Translate: An | Edit: Sae
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Once these sorts of unhealthy thoughts came into mind, it was like a dumb dog fighting for food, unable to be held back until both the food and bowl were all chewed up, otherwise, it would never end.
Yet at present, not only was he unable to chew the bowl, he couldn't even eat the food.
He stared at Gu Fei for a moment longer. In the end, all he could do was glumly give him a slap on his lower back and pull the waistband of Gu Fei's sweatpants, giving his butt cheek a pinch.
"Hey," Gu Fei jumped from surprise and turned back to look at him. "What are you doing?"
"... give you a slap," Jiang Cheng pulled his pants back up for him.
"We're in a room full of minors," Gu Fei started to laugh. "Can you watch yourself."
"It's not like I did anything ah," Jiang Cheng leaned into his chair. "What, are minors not allowed to give a pinch and ... fool around."
Gu Fei stared at him for a while then gave a smirk as he narrowed his eyes: "Did you think of something shameful?"[1]
"Like?" Jiang Cheng also narrowed his eyes.
Gu Fei didn't answer. He leaned to the side and rested his arm on the back of his chair, looked at him some more, and began to laugh.
"What are you laughing at?" Jiang Cheng asked with a serious face.
Gu Fei still didn't answer. He continued to stare back at him laughing; his face holding a meaningful expression and a smile that said, 'I understand everything', causing Jiang Cheng's defense to completely shatter.
"Okay no," Jiang Cheng stood up to pour himself a cup of water and sat back down. "A gentleman[2] bares himself, says what you want to say."
"We certainly bared ourselves plenty," Gu Fei laughed heartily. "What are you thinking about?"
"What are you thinking about?" Jiang Cheng tsk'ed.
"I know what you're thinking about," Gu Fei reached for the cup in his hand and took a sip of water out of it, then returned the cup back into his hands. "You also know that I know what you're thinking about."
"Ah," Jiang Cheng thought it over and laughed. "I was thinking about some shameless stuff, but if you hadn't brought it up, I really haven't ever thought about it."
"Me neither," Gu Fei said.
"Should I even believe you," Jiang Cheng looked at him. "Anyways, you've already said it yourself, you're deeply concealed."
"Not that I haven't thought about it at all..." Gu Fei started to laugh again, only after a while was he able to speak again. "But it was because I remembered something I saw previously."
"What is it?" Jiang Cheng asked curiously.
"So, there was a guy right, who got himself a boyfriend. The two had a really good relationship," Gu Fei said in a low voice before he paused and glanced back to check on Gu Miao then pulled his chair closer to Jiang Cheng and scooched over to his ear, "And then that, you know... they slept together..."
Jiang Cheng choked; he turned around and started coughing: "Fuck, that's it?"
"I'm not done yet," Gu Fei said. "Are you done coughing?"
"Yeah, I'm done," Jiang Cheng turned back around and stuck his ear toward Gu Fei. "Continue."
"And only then did they realize that their...uhhh... they... were the same," Gu Fei was talking with quite some difficulty. When he reached the main point, his voice was so low, it was as if it had been censored. "Even more so, they were both pretty persistent and unchangeable, so all they could do in the end was rub each other for all eternity..."[3]
Jiang Cheng didn't even have the time to process that the content was of the kind that made one blush, and simply broke out into a fit of laughter first. Only after letting out a few series of laughter did he finally control himself.
"Damn it," Jiang Cheng turned to look at Gu Fei. "The point of you saying this is?"
"An after-meal joke," Gu Fei also reined in his smile and opted to instead display a face packed with seriousness as he answered.
"This meal ended ages ago, where the hell did this 'after-meal' come from," Jiang Cheng said. He mulled over it a while longer, in the amount of time that spanned a few dozen seconds. When he opened his mouth again, his voice was even more censored than Gu Fei's earlier - it was enough to put a black bar over. "Then you ... are......ah? What?"
"What what?" Gu Fei froze.
"Fuck," Jiang Cheng also looked toward Gu Miao. Gu Miao was probably stuck on a question; she had a pencil in hand and was drawing circles on a piece of paper... very attentively. Jiang Cheng raised his voice a little just the slightest, "Do we need to rub each other for all eternity?"
