The next 3 years we're filled with devastation.
Thousands of soldiers were drafted to try and reclaim Wall Maria. However the only thing it accomplished was better access to food due to the thousands dead freeing up the supply. Titans had taken over the surrounding areas and left only a few hundred Scouts alive by the time 3 years had passed. The lack of population did help the food supply, but that also meant watching our population dwindle down nearly 20%.
Armin never found his grandmother, Eren never found his father, and my dad had been missing as well. We all were left as orphans. We had been old enough to take care of ourselves and each other, but almost every night was spent listening to one of them crying. I knew they missed their families so I didn't bother them too much about it because they didn't need the reminder.
Though, Eren's father and my father could have been anywhere that day. They could still be alive and looking for us but as the years went by I grew to learn to not hope. All Shiganshina survivors came to Trost so if my father was alive he would have known where to find me. I didn't enjoy talking about my father, but I think that opinion went both ways. He always had a slight distain and lack of interest in me since my mother had died.
I had come to the terms that I was abandoned whether it be because of both of their deaths or my fathers constant lack of interest in being a father. Deep down it hurt, but I was too stubborn and prideful to admit it to anyone, not even my friends. I think they knew, but they never pressed too much.
I knew I had a purpose whether he was here for me or not, I would always fight for my mother. She should have never died how she had. Even when she had passed, he seemed surprised but not upset. If anything his mood lightened when she had left and it repulsed me. The loss of my mother had broken me entirely and to see my father so... unbothered. It never sat right with me, but he was my father. I loved him still, I had no choice.
My mothers squad was sent on a suicide mission into heavy Titan area and they were left abandoned by another squad. They had been attempting to set up a ranger station a few miles away from Wall Maria. When they had been left without resources and they only had so much air left for their ODM equipment. It wasn't long before we got word that no one made it back.
I shook my mind free off those thoughts not wanting to dwell on it. Not with the day we had during training. We had been stood in a large crowd of recruits for almost an hour today as we stood looking at Commander Keith and he belittled us after some drills we did less than perfect at. He was the harshest drill instructor there was. He was known for making or breaking soldiers.
Our first few months here he had just about sent half of us home, most of them crying with their tails tucked between their legs. Some people just couldn't take it, some thrived, it was a gamble but it was forcing the strongest of us to step it up. There was a few of us that were seemingly made for Scouts.
Mikasa was one of the best of us. Anything the Commander would throw at us she would handle with ease. I wasn't too far behind her, but I definitely still had to work a little extra harder to hold my own. Armin was definitely getting the hang of things, but wasn't quite as agile and fast as Mikasa and I. His strength was definitely in his smarts. Eren was struggling to say the least, he had the passion and drive, but the execution was anything but passable.
He was often made the butt of most of the Commanders jokes. It wasn't easy watching a him get turned into a joke, but at least his short comings were overshadowed by Sasha. Her first day she sent the Commander into a tizzy because she decided to eat a potato during his initiation speech. She offered him half, but I think that only made him angrier.
He made her run 10 miles every day for a week and cut her off from the food supply for 3 days. It was kind of funny after she was allowed in the food hall again, but she was miserable for like a week straight. Conny and Jean seemed to drag her back to the cabin defeated with exhaustion every night. They had formed a little group between them which was nice enough, at least she made some friends out of it.
I currently shared a room with Sasha, Mikasa and Annie. Annie was mostly a good roommate because she kept to herself. She was the type that would one day end up serving the king. She was the perfect recruit, she was agile, smart, focused and best of all, completely full of herself. I suppose you had to be to stand a chance being eligible to serve the king. She wasn't one for joining in on conversations so she kept to her own in the bunk below me most of the day.
Mikasa was sat at the end of her bed on her back reading a book. The sounds of Sasha eating some food she had stolen from the kitchen filled the room. Annie wasn't in for the night just yet so it was just the three of us. Cold weather had set in so we didn't stay out as late as we usually did with the boys. I was bundled up under the covers feeling extra cold.
Tonight should have been my fathers birthday, I would always try and surprise him with a cake. The same bakery that Armin and I were heading towards the day Shiganshina fell sold the best sweet cakes around. It would be the one of few times a year I could feel any sort of emotion from my father. He was a man who was never pleased with anything so seeing his smirk when I brought him a cake home was a highlight of my year.
"Hey, are you deaf?" I heard and I felt a walnut hit the side of my head.
I sat up on my elbows and looked over to see Sasha eating from a bag full of them. Mikasa was also now sat up on the end of her bed looking to me expectantly.
"Sorry I wasn't paying attention." I said picking up the walnut and tossing back to her. Knowing her she'd just take it from my hands before I could eat it.
"Clearly, what happened with Eren and you today? You both just vanished after dinner." She asked me and I knew what she had been talking about.
Eren had pulled me aside, he had noticed something was wrong with me all day. I was painfully quiet during meals today, during training I was solely focused on myself. Usually Armin and I goof around in between tasks, but I was distant. Eren was always the first one to notice when I was acting off so he had stopped me on my way back to the cabin.
