawag?" kalmadong tanong ko.
Mill ruffled her hair. "Nalaman ko lang naman na kabarkada ni Erika si Jennifer. Sinabi ko na 'to sa gc, pero hindi ka nangsi-seen."
Erika is Marcus' fiancé... and if she's friends with Jennifer, there's a possibility that I will see her at the wedding.
"Hindi kami makakapunta sa kasal. Sobrang demanding ng work," dagdag niya pa. "Si Kat naman naubos na ang leave. At syempre, si Mari..." She shrugged.
"Hindi n'yo pa ba napag-uusapan ni Kobe si Jennifer?" tanong ni Ate Kat.
Umiling ako. "Para saan?"
Mari grinned. "See? Assured siya. There's nothing to worry about."
"Flower girl si Gayle kaya ihahatid kami ni Kobe. Sabi sa akin ni Eddie, isama ko na. Siya na raw ang bahalang magsabi kay Marcus," litanya ko. "Kung magkikita sila ro'n at mag-uusap... walang kaso sa 'kin 'yon. They're in the same line of work. Tapos na ang pagseselos ko kay Jennifer."
We talked a bit more about it before ending the call. I meant what I said. Ilang beses nang pinatunayan sa akin ni Kobe na ako ang mahal niya. Wala akong dapat ipag-alala.
Ilang minuto pa lang ang nakakalipas ay tumunog ulit ang cellphone ko. Now, it's a phone call from Kobe.
"Hi... what are you doing?" tanong niya pagkasagot ko ng tawag. "You were unattended earlier. May kausap ka?"
Ngumuso ako bago sumandal sa sofa. "Sina Ate Kat."
He exhaled. "What are you doing?" ulit niya sa unang tanong.
"Wala, nakaupo lang sa sala. Tulog pa rin si Gayle, eh." My lips protruded. "Ikaw?"
"I'm thinking of going there now."
Napakurap ako. "Hmm? Bakit? Marami kang trabaho, ah?"
"I know," he replied. "My laptop is there, right? Can you send me a file?"
Tumingin ako sa laptop niya na nasa tapat ko lang.
"Or should I go there? Kaya lang baka hindi na 'ko bumalik dito."
Napangiti ako dahil parang kinakausap lang niya ang sarili niya.
"Ano'ng file name? I'll send it to you," untag ko.
I heard him click his tongue. "The only file inside BS Production. Ginawa ko 'yan kagabi. I forgot to sync it to my pc."
"Oki..." Binuksan ko ang laptop niya. "Sa email ko na lang ise-send, ha?"
"Yeah. Thank you," he uttered gently. "I should hang up."
Napalabi ako. "Busy ka?"
He muttered a curse. "Yeah."
"Okay..."
Nagbuntong-hininga siya. "I'm really busy, and the more I hear your voice, the more I want to go there to get the file myself... so... your cuteness isn't really helping."
"Hindi ako nagpapa-cute!" nag-iinit ang mukhang depensa ko sa sarili.
"I know. You just do."
I cleared my throat. "Bye na nga!"
Agad kong ibinaba ang tawag bago sinamaan ng tingin ang cellphone na para bang naroon si Kobe. Ang harot-harot niya!
I pouted. Now I miss him!
Itinuon ko ang pansin sa laptop at bahagya akong natulala sa wallpaper niya. It was Gayle's drawing.
I checked the file he asked me to send him before linking the laptop's internet connection to my personal hotspot. Wala naman kasi kaming wifi rito.
Pagkabukas ko ng browser ay dumiretso iyon sa google. Aksidente kong na-click ang search box at namilog ang mga mata ko nang makita ang recent searches niya.
Inclusive schools for children with special needs
How to take care of someone with down syndrome?
What are the symptoms of autism? How to manage them?
Karsen Gayle
Family date ideas
How to be a better father and husband?
How to get rid of arousal IMMEDIATELY please
How to court someone?
