He wasn't sure why he'd agreed to this dinner. He supposed it was because he'd been told you were going and he wanted a chance to see you but if he'd known Jason would be there, he'd have never agreed.
The two of you were sickly sweet together. He doted over you and you over him, sharing chaste kisses and glances as Steve and Connie beamed about all the latest shenanigans of Olivia and María. You paid special attention to his daughter which at first, he had loved, but as Jason got involved he loved it less so.
Connie could see how uncomfortable Javier was with the situation and she knew right then and there that the agent was smitten with you and you... were completely and utterly oblivious to it. She wondered if she should tell you.
Would you want to know? Would it make a difference if you did?
As she watched you and Jason together, she could see that you were happy, content but she also saw the glances you threw at Javier when he wasn't looking. She could see how you both pined over each other but neither one of you knew how the other felt. You would be good for him, good for María but she worried if Javier would be able to commit to you.
He wasn't known for that.
She decided that if the two of you were meant to be, you'd end up coming together on your own. It wasn't down to her to play matchmaker.
"She's really beautiful Peña." Gushed Jason as he looked up from María to the agent across from him.
"Thank you." Javi replied, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he watched you with her.
You were bouncing the infant on your knee as he giggled and danced, delighted by the faces you pulled at her. You were a natural with her. Your mothering instinct came out every time you were with her and he yearned to see you with her more but alas, that wasn't to be. You'd been with Joel around three months now and had only seen him and María in passing. You'd missed so much. She was crawling all over the place and now, she was pulling herself up and standing whenever she could.
At ten months old now, she was staring down the barrel of turning one. It was something that Javier had not been prepared for at first but, as it edged ever closer, he found he was looking forward to it a little more.
"So have you decided if you're going to have a party for María?" Connie asked as she cleaned up Olivia, who'd managed to paint herself with tomato sauce.
"I don't know." Javier shrugged "Not like she'll remember it."
"We threw a party for Liv." Steve argued and Javier nodded "Yeah... true. I dunno. I'll think about it."
"You could throw it here. At least she'd have Olivia to play with and we can all enjoy a drink. Celebrate Javier keeping a baby alive." Connie teased, winking at him as he gave her the finger.
"You should do something." You piped up, your voice a little small as you looked over at the older agent "I know I would've if I'd had the chance."
The statement you made stung Javier more than he'd expected. With how little he'd seen of you lately, it had slipped his mind that you'd never gotten the chance to celebrate that milestone with your family.
"Okay." He answered simply after a few moments "We'll throw her a little party."
"Here that, Preciosa?" You whispered against her ear "Papi's going to throw you a party."
María started to clap and screech and the five of you chuckled at that. A comfortable silence fell over you all as you focused on the little ones around the table for a while but when María started to rub her eyes, Javier knew it was time to leave.
'I should get this one home." He said as he picked her up from your lap and held her close as her head dropped to his shoulder "Thanks for having us Con." He said to the blonde as she stood from her chair and hugged him lightly.
"Always a pleasure." She replied, giving him a friendly kiss on the cheek before placing a soft one on the crown of María's head and walking them out.
"We should probably make a move too." You said after a few moments of silence and Jason smiled sweetly at you.
"Sure honey." He replied, giving you a small nod before getting up and putting his hand out to shake Steve's "Thanks for having us." He said firmly.
"Was a pleasure." Steve replied, shaking his hand back and giving him a quick nod "Will have to do this again sometime."
"Definitely." You replied as you gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek before turning to Connie "Still on for tomorrow?"
"Definitely." She beamed and "See you at 12."
"Perfect!"
The two of you made your way down the stairs and into your apartment, Jason grabbing two glasses of water for you both like he always did before joining you in the bedroom where you'd stripped down to your underwear. You smiled at him as he entered, feeling bold as you walked over to him and kissed him before he pulled away to hand you your glass.
You placed it down on your side table and got onto the bed, admiring him from where you lay as he stripped down to his boxers before sliding in next to you. You scooted closer to him, pulling him into a kiss that no matter how hard you tried, didn't get any more heated.
"What's gotten into you?" He asked as he pushed you off of him.
"I want you." You moaned, "Got this new set, just for you." You continued as you lay down in the hope he'd admire it a little "Don't you like it?"
"It's okay." He replied with a shrug and all that confidence you'd had disappeared in a puff of smoke "I'm just not in the mood babe."
"Oh." You replied, unable to hide the sadness in your voice as your throat tightened.
You suddenly felt so very exposed and you practically leapt out of the bed, grabbing some clothes to sleep in and choosing to change in the bathroom. You felt so stupid as you pulled off the lacy garments and threw them in the laundry bin before pulling on your sleep shorts and one of your husband's old T-shirts.
