11.03.22
[...]
You are probably your own worst nightmare.
I don't wanna add fuel to that.
You're cursed with that mind of yours;
and the strange thing is I still love you the same.
And fighting with you resembled breaking up with you and I don't fucking know how I should ever handle that.
Fuck no,
I'm not ready to let you go. I couldn't.
And most of all I don't want you to suffer. It's really the last thing I want and it really hurts me to see.
I don't want to be the reason for your pain and intense suffering;
I know you already struggle enough.
I just want to hug you
and tell you everything will be okay.
You're just a scared little child and you found comfort and shelter in me.
And I have no intentions breaking your trust.
I forgive you, and I know that side you showed me is not who you really are
or who you want to be.
It's just that,
A side of you.
And I know so many other sides of you.
- The one where you're smirking at me
right before you start tickling me
- Or your bossy, determined nature
when you tell me about your achievements
at work / how the shift wouldn't have
survived without you.
Or even when you're baking
and I'm standing around aimlessly,
so you give me orders to
help my discomfort.
- Then you also have that
super mature, grown side with you.
For example when you talked me out
of a panic attack and persuaded me
to call in sick to work the next day.
- You also have a very childlike side,
like a cat.
When you just search
for my closeness and pull me close to you
and snuggle into my chest
(this is honestly the cutest shit ever)
- You can also be grumpy and moody,
like some bratty child
- YOU CAN LITERALLY BE A BRAT
and also stubborn as hell
and clumsy as fuck
- But you're also super goofy and playful. Literally a meme;
I love that
& I have the most amazing
time with you!
- You can be extremely sensual
and hot and you drive me crazy
when we're being intimate and
you're so passionate.
I'm aching for you
and I know you do the same.
- You have a very cool, edgy,
goth/emo/grunge face
you present the world;
effortlessly looking cool & aesthetic
while smoking that cigarette,
creating that mesmerizing,
detached, mysterious
scorpio-persona
of yours.
- But at the same time you are that
"let's drink coffee and cuddle into the couch
while watching a vintage movie."
- And you love animals omg.
You're really great with them.
I enjoy seeing you interact with my cat
or your horse so goddamn much.
- ... and you are also that
"playing pottery 2 because the show
I'm watching is boring me / investing my
mental energy into a mystery,
detective-game-trilogy"
- You're highly intelligent
and you have a very sharp mind.
You see all the details,
and also always the bigger picture.
And you're also extremely emotional.
Sometimes even psychic.
In general you just have soo many facettes to you.
You're so versatile.
I could never label you and put you in a box
and that makes you so fascinating.
You're loyal,
and you have a very big heart.
And you also have that fucked up brain lmao
but that's okay.
It doesn't define you.
And all your sides together
make you an extremely lovable person.
I feel honored to know you and be in your life
and I love you
and I plan on staying with you.
I won't leave you.