A/N: Hey, it's been just a week! So, I'm on my spring break now, which is why I'm updating so quickly. I'll spare you the rant, I'm trying to update more frequently, so here you go:
First of all, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for 1k reads! I think that somewhere, in the back of my consciousness, I hoped my story would get this far, but never thought that it would happen. Like, a thousand people deciding that this story was worthy enough to click on... that's more than the number of students enrolled at my former middle school, and I thought our halls were crowded. I can't thank you all enough for taking the time to wait for my updates (which are sometimes very slow), and, overall, just clicking on my story.
I guess this is my little gift for 1k reads, then... I have finally completed the outlines for every individual chapter of this book. Unless some drastic (like, REALLY drastic) changes are implemented, this book will be 36 chapters long, including the epilogue, spanning the rest of Camilla's initiation.
Alright, I'm done rambling, I'll probably discuss the end of this story and the start of the next one once I'm closer to the ending. I'm not even halfway through yet! So, enjoy the chapter!
"Now go join your mother, you useless girl!"
When I wake up for the fourth time, I'm drenched in sweat.
It takes me a minute to get my bearings. Once I do, I realize that I'm alone in the dormitory.
What time is it?
I search for the clock hanging on the wall above the door. Once I find it, I vault out of my bed.
It's ten AM.
Oh, god. I'm late to training. Why didn't my friends wake me? What if I get kicked out for this? I can't make Tobias leave his life here just because I couldn't follow the stupid schedule-
And, right as I'm grabbing my clothes, I freeze.
Wait, Tobias mentioned yesterday that... today was off.
I sigh in relief. We get the day off. Nobody's getting kicked out for being late. I couldn't be more grateful.
As I'm getting ready, I glance at the board with the rankings. Someone - probably Tobias - came in and crossed off Dante and Sadie's names.
Wait. Dante and Sadie. Just Dante and Sadie.
I smile brightly, resisting the urge to track down Lavender and give her a bone-crushing hug.
She made it!
Despite my reassurances last night, I really wasn't sure if she would make it. But she did. I'm not losing any of my friends today.
I take my time in the dormitory, relishing the feeling of having the entire space to myself, and having infinite time I could use to get ready.
After I'm clean and dressed, I head down to the cafeteria and grab a muffin for a late breakfast. I scan the room for any of my friends. They're not there. Of course. Even though I expected it, a wave of disappointment still washes over me.
I guess I could go look for my friends, but, for some reason, I decide against it. My mind is still burdened with images of Marcus and his cruelty. That's an issue that Ethan, Lavender, and Julia don't know about yet, one that they can only speculate about. As much as I love my friends, it was hard enough telling Rowan. I'm not ready for them to know, too.
What if they don't want to be my friends anymore, once they do find out?
What if they leak it to all of Dauntless, or, worse, everyone in the city?
Rowan didn't do any of those things, but he might just be an exceptionally kind person. I don't know what to expect of my friends.
So, I walk out of the dining room, muffin still in my hand. My feet guide me to the paths of the Pit, where stores display their wares through windows in the stone. I absently bite into my muffin as I stare at the various goods being shown.
There's so many different stores, so many different products. Furniture, most of it far fancier than anything in Abnegation, the dorms, or even Tobias' apartment. Weapons, large and small, mostly only knives and small handguns, though. I suppose most of the heavy-duty weapons are locked up somewhere.
But the one store that catches my attention is one with mostly monotone artwork all over the walls.
I step into the store. Sketches of animals, plants, objects, and words fill almost every inch of spare space on the walls. Books, full of more sketches, I assume, sit on the tops of tables, with chairs that remind me of dentist chairs beside them.
Some of the sketches are simple, like the ones of the Dauntless symbol, or the shadow of a grizzly bear. Others are incredibly complex, combining many different elements into a chaotic, beautiful mess.
The only faction that spends time doing art is Amity. For the Abnegation, it is a waste of time. Why draw something purely for your own enjoyment when you can be out helping others? Due to that principle, I've never been this close to actual art before.
The artist of all of the works is clearly skilled, with most of the works looking extremely lifelike. The reality aspect of the art makes me want to reach out and skim my fingers along the pencil and paper.
"Hey."
I whip around, and have to do a double take. Tori stands behind me, hands on her hips, watching me with an amused smile. Tori, from the aptitude test.
I finally regain my voice. "Oh, hi, Tori. I didn't expect to see you here."
"I'd return the sentiment, Camilla, except I absolutely expected to see you here, at some point."
I laugh a little at that. "I'm going by Cammi now. Do you work here?"
She nods. "I'm just a volunteer for the aptitude tests. This is my full-time job."
"Oh." We fall into silence. My brain starts spinning.
She knew I got a divergent result. I could ask her what it means.
But Tobias already told me what he knew about it. Tori isn't high up in the Dauntless government. I doubt she'd have any more answers than Tobias.
Besides, what if asking her puts her in danger? The last thing I want is Tori dying for my stupid questions.
That can't happen, not to the woman who has risked so much for people like me.
Tori finally speaks up. "Well, would you like a tattoo?"
So this is the tattoo parlor. I suspected; there's no other reason for art that I know of in Dauntless.
Would I like a tattoