Holi wakes to the sun on her face. She has this weird sense of being at home. Home...as if she has finally woken in a place that is home, it makes her stomach swoop. Austin is not next to her, but she can hear some movement in the kitchen so she rolls off the couch and tiptoes to the kitchen. She hovers behind her pillar only because the ritual has now got a sense of comfort attached to it.
She watches Austin for a second, his back is to her as he makes coffee. He is a big man, his shoulders are broad and from her experience with them, they are strong...but tender. She does not know how he does it. From the sheer size of him, she should be wary of him, he could do a lot of damage and by the way, he is always so careful when he touches her or picks up Bell, Holi knows that he knows he could really hurt someone if he wanted to.
But he would not, he is too kind...like a gentle giant. But still, she wonders what he would do if he was ever pushed to the limit. The thought should scare her, make her shudder a little...but it does not. She is safe with Austin and so are her siblings. She may not be good at showing it or even acting on it but she does trust him. She trusts him like she has never been able to trust anyone else.
Her eyes drift to the fridge and she sees that Austin had taken the picture Mac had drawn and placed it onto the fridge with little magnets. Just like a parent who is proud of their kid's drawing would do. It looks like Mac lives here and Austin wants to look at it every time he takes milk out of the fridge.
"I hope you do not make hiding behind that pillar a habit, Holi," Austin says with his back still to her. Holi can't help but huff out a laugh. It's weird how he can sense her there. He turns around and leans on the counter with his arms crossed, "come here," he says. Holi's body reacts before her mind does, she walks over to him and when she is close he opens his arms and she falls into his chest as he wraps his arms around her.
"Take your coffee to the room and have a shower. We are going to my lawyers, they have a surprise for you and then they are going to tell you where we stand," he says into the top of her head, "will you come and shower with me?" Holi says kissing his chest. Austin pushes her away abruptly and walks to the underside of the kitchen island, "get away from me you minx. My game is soon, until then I think it best you keep your nasty little claws off me," he says with a face of warning. Holi starts laughing, "you are so dramatic! It's just a shower, Austin," she says. Austin rolls his eyes and takes a step back when she takes a step towards him, "exactly! A shower with you naked, wet and slippery in front of me! I will fucking die. Getaway," he says, he looks very stressed out.
Holi laughs again and then purposely lets her shirt slip off her shoulder. Austin's eyes widen and he points at it, "see! Holiday!" he groans out and it looks like he could cry. Holi decides to put him out of his misery so he covers up and grabs her coffee, "ok, relax I will shower alone. But just so we are clear...your ritual is stupid," she says and walks out, "it's so fucking stupid!" Austin shouts after her and she giggles to herself as to how exhausted he sounds.
When she gets to Austin's room she finds piles of clothing on the bed. A lot of piles. They are all woman's clothing and they are all her size. She is confused, but he gets a lot of free stuff
- it may just be PR stuff so she ignores them. She goes to the spare room and finds the same thing on the bed Bell and Mac have been sleeping on, but these clothes are all in Bell and Mac size. What the fuck? Austin has some cheek! They are not his charity case so why is he buying them clothing...expensive clothing at that.
She storms back down to the kitchen holding a fancy sweater in her hand that she has every intention of throwing back at him. He pisses her off. Austin is sitting at the kitchen island drinking his coffee and reading the sports section of the newspaper, "what the fuck is this?" Holi asks and drops it on the island in front of him. He lifts his eyebrows then frowns.
"I take it you found the clothing."
"Yes and you can take it back. We do not need it."
"Do you have clothing? Besides the crap that is in your bag."
"No."
"Do you have the means to buy clothing anytime soon?"
"No."
"Would you do everything in your power to make sure the people you love have everything they need?"
"I can see what you are trying to do. But it does not change anything, we can't keep accepting your charity."
Austin looks at Holi for a moment then he stands and walks up to her, standing really close so she has to crane her head up to look at him.
"It's not charity. I will not get into a deep discussion with you about it because you already know that. I will not take the clothing back, you will use it simply because you have no other choice...unless you want to wear these again," he says pointing to her very dirty shirt. Her pride wants her to stamp on his foot and push him away while insisting that she can get clothing for them on her own but then he is speaking again and his words finish her, "I know you can make a plan on your own, you are a strong woman, Holi. The strongest woman I have ever met. But you don't have to do it all alone anymore. I am here...I love you."
