That's exactly what I did.
Hailey's
HINDI pa rin niya ako tinitingnan. We've been here for thirty minutes and yet he hasn't said anything – at all. The was just looking at his plate, or anywhere else in this room. Hindi niya talaga ako binibigyan ng atensyon. Makailang beses ko nang sinipa ang paa niya sa ilalim ng mesa pero hindi talaga siya nakikipagtinginan sa akin. Pinag-aaralan ko ang reaction ng mukha ni Theo, he doesn't seem shocked to see me. In fact, parang well informed na siya sa mga nangyayari, at mga mangyayari pa lamang. Theo would never lie to me, but he tends to leave some details most of the times, iyong tipong alam naman na niya pero hindi niya sinasabi sa akin and this is a classic example of that.
"Are you two okay? Parang hindi kayo magkakilala. Hindi kayo nag-uusap." Theo's dad spoke. Ngumiti ako kahit iritang – irita ako kay Theo.
"Dad, Tito, could you excuse us for a while?" Sa pagkakataong iyon ay nakuha ko ang atensyon ni Theo. Walang abog na kinuha ko ang braso niya at sapilitang inilabas siya ng private room. Hindi ko talaga siya binibitiwan kahit na palag siya nang palag. When we reached outside, saka ko siya hinarap at hinampas nang makailang beses sa braso.
"What the actual fuck, Theo?! You know about this, do you?!" Naghintay muna ako nang ilang segundo bago niya ako tinanguan. Napamura na naman ako at muli ko na naman siyang hinampas sa braso.
"Aray naman, Hailey..." Mukhang nasaktan siya noon pero wala akong pakialam. Naiinis ako sa kanya. Bakit hindi niya sinabi sa akin? Bakit hindi niya sinasagot ang mga texts at mga tawag ko kanina?!
"Is this why you were avoiding me all day?" I asked him. Nakakuyom ang mga palad ko. Napakagat – labi pa siya. Mukhang iyon nga ang dahilan. Napapadyak naman ako. "You should've told me!"
"Anong sasabihin ko? Up until now hindi ko alam kung anong magiging reaksyon ko! One moment you're my friend, and the next thing I knew, you're the woman I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with!"
"And what the fuck is the problem with that?!" Bigla ay parang nag – init ang mga mata ko. Why does it sound like he's already regretting it? Wala pa ngang matinong usapang nagaganap!
"What if this isn't what I want?" He spat those words and it felt like daggers to my heart. "Hailey, kaibigan kita, mahal kita, I am willing to do everything for you but not like this." Pahina nang pahina ang boses niya. "Mom always tells me that the choices we make in life defines us, you chose to be with Perseus before, why do I have to suffer with you now?"
My mouth parted. Halata sa boses ni Theo ang frustration. Nag-init ang mga mata ko. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang disappointment sa tinig niya, na para bang ipinamumukha niya talaga sa akin na hindi niya gusto ang nagaganap sa ngayon, na wala siyang choice, na para bang ako lang ang may gusto nito.
Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko, I cried. My tears fell and it seemed like Theo woke up from a trance when he realized that I am now crying. He tried to touch my arm but I took a step back.
"Hailey, I didn't mean it that way. It's just that I want to do more things in life. I want to make sure that—"
"I'll talk to my dad. Maybe he could find someone else for me. I'm sorry for getting you to this mess." I spoke those words with such finality. Mabuti na lang at may taxi na dumaan. Mabilis kong pinara iyon at sumakay ako. I told the driver where to take me, tahimik lang naman akong umiiyak.
Theo is right, he shouldn't suffer with me. Choice ko naman ang lahat ng ito, why would I let anyone other than myself suffer the consequences of my actions?
Pero aaminin ko, nasaktan ako sa mga sinabi ni Theo sa akin. There I was feeling a bit of comfort knowing that my Dad chose him for me, akala ko kahit paano ay okay na ang lahat, na kahit paano ay nasa maayos ako, na hindi na ako mag-aalala kung magkakasundo ba kami because Theo is Theo, he is my person, but he clearly stated that he didn't want to be with me. It hurts a lot. Akala ko kasi madali sa kanya ang lahat. Nakakaramdam ako ng galit, pero sa kabila noon ay naiintindihan ko rin siya.
Theo has his own dreams, ni hindi pa nga siya nagkakaroon ng seryosong relasyon tapos mata-trap siya sa arrange marriage sa akin? Kahit na matalik pa kaming magkaibigan, mali talaga iyon. Of course, Theo wants the best for himself, sadly, hindi ako iyon. I am damaged and broken, who would want me?
No one would want such a pitiful person. I bet lahat ng nakakaalam ng tunay na relasyon ko kay Perseus, tingin nila sa akin ay desperada at walang manners. Theo wouldn't want that. He deserves all the best in this world, kahit masakit, kahit nakakaiyak, tatanggapin kong hindi ako iyon.