How to control anger?
Can ex-lovers get back together? How?
Parang may pumitik sa sintido ko. Bestfriend ba ni Kobe ang Google?! Miski ang arousal niya ay isinearch niya pa! And really? Our names? Just our names?! Hindi ba siya marunong mag-incognito?
Dali-dali kong isinend ang file sa email niya. Hindi ko maiwasang pag-initan ng mukha habang napagtatanto na iyon ang laman ng utak niya. It was as if I had free access to his thoughts.
"Mimi..."
Napatigil ako sa pag-iisip nang pupungas-pungas na lumapit sa akin si Gayle. Gulo-gulo ang nakatirintas niyang buhok habang kinukusot ang mata. Umakyat siya sa sofa at umupo sa hita ko. She wrapped her small arms around my neck and buried her face in my chest.
Hinaplos ko ang likod niya. Naglalambing na naman.
"I love you," bulong ko.
She exhaled. "Family po?"
"Hmm?" Bahagya ko siyang inilayo sa akin. "Ano'ng sabi mo?"
"Family po, mi?"
I smiled. "Yes... family tayo."
Itinuro niya ako. "One." Itinuro niya ang sarili. "Two."
My heart felt full. She was really improving. "Yes. Si Mommy at si Gayle. Two."
Umiling siya. "Ti po, mi."
"Three? Sino pa 'yong isa? Daddy mo?" malambing na tanong ko.
Agad ang paglapat ng ngiti sa labi niya. Bumalik siya sa pagsubsob sa dibdib ko. "Ti tayo..."
Hindi ko alam kung bakit nanubig ang mata ko sa lambing ng anak. Bawat araw na lumilipas ay mas natututo siyang i-express ang sarili niya. And now, she called us a family. She really wanted us to be one.
Nang dumating si Kobe ay naabutan niya kami ni Gayle sa sofa. May dala siyang pagkain namin at gaya ng nakasanayan ay sabay-sabay kaming naghapunan. Dahil wala na rin akong trabaho pag gabi ay mas nagtagal siya sa apartment. We just talked about his work and Gayle's progress. Nahilig kasi ang bata sa pag-d-drawing at nagbabalak si Kobe na ipa-frame ang lahat ng 'yon.
Time flies when you're happy. I had proven it right.
Everyday felt like a fresh start. Tago pa rin ang paghahatid sa amin ni Kobe at kahit papaano ay nakokontrol naman ng mga tauhan niya ang posibleng chismis tungkol sa amin. None of that seems to matter now. Sa pagmamahal at atensyon na ibinibigay niya sa amin, pakiramdam ko ay nasa iisang mundo na ulit kami.
On Marcus and Erika's wedding day, Kobe hired a make-up artist for Gayle. Tuwang-tuwa naman ang huli dahil mahilig talaga siya sa magagandang bagay. Hindi nahirapan ang artist na ayusan siya kahit na maya't maya ang paghagikgik niya.
I wore a body-hugging rose gold silk dress that fell above my knees and paired it with three-inch white heels. The dress has a sweetheart neckline and thin straps across the top. Rose gold at silver kasi ang motif ng kasal. It was a formal wedding, so we were advised not to wear jeans.
Nasa loob ako ng silid ni Kobe at hindi ako makalabas dahil medyo nag-aalangan ako sa suot. Eddie chose this dress himself. Ngayon ko lang ito naisukat at hindi ko naman inakala na ganito ang lapat nito sa akin. I looked... sensual... and I don't know... daring? I wasn't showing too much skin, but my curves were too emphasized. My long hair cascaded down my back. Ang ilang hibla ay iniayos ko sa gilid ng mukha ko.
Napaigtad ako nang makarinig ng mahihinang pagkatok.
"Are you ready?" It was Kobe's voice. "Let's go."
