as a Fawkes
James stretched out comfortably, his lanky form taking up the majority of the couch. His wife (he still couldn't get over saying that in his mind. Wife. Wife. Wife) sighed irritably and pushed her copper hair out of her face as she bent over the large tome in her hands and tried to reclaim the spot she had been sitting in before James had decided to claim it as his own.
"No, go ahead James, the 7 month pregnant woman really didn't need a place to sit."
"Well, if you say so, love."
Lily rolled her eyes. "Please concentrate," she asked him, a plea coloring her tone. "This is very important."
James huffed and closed his eyes. "Why do we have to worry about this now?" he whined. "The baby isn't due for another 7 or so weeks." Even though he was putting on an annoyed front, these words gave him a feeling that he couldn't describe, just like the thought of Lily being his wife. Wife, baby, wife, baby...
"What about Margaret?"
James opened his eyes and scrunched his nose in distaste. Luckily, Lily didn't notice as she was once again focused on the large book in her lap. The last time he had made that facial expression was 5 minutes ago, and she had snapped at him, angrily informing him that "if he wasn't going to offer any suggestions he might as well stop looking idiotic."
"Why do you keep listing girls names?" James asked curiously as the thought came to him. "Do you know something I don't know? I thought we weren't going to find out the sex until it was born. Keep it a secret and all."
Lily shrugged. "No, I don't know if its a boy or a girl. But something tells me that its a little baby girl," she said, rubbing her stomach. Her eyes lit up and she seemed to glow as she thought about the new addition to their little family.
James, who had been rendered speechless by Lily's beauty, found his voice once more. "I don't know, Lils. Maybe you should flip to the male section. Find one you like there."
Lily shot him a glance that he couldn't quite decipher before doing as he suggested. "Ooh, I've always liked the name Maxwell."
James just barely repressed the shudder. "Um, I don't know about that one," he said in a tone that he hoped was light and friendly. "What about Sirius?"
Lily didn't look up from the page she was on. "Maybe Loren?"
"Hey! I offer a name and you don't even bother to acknowledge it!"
"James, there is no way I'm naming my possible son after Sirius. Like he needs that ego boost."
James huffed with indignation and turned to look out the window. Sure, he could act as upset and bored and annoyed and a whole other list of adjectives as much as he wanted, but the truth was that he couldn't imagine a better way to spend a Sunday afternoon. The world surrounding their small home in Godric's Hollow was getting uglier by the day, as news of more deaths trickled in. People that James had called acquaintances, or even friends, were suddenly gone from the world. Never again would they be able to talk or laugh or sing or dance.
Or sit with their beautiful wives and discuss names for the baby on the way.
In a way, James felt eternally grateful to Lily for making life seem normal and serene, instead of distorted and chaotic, like it really was. Here with her and her oversized book of baby names on the too small couch, the war and Voldemort and the deaths and the ugliness did not exist.
"Of course, we have to think about middle names too. Merlin, at this rate the poor kid's just going to be named Kid."
James returned his attention to Lily, who was flipping pages with such a passion that one eventually tore.
They stared at the ripped page for a moment, before Lily suddenly burst into tears.
James, startled and confused, immediately sat up and wrapped his arms around his shaking wife. He let her cry for a moment, before gently inquiring the reason as to why.
"I'm sorry...it's so stupid..."
James tightened his grip on her. "Nothing that you do is stupid. Please, tell me what's wrong."
Lily sighed, the tears slowing, and looked up into his eyes. "I'm so scared James. What are we doing, bringing a baby into this world? How on earth can we possibly raise a child with a war and us being a part of the Order and people dying..." she trailed off, her chin quivering and her emerald eyes filling once again with tears.
James swallowed against the lump in his throat as Lily buried her head in his shoulder once more. "I'm scared too, Lily. I'm terrified that I can't be a father. But...I still know that somehow, it's gonna be okay."
"Are you sure?" Lily mumbled into his shoulder, the shaking having subsided.
James looked out the window once more, before kissing the top of her head. It wasn't a perfect answer, but it seemed to be enough. Lily pulled away slightly, and rested her head on James' shoulder. Eventually, she picked the name book back up, and turned a couple of pages.
"I like Victoria."
James grinned, even though it was small and slightly forced. "You still think it's a girl?"
Lily's mouth twisted into a small smile. "Am I ever wrong?"
A little under 2 months later, as James held his son Harry James Potter for the first time, he couldn't help but be thankful that his wife had been wrong, just this once.