Two
Years
Later
• Now five years after the snap •
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"Dawn Renee Beckett Junior! If you do not get your ass down here in the next minute and a half, I will personally make sure you train with Steve for your foreseeable future."
Natasha is rarely surprised, but when she swivels her gaze to face me, I can see the shocked, albeit impressed, look upon her face.
"Wow, motherhood really has toughened you up. I like this Dawn, you should treat adults like that too" Nat remarks, and I shrug, my hands still fiddling with DJ's lunch to make sure it is ready to go when she gets to the kitchen.
"Do you really think that'll work, though?" Steve asks, sipping from his coffee mug, "I mean training with me is a gr-"
I interrupt him, a slight smirk on my features, "Three, two, one..."
"I'm here! I'm here!" my niece calls out, her footsteps pounding against the floor. Once she hits the main floor, the fourteen-year-old struggles to put her other sneaker on before jogging up to Natasha, Steve, and I in the kitchen. Steve sends Nat and I a fatherly glare while she and I try our hardest not to crack up. We give each other a secretive fist bump, which Steve still catches and rolls his eyes.
"Jeez, are you two even adults?" He fires out. Even though I go to laugh, all of my amusement is cut off when I hear a slight chuckle come from my niece. It takes everything in me not to snap my head to her in awe, but she hasn't laughed in...Well, she never laughs anymore. Instead, I discreetly lift my head to capture every detail of the relaxed amusement on her usually withdrawn and serious features.
In that small moment of laughter, though, I see that little nine-year-old girl again. The same nine year old who used to beg Steve to spin her around the room again and again and again. The same nine year old who never stopped giggling and was always making us smile.
Grief and trauma truly can change a person, meld them into something new. Not something bad or good, just...new.
"Well I'm glad to see you're alive and well. You almost made yourself late for the field trip" I announce, earning a half-meant eye roll from the girl.
"I wasn't gonna be late, Aunt Dawn. You just didn't give me a chance to get down here on time" She shoots back. I raise my eyebrows at her attitude, looking over at Nat and Steve to see if they're hearing what I am. The two of them just shrug, looking like cornered animals for any way out.
DJ has been having more and more...teenage moments that I still am trying to get the hang of parenting.
I send the two Avengers a glare that basically screams 'thanks for your wonderful help' before I turn back to my niece. I take a slow breath to calm myself, desperately not wanting to yell. That is something I still despise to do.
"Remember, DJ. On time is l-"
"Late, yeah yeah I know. You've only said that a million times." She huffs, slipping her lunch into her backpack and slinging it across her shoulders.
"Listen young lady, we may like to have fun around here and be the 'cool guardians' but that doesn't mean you can disrespect us," I calmly scold, grabbing my own purse and keys from the counter, "We all love you so much and we just want the best for you."
"Oh my God you're not my mom! Stop pretending like you are because you just aren't!" DJ suddenly explodes, whirling around and stomping her way to the front of the facility where my car sits ready to take her on the field trip we'd planned for her today. I freeze, as do Nat and Steve, and just stand in the silence for a moment.
It was supposed to be a fun day, one where she could spend it with kids like her, other genetically special kids. Or mutants, as the world loves to call them.
It was supposed to be fun. I tried so hard to make it that way. I try so hard every day to make all of this easier for her while still desperately trying to find a way to undo our failure. I try so damn hard, but she's right. I'll never be her mother.
"Dawn, you know she didn't mean that," Nat softly tries. I nod, taking in a deep, trembling breath to still myself before I follow my niece to the car.
"I know," I assure quietly, sparing a glance at all the family I have left, "Have a good day, you guys"
I turn back around and walk away, my running shoes barely making a sound on the hard floor. I was already thinking about going for a run once I dropped her off, but now I know that I'm going to have to before I can return to the compound. Once I step outside and climb in my car that DJ already sits in, I try to turn the radio on as fast as I can to fill the tense, awkward silence. She doesn't say a word to me, but I can see that her rage has fled her just as quickly as it came. As I pull out of the compound and start the drive to where we're meeting the other kids DJ has made friends with over the years, DJ lets out a long sigh.
"Aunt Dawn-"
"It's okay, don't worry about it kid" I whisper, looking over and giving her a soft smile.
"No," she starts, shaking her head and turning her body in the seat towards me, "No, it's not okay. You're doing your best and I know that. It's just..."