Isang beses pa akong sumulyap sa repleksyon ko bago naglakad papunta sa pinto. May dala akong maliit na puting purse pero nasa malaking bag sa sasakyan ni Kobe ang mga gamit ni Gayle.
I opened the door only to be greeted by Kobe. He looked at me from head to toe, and my whole body felt numb when his eyes took a second look at my breasts.
He exhaled sharply. "You'll cause a ruckus, Dawn Karsen."
I pursed my lips. "Pangit ba?"
"Trust me, I hope you are," mahinang saad niya bago ako muling pinasadahan ng tingin. I saw his adam's apple move as he took his gaze off of me. "Let's go..."
Halos matumba ako nang lumapit siya sa akin. He grabbed my waist possessively, and the warmth of his palm made my body tremble. Amoy na amoy ko ang bango niya at kung ako lang ang dating Karsen ay naisiksik ko na ang ilong ko sa leeg niya! His long-sleeved white polo with sleeves folded up to his elbow was simple, but his broad shoulders and masculine arms made him look like he was seducing everyone!
"Nasaan si Gayle?" tanong ko nang makabawi-bawi.
Ang lapit naming sa isa't isa masyado! Ito ba ang na-search niya sa how to court someone?!
"Kasama na ng make-up artist sa baba."
Kahit noong nasa elevator kami ay hindi niya binitawan ang baywang ko. His index finger was even tracing circles there as if my body wouldn't react to his touch! Parang sinisilaban ang buong pagkatao ko sa ginagawa niya.
Nakahinga lang ako nang maluwag nang makarating kami sa SUV niya. I took a peek at Gayle, and I smiled when I saw how cute she was in her rose gold ball gown. Ipinadala iyon ni Marcus. My daughter's hair was pulled back into a loose bun, with a few strands framing her face. Hindi na siya nalagyan ng lipstick dahil nakakain lang niya. Paano ay lagi ring nakalabas ang cute na cute niyang dila.
"Piti Gayle, mi?" tanong niya.
Tumango ako. "Sobrang pretty."
Lumawak ang ngiti niya. Napatingin ako sa make-up artist na katabi lang niya.
"Thank you po sa pag-aayos kay Gayle," saad ko.
Nangingiting umiling siya. "She's the sweetest girl I've ever met."
Sa backseat nakaupo ang dalawa at sa passenger seat naman ako. Pagkaharap ko pa lang sa unahan ay napaigtad na ako nang maramdaman ang kamay ni Kobe sa hita ko. Wala siyang sinabi ngunit hindi niya rin naman inalis ang kamay roon. And what's more shocking, hindi ko rin inalis!
The whole ride was a battle of whether I should remove his hand or feel its warmth for me... and the latter easily prevailed. I tried to distract myself with Gayle's chuckles, but I failed!
Ibinaba namin sa sakayan ang make-up artist dahil magkaiba kami ng daan.
"If someone asked me about my relationship with Gayle, what should I answer?" tanong niya nang mai-park ang sasakyan sa parking lot ng hotel kung saan gaganapin ang kasal.
Sa tanong na iyon ay agad na pumasok sa isip ko ang sinabi ni Gayle na pamilya kaming tatlo. I'd been holding back because I didn't want anyone from his world to meet our daughter, but I felt I could trust him to keep her safe now.
"Tell them she's your daughter," sagot ko.
Napatingin siya sa akin, bahagtang nanlalaki ang mga mata. "Really? I can say that?"
I glanced at Gayle before refocusing my eyes on him. "Kapag lumabas ang pangalan niya... poprotektahan mo naman siya, 'di ba?"
"Of course!" mabilis na saad niya. "I will do everything to protect you both, Karsen. I will not fail this time."
Ngumiti ako at tinanguan siya. Bumaba ako ng sasakyan at pinagbuksan si Gayle. Tumalon agad siya sa akin. I held her left hand and her other hand reached for Kobe's. Masayang-masaya siya habang naglalakad kami papasok ng hotel, kumakanta at iginagalaw pa ang balakang.