"Ah," Gu Fei looked at him, probably not knowing how to respond. "Ah."
For two people, who have only rubbed each other's mushrooms as their most intimate activity, to suddenly jump to the topic of sleeping together, and at the same time, referred directly to the level 12[4] shameful question of positions, the atmosphere instantly became inexplicable.
suddenlyawkward.jpg.
Neither of the two knew how to continue, so they just stared back at each other.
Gu Miao's timely, albeit unintentional, interjection broke this atmosphere. It was most likely because she wasn't able to answer any of the math problems or draw a round enough circle that made her start jabbing the paper with the pencil in her hand.
When Gu Fei turned around to take the pencil out of her hand, the lead had already broken off and even the wood itself shattered from the collision.
Jiang Cheng looked over, dumbstruck, and suddenly understood why Gu Fei was adamant in not buying her any mechanical pencils. With such an explosive strength like that, the mechanical pencil would come and go instantly, whereas a wooden pencil could still be used again once sharpened.
Even with no pencil in her hand, her movements didn't stop. She banged on the table with her fist, her expression not showing any anger in the least. In fact, she was very calm. It was only from the continuous rhythms of the table being knocked against could they tell she wasn't very content.
"Er Miao, Er Miao, look at me, Er Miao." Gu Fei didn't stop her. He only squatted next to the table and repeated these words. "Er Miao, look at gege, Er Miao......"
Jiang Cheng's previously censored thoughts all disappeared with the sound of banging and Gu Fei's endless repetition. He wasn't sure what he could do at a time like this, and just watched in silence.
Gu Miao was not an ordinary child, neither were her actions that of a naughty kid. Aside from having a patient heart, there was no other solution.
Jiang Cheng stared at Gu Fei, unable to empathize with his current feelings... Neither could he imagine to what degree he would be responsible for her if he, himself, was in this position.
It wasn't a once or twice deal nor a day or two. Gu Miao might have a small stature for her age, but she was nonetheless a 10-years-old. During all those years, how Gu Fei was able to persist through, he was afraid to imagine this.
But he did slowly begin to understand how the air of pale indifference became Gu Fei's defining temperament.
Gu Miao's little tantrum lasted for more than ten minutes. Under Gu Fei's patient utterance, she finally looked at him and stopped the movements of her hand.
"You don't have to do the questions you can't do." Gu Fei's eyes remained solely on hers as he spoke slowly. "There's no need to be angry, understand?"
Gu Miao stared at him without any reaction.
"Nod your head to let gege know you understood," Gu Fei continued.
Gu Miao nodded her head.
"Cheng-ge is thirsty," Gu Fei pointed at Jiang Cheng. "Can you pour him a cup of water?"
Jiang Cheng was caught off-guard. Once he heard this, he immediately thought to pick up his cup and drink the water inside, but Gu Miao had already nodded and got up, walked toward him, and grabbed the cup from his hands.
"I..." Jiang Cheng was unsure of what to say.
Gu Miao looked into the cup that was still half full and simply poured the content onto the floor. She then walked to the side to refill it and handed it back to him.
"Thank you, beautiful[5]," Jiang Cheng accepted the cup and immediately drank half of it. "I thought I was gonna die from thirst."
Thankfully, Gu Miao had an intellection uncommon to the ordinary child, otherwise based on this sentence, Jiang Cheng would have been scrapped into the classification of total idiots.
"Can Cheng-ge skateboard with you for half an hour?" Gu Fei asked.
"Sure," Jiang Cheng immediately put down his cup and squatted in front of Gu Miao. "Let's go skate for a bit, okay?"
Gu Miao's eyes brightened for a second before she nodded her head. She flicked her feet against the edge of the skateboard positioned near her on the ground. Catching the board with her hand, she turned and walked outside.
"Thanks for your hard work," Gu Fei sighed in relief. "Cheng-ge."
"Give your Cheng-ge's leg a massage later," Jiang Cheng stood up and followed Gu Miao outside.
The temperature outside was still comfortable enough for a session of skateboarding, neither cold nor hot. The wind rushed past his body as he remained on the board and rolled ahead; it was quite enjoyable.
