Rain bounces on the restaurant window as I observe how the lights of the city reflect against the shiny puddles and slick umbrellas. Haneul and I were lucky enough to get a booth before the storm unleashed its wrath. Neither one of us checked the forecast before going out and I don't remember it ever raining last time. But I guess I was also already in bed.
I look at Haneul, who's still searching the menu. "If you go to Kor—"
"It's not a matter of if. I will and I am." He folds up the menu and sets it on mine. "I already bought the tickets today."
"Wait, tickets?"
"Yes. One for me."
I blink.
"And one for you."
I'm speechless. Last time he didn't... oh that's right.
He sighs when I don't say anything. "You can act a little more excited than that, you know? There are a lot of people who would love to go to Korea."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Insert girly scream." I mock him and make an exaggerated girly face, then I return to being serious. "Do I look like a 14-year-old k-pop simp to you?"
Haneul scoffs and crosses his arms. "I'm not asking you to be. But if you're really that prejudiced, you can stay here."
"I'm not prejudiced!"
"No, but your comment was."
I sigh. "I'm sorry. That's not what I meant."
The waiter comes and Haneul orders for us. We sit in complete silence until our food comes, and even then we both only say thanks to the waiter.
What I had said... I do want to go. I think it would be fun; a lot better to visit Korea with him alive than him dead. I just don't want him to go and get murdered. That's all I'm doing is protecting him.
"I do want to go to Korea." I stab my salad with my fork.
"But you just said... I don't understand. If you don't want to go, I will not force you. You do not have to please me. Perhaps the distance will be good for us."
"No, distance is the last thing I want." I look around frantically, catching heads turning from us back to their food. This is not the place for us to have this conversation. "I'll explain later. Back at home."
***
"Okay, what is it?" Haneul asks as soon as he locks the front door. "Why are you acting like this?"
I wring my hands and pace back and forth, but Haneul has lost his patience.
"Will you please talk to me?"
"I'm sorry, okay?" I shout. "I... it's just, there was this nightmare, a-and you died. I couldn't bear it. You went to Korea. And you died! Okay, I don't want to have to see you buried for a second. Is that too much to ask?"
I try not to cry but I have to wipe my cheeks anyways.
Haneul's shoulders relax and I see the anger fade away from him. He pulls me in and wraps his arms around me, resting his chin on my head. I bury my face into his chest and cling onto the collar of his suit jacket.
"I couldn't handle it. I can't lose you too."
"Shh, it's okay." He whispers, kissing the top of my head. "It wasn't real. I'm not going to die."
But the thing is, Haneul. It was real. You did die. It wasn't just a nightmare.
I'm about to break away when suddenly I'm thrust into the air. My arms snake around Haneul's neck as he carries me to my bed and lays me down. I sit up but he presses me back down again. He takes off my shoes and earrings, pulling the covers over me. I've finally stopped crying and I can look at him clearly. His face is expressionless as he sits there, using his arm as a support to lean over me.
My hand finds his on the bed.
"I have to make sure you're okay."
"I will be as long as you are." He moves his hand away as he repositions himself. "If you come to Korea with me, you can always be by my side. That way you'll know I'm safe."
"You'll let me do that?" I sit up. "Be by your side at all times I mean?"
Our noses are inches away now. He tries to keep his gaze at my eyes, but he can't hide everything from me. It's only for a split second but I still catch it. His breath even quickens as he looks at my lips.
"Let me know if your nightmares continue. I'll take you to the hospital." He rises from the bed. "For now, get some rest. We pack tomorrow morning and leave tomorrow evening."
***
"Can you believe these are the only snacks they have?" I glare at my bag of pretzels and a can of pineapple juice. "Remind me again why we didn't buy first-class? It's not that you can't afford it what with the kind of money my dad's paying you."
"I didn't get us first-class flights because these were the only seats available on such short notice." Haneul leans back in his seat. "Be grateful that lady was willing to switch seats with you so you can sit by me."
I take a sip of juice, peering into the aisle to find her again. "She's very pretty don't you think?"
"Is that so? I didn't notice."
I shoot him a look but his eyes are closed.
"I mean, did you see the tits on that woman? Talk about having honkers." I crunch on a pretzel, ignoring the look of a horrified old lady on the other side of the aisle.
That gets him to open his eyes.
"Will you cut it out?" He sighs and throws an apologetic look to the old lady. "Besides, fake ones are nothing to brag about."
"Oh, so you did look!" Haha, you've been caught.
"It's not what you think. It is inappropriate for a woman to show so much chest in Korea. And that woman plans to—"
"Didn't you check the ticket? There's a halfway stop before we reach Seoul. She might not be going the full way."
He rolls his eyes just before closing them. "Either way, you should just worry about yourself. Don't get jealous over her."
"I didn't say I was—"
The seatbelt sign switches on and the captain makes an announcement over the intercom. Haneul grins at the sudden cut-off.
"You should go to sleep," he says after the captain is done speaking. "It's a long flight."
"Exactly. Fifteen hours. I can sleep later."
"We'll see about that." He leans his head against the window.
"How come you got the window seat?"
"Because it's my favorite." He mumbles. "And, I knew you'd be the one getting up the most and I didn't want you crawling over me every twenty minutes."
Eh, fair enough. He has a point.
"Haneul?"
"Ne*?"
"I'm bored."
He motions to the small screen on the seat in front of me. "Watch a movie."
"Mine's broken," I whisper. Actually, it probably isn't. I just haven't tried turning it on yet.
Haneul groans, pulling out his phone and AirPods and dropping them in my lap. "Here, now leave me alone."
Not what I was wanting, but fine, if he wants to be that way, I'll leave him alone.
I spoke too soon.
"What's the password to your phone?" It's a four-digit number. I try his birth year but that doesn't work.
Haneul sits up and grabs the phone, showing me his password as he unlocks it. He hands it back and resumes his uncomfortable position against the window. I stare at him in confusion and bewilderment at the same time. The four digits of his passcode... it's the same number as the year I was born.
***
The terminal is lit by luminescent lights and bright signs, nothing but darkness coming through the glass windows and ceiling. It's late, but it's almost just as busy as it was last time. Though, speaking of last time, I hardly paid attention to all the advanced technology and insane architecture. There was only one thing on my mind back then; I hardly cared for the culture shock.
"Let's grab our bags and I'll call a cab." He lets me step onto the escalator first. "The hotel shouldn't be that far away."
"Hotel? We're not staying with your mother? She has plenty of room."
Haneul gives me a look.
Just kidding! I have no idea what her house looks like. I seriously need to be careful of what I say from now on.
"She lives two hours away from the hospital my grandfather's staying at. It would be a hassle to drive back and forth every day. Besides, she's not even there. She hasn't left the hospital since he was admitted."
I nod.
"Don't worry, you'll be seeing her a lot."
We retrieve our luggage and exit the airport. Haneul leads the way since he is the only one of us fluent in Korean. He can read the signs and ask for directions. I swear, how the crap did I even find my way through this place last time?
Haneul opens the door to the cab and lets me slide in first, sitting down next to me. He gives directions to the driver, at least I assume that's what he says, and we drive off.
"How much Korean do you know?" Haneul surprises me with a question.
"Uh, annyeonghaseyo**?"
"Eh, not bad." He visibly cringes.
"Ooh, and I know eomeonim means mother-in-law through the husband's side."
"Very good. I was not expecting that." He actually smiles. "And I am your nampyeon while you are my anae. Husband and wife."
********************************************************
*yes
**Korean translation for "are you comfortable;" the way to formally say "hello"