I wish it were yesterday.
...
I miss the fool I was. The fool who had dreams as big as the moon and as bright as the sun. The fool who had stars in her eyes and was willing to try.
I miss that kind fool who breathed hope and love. That naive fool who'd wield something much more powerful than a sword. That fool who was not afraid to utter a word.
A fool she was. But a fool who lived for something, and that's more than what I can say about myself, who holds nothing.
I wish it were yesterday.
Because it was only yesterday that I could hold a brush and paint my soul on paper. I'm sure it was yesterday when my palette was full of vibrant shades.
But was that really yesterday?
I do not know that today.
But I'm sure. It must've been yesterday when I could breathe words as if they were air. And I would hold books and read them with care.
It was only today that the words appeared blurry and bleak. It was only today that I could no longer read.
I wish it were yesterday.
If it were yesterday, I'd still be able to speak my mind without caring. I was brave yesterday and not the coward I am now.
If only it were yesterday, I wouldn't have kept quiet. I'm sure that the me from yesterday would've had a riot.
I was different yesterday. I am sure I was. I should've been. I couldn't have always been this. I wouldn't have been this.
I wasn't like this, right?
It was only today that the sky turned grey. It was today that words turned to blades. It was today when everything became bleak. It was only today that my blue became a black streak.
It was today when everything hurt more. It has to be have been today when I couldn't sleep nor snore. It must have been today that everything became dark. It could only have been today since I lost my spark.
But when was yesterday?
I no longer know.
When did today start?
Maybe a week or a month ago?
Or has it always been today?
And was the yesterday I seem to be chasing just a dream I had one day?
No. It couldn't be. It shouldn't be. It wouldn't be? It can't be!
But... It must be.
Today is the day that I waiver. Between what I've always believed and what I've always known.
It wasn't until today that I despaired. It was not yesterday that I was different. Someday, my today will become my yesterday. And my yesterday will become a beautiful memory.
The only thing I can hold on to is that my tomorrow will one day become my today. And maybe tomorrow will be better.
I hope. I wish. I believe.
-TheHopeOfDusk