Nang makita kami ni Eddie ay kinuha niya agad si Gayle at inihanay sa iba pang abay. I smiled when I saw a lot of people complimenting her and saying how cute she was.
Hindi na ako nagulat nang makakuha ng atensyon si Kobe. The hall was packed with businessmen and well-known models, which made me uncomfortable. Everyone was looking at us, especially because I was standing next to a well-known singer and CEO.
One of the organizers approached us and helped us find our table. Sino ba namang mag-aakala na ako ang imbitado rito at hindi si Kobe?
He just sat silently next to me, completely oblivious to the attention he was receiving from women.
Napasimangot agad ako. Hello? Hindi ba nila nakikitang may kasama siya? Kung makapagbulungan, akala mo naman talaga ay hindi nila madalas makita si Kobe! Iisa naman sila ng ginagalawan!
Nagsimula ang program pero walang pumapasok sa utak ko dahil hindi ako mapakali sa mga tumitingin sa lalaki. Bigla ay gusto ko na lang siyang itago sa apartment namin. Kung hindi ko pa nakitang mabagal na naglalakad si Gayle papunta sa unahan habang nagsasaboy ng talulot ng bulaklak ay hindi ako masasampal pabalik sa realidad.
She was walking delicately, and my heart warmed when I heard a lot of people saying she was adorable. Nakangiti siya at parang tuwang-tuwa sa ginagawa.
"Marriage all comes down to interdependence. It's knowing that someone is on your side, and the same goes for them," said the pastor. "Para kayong isang team. It's realizing that your lover has seen you at your darkest moments and still loves you. It's a promise that you'll have a friend forever."
I knew that it was for Erika and Marcus, but I couldn't help but imagine a life with the person beside me.
"It's about remembering old jokes or a story that, no matter how many times it's told, never fails to make you laugh. It can be a battleground at times. It's hard, but it will teach you to express regret, to pay attention to your shortcomings, to gain knowledge about your partner, and to arrive at a conclusion as a couple."
Napasinghap ako nang maramdaman ang kamay ni Kobe na humaplos sa palad ko. Lumingon ako sa kanya ngunit nakatuon lang ang atensyon niya sa nagsasalita.
"Isn't it wonderful how someone comes into your life and now you have no idea how you lived before without them?" Kobe intertwined our hands. "Ang pag-aasawa... hindi 'yan madali. Nakakasawa. Nakakaumay. Nakakapagod. It's a good thing that you have chosen who you want to struggle with."
While holding each other's hands, I realized that the day had come. The day when all of the pain and sadness I'd buried between the cracks in my heart had grown into flowers I'd always yearned to plant.
At kahit ilang beses kong itanggi, nandito pa rin ako. Naghihintay kung saan niya ako iniwan.
Siya lang ang laman ng utak ko hanggang sa matapos ang seremonya. Kahit habang pinapakain ko si Gayle ay iniisip ko kung paano ko sasabihin sa kanya na gusto kong maging kami ulit.
"Dior, is that you?"
Napatingin ako sa babaeng tumawag sa kanya at parang may sumuntok sa puso ko nang makita si Jennifer. Maganda ang hubog ng katawan at lalong gumanda ang itsura.
"Jen," Kobe acknowledged.
Jennifer's gaze was drawn to me, and a faint surprise flashed across her face.
"Karsen?" She gasped. "Oh my god, it's you!"
Tumayo ako at pilit na ngumiti sa kanya. "Kaibigan ko 'yong groom."
Tumango siya bago ako tiningnan mula ulo hanggang paa. "You're beautiful, girl... really. I must be thankful that you didn't pursue modeling. I might lose my career if you did." Tumawa siya. "Magkasama kayo?"
Kobe stood up. "Yeah, we're with Gayle." He pointed at our clueless daughter. "Anak namin."