He knows her too well it seems, knows what to say to get her to pack her ego away. She reaches up and gives him a chase kiss then pulls back, "ok. Thank you," she says and walks off. Halfway down the passage she stops and shouts back towards the kitchen.
"Austin!"
"Yes!"
"I love you too!"
She then hears Austin laughing, that belly laugh that he does. He is happy and today is going to be just fine.
She spent a long time in the shower hoping that the hot water will seep into her muscles and loosen them. It's strange how life works. She has spent her whole life building a tough exterior - physically and mentally, but just a few nights in the lap of luxury, physically and mentally, and she is soft, letting the streets take a beating on her. But humans were never made to sleep on the streets, to live a life of pain. We crave family, we crave the need to be important, and know if you disappear tomorrow you will be missed and her absence will be felt. Holi has that now...but she does not let herself linger too much on the thought because being completely open scares her. She could lose all this in a second.
Eventually, she gets out and dries herself then wrapping the towel around her she goes back to the bed to get an outfit for the day. But she is suddenly overwhelmed. There is so much, so much clothing. The clothing is nothing insane like those models wear on the runway or anything like that, it's just normal clothing like jeans, t-shirts, jumpers...it's just that there is so much. There is a pile of ten jeans - black, dark blue, light blue, white, ripped, not ripped...she has never had more than one or two options so now that she can actually choose what to wear based on how she feels and not just on availability leaves her not sure what the fuck to do. Like it really matters if she put on black jeans or blue jeans.
She feels Austin's hands slide around her waist from behind her then he plants a kiss on her bare shoulder, "you ok?" he asks softly. She turns in his arms and looks up at him, he is smiling softly at her and cocks his head slightly like he is trying to work out what's going on in her mind without her actually saying it. Holi suspects he is getting good at reading her mind and knows what she is thinking without telling him. But Austin is good at gently nudging and not shoving her so she knows he will wait until she speaks...till she is ready to speak.
"The first time I can remember being taken from my mother by Child services I was five years old. They placed me with an old lady. She was so kind and sweet, I was so happy with her. One day she took me to a shop that sold rolls of material in big batches and she told me to pick any color I liked. I chose this bright yellow, sunshine yellow. She made me a dress with it. I wore it every day, she would wash it and dry it while I slept just so I could wear it the next day. After a while, I was given back to my mother and I never saw the old lady again. I continued to wear my yellow dress every day, washing it every evening in the kitchen sink. The color started to fade and it looked more cream than yellow, eventually, it became too small and I had to replace it. I cried for weeks. Silly, right?"
She looks at Austin but he shakes his head, "no, I don't think it's silly," he lifts his eyebrows and she knows he is encouraging her to say more. She does have more to say, but it hurt too much to say out loud...but she is safe now, "I was not crying at the loss of the dress, I was crying over the loss of the old lady who had been so kind to me," it feels good to stay it out loud like she can let it go. Austin leans down and kisses her, the kiss starts to deepen and Holi slides her hands up his chest and around his neck.
But then Austin's body stiffens and pushes her away, walking towards his walk-in cupboard, "you are going to fucking kill me one day, fucking hell," he throws over his shoulder. Holi shakes her head dropping her towel and reaching out for jeans, a t-shirt, and underwear. She holds the underwear up, inspects it, and then looks back at the pile of underwear on the bed. It's all silk and lace...not practical cotton underwear. Fucking men! Of course, he would be so impractical with this part of her new wardrobe.
She is still naked and inspecting the underwear when she hears a grunt and then the bathroom door slamming. She rolls her eyes, he is like a fucking teenage boy. But by the time he comes out of the bathroom Holi is fully dressed and she ignores the scowl he gives her, it's not her fault that he is sticking to his stupid ritual if he gave her half a chance she would sort out that little problem.
They take one of Austin's fancy cars and he is grumpy all the way to his lawyer's office, but Holi leaves him to wallow - she guesses he is grumpy at himself for coming up with such a stupid ritual, and now that she knows it means so much to him she will never let him break it even in the future. Idiot of a man and saint of a woman.
The lawyer's office is fancy, very fancy. Leather couches, sculptures, and even an indoor waterfall. What is it with rich people and indoor waterfalls? It's fucking weird. These lawyer's offices are nothing like those cheap, state-subsidized lawyers' offices that you can find on the street corners between the pawnshops and gambling halls in skid row. Holi suspects these lawyers had graduated from colleges like Harvard and the likes while the 0800 lawer she called probably did an online course.