We talked for a little behind the supply hall about my father and some other things, but I was clearly still down in the dumps about it. I didn't spill much personal information at anyone, but Eren always watched my back, but I think he watched over all 3 of us more than we realized. Even Mikasa's who hardly spoke couldn't hide her moods from Eren.
"He was showing me some new equipment we got on yesterdays cart." I said simply.
"I thought that was a food cart?" Mikasa said clearly not taking the bait.
"Yeah it was." Sasha said and I knew Mikasa at least caught on to my lie.
"I don't know, he just found a bunch of boxes with new training equipment." I said shrugging as I swung my legs over the edge of the bed.
"If you guys were making out just say so." Sasha said and I felt my cheeks turn red out of sheer embarrassment because that was not how things were between us.
"No! Gross it's Eren." I spat feeling Mikasa's eyes on me.
She'd never admit it but she loved Eren maybe a little more than a sister should. I mean they weren't actually siblings, but they grew up like they were. She was infatuated with him and she wasn't as good as she thought at hiding it. I mean it made sense, they grew up together and he was a big brother to her. She felt safe with him, at least that's what I thought.
"We just were sneaking around in the training hall, to get a look at the new stuff. It's not like that." I said shaking my head.
"We'll you could have fooled us, you two act very weird together." Sasha said tossing another walnut into her mouth.
"It's not like that." Mikasa said calmly. "We all stick kind of close. What kind of equipment are we looking at? We've had shit gear for months now."
"It was hard to get a close look... it probably just to replace the malfunctioning gear we've had." I said not really knowing I'd we got new gear in the last shipment. "Reiner and Bertholdt were walking near by so we didn't have long. Surely they'd tattle."
"He's part of the reason I didn't get to steal more from the kitchen. Reiner is always where I don't want him to be." Sasha said digging through her bag as if to find more food. Mikasa was hard to read, but she didn't appear to be too suspicious.
"Or perhaps don't steal food from the kitchen?" Mikasa said walking over to the window to shut the curtain.
"Hey, are you two in charge of this idiot?" Annie came busting in pointing back towards the doorway.
All 3 of us leant forward to see Eren and he was still in his training clothes. I had last seen him near the supply hall next to the training grounds but he was headed back to his cabin. He should have changed out of his clothes but clearly he hadn't. I had no idea why he was stood looking like he'd been caught red handed. After we talked for a little I figured he went to bed.
"What'd he do now?" Mikasa asked crossing her arms.
"He's completely sloshed. He got into a fight with Armin back at their cabin and broke a window in the process. Armin says Eren, Conny, and Marco got into the generals wine reserves." Annie spat.
"Are you kidding me? We have the forest training exam first thing tomorrow Eren." Mikasa said stepping closer to the door where Annie stood clearly annoyed. I hopped off my bunk and stood closely behind her with my arms crossed as well.
"He claims Armin told him he shouldn't be a Survey Scout." Annie said holding the door open. "Frankly with behavior and skills like his, I agree. He has a field waiting to be plowed where he belongs."
"We'll take it from here Annie." Mikasa said seeing Annie was just in a bad mood per usual and Eren was irritable.
"What is your problem?" I asked Eren as Annie let the door swing shut.
"Eren you're an idiot." Mikasa said shaking her head. "Walk."
"I'm not going back there! Armin has no idea what he's talking about!" He shouted and I quickly looked around to see if he had woken anyone up.
"Eren shut it. You're drunk." I said shaking my head.
"Yeah we'll at least I have courage! Armin is a coward!" He said waving his arms around wildly as we came down our steps to see him wobbling.
"And I'm going to punch you if you don't stop yelling, I don't care what you think. You need to lie down and go to bed. If you keep it up you're going to wake up the Commander." Mikasa said getting nearly in his face.
"I'm not going to sleep! Not anywhere near him." He shouted again.
"Your options are shut up and walk or whine long enough to get the attention of Commander Keith and a first class seat back to Trost so you can join the field workers." She snapped at him as she pointed for him to walk towards his cabin. "That or you can freeze to death out here."
He didn't immediately move so I pushed my hand into his shoulder and pushed him along. He stumbled back and forth as we walked in the near freezing temperatures. I held my pajamas close to my body because they were not made for weather this cold.
"I take it you didn't know he was drinking?" She asked walking along side me as we both walked behind him.
"No, he was totally fine when we left, I figured he was heading to bed." I said with a heavy sigh.
"Every day we get closer to graduation he gets more dead set on those stupid Scouts." She muttered.
"He's always been set on it." I said truthfully.
"He's had a hard enough time here, the Scouts are no joke. Even if you're the best there is, it's a lot of chance. Wrong place wrong time and that's it." She said and I didn't have much to respond, she was right.
"What are you going to do?" I asked her because she was still yet to pick or really talk about her plans.
"I go where he goes." She said and I could tell she didn't want to give that answer, but she knew it was true.
"And if that's Scouts?" I asked her because that was a very real possibility she'd have to face.