I paid the taxi driver and got out of his car. Tuloy – tuloy lang ako sa loob ng bahay. Sigurado akong magagalit sa akin si Daddy once na malaman niyang umalis ako sa restaurant na iyon. Wala muna akong pakialam. Mas gusto kong umiyak muna sa ngayon. I just feel so rejected. I couldn't believe that my Theo would say that to my face and what's more painful is that every word he said is a hundred per cent real and correct.
xxxx
Theo's
THE word messed up is not even enough to describe what I did tonight. Pinaiyak ko si Hailey, alam kong nasaktan ko siya nang sabihin ko sa kanya ang talagang tumaktakbo sa isipan ko. Kanina kasi, iniisip ko lang na kailangan kong magpakatotoo sa kanya, I thought that she would understand. We've known each other for the longest time and I feel comfortable telling her my thoughts on things, pero iyong nangyari kanina, it is a clear I had hurt her for being truthful. Mali ang mga salitang binitiwan ko sa kanya at huli nang maisip ko iyon. Her tears were already falling and then she walked away with that painful look on her beautiful face.
Disappointed rin sa akin si Papa at si Mr. Helios Demitri. Bumalik ako sa loob ng restaurant. Natagpuan kong nagkakasiyahan ang mga tatay naming ni Hailey but when they asked me Hailey's whereabouts, wala akong nasabi kundi I'm sorry. Ipinaliwanag kong maayos sa Daddy ni Hailey na ang lahat ng ito ay kasalanan ko. Mukhang nagpipigil nga lang ng galit si Mr. Demitri sa akin, hindi na rin siya nagtagal noon, umalis na rin siya kaya naiwanan kami ni Papa roon. My father settled the bill and we left too.
The ride home was too quiet for my taste. Hindi nagtatanong si Papa, wala rin naman akong balak magsalita, wala akong ibang naiisip kundi ang pain sa mukha ni Hailey. Palagay ko nga hindi pa ako nakakatulog dahil lang sa kakaisip sa kanya.
"Son, what are you thinking?" It was the first time my father talked ever since we left the restaurant. Nasa loob na kami ng bakuran ng bahay noon. Ibinigay na ni Papa ang susi ng kotse sa driver. Akala ko palalagpasin niya na lang basta ang oportunidad na kausapin ako.
"Alam ko namang mali iyong ginawa ko, but doesn't it seem unfair for the both of us?" Tanong ko sa tatay ko. Napatango lang naman siya.
"Saan unfair, Theo?" He asked me again. "You're Hailey's closest friend. You know everything about her. You could be in love with her –"
"I am not—"
"Until when are you going to say that you're not anak? You know, your Tita Tami and your ncle Ildefonso used to play that game too."
"Anong game?" Tumawa si Papa.
"Taguan. Taguan ng feelings, nobody won for years anak. But when finally, Ildefonso had the courage to face the reality that he is in love with Tami, they both won. Ikaw, hanggang kailan ka papatalo sa pagtanggi mo? You and Hailey will make a great couple. You'll know how to take care of her, you'll know exactly what she'll need in, you can be everything she needs, Theo. Isa pa, kung hindi man ikaw, I know for a fact that Helios will look for someone else to take care of Hailey. You are his first choice, but it doesn't mean that you are his only choice. Think about it, Theo."
Nilagpasan ako ni Papa. Tinapik niya pa nga ang balikat ko. Napabuntong – hininga na lang ako. Lalo akong naguguluhan sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko ngayon. Yes, I want to take care of Hailey. I want to make sure that she is safe and that she is happy. Sa haba nang panahon na nakakulong siya sa sikretong relasyon niya kay Perseus, gusto ko lang siyang makitang masaya. Si Hailey iyong tipo ng babaeng ipinagsisigawan sa buong mundo, hindi siya dapat ginagawang sikreto because Hailey Demitri is an amazing woman, she is kindhearted, sweet and beautiful, she deserves the best because she is the best.
Iyon ang palagi kong sinasabi sa kanya, pero kanina, hindi iyon ang naiparating ko sa kanya. Nasabunutan ko pa nga ang sarili ko. I need to talk to Hailey and I couldn't wait until morning. I will wipe those tears away. I feel like such an asshole. Hindi ako papayag na matutulog kaming dalawa ngayong gabing hindi nag – uusap.
I took my car keys and left. I am determined to make everything work. It's better if it's me. What if the next guy Mr. Demitri will choose will only hurt Hailey? Hindi na dapat nasasaktan si Hailey. Sobra – sobra na.
Thirty minutes later, nag-park ako sa tapat ng glass mansion ng mga Demitri. Mukhang gising pa naman silang lahat dahil maliwanag pa ang kabahayan. I rang the doorbell, the guard opened the gate, he recognized me so he let me in.
Kinakabahan ako, ngayon ko lang naisip na hindi lang pala si Hailey ang makikita ko rito, kundi si Mr. Demitri na rin. Paano pala kung tanungin niya ako ng mga bagay na hindi ko pa kayang sagutin sa ngayon? Paano pala kung hindi niya ako hayaan na makita si Hailey sa ngayon dahil nasaktan ko ang anak niya? What if Hailey hates me now? I know that she is crying, I want to make things better.