Sporting her new doll-like bob haircut and wearing a cool stoic expression, Gu Miao took turns with Jiang Cheng.
Every time she adeptly jumped onto the skateboard and performed all sorts of highly difficult moves, Jiang Cheng would constantly think that if time was to stop at this moment, or at least in the condition of which Gu Miao skateboarded in, how great would everything be.
Gu Miao would no longer be riddled with distress, and Gu Fei would no longer have to bear such pressure.
Jiang Cheng skated past the entrance of the shop and glanced over at Gu Fei, who was squatting on the steps with a cigarette in his mouth, also looking back at him. Jiang Cheng reached out his hand and snapped his fingers at him.
Gu Fei immediately replied with a whistle; the high-pitch airy sound akin to the soughing of the wind in the tree branches flowed for more than ten meters before fading.
Their previous conversation caused Jiang Cheng's imagination to run wild[6], but after playing on the skateboard with Gu Miao for half an hour, and drenched in sweat, those wild thoughts were momentarily suppressed.
He remembered having read an article back in middle school that discussed the utilization of exercise as a method to wean off the iniquitous habit of masturbation... At the time he considered it a load of bullshit, but now that he thought about it, maybe there was some justification to it after all...
But once Gu Miao sat back down at the table to organize her books, and Gu Fei walked into the inner room and waved his hand at him, Jiang Cheng realized that the article was still a load of bullshit after all.
He dove into the room, wrapped his arms around Gu Fei, and started to nibble away. He only stopped and took a long sharp breath when Gu Fei bit hard into his shoulder.
"The fuck?" Why don't you just bite my face?" He rubbed his shoulder and maintained a low voice then reached out and grabbed at Gu Fei's waist: "Do you have a hidden identity as a vampire huh!"
"Hah, speaking so righteously, as if you haven't bitten me at all," Gu Fei moved Jiang Cheng's shoulder slightly toward him and pulled his shirt over to cover up the teeth mark. "Just a few more bites, we won't make it out this door."
"I..." before Jiang Cheng could finish his words, the sound of Gu Miao kicking the table traveled over.
The two separated from each other at godspeed. By the time Gu Miao dragged her little backpack into the room, Jiang Cheng and Gu Fei were already at least a metre apart. Gu Fei stood by the window and Jiang Cheng by the bed. He even managed to whip out his phone at the speed that it took one's thought to conjure and pretended to scroll through it with ease.
"Done cleaning?" Gu Fei asked.
Gu Miao nodded her head.
"Cheng-ge," Gu Fei called out to Jiang Cheng again, his voice holding a hint of laughter. "That acting skill."
"Let's go?" Jiang Cheng looked up and put his phone back into his pocket.
"En," Gu Fei nodded.
Lately, Gu Miao had been extremely clingy with Gu Fei. This sort of dependency probably stemmed from Gu Fei not having spent much time with her around the May 1st holiday. Now, if Gu Fei wasn't home by evening, she would sit on her bed and completely space out, dead set on not sleeping.
"Would you have any complaints," Gu Fei quietly asked Jiang Cheng when they reached the intersection.
"What complaints?" Jiang Cheng asked.
"I wanted to go over to your place tonight..." Gu Fei cleared his throat, "... to hang out for a bit."
"......I'm not that thirsty," Jiang Cheng looked at him.
"I said to hang out for a bit, not fuck for a bit," Gu Fei said. "Besides, based on your behaviour just now, to say you're not thirsty is really unconvincing......"
"Fuck off," Jiang Cheng cut him off, wanting to laugh. "This is a civilized society, be a bit reserved on the streets."
"Wait for me at the breakfast stall again tomorrow morning," Gu Fei said.
"En," Jiang Cheng answered. Ever since his leg was "injured", Gu Fei had been overflowing with an abnormal sense of determination and persistence that in turn caused him to never be late even once.
"Good night," Gu Fei swayed the handlebar and whistled at Gu Miao who was scurrying around on her skateboard on the pedestrian sidewalk.
"Good night," Jiang Cheng pinched the backside of Gu Fei's hand.