"Then so be it. He should just enlist to be a Garrison, make it easy. I'd even settle with the Military Police if he can even end up eligible for it." She said.
I could see the lights in his cabin were on unlike any of the surrounding cabins. We had a long distance hike and combat course we had to complete at sunrise so most everyone was in bed. I could see his door was cracked and he leaned into the rail as he walked up. I could smell the spirits on him and even more as we got closer to the door.
The door opened to Marco half way laying on a bed drool dripping from his mouth. Conny was face down on a rug fast asleep like Marco was, but clearly didn't make it to his top bunk. Armin was sat at the top of his bed and before we could even say anything he was shouting.
"He can't be in here! He punched me earlier!" Armin said and I could see the black eye already forming under his right eye.
"Oh my god you too, stop yelling for God sake." Mikasa scoffed. "Eren get over here."
Mikasa went to his dresser and was pulling out clothes for him to change into. It reeked of wine in here and frankly like throw up. I covered my nose as I met eyes with Armin.
"What even happened?" I asked Armin as I climbed halfway up his ladder to talk to him a little more privately since his room was wide open like ours.
"I don't know he was drunk and started yelling about how he was going to be a Scout and I tried talking him down, but he just got angry with me." He complained and I sighed.
"You guys know ever since Shiganshina he's had his mind made up. How did you guys even get ahold of the Commanders wine supply?" I asked him.
"I had nothing to do with it. Conny is the one who came in holding a few bottles. I told them it wasn't a good idea, but they clearly didn't listen to me." Armin said looking upset and frankly tired.
"You alright at least?" I asked him.
"I'm fine, I just want to go to bed." He said sounding very defeated.
"Believe me we need to after what we have planned tomorrow." I said and I turned to see Eren fighting Mikasa to put on a sleep shirt. "Lay down I'm sure Eren's going to pass out just like those two soon."
"Do you think he's really going to go to the Scouts?" He asked me. I took a second to think, but there was an obvious answer.
"Yes, but right now isn't the time to worry about it." I said squeezing his arm.
I hopped down and Mikasa was pushing Eren towards his bed. He looked to be getting sleepy as if he was going to pass out soon. He was mumbling something at Mikasa, but once his body hit the bed he didn't seem to want to get back up.
"Idiot." She mumbled. "Come on, let's leave them to get sleep."
We turned out of the cabin and I looked back at Armin. He was getting settled, but I knew he didn't seem tired. I shut off the lights as we walked out and I closed the door hoping they'd stay asleep for their own good. I'm sure tomorrow morning they'd wake up with a nasty headache.
"Eren is too impulsive." Mikasa said as we walked back and I could hear her frustration.
"He always has been, let's not worry about it. I'm sure when they wake up tomorrow morning they'll have learned their lesson." I said nudging her because I knew she was worried about Eren more than she'd let on.
"Sometimes I think he doesn't think." She said rubbing her temple as we walked out in the open again. I could see our cabin in the distance, but with how cold it was it felt miles away.
"Oh for sure but that's why he has you. Someone's got to knock some sense into him." I said and I flashed a small smile at her and I had seen her hide her small grin. "I mean I still remember that first day in Trost, you almost knocked him clear out."
"Yeah I remember that..." She said with a small chuckle. "I think I should have hit him a little harder."
"Oh I'm sure you'll have plenty of opportunity." I said smiling at her.
Annie was stood on our porch as if she was waiting for us. As we neared closer I could still see Sasha eating food in her bed when he had left her.
"You two really should distance yourself from him." She said crossing her arms. "He's only dragging you two down."
"Since when do you care?" I asked her as we walked right past her into the warm cabin.
"I don't." She said as she came inside. "I'm just saying it's pretty obvious the Commander thinks less of you two because of those two you hang around."
"I don't care what the Commander thinks, neither should you." Mikasa said already sliding into bed.
"You're wasting your talents Mikasa, the king wants people like you, like us." She said I just crawled up into my bed not giving her half a bit of mind.
I could see she was trying to start a conversation if that's what you could even call it. I pulled back my sheets and fluffed my pillow knowing I needed good sleep tonight.
"I'm just saying it's a waste of your time." She said flopping down into her bed.
"You know Annie, you don't have many friends. I think if you had some you'd understand." I spat out.
I saw Sasha's focus go from her food to me which meant I had probably pissed her off. Mikasa's eyes shifted from her bed to me, then to Annie, and the back to me. Her face told me I had taken it a step too far.
"I don't do friends." She said bitterly.
"Clearly." I muttered as I turned off my small lamp over my bed. The room was still lit but my corner was much darker now.
"Friends are distractions." He grumbled.
"Goodnight Annie." I said wanting to end this conversation because she was just poking the bear at this point.
"You'll realize one day. All of you." She said and with that Mikasa turned off her final light.
I just rolled my eyes and turned my back away from the wall. Annie was one of the cockiest people I knew. She was pretty talented, but her ego was larger than life. Maybe it's just because of how I grew up but I couldn't begin to understand her self righteous attitude she flaunted so openly.
I closed my eyes and prayed tomorrow wouldn't be miserable.