Nanlaki ang mata ni Jennifer. "Anak?!" bulaslas niya.
"Isn't she so pretty?" nangingiting tanong ni Kobe.
"Okay... okay... that's too much to take in." She took deep breaths. "I've modeled the latest album of your most popular talent, and you didn't mention this."
Pinigilan ko ang mapasimangot.
"We're keeping it low," Kobe replied. "My boss' command."
Jennifer's gasp made my cheeks flare.
"Kayo?" she exclaimed.
Kobe hesitated. "Uhm... no—"
I cleared my throat to shut him off. "Yeah. Hindi naman kami naghiwalay."
I regretted saying that instantly. Kita ko ang gulat sa mukha ni Kobe pero hindi ko binawi ang sinabi. Baka mapahiya ako! Tatanga-tanga! Ni hindi ko nga alam kung ba't dumulas 'yon sa bibig ko! Jennifer is obviously not into him! Ano bang ikinababahala ko?!
Tapos nang magselos kay Jennifer? You're a freaking clown, Karsen!
"Okay... that's nice! Ahh... puwede ko bang hiramin saglit si Dior? May pinsan kasi si Erika na gusto siyang kausapin. It's a man. Don't worry," sabi ng babae.
I nodded as if my heart wasn't racing. "Go ahead."
Umakto pang may sasabihin sa akin si Kobe ngunit umiling lang ako sa kanya. I can't deal with my shame right now! Ano'ng sasabihin ko sa kanya?! Na sinabi ko lang 'yon para hindi na humaba ang usapan? Na sinabi ko lang 'yon kasi nakakahiyang may anak kami tapos hindi naman kami magsyota?!
I groaned in frustration. Me and my big mouth!
Hinanap ng mata ko ang dalawa at lalo lang sumama ang loob ko nang makitang nakikipag-usap si Kobe sa grupo ng mga lalaki na naka-suit and tie katabi si Jennifer. They looked natural. Parang matagal na nilang ginagawa ang pagkausap sa ibang tao samantalang ako ay walang kaalam-alam tungkol sa trabaho ng lalaki. I just know that he helps artists produce music. That's all! Ni hindi pa nga ako nakakapunta sa company niya.
My thoughts completely altered my mood. Kung may nangyayari lang sa amin ni Kobe ay iisipin kong buntis ako dahil hindi naman ako madalas magtampo sa ganoon kaliliit na bagay. Ang simple-simple ng paglapit ni Jennifer sa amin pero nagawa ko pang magselos.
I bit my lower lip when I remembered the kisses they shared for Kobe's music video. They appeared to be starving for each other, and those lip-locking kisses seemed to be the only way to quench their thirst.
"Karsen, what's with the long face? Nagseselos ka ba dahil ikinasal na ako?" bati sa akin ni Marcus. "I'm sorry. I love Erika..."
Tumayo ako at niyakap siya. "Wala akong pakialam. Hilaw 'yong gulay n'yo. Ang tigas pa ng carrots."
He laughed as he let me go. "Where's your suitor?"
Napairap ako. "Ayun, kasama si Jennifer. Kasal mo pero trabaho pa rin ang inaatupag."
"That's how businessmen are, Karsen." He chuckled. "He's building connections."
I clicked my tongue in annoyance. "Nasaan ba ang asawa mo? Hindi ko pa siya nababalaan."
"Nagpapalit ng dress. Sobrang daming bisita. Let's just schedule a dinner."
Tumango ako. "Congrats, ha? Good catch 'yan. 'Wag mong gagaguhin."
He squinted at me. "I can't wait to say the same to Kobe."
Sasagutin ko na sana siya nang kulbitin ako ni Gayle. Napatingin agad ako sa kanya. Her eyes were drooping, and she looked really sleepy.
"Sige na. Entertain other visitors. Congrats ulit!" saad ko kay Marcus bago siya nagpaalam sa akin.