Jiang Cheng returned to his room and followed his daily routine of showering and changing clothes. As he stood in front of the mirror, he checked Gu Fei's teeth mark. It was okay overall; not too prominent though the two canine teeth marks were set in quite deep, any closer to his neck, he would have to wear a collar shirt tomorrow.
"He must've transformed from a dog!" He gritted his teeth in front of the mirror, and turned to go back into his room, then after, sat down in front of the table to start his assignments.
With the difficulty of his assignments being quite low, there remained half a breadth of space in his brain to ruminate about other content as he continued to write.
Namely, the question that caused his heart to race and the root of his ears to burn relentlessly from the mere thought of it - positions.
He hadn't the chance to think about this issue in great detail or exactness, rather, it was more proper to say that each time he and Gu Fei rolled into an entanglement, as he listened to him panting next to his ear, he never thought of any other possibility or scenario besides Gu Fei being under him...
But after Gu Fei suddenly particularized such a story, he came to realize that his own imagination may be overly simplified, perhaps, it called for a little more color - depth.
This top and bottom... he stared at the tip of his pen; with no practical experience... he was unable to perceive what sort of feeling they would each enkindled.
But.
For such a generous, unrestrained, handsome... man, like himself, it wasn't entirely unnegotiable for him to give way to his boyfriend—after all, Gu Fei was younger than him by a month. So, if Gu Fei...... even though he was unsure, but if...... So What?[7]
Jiang Cheng tsk-ed, big deal.[8]
However, compared to the matter of top or bottom that had yet to be established, Jiang Cheng had more caringness toward his own apparent lack of mental preparation to, in effect, put real guns and bullets into play with Gu Fei.
Gu Fei was not showing any indication of wanting to advance either. At least, they are both pretty satisfied after every shameless finish.
Perhaps, the fire hadn't reached its pinnacle[9] yet?
Jiang Cheng held the shaft of the pen in his mouth and swung it up and down.
How embarrassing. His head was outright flooded with this sort of stuff amid his assignments.
Neither Jiang Cheng nor Gu Fei continued that topic of their conversation afterward. The next day, when Gu Fei's silhouette appeared at the cross-section and made his way towards the breakfast stall, Jiang Cheng immediately felt a wash of comfort swept over his heart.
Fuck, dwelling on that had shit significance, just looking at this person was enough.
Only at this moment had it struck him. Looking fixedly at someone's face was not actually a stupid affair - it all depended on who the person was.
Take for instance this very day, when he was listening to the lectures while, at the same time, looking at Gu Fei, even the teacher's endless buzzing voice no longer sounded like he was reading aloud a religious scripture. The only major problem was that he couldn't stare to his heart's content in Lao Lu's class. Lao Lu was a perfervid teacher, in lessons and the like, and his greatest joy was to direct his pointer towards the very back of the classroom: "Jiang Cheng, you answer this question."
During the self-study period, Jiang Cheng had collapsed over his desk writing out his assignment yet continued to still sweep his gaze over Gu Fei's face from time to time. Gu Fei glanced at him, catching his eyes just the quickest. He smiled then looked down and swiped at his phone a few times.
Jiang Cheng's phone vibrated. He took it out, only to see that it was a message from 小兔子乖乖. [Gentle little bunny]
- been staring quite intently at me today, huh boyfriend
Jiang Cheng smiled, his eyes swept toward him. Gu Fei was still playing on his phone with his head lowered.
- Why don't you look at me
- I just like how you're staring at me like this
"Why?" Jiang Cheng asked quietly with his head on the desk.
"I feel secure."[10] Gu Fei turned his head and smiled as his leg touched Jiang Cheng's under the desk.
- I want to, run freely, in your eyes. I want, just a glance, to last a lifetime.[11]
Jiang Cheng looked at each word Gu Fei sent over. He scanned around to make sure no one would notice them then reached out a hand and rubbed Gu Fei's leg affectionately.
When classes ended in the afternoon and they exited the school gate, they saw Liu Fan's lousy Benni[12] parked beside at the side of the curb. Li Yan was in the driver's seat.
"Come on, get in." Li Yan waved. "They already went ahead, we're meeting in front of the hospital."