"How much do these lawyers cost, Austin?" she whispers as they walk down a long hall with large windows that overlook the best parts of LA. He looks at her a little worried but then answers, "triple digits," oh, well it's a lot but Holi is sure she can make a plan...over time. She could pay Austin back, triple digits is a lot but she could manage it if given time, "ok well that seems low given how fancy this office is and how much work they are having to put into this. But I could make a plan and come up with a way of paying off a bill for triple digits."
Austin sighs, "triple digits an hour...just for the consultation," Holi stops walking and her eyes go wide. Austin has had these lawyers working for weeks already and there are still way more things they will need to do so Holi is guessing the bill from all this is going to be well over triple digits, "Austin!" Holi blurts out his name loudly. Austin puts his hand over her mouth, looks around then pulls her into a room that is being used as a janitor's closet.
"Holi! Keep it down. Fuck."
"Austin! You can not spend so much money on this. It is not your problem."
Austin had opened his mouth while Holi had been talking, but had shut it abruptly at her last sentence and she can see his eyes go that stormy grey. He is mad. He looks at her for a beat then reaches for the door handle.
"I can spend my money any way I see fit and there is fucking nothing you can say to stop me," his tone is cold, and Holi regrets her words. She has hurt him. He flings the door open and storms down the passage with Holi almost running behind him just to keep up with him.
The section of offices they walk into is even more expensive-looking than the section they had walked through before the long passage. A bottle-blond in a very short and very tight red dress squeals when she sees Austin and jumps off her chair then practically dives into his arms. The back of Holi's neck goes hot, she does not like this woman...she looks like a tramp.
"Oh, Austy-boo! I have missed you soooo much," she whines out. Holi hates her so much, "I have missed you so much! It's so good to see you!" Holi wants to strangle her...is that too much of a violent thought? Maybe she should have taken the time to finish her coffee this morning. Holi watches as Austin untangles her arms from his neck and then he reaches out and pulls Holi to his side.
"Jas, this is my girlfriend, Holi," he says. Jas steps back a bit and gives Holi a cold glare. Fucking hell, Holi never experienced high school but she imagins this is how the mean girls react.
"Take a seat, Mr. Post...Holi and I will let them know you have arrived," Jas says coldly and then walks away. Austin takes a seat on the large leather couch and Holi sits down next to him. He is still mad with her and Holi needs to make this right, this is a conversation they need to have right now, "Austin," she whispers, "we need to talk about this," Austin fiddles with his watch and ignores her. She does not care if he is still mad, she wants to have this conversation right now.
"Austin," she whispers shouts at him. He stops fiddling with his watch and gives her a pointed look. He can tell by her face she is not going to let this go or accept a decision to talk about this later. He rolls his eyes at her, "now is not the place, Holiday. We can talk at home," he whispers, "no, I want to talk about it now," Holi whispers back, he gives her another pointed look, "why do you always have to be so impossible?" he says. Holi scowls at him - the flare of annoyance that is coursing through her body is nothing short of insane.
She gets that she is a hothead that reacts before she thinks and he is always Mr cool, calm and collected, but this is a two-way relationship. There are times they will do things his way, but there will also be times when they do things her way and right now she wants to have this conversation and she will be damed if she does not get her to say.
She goes to say something, but Austin turns his head and holds up his hand to indicate the end of the conversation. She is learning something new about Austin every day, today she learns he is stubborn...very stubborn. But she is stubborn too so come hell or high water they will be having this conversation right now, she just needs to find a way to break him down a little.
"My love," she whispers, Austin's ridged shoulders visibly soften and he turns his head to look at her with a knowing look and a small smile playing on his lips, "you fight dirty," he says. Holi shifts closer to him and he lets her thread her fingers through his, "I am sorry for saying this whole Bell and Mac situation is not your problem, I know they mean a lot to you. It's just hard for me to let go. To believe fully that me accepting your help is not me collecting debt that you will eventually claim...but I am trying."
"You owe me nothing, Holi."
"I owe you everything, Austin."
"It seems we are at a standoff then."
"It seems so...Austy-boo."
Austin rolls his eyes and goes to open his mouth, but a door flies open and a small round jolly man comes bounding out, "Austin!" he says and embraces Austin then he turns to Holi, "Holi, my dear! It's great to see you," he then pulls her into a hug. She recognizes him as one of the lawyers from Austin's house on the day Bell and Mac were taken. Holi likes him, she knows lawyers are supposed to be intimidating, but he seems really nice.