Lumebel ako kay Gayle at hinaplos ang mukha niya. "Inaantok ka na?"
She nodded slowly.
"Kakargahin ba kita?"
Umiling siya.
My brows furrowed. "Eh, ano? Uuwi na tayo?"
She pouted. "Opo, mi."
Tumayo ako at isinandal ang ulo niya sa katawan ko. Luminga ako para hanapin si Kobe pero may kausap pa rin siya at sa tingin ko ay matatagalan pa iyon. Hindi ko rin naman alam kung paano ko siya haharapin matapos ang katangahang ginawa kaya walang pag-aalinlangan kong binuhat si Gayle palabas ng hotel. He would surely look for us, but I would just text him that we had already gone home.
Thankfully, mabilis kaming nakakuha ng taxi. Nasa byahe pa lang ay tulog na tulog na ang anak ko, marahil ay napagod sa paghagikgik at pagsayaw. Napakalikot niya kasi.
Nang makarating sa apartment ay inihiga ko na siya sa kama. Tinanggal ko ang gown niya para punasan ang katawan niya. Sigurado kasing iiyak lang siya kapag ginising ko para maligo. Dahil medyo malamig ay isinuot ko sa kanya ang isa sa mga paborito niyang pares ng pajama.
Pagkalabas ko ng kwarto ay nanumbalik sa akin ang pagiging unreasonable ko. Iba talaga ang nagagawa ng selos sa sistema ko. I knew it before, but I didn't know that I still had that kind of attitude now! Malaki naman talaga ang mundo ni Kobe at kung makakatulong sa kanya ang babae, hindi ko dapat iyon pagselosan.
Pumunta ako sa banyo at nag-toothbrush na. I removed my nipple tape and put my hair into a ponytail. Naghilamos ako at tinanggal na ang underwear para makapaglinis nang ayos. I noticed that I didn't bring my towel with me. Mabuti na lang at hindi ko pa hinuhubad ang dress ko.
I walked out of the bathroom to get my towel when Kobe abruptly walked out of the bedroom where Gayle was sleeping. Napatigil ako sa kinatatayuan ko dala ng labis na gulat.
"Ano'ng ginagawa mo rito?!" bulaslas ko.
I watched how his jaw clenched when he saw me. Madilim ang tingin na iginawad niya sa akin na para bang malaki ang kasalanan ko sa kanya. As he approached, his gaze slid down my body... and I noticed how it was thickened with lust.
My heart hammered. Mabilis kong pinagkrus ang dalawang braso sa dibdib ko. God, I'm sure he saw my nipples!
"H-Hindi porke't binigyan kita ng susi, puwede ka nang basta-basta pumasok dito!" kinakabahang reklamo ko.
He towered over me. Our gazes remained fixed on each other. "I was just checking if my daughter and girlfriend are here." His voice was deep and hoarse. "Umalis sila nang wala ako."
Our closeness made me shiver. "I was just about..." My breathing hitched when his hand gently touched the strap of my dress. "To text you," I whispered, unable to catch my breath.
"Really?" he asked, voice was sensual.
My knees wobbled as he removed my arms from my chest. I was too weak to protest... not that I wanted to. He gritted his teeth, scaring me a bit when he saw my taut nipples.
"You were glaring at me earlier..." Ibinalik niya ang tingin sa akin. "What made my baby so mad? Hmm?" His fingers caressed my lips.
I clenched my fist tightly. I was so close to giving in. My body seemed to be on fire.
"H-Hindi ako galit..." mahinang saad ko.
He grinned. "Just jealous?"
It shut me off. Tangina naman kasi! Kung kakausapin niya 'ko, kausapin niya 'ko nang hindi ako hinahawakan! Hindi talaga ako makakasagot nang matino kapag ganito!
Napapikit ako nang hawakan niya ang balakang ko at higitin palapit pa lalo sa kanya. He put his face on the side of my neck, and I gasped for air when I felt him sniff it. His left hand glided down my butt and brushed it softly.