Gu Fei got into the car: "Have they done the surgery?"
"It was done this morning. He's probably lying in bed with his ass in the air, having a good taste of all the flavours of life. May it be sweet, bitter, sour, or spiciness." Li Yan replied.
"Where does sour and sweet come from," Jiang Cheng sat in the backseat and looked at the gigantic fruit basket beside him. There was even a card stuck inside. He read through the words written on it, "'Everyone bear aloft the little daisy'[13]... really, just from each of these warmhearted, sincere words, it's unlikely that he'd even be able to taste the spiciness, what's left is just complete bitterness."
"He's definitely gonna take care of each of you, one by one, once he's discharged."
"Count yourself in," Li Yan said.
"Why don't you ask if he dares," Gu Fei tsked.
After they met up with "Bu Shi Hao Niao" at the entrance, the group carried the fruit basket that was 'looking for a beating' into the patient room of the inpatient department.
The ward was nicely accommodated. Liu Fan's three-person room was only occupied by two patients. When they entered, Liu Fan was lying on his stomach and playing on his phone.
At the sound of people entering, he turned around for a look. However, once he identified the unwanted intruders, he yelled in good faith: "Li Yan, I'll fucking beat you to death one day!"
"We're all brothers here," Li Yan set the fruit basket on the bedside table. "How could we let you lie bitterly alone in the hospital ne."
"Then hurry up and tell the doctor to give each of you a good slice and we'll all lie here in a roll together ah!" Liu Fan glared at the lot of them. "Ai, fucking hell, Jiang Cheng! You're a fucking pretty decent person, yet you're also here to join in the fun?!"
"I was just passing by," Jiang Cheng replied.
"I'll remember you guys for this," Liu Fan held his fist up at them. "I won't forget this for the rest of my life!"
"Fan-ge, what does it feel like?" Liu Yu leaned over to ask.
"Feels like an exploded ass hole! What feelings! Do you want to give it a try huh!!" Liu Fan's death glare lingered.
The group burst into sonorous laughter.
The family of the patient on the sickbed next to them frowned, probably overtaken with thoughts pertaining to their loudness. But to be honest, with a group of bros crowded together in such a manner and the three large words, "don't provoke me" hanging brilliantly on each of their faces, they looked just like members of a criminal underworld out inspecting their territories. Where would the members of that family find the guts to utter a sound after the initial few glances...
"Quiet down a bit," Gu Fei said, leaning against the wall.
Only then did the guys collect their voices and console Liu Fan, all the while, suppressing their laughter.
Like an exploded ass hole.
Tsk tsk.
Jiang Cheng stood next to Gu Fei, also leaning against the wall. But he wasn't entirely listening in to their conversation, he only had that one sentence in mind.
Even though it was said in great exaggeration, it was highly imaginable that the first time won't be an experience of any glorious pleasure...tsk tsk.
Jiang Cheng's gaze fell on Gu Fei.
Gu Fei's head rested sideways against the wall, the lines that stretched from his neck to his collarbone illustrated a beautiful and sexy curvature.
If it wasn't for the group in their surroundings, he would immediately go up and give it a lick.
Tsk, tsk.
With a Gu Fei like this, how could he have the heart to hurt him?[14]
Unable to stay too long with Liu Fan, they were ushered out by the nurse on the notion that they were disturbing the patients' rest.
"Where are you all going after?" Li Yan stood in the elevator and asked. "I have Liu Fan's car, I can drop you guys off."
"Drive us back," Gu Fei replied.
"Let's all go to Da Fei's place then. It's been a while since we last had a drink." Luo Yu said.
"En," Gu Fei responded.
The elevator descended two levels before coming to a stop. Even before the doors opened, the chaotic yelling on the other side could be clearly heard.
When the door finally opened, the yelling immediately crescendoed.
"You all just want to scam my money!" A man's voice screamed. "What surgery! Forcing me to be hospitalized! Laozi[15] refuses to do any surgery! What bullshit radiotherapy! All are fucking scamming money! You've scammed me out of my money and now you're fucking telling me I don't have enough? Wanna bet, I'll screw up this place of yours ah!"
"Da Shu[16], the treatment plan can be discussed with the attending doctor, the medications used on you have also been itemized ..."