She stops, takes a long breath, and faces forward again. She plays with a few of her curls, her fingers twining the hair anxiously, "I know I'm not supposed to miss her anymore. I know that everyone has moved on and the world's starting up again. But I have these new, terrifying powers, and the only kids that'll talk to me besides Hunter are the ones with powers like mine. I know I'm not supposed to, but I miss her more now than I did then."
Tears gather in my emerald eyes, burning at the surface. Usually, I don't let myself cry. Usually, now more than ever, I try to keep that upbeat and happy composure for DJ and the team. Now, though, I let one of the tears fall down my cheek, reveling in the release that its burn across my skin brings.
"I get that," I simply say, fearing anything else will make more of the tears fall. I see DJ look back at me out of the corner of my eye, my gaze still firmly on the road that I travel.
"How bad do you miss him?" she asks, and she doesn't need to use a name. We rarely talk about him anymore, mainly because I think she's scared to bring up a topic that might wipe the smile off my face.
"Really bad," I breathe, another tear slipping down, "More now than I did then"
I see her release a deep breath, almost as if my confession has made a weight lift from her shoulders. To know that you're not alone, in any shape or form, is the sweetest honey to any wounded soul.
The drop off spot is only a couple blocks away, so I pull the car over and park it along a strip of shops. Once I put the car in park, I turn to face her fully, knowing there's more to be said hanging in the air.
"How did you make it through everything you did? How did you not break? How in the hell did you stay so...so joyful in spite of it all" DJ asks, tears gathering in those eyes my brother gave her.
Over the years, we've had a few conversations about my past. I never went into much detail, especially after the night we rescued her from the holding facility. The night I...murdered Clayton. She knows the gist of it all, though. The toll it took on me and the years it took to recover under Nick Fury, helping the Avengers from the shadows.
"When you're in a night that dark, the dark is different than just blackness," I softly begin, taking the courage to meet her gaze so deeply filled with trauma and pain at such a tender, young age, "It's a total absence of light. You don't think it's going to end, and some days you don't even know if you'll live through it."
I reach over and grab her hand, intertwining our fingers and holding it firmly, "But I'm a stubborn woman"
DJ laughs shortly, her tears still falling. I chuckle softly with her, my amusement falling quickly. It was there, though. There was a breach of relief in the pain that today's brought.
"I didn't want that to be the end of my story. I didn't want to be found dead in that lab, or worse, used to do things I don't think I'd ever forgive myself for. All I've ever wanted to do was help people, make people feel safe," I pause, looking down at my lap to hide the tear that falls before I look back up at her, "So I found something to fight for. And I held onto it with an iron grip, let it be my tether to the light that I couldn't see but knew was there."
I reach up, stroking a few of her curls and letting my fingers fall to wipe a tear from her dark golden cheek, "Find something to fight for, sunshine. Don't let it go, and I promise you, you'll make it out of this"
She nods, and I can tell she's trying to hold a sob inside. I cast a glance towards where I was supposed to be dropping her off before pulling my hands from her and sitting back.
"How about we skip this field trip and have a girls day, hm?" I suggest, giving her a soft smile. DJ laughs, really laughs, and her eyes sparkle like I haven't seen them do in years.
"Aunt Dawn skipping something? Are you sure you're feeling alright?" DJ jokes. I roll my eyes, turning forward in my seat again and restarting the engine.
"Okay, okay. Keep making fun of me and I'll make you walk" I announce, looking over at her with a smile. She smiles back and buckles up again.
"Do you want to get breakfast?" She asks, making warmth spread through my chest.
"Sure thing," I announce, pulling back onto the road and driving towards my go-to breakfast place. As I do, the silence becomes a healing, comfortable one.
"So how did you and Bucky meet? I was always too young to understand"
Instead of inwardly falling and my smile having to be forced, the smile on my lips is genuine and soft as I remember those steel blue eyes and the way the flesh and metal of his arms felt.
"That's a long story, you sure you're in for it?" I ask, glancing over at her.
"Aunt Nat always talks about how cute your guys' story is, I've been dying to ask you for forever!" She exclaims, and I laugh heartily as I maneuver towards the breakfast place.
"Well, I guess I'll just start from the beginning," I announce, a nostalgic smile playing at my lips, "It was 2016, and a man named Nick Fury had broken into my apartment"