Inspired by that quote
***
How many times have they done this ?
"Moons, I can't sleep." Sirius grunts, a balled fist goes to scratch at his eye.
The curtains to Remus' bed pushed just enough for him to peek in.
"Come here Pads."
With that the Black crawls from Remus' feet, under the covers and into a set of welcoming arms. While Sirius makes himself comfortable, Remus makes a tally of how many times they've slept together.
What began the last of 4th year, crept all the way through 5th nd stayed for 6th. Remus sighs, inhaling the familiar scent of Sirius' body. The boy now burried deep into his chest. If he goes any deeper, he'd be Remus' second pair of lungs.
"Want to tell me what's up ?" Remus whispers.
"No." Sirius' voice was unsure. "t's confusing, even for me."
Frankly, it wasn't confusing. Sirius knows, he knows what this is. He's figured it out on his own. Why he likes sitting next to Moony during class. Why he finds most comfort when he tells Moony his inner thoughts. Why noone, not even dear ol' James, could be the Remus in his life.
He knows. Merlin, he knows what he's feeling.
"I don't have to understand. Maybe putting it outside your head will make it easier for you to see."
Remus' heart thumps. Sirius just exhaled a long warm breath against his neck. It sent goosebumps raised along his arms, frosty cold biting on his toes. His hand is stiff but he tries rubbing Sirius' back to ease him.
"I'm a liar Remus." Sirius confesses.
Remus only humms, wordlessly telling Sirius he's listening. He might agree on that claim because he knows for sure that Sirius is no liar. He's the most blunt, most forward person Remus had ever known.
Hardened from his childhood, Sirius was the first to not give Remus comforting lies but instead tells him how it really is. How bad the wounds are after a moon. For some reason, the bad news come out sweeter from Sirius' lips.
Maybe it's just his lips.
"I'm keep using a lame excuse to get what I want."
Remus cracks his eyes open. "Well, some would call that lying, others would simply call that strategy." He replies.
Sirius pushes himself higher on the pillow. He's scared of what Remus might think. But all there was on his face was sincerity, genuine concern for Sirius.
Remus pulls the blankets higher, to coat Sirius' shoulders with it. Even if that means uncovered feet for him. Be damned if the devil drags him by them to hell.
"What if I'm doing it so they won't treat me differently ?"
Remus feels the weight of Sirius' fingers on his cheek. The way they caress the smooth surface. Remus doesn't know what to make of Sirius' question nor how the boy's looking at him right now.
"I-I think it's not lying if you don't tell them anything at all. You're just not saying the whole truth."
Remus peels the hand off his face and holds it between their bodies. He says that because... he's guilty of it too.
What would happen if he tells Sirius that he looks forward to him sleeping together every night since he knew it was a possibility ? What would Sirius say if Remus confesses to subtly implying for teachers to pair them up each project ?
If Sirius defines that as lying, Remus' tongue is forked.
Sirius sighs, sliding back down. He places his nose right on Remus' collarbones. Remus always has this sweet scent wafting from him, even when all their clothes are washed by the elves with the same soap. Sirius doesn't know what the exact scent is.
But whenever he smells it, he feels like he'd just stepped into a bakery first thing in the morning, when everything's freshly out of the oven. The scent takes him to rainy nights during the holidays when James and Peter had gone home. It's only them curled up by the window sill together, betting which raindrop could roll down faster on the glass.
"I have to say it Remus, I can't keep bottling it up."
Remus smoothes his worry lines. "Then you tell them. If anything happens I'll always be here to talk about it."
Sirius lets Remus' blunt finger tips run through his hair. How long can he maintain this ? How long until Remus catches that he could sleep just fine on his own ?
He hugs Remus a little tighter. He's going to come clean but for now, he'd like to relish in the idea that Remus loves him too. For now, he'd like to live in the fantasy.
He's going to remember the soft material of Remus' shirt. Maybe he'll press a palm underneath right on his skin, saying that his hands need warmth. He's going to poke at the moles literring Remus' arm, counted 14 by now.
"Playing connect the dots ?" Remus murmured.
Sirius smiles. "I made a flower already."
Cute, Remus thinks. He's so fucking in love. And drowsy.
That's why he wanted thinking straight when he tilts his head down to kiss Sirius' forehead. The lips barely weighed on Sirius but the shock it gave him, blanked him. When Sirius thought he'd pull away, Remus' face stayed where it was. Practically stuck on his head.
"Re ?"
Sirius feels his answer on his skin. "Yeah ?"
"I.. love you."
A smile is stamped on. "I love you too Pads."
Sirius wriggles out of his arms. Throwing one leg over Remus' waist, he goes to sit on top of the shocked boy. Where was this bravery coming from ?
"Pads ?" Remus' eyes widened.
His arms go to Sirius' hips, supporting him so he wouldn't fall backwards.
"Did you mean that ?"
Remus blinks. He nods frantically. "Of course, I do-"
Sirius fists his shirt. Not in a rageful way but in a desperate tug. His grey eye pleads for Remus to say what he thinks.
"In what way ?" Sirius whispers.
Remus stares at the beautiful boy on his lap. After bending his knees so Sirius could sit back on them, his hands grab the fists on his chest. Lacing their fingers and thumbing circles on his thumb to calm him.
"I love you in a... I want to immortalize you in poetry, hold you against my chest and give you flowers way. I want to know you better than I know myself, to recognize you in everything I do." Remus kisses the hands in his own.
"I love you in my way," He continues. "Which is special because I've never loved anyone like this but you."
Sirius bites back a flustered smile. "What is this ? Is Shakespeare Moony making a comeback ?"
Remus shrugs. "He makes an appearance whenever thou is near."
Sirius makes a "pfft" sound as he topples on Remus' chest. The werewolf's arms go to wrap over him. He sways them side to side, the stiffled laughter hidden in necks.
"I've been lying to you Re." Sirius rests his chin on Sirius' chest.
"How so ?"
"I could... sleep fine on my own actually. After talking with you, my thoughts aren't that jumbled up. I still use the excuse so I could..."
"Sleep with me ?" Remus teases.
Sirius weakly slaps his chest. "Don't put it that way!"
"But it's true, no ?"
Sirius purses his lips. "Yes, it's true. I love being with you. Everything's better with you. "
Remus coils a black strand around his finger. "Then be with me, for as long as we can."
"You'll be stuck with me forever."
"With you, forever is not enough."