Jiang Cheng stood completely frozen in the elevator. When the doors opened, he immediately saw a man on the other side, waving his arms madly in the air; a distorted sort of anger packed his whole face.
His birth father, Li Baoguo.
"I don't want to look at whatever list! I don't want to receive treatment anymore! Give me a refund!" Li Bao Guo pushed and shoved the doctors and nurses around him. "Death be it! I won't let you all scam my money! If you all don't refund the money I paid, I won't let this end!"
The people who just entered the elevator still had their eyes glued outside, discussing the matter in murmured voices with each other. There was even a person standing right in between the doors, staggering back and forth to watch the drama play out.
Jiang Cheng made a slight move, but Gu Fei instantly grasped him by the arm.
Li Yan stood by the door. After a glance in their direction, he shoved the man who was at the doorway and pushed the close button.
The shoved man turned around, appearing as though he still wanted to get back in, but with a look into the elevator, he stopped in his track.
No one else uttered a word. Once the elevator reached the ground floor, Gu Fei pulled Jiang Cheng by the arm out of the elevator.
"Then we'll leave for now, should we wait for you in the store or..." Li Yan asked.
"In the shop, my mom probably isn't there again," Gu Fei answered.
"En," Li Yan and the others turned to leave.
Jiang Cheng numbly followed Gu Fei to a corner of the lobby.
"Cheng-ge?" Gu Fei called out to him.
"En," Jiang Cheng responded.
"This matter......" Gu Fei hesitated. "You can't get involved."
Jiang Cheng looked at him without saying a sound.
"You can't fix it," Gu Fei looked straight into his eyes. "You have no means to fix this. You can wait for him to go home first, and then go and have a talk with him. But you can't go there right now, do you understand what I mean?"
"I understand," Jiang Cheng closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and slowly let it out.
Of course, he understood what Gu Fei meant.
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Translator's Note:
[1] 见不得人 shameful; or not fit to be seen or revealed
[2] 君子坦荡荡 → 君子坦蛋蛋， jun zi tan dan dan 君子坦蛋蛋 is a play on the original idiom of jun zi tan dang dang 君子坦荡荡, meaning to say that a gentleman's actions are generous and open, fair and does not need to be questioned - or can stand testament to questionings; jun zi tan dan dan 君子坦蛋蛋, the dandan is a colloquial term for balls, or testicles, so "a gentleman bares/expose his balls" hahaha
[3] 天荒地老 - tianhuang dilao, idiom, till the end of the world
[4] Probably just means 18+ content
[5] 小美人儿 beautiful, I wanted to change it to 'queen'; in reference to how Wang Xu calls her.
[6] 想入非非 xiǎngrùfēifēi - to let one's imagination run wild; to indulge in fantasy
[7]So what - originally in English
[8] used to express one's contempt for something regarded as impressive or important by another person.
[9] 火候 huohou - 1. the duration and degree of heating, cooking, smelting. 2. Level of attainment, 3. Crucial moment; overall, it means something hasn't reach maturity, or basically the time of something has yet come
[10] 踏实 secure; more so along the line of free from anxiety, have a peace of mind
[11] 一个眼神，就到老 ; literal, just one look/glance, to reach old age
[12] Reminder: Benni or BenBen (奔奔) - The Changan BenBen (Chinese: 长安奔奔; pinyin: cháng ān bēn bēn) or sometimes Changan Benni is a 5-door city car hatchback produced by Changan Automobile.
[13] 雏菊 (chuju) daisy, or chrysanthemum that is a popular term for anus, cause you know why
[14] 这样的顾飞，他怎么能忍心? // 忍心 to have the heart to do something; to steel oneself to a task; the sentence doesn't exactly say '...to hurt him', but sort of eludes to it, because how can some have the heart to hurt someone they like/love is what I thought; someone can correct this if anything.
[15] 老子 laozi, "I, your father" (in anger, or out of contempt) / I (used arrogantly or jocularly)
[16] Da Shu 大叔 - a name/term referring to middle-upper aged men. As is with Ge ge (brother), Jie Jie (sister), A yi (middle aged women)...etc.