Casimir and I rely on candlelight to chase away the night as we lie atop the roof of his cabin, staring at the stars dotting the sky. Our arms barely brush but I can feel his warmth from beneath the shared blanket. It's old and scratchy, but he's had it ever since I've known him, and it provides me with a familiar warmth.
"Are you even listening to me?" Casimir asks, expression pinched as he turns his head to stare at me.
"We've been over the plan a hundred times—"
"One more won't hurt."
"In the history of plans, tomorrow nights is the most basic. All I have to do is be a damsel in distress." He frowns at the phrase. "It'll be okay."
"If you get any sense that they're going to hurt you—"
"Run. I know."
"Run and hide. I'll come and get you. I don't care what Trina wants." He tightens his grip on my hand. "I won't lose you, Frey. Not tomorrow night, not ever."
I squeeze his hand, closing my eyes. The air is unusually warm. When I think of losing Casimir, my heart pounds in a way that I'm afraid it might stop. But there's so much about tomorrow night that we can't predict. The entire plan assumes that the shifters will care who I am, and we all know the chances are slim.
If it weren't for the fact that Casimir respects my autonomy, I'm not so sure he'd let this plan go ahead at all. I wouldn't even be anywhere near the deserters in the first place if he'd had it his way. And in this moment, lying beneath the stars with my head on his shoulder, I understand why he lied. Why he hid. Why he wasn't sorry.
Because I would do the same thing to protect him.
"Will you be around tomorrow?" I ask.
"I'll be helping Elex with preparations. Everything had to be perfect."
I sigh, slumping down. "What am I supposed to do then?"
"Go to school, act normal."
"You really think I'll be able to focus on schoolwork knowing what's happening? Why can't I just spend time with you?"
He sits up, staring down at me, blue eyes serious. "Go to school, Freya. Have lunch with your friends. Make fun of Professor Fin. Spend some time around Cadence. Cherish your moments with your friends. You never know when you might see them again."
My heart drops to the pit of my stomach.
You never know when you might see them again.
My mind makes a correction: You never know if you'll see them again.
***
Adding to the bright blue sky outside school, Cadence is a ray of sunshine. Even as she sits quietly in class, tracing the tip of her pencil against the table, her warmth and brightness radiates throughout the room.
I wonder if I'm the only one to notice.
She looks up, feeling my stare, and drags a hand down her face as Professor Fin rambles about the upcoming quiz. "I just don't understand why we can't do it tomorrow," she whispers. "We all kind of have bigger things to think about right now."
"Cadence," Professor Fin warns.
She rolls her eyes and makes a face at me. I can't help but smile.
The class feels emptier than usual, which isn't strange considering many people are often tasked with helping their parents secure their homes for the Red Moon. Killian didn't turn up, either, which makes me wonder if he's where Casimir is.
"Hey," Cadence whispers again when Professor Fin turns around. "You okay?"
I force a smile. "Of course."
"What're you doing after class?"
"Nothing, why?"
"A bunch of us are going to the lake, sort of a last hurrah to summer since it's such a nice day." She pauses, nibbling on the edge of her lip. "Come with?"
I know what she's doing, what she's been doing since the moment I walked into class this morning. Today is the one-year anniversary, and the fact that Cadence is trying to alleviate some of that pain means more to me than she'll ever know.
My mind is running at a million miles a minute thinking of tonight, of what could go wrong, of what happens if things go right. The last thing I want to do is waste my time around a bunch of classmates who care about me as little as I care about them.
But I love Cadence. Where Casimir is my family, she is my best friend. And whatever happens tonight, whether it goes right or wrong, one thing is sure—there's a chance I may never see her again.
"I'll be there."
Her grin brightens her entire face. "Yes! We'll leave straight after this quiz."
"Cadence!" Professor Fin raises his voice, spinning around and glaring daggers. "You owe me five minutes after class."
I muffle my laugh in my hand as her smile flops upsides down and she glares at the back of his head.
"Okay," she whispers again, "five minutes after."
***
As Cadence predicted, the weather is unusually warm, which is why I'm not surprised that the lake is busy. After we finished our quiz, which went terribly, Professor Fin gave us the afternoon off. Most of the class headed straight for the lake, blankets and baskets full of bread in hand. By the time Cadence and I arrived after her 5 minutes after class, there was barely any space along the shoreline to perch.
We join Jakob lazing beneath a low hanging branch. He lies with a hand over his face, flat on his back, and grumbles beneath his breath as Cadence flops next to him.
"This spot is taken," he mumbles.
"I don't see anyone," Cadence responds, folding her legs beneath her and taking out a sandwich from her basket, handing it to me. Jakob doesn't protest.
I lean back against the trunk of the tree, relaxing my shoulders and soaking in the warmth. Closing my eyes, the sounds around me grow stronger. Splashing of water, laughter, squealing—it reminds me of summer, and it feels bittersweet. A moment of calm before the storm. I want to capture it and hold it in my pocket.