Jason was asleep by the time you returned to the bedroom and you climbed back in beside him, laying with your back facing away from him and as far from him as you could. Silently crying yourself to sleep.
...
"So how did Jason like that cheeky little set you got?" Asked Connie as she sipped on her Coffee, a small smirk gracing her lips.
"He didn't" You replied simply and her brows pulled together as your posture changed.
"What do you mean?"
"I dunno... he just..." You paused a moment, trying to keep your composure as you tried to find the words "He wasn't in the mood or whatever." You said after a few moments of contemplation "Tried coming on to him and he full-on rejected me."
"Aw, hun-"
"I'm just not sexy." You interrupted with a shrug "I tried something... It didn't work out. I don't have a beautiful figure like you. Wasn't made to pull off lingerie like that."
"That's bullshit." She argued and you scoffed "Seriously. You're more gorgeous than you give yourself credit for."
"Con... I'm happy enough as I am. I'm just never going to have that passion you and Steve share." You sighed, resigning yourself to the fact you'd never get the things Javier had told you about all those months ago "I just... I wish Jason would look at me the way Steve looks at you."
"What way?" She asked and you sighed.
"Like you're every fruit of his desire." You started "Like the ground, you walk on his sacred."
"You mean the way Javi looks at you?" She said before her eyes widened when she realised what she'd voiced.
"What?" You squeaked "Javier doesn't look at me that way." You argued, scoffing at her as you took a sip of your coffee.
"Hun, he looks at you like you hung the stars." She stated, deciding it was too late to turn back now "And I see the way you look at him."
"I don't look at him," You fended "I'm with Jason! Why would I look at Javier when I'm with a man that actually likes me?"
"He does like you." Connie protested you you snapped.
"I am not his type Connie." You warned "Javier doesn't like me and I don't like him... We're friends." You continued, pausing a moment "Nothing more."
"Okay." Connie conceded, holding her hands up in surrender "Just don't settle for Jason because you feel like you can't do any better... You deserve the best life has to offer."
"Con-"
"You're beautiful... inside and out." She said softly as a kind smile filled her features "Never forget that."
~
2 months later - The day before the party...
Steve and Javier leaned against the wall, flanking the entrance to the house as a few of the search bloc men filtered inside. Peña was practically vibrating as he and Steve followed them in. The music in the lab blared, masking their arrival but it didn't take long for shots to be fired and for the building to erupt into chaos.
Steve and Javier shot anyone that dared to aim at them, moving through the house with practised ease as they checked each room for the man they knew, ran this operation. The two men split up, hoping to clear the rooms faster as Javier took one side of the hall and Steve the other.
"Clear." Steve shouted as he stepped out of the final room on his side of the building, only to jump at the sound of a gunshot "Javi?" He yelled as he sprinted in the direction the sound had come from and gasped as he stepped inside.
Javier was laying on the ground, clutching at his thigh but the man who shot him was nowhere to be seen. Steve wasted no time dropping to his partner's side and shoving his hands out the way so he could assess the damage.
It wasn't good.
"Fuck." He growled as he desperately tried to staunch the bleeding, looking up as Trujillo stepped into the room "We need medical evac now." Steve ordered "Javiers been shot. Think it's knicked an artery."
The other man nodded and sprinted from the room, leaving Steve and his partner alone again. Javier was no longer fighting Steve's hold, he was just laying there as his eyelids started to droop and his breathing became more strained.
"Stay with me brother." Steve pleaded "We're gonna get you out of here soon." He promised.
Javier didn't answer though. He didn't have the strength to. All he could think about was how shit it was that he was going to die the day before his daughter turned one. That he was going to miss her party.
His thoughts drifted to you. To how he'd never get the chance to tell you how he felt. To say goodbye. It pained him more than anything to know that he was leaving María and you without telling you both how much he loved you. That his final moments would be spent with Steve as he tried, in vain, to keep his blood from escaping him.
Then everything went black.
...
"What are you wrapping?" Asked Jason as he placed a kiss on the top of your head.
"María's birthday present for her party tomorrow." You gushed "She's going to love it."
"Of course." He replied, "Forgot, her parties tomorrow isn't it?"
"Yup." You replied with a grin, popping the P "Said to Connie that I'd pop over tomorrow to help her decorate. Just hope Javi likes it."
"I'm sure he will." Jason said sweetly as pecked you on the tip of your nose.
A lot had changed since that dinner. Jason has moved in and you had somewhat moved on from the incident that night. You decided to keep things as they were. He clearly wasn't a man that was interested in spicing things up and you were fine with that.