He groaned. "Wala kang panty?"
I stiffened. "Ah... ano... tinanggal ko kanina. M-Magbibihis kasi ako."
"Fuck," he muttered sexily.
"Magsusuot ak— Kobe!"
I screamed as he effortlessly clung my legs to his waist. It happened so fast that I didn't know how to react. Dinala niya ako sa kusina at agad na pinaupo sa counter. He placed both of his arms against my sides, trapping me. His stare was dark and intense, as if something had snapped him up.
"Are you jealous with Jen?" he asked.
My lips quivered. "H-Hindi..."
His brow shot up. "Are you jealous of Jen?" mas madiing tanong niya.
I swallowed hard, scared of what he would do if I lied again. "Konti..."
"When you broke up with me... what else was a lie in your words?" Humaplos ang isang kamay niya paakyat sa hita ko.
Namumungay na ang mata ko habang nakatingin sa kanya. "Ano?"
Inilapit niya ang mukha sa akin. "Sabi mo nagsasawa ka na. Sabi mo gumising ka na lang na hindi mo na 'ko mahal... was it true?" His lips brushed against mine. "Hmm? Did you really fall out of love?"
"Kobe..."
Muli niyang pinatakan ng halik ang labi ko. "Tell me..."
Dahan-dahan akong umiling.
His adam's apple moved. "So, you just said that?"
"Oo..." maliit ang tinig na sagot ko.
"You love me?" malambing na tanong pa niya.
My heart tightened in happiness as I nodded.
"Say it."
I stared at his dark brown eyes and found peace in them. If he was the quickest song I could never replay, I would listen to him at full blast, I would sing every lyric at the peak of my voice, and I would dance to his rhythm like nobody was looking.
"Karsen," he whispered, getting a little impatient.
I touched his face and brushed his cheek with my thumb.
"I love you..." My heart throbbed. "I never stopped."
His eyes gleamed with joy, and as I had expected, he attacked my lips eagerly, like a predator devouring his prey. His hand angled my jaw to deepen our kiss, and the other massaged my breast. All I could do was whimper. Bumaba ang halik niya sa leeg ko at napatingala lang ako sa dami ng ipinararamdam niya sa akin.
"I've been dying to tear down this tiny dress of yours..." he said sensually. "You have no idea how many men I mentally murdered earlier, Karsen. You're hot and sexy. I can't even blame them for looking at you."
Hindi na ako nakasagot. He was kissing my neck, and that was all I could think of!
"Kobe..." I moaned when I felt his fingers climbing up my already exposed thigh.
"Jealousy shouldn't have a place in your heart," malamyos na bulong niya. "My love should never make you feel insecure."
I covered my mouth when I felt his fingers on my core, tugging my insides. I could hear my wetness as he moved his digits in and out of my womanhood. Napakapit ako sa balikat niya, pilit na pinipigilan ang sarili na mapasigaw.
"You're the only one who can drive me this mad," he said, voice was thick with lust.
I looked at his crotch and my body doubled in heat when I saw his erection through his pants.
"I'll do this to you every time you get jealous... hmm?"
I nodded faintly. Fuck, I can't focus!
I whimpered when his fingers moved harder and faster, bringing me to a new level of mayhem. I panted in a womanly tone when I felt my release.
"If someone asked me about my relationship with you, what should I answer?" he asked as he nuzzled my neck. His digits were still inside me.
I felt weak... but happy... really happy.
"Girlfriend," I replied. "I'm your girlfriend."
He chuckled sexily before moving away from me.
My eyes widened as he licked the fingers he inserted into me. Madilim ang titig niya sa akin, bahagyang nakangisi at namumungay ang mata.
"Sweet."
Nag-init ang mukha ko sa sinabi niya.
"Fix yourself," he commanded. "Your boyfriend needs a cold shower."