"Ugh, there she is," Jakob says, wrinkling his nose. I open my eyes, following his gaze to see Raven standing on her own. "Pretend you don't see her."
I frown. "Why?"
He blinks at me like I've grown a third head. "Do you live under a rock?"
Cadence smacks his shoulder. "Freya's been sick, you know that."
"Sick or dead?" he asks. "Because you'd had to have been dead not to hear about it. Everyone in Veymaw has been talking about it. Didn't Casimir tell you?"
Except that I haven't been in Veymaw. "What did Raven do?"
"She cheated in the quiz on Monday, Professor Fin caught her red-handed." He snorts to himself. "How embarrassing."
"That's it? You made it sound like she killed somebody or something."
He turns up his nose at me. "Cheating is a punishable offence, Freya."
On any other day, his antics would irritate me. But today, as I stare at his sour expression, light brown hair, and narrowed eyes, laughter bubbles up at throat. And when it escapes, Jakob looks even more horrified than before.
"And you laughing at me?" he scowls.
"S-sorry—" I laugh. "I just—"
"I can't believe you," he huffs, pushing to his feet and swiping up his basket. "You never take anything serious. Grow up, Freya."
He storms off, leaving Cadence and me sitting alone beneath the tree. She turns to look at me, the corners of her mouth turning up. "I think you really ticked him off this time."
"He'll get over it."
Cadence rolls over, taking a bite of her sandwich. I survey the lake, shifting when I notice Killian emerging from the trees.
"What's he doing here?" I blurt without thinking.
"I invited him."
My stomach flips as his gaze surveys the clearing, black hair dishevelled from the wind. The longer I stare at him, the more I'm taken back to last night as we danced beneath the moon and the stars. The feeling of his hand on my waist, breath on my neck, the stars in his eyes.
I'm not the only one staring, following his movement through the throngs of people. He's the sun to the crowd's solar system. They don't know that he's a deserter, that his hands are deadly, that he slaughtered the Councillor in Portson, that he'd gladly do it again.
"I saw you with him last night," Cadence says, nudging me.
"When he told me I was a terrible dancer?"
"Neither of you looked like you were having a terrible time."
She doesn't look annoyed like I expected, just curious. "Cadence."
"Freya."
"Whatever you're thinking, stop."
A smile tugs at her lips. "Do you like him?"
"No."
"And yet your cheeks are all red."
I didn't think it possible, but they burn hotter. "He's annoying and arrogant and—"
"Oh, come on, would it kill you to admit it? Pretty much everyone else does too—"
"Well I don't. Seriously, you don't know what you're talking about."
She raises her hand in fake surrender. "Okay, okay, fine. Sorry."
I relax slightly, leaning back and making a point to not watch Killian as he converses with a group on the edge of the lake. "Sorry" I say, "I'm just... I'm feeling on edge. You know, with the Red Moon and all."
"You staying at Casimir's tonight?" she asks. I nod. "You know you're always welcome to stay at mine, right? Pa said he doesn't mind. It's further from the forest and much more secure than Casimir's cabin. We got new locks."
"Thanks. But Casimir and I will be okay."
"Are you sure?"
I wish I was.
"I'm positive."
She lets out a resigned sigh, nodding reluctantly. I watch her closely as she tugs her lower lip into her mouth, staring at her hands. In the past, the Red Moon was rarely something that made Cadence anxious. She partied at the Moon festival the night before, lounged around all day. It was just a night that she wasn't allowed outside, a night where growls echoed through the streets, never close enough to harm.
I reach over and grab her hand. "You're going to be okay, tonight, don't worry."
She tightens her grip, eyebrows drawing together. "It's not me that I'm worried about. One year isn't that long, Frey."
"I'm fine—"
"You don't have to pretend to be okay when I know you're not." Her gaze is unwavering, searching my face. "Just... don't do anything stupid. Please."
"Of course I wouldn't—"
"I know about the forge."
I freeze, glancing over my shoulder as if I'll find Jakob perched beside me. But nobody is close enough to overhear her. I scoot closer. "What're you talking about?"
"Don't lie to me." She doesn't sound mad, just worried. "I know you've been going to the forge at night. I don't know why or what you think you'll accomplish. But I know you miss Samu, that you'd do anything to get him back. But you can't ever do that if you're dead."
I don't know what to say. I love Cadence as much as you can love a friend, but I always thought she was oblivious to much going around her, stuck in her head filled with daydreams. But when she looks at me under the branch, with her wide blue gaze, there's something deeper, something I've never noticed before.
"Promise me you won't do anything stupid."
I've lied to Cadence many times in our friendship. But as I reach over to grab her hand, meet her eye, and tighten my grip, this lie feels like the worst.
"I promise."