"Theo, I thought the dinner didn't go well." It was Mrs. Demitri – Tita Yza who greeted me in the front door. I awkwardly smiled at her. Napakamot na lang ako ng batok. Ang dalig sagutin ng tanong niya, ang daling sabihin na kasalanan ko ang lahat ng ito.
"Si... uhm... can I please talk to Hailey, Tita?" The ever so kind Yza Demitri smiled at me.
"You know where to find her." Mabilis pa sa alas kwatro akong tumakbo patungo sa hagdanan. Nasalubong ko pa nga si Hunter Demitri, binati naman niya ako pero hindi ko na lang muna siya pinansin. Moments later, I am standing in front of Hailey's door. I was trying to hear what's happening inside, but it's too quiet, no sobs, no muffled crying, tulog na ba siya?
Kabang – kaba ako. I need to knock – yes, to give her a warning that I am here, but even before I could do that, bumukas ang pinto at nakita kong nakatayo siya. She was still wearing that beautiful dress she wore at dinner, but her eye make up are all messed up. Halatang umiyak siya nang umiyak.
"How... uhmmm..."
"Mom messaged me saying that you're here." Matapang niyang wika. "What do you want?" Parang bubuga ng apoy si Hailey anumang oras mula ngayon. Napalunok ako. Sabi ko na galit siya sa akin.
"Look..." She talked again. "If you're here to make sure that I told my father to end our deal, bukas ko na lang sasabihin sa kanya. I just want to cry right now, because thinking about the words you said to me earlier, made me realize that those things are what you're really thinking of me. Diba nga kasi ikaw ang voice of reason ko?" Her voice broke. She started to sob again. "And you're right, you don't need to suffer with me. I'm sure Dad knows other people, makakapili ulit siya ng ipakikilala sa akin. And while we're at it, we can stop being friends too. Wala ka naman talagang obligasyon sa akin."
Habang sinasabi ni Hailey ang mga salitang iyon ay paiyak na talaga siya, nasasaktan na rin ako dahil iniisip niyang tapusin pati ang pagkakaibigan naming dalawa. The mere thought of not being able to talk to her daily scares me. Hindi ko kayang hindi siya nakakausap. She's a part of my everyday life, life without Hailey would be boring and lonely.
"Okay?"
"I'm so sorry..." Iyon lang ang nasabi ko.
"Look, I'm sorry too. You can leave..." Akmang isasara niya ang pinto nang pigilan ko iyon ng kamay ko. I was shaking my head.
"Listen to me first, Hals. Please..."
"Bakit, may kulang pa ba sa sinabi mong nakasakit sa akin?" She sobbed. "Dadagdagan mo pa?"
"Remember the night Perseus hurt me? Your father found me. Inuwi niya ako sa isa sa mga town houses ninyo at doon kami nag-usap. He told me about your deal with him. At that moment, wala akong ideya sa kung anong tumatakbo sa isip ng tatay mo, Hals. Tinanong niya ako ano raw bang tingin ko sa deal na iyon and I told him with all my heart that this deal is bullshit." Hailey gasped. Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya. "I told him that because in my head, you deserve something more than an arrange marriage. He, then, asked me what kind of a person I think you deserve and I told him that you need someone that will take care of you..."
Hailey's doe eyes found mine. Nanlalaki pa ang mga mata niya, siguro, hindi siya makapaniwala sa naririnig niya mula sa akin, but this is what I was supposed to tell her earlier. Kung anuman ang nasabi ko sa kanya, malamang, bunga lang iyon ng frustration, but no matter how frustrated I am, wala akong karapatan para saktan siya.
"Please forgive me for what I have said earlier, Hals. Who would be a more fit to take care of you other than me? I have been doing that for the longest time and you don't see me complaining. I will gladly take care of you with all my heart and soul. People always tell me that I am in love with you, maybe I am, maybe I'm not – " Hailey gasped again. "Maybe we should give this a try and see where it will lead us, I cannot see myself without you in my life. I don't care about Perseus, or any other guys, because Hailey, I should be the one taking care of you. Do you understand that? It should be me."
My heart is beating so fast. I could feel how sweaty my feet are, even my hands and the fact that Hailey is just there, looking at me like she just had seen something unbelievable adds up to my nerves.
"Please say something..." Nanginginig na rin ang boses ko.
"Uhm..." She found her voice, thankfully, but still that one syllable hum is not enough to calm me down. She bit her lower lip, meaning that she is freaking out. He eyes are unfocused, which means that she's thinking hard, but then, in the middle of those things. Hailey looked at me and said the words that made my heart falter a beat.
"Isn't it the part that we kiss... uhm to seal the deal?"
And that's exactly what I did. I kissed Hailey, Yvian Rian Consunji – Demitri.