You'd never really been spicy, to begin with.
Connie and Steve had made the dinner at theirs a monthly thing which had meant you'd seen a little more of María and Javier. You'd tried to see what Connie had meant by saying the way Javier looked at you a particular way but you never caught him staring. So you brushed it off and focused on the real world.
"Did they want us to bring anything?" He asked, pulling you from your thoughts.
"No." You answered plainly "But I got Javi a bottle of his favourite whiskey and a bottle of wine for Connie."
"How do you know what his favourite whiskey is?" Jason asked his tone a little accusing.
"He's my friend." You argued, "We used to hang out a lot before you and I got together." You confessed, "He was struggling a little with María and I helped him out a bit."
"Right," Jason answered and you internally scoffed, not interested in his sudden change of attitude towards your relationship with the agent.
"How come you don't 'hang out with him' now? Surely he still struggles with her." Jason pushed and you groaned.
"Well, I started dating you." You snapped "That's why." You growled "I chose you over-"
You stopped in your tracks as it suddenly dawned on you that you'd basically given up on him and María because Jason had asked you out. You'd ditched your friendship for a guy and you suddenly felt intensely guilty.
"Anyway... I thought I should get him something. It's been a tough time for him."
"Very thoughtful of you babe." Said Jason, changing his tone to one that was more friendly "I'm sure he'll appreciate it."
You hoped so too.
As you finished wrapping the present and placed it in the bag along with the liquor, you hoped it might be an olive branch. A chance to start anew and to be a better friend to him from now on.
The following afternoon, you awkwardly knocked on the Murphy's door as you desperately tried to keep hold of all the decorations you had in your hands. You were confused, however, when the door opened to reveal Claire, the babysitter you'd recommended to Javier all those months ago.
"Where's Connie?" You asked, brows drawing together in confusion.
"She's at the hospital with Steve." She answered and your heart started to race
"Are they okay?" You asked, noting the sombre expression on Clair's face "What happened."
"Steve and Javier we involved in a raid yesterday and... Well, Javi got shot."
Everything in your hands fell to the floor.
"What?" You choked, your voice barely above a whisper "Is he?"
"He's stable but critical." She answered "I guess Connie didn't get a chance to call you yet. She grabbed me from Javi's and asked me to take care of Olivia too and then she was gone."
"I need to get to the hospital." You sobbed, eyes locked on the bottle of whiskey that had slipped from the bag "Can you put all this in there? I need to go." You said a few moments later, sprinting down the hall and to the parking level below.
You drove as if your life depended on it, screaming as fast as you could to the hospital before haphazardly throwing your truck into a spot and sprinting inside. You were directed on where to go and then jogged through the halls, desperately searching out his room number before stumbling on it at last.
You barged in, gasping at the sight of Javier laying there, white as a sheet and hooked up to a multitude of machines. Connie and Steve looked up in shock before Connie practically ran into your arms and sobbed into the crook of your neck.
"Sorry I forgot to call." She choked "It all happened so fast and I-"
"It's okay Con." You hushed as you held her tight "I'm here now."
You held her a while before the blonde finally pulled herself from your grasp and made her way back to where she was sitting when you arrived, her tired eyes fixed on Javier.
"What happened?" You sobbed and Steve sighed.
"Got taken by surprise." Steve started, resting a friendly hand on Javi's shin "Fucker shot him in the groin. Knicked the artery. He coded as we arrived and almost didn't make it through the surgery. He's lost a lot of blood, the bullet did a lot of damage but he's strong." Steve said with a surety "He's too stubborn to go out like this."
"He'll be off his feet a while." Connie stated, "The surgery was tricky so he'll need to keep off his feet in order for it all to heal properly."
"I can stay with him." You suggested, "When he gets out."
"What about Jason?" Connie asked and you shrugged.
"He'll understand." You replied, "I think I need to do this."
"What makes you say that?" Steve asked and you sighed.
"I ditched him." You answered plainly "I ditched him as soon as a guy paid me any sort of attention. I missed out on all this stuff with him and María and I feel terrible. What kind of friend does that make me?"
"We all make mistakes hun." Connie said as she tried to reassure you "He never held it against you."
"Well, he should have." You sobbed "I was a terrible friend and I aim to make it up to him." You stated as you took his hand and placed a gentle kiss on the back of his hand.
Your eyes softened as you took him in. He looked so frail underneath all the hospital garb and your heart broke to see him this way.
"I'm so sorry Javi." You choked as you brought his hand to your cheek "Please forgive me." You paused a moment to push some of his unruly hair back, feeling your tears building past the point of no return
"I'm going to make it up to you and María... I promise."