He leads them through the door he had burst through and into a large board room with another three lawyers in. Again Holi recognizes them all from being at Austin's house. They are all way more intimidating than the jolly man but still, Holi does not hate any of them.
"Do you mind if Jas sits in and takes the meeting minutes?" one of the lawyers ask, Austin looks over at Holi letting her be the one to decide, want's to say that she does not want any more people than absolutely necessary hearing about her past but when Austin gives her arm a small squeeze she nods, it's ok, this is her past.
"Well Holi," one of the lawyers starts, "we have gone through your history with Child Welfare and the police. I don't think the system was good to you...the system let you down. There is not much we can do though...the system is not easy to sift through."
She knows this. The system has let Bell and Mac down too. The system has let many kids down. But how do you fight a ghost? They will be running around for years and if she is honest with herself...really honest, even though she hates social workers and foster houses they are not all bad. There are some who do their job with the intention of trying to better the world and even though the system is broken it still offers some hope to kids who grow up in the world she did. She knows who she blames and it's not the system.
"I know, but I don't blame the system. I just want Mac and Bell. That's it. That's all," she says, Austin leans into her, "Holi, think about this. What do you mean you don't blame the system?" Holi turns to him, "don't get it wrong, the system sucks. But I lay blame on my mother and father, I will never forget where I came from. But I don't want the next chapter in my life to be about fighting a ghost of a system to try and get back what my parents never gave to me in the first place. I am tired of fighting, I just want to live...I am sorry if that disappoints you," Austin shakes his head, "you do not disappoint me. Ok, just getting Mac and Bell back...where are we at?"
"It looks pretty good," another lawyer says, "we have a strong case to present, airtight. With what we have built the judge will hand Mac and Bell over to whoever we suggest and you will have official documents tethering you to your siblings...we made those other false adoption papers disappear."
"Oh? How did you do that?" Holi asks a little confused. She thought she was in deep shit for that, "some things are on a need-to-know base, Holi," another lawyer says. Well ok then.
The jolly lawyer then speaks up, "so you were originally told that the custody hearing was set down for six weeks away, we have managed to move it up so now it is set for Monday morning," he says. Holi wants to jump over this table and kiss him, "this Monday?" she asks and he nods, "this is the best news! That's only two days away! Today is Friday...Austin today is Friday," she is babbling now but she does not care, she has been separated from her siblings for way too long so knowing that she will get them back on Monday is the best news ever.
"Actually," one of the most intimidating-looking lawyers says, "that is not the best news for today," Holi frowns, "it's not?" the jolly lawyer laughs, "he is right it's not. The best news is we have managed to secure you a phone call with Mac. It is monitored and only five minutes, but you will be able to talk to him today," Holi can feel her tears slide down her cheeks and this time she can't contain herself, she gets out of her chair and throws her arms around the jolly lawyer, "thank you, thank you," she says into his ear. The jolly lawyer hugs her back then clears his throat and steps back. Holi can see he has watery eyes.
"I am just going to get the foster parents on the line," he says and hurries out. The rest of the lawyers excuse themselves and also leave there is nothing more to discuss they will be seeing Holi on Monday in court. Right now all Holi can think about is talking to Mac. She paces a little nervous, she hopes he is not angry - an irrational thought but when you are a kid that has been ripped from the only person you are 100% sure loves you, you can't help getting emotional and lashing out.
Austin grabs her arm and pulls her back into her chair then pushes the phone in front of her and gives her a little wink and a smile, "it will all be ok, my love," he says softly. Holi kisses him on the cheek. She is really happy he is with her for this. Jas, who had left with the lawyers sticks her head back through the door, "when you see the little light flashing red just press the button and it will put you on speaker. Both Holi and Austin nod and Jas flashes Holi a warm smile, looks like her opinion of Holi has changed somewhat.
Then the red light flashes and Holi presses the button. It's quiet for a second then she can hear some static...and then she hears Mac's voice.
"H-hello? Holi?"
"Mac," Holi breaths out.
"Mom! Mom, I miss you so much," Mac's voice cracks, and Holi can tell that he is crying - so is she, but she only has five minutes with him and wants to make the most of it so she swallows the lump in her throat.
"I miss you too Mac. I think of you every day, all the time. Are you ok? And Bell? Are they treating you right?"
"Yeah, they are treating us right. These people are nice, even though the lady makes me eat vegetables every day. But they are good, mom. They let Bell and I sleep in the same room. I am looking after Bell just like you showed me. I never leave her alone and she is ok, she asks for you and Austin every day and I tell her that you are coming for us. You are coming for us, right?"
"Yes, I am coming for you. I will never stop coming for you."
"Is Austin with you?"
"Hey bud," Austin enters the conversation, Holi can hear his voice is a little choked up.
"Hey, Austin. You look after my mom until I come home...make sure she is ok."
"I will try, you know how stubborn she is though."
"Yes! I know," Mac laughs.
Holi hears talking in the background and then Mac groans into the receiver.
"I have to go, they are saying the time is up. But mom, don't worry about us ok. This place is good, these people are good and they get a ton of donations. Today they got like new bedding and kid's clothing and tv's and tv games and outdoor games and even like a truckload of food. We are living like kings over here."
"Ok Mac. I am happy it's a good place. I love you and tell Bell that I love her too...tell her that ok."
"I will and...and I have been talking to the moon every night...it helps. I showed Bell how to talk to it too."
"Good boy. I love you."
"Yeah, I love you too. Ok, I have to go."
Then the line goes dead. They both sit in silence for a while and then Holi crumbles, falling into Austin's chest as he hugs her tight and just lets her cry everything out. They stay like that for ages and Holi is sure the way Austin's body is twisted slightly must be uncomfortable for him, but he does not say anything and right now Holi is letting herself be selfish and take all she needs from Austin.
After a while, she sits up and dries her tears when she looks over at Austin she can see his eyes are a little bloodshot and it looks like he is trying to deal with his emotions. That phone call with Mac finished him just as much as it did Holi. She does not care that they are sitting in a fancy lawyer's office, she stands up and sits on Austin's lap and hugs him.
"Thank you," she says as she pulls back, "for what?" Austin says with a frown as he rubs her back, "I know you sent all that stuff to the foster house. You must have gotten the address from the police when you bailed me out," Austin looks at her with a challenging face, "I did. I ordered all that stuff when you were still sleeping this morning. Don't fight with me about it. I won't be taking anything back and I won't apologize for doing it either," Holi laughs and leans down to kiss him, "you were right for doing it, thank you," then she kisses him again.
Walking out of the Lawyers office Holi feels as light as a feather, sure it was a pretty emotional day. But with all that has happened just in the lawyer's office alone, Holi can't help it and she can't help feel like things are finally turning around for real this time. It's all going to be ok.
"Have you ever been on a date, Holi?" Austin asks suddenly, "what? Like a wine and dine thing? With candles and private bands? Limos and high-end dresses...sex after? Like that?" Austin shakes his head and huffs out a laugh, "absolutely nothing like that! And if I took you out on a date it would technically be our first date...you would have sex on the first date?" Holi shrugs, "I had sex with you before the first date...what does that mean?"
Austin laughs and wriggles his eyebrows, "that means you can't resist my charms," Holi wants to roll her eyes and tell him he is talking rubbish but that would be a lie, "you are not the only one that gets intoxicated by their partner. You are like a drug, Austin," she says and Austin nods, Holi knows he knows the feeling. "If you want to take me out on a date, could it be...at home, on the couch with pizza and a movie. Today has been a long day," Holi suggests. Austin smiles and then kisses the side of her head, "see, this is why I keep you around. You come up with all the good ideas.
Later, after they have eaten and the movie is done...even after Austin clears a space in his walk-in closet and helps Holi put her clothes away in there, they lie curled up on Austin's bed. Holi can feel sleep pull her under as he runs his fingers through her hair, "hey," he whispers, "can I ask you something?" Holi nods, "Mac...he called you mom on the phone but I have only heard him call you Holi...why?" Holi rolls over so she is facing Austin.
"He always said that he considers me his mom. He calls me mom when he misses me, whenever they take him he always calls me mom when we reunite,"
"Why does he go back to calling you Holi after a while?"
"Not sure, it may be a loyalty thing. Mac and I both have memories of moments our mother was a mother. I think he feels loyal to my mom so he reserves the name for her."
"But you raised him, loved him...kept him safe. You are his mother, Holi. Your mother? She does not deserve that title."
"No, she does not...but that does not change the fact that she is our mother."
"Do you think he will ever stop that? That he will stop calling you Holi and only mom?"
"I do. Once he has finally come to terms that he does not owe our mother anything just because she carried him for 9 months."
Austin pulls her to his chest tightly and kisses the top of her head, she does not even have time to let her mind wander a little before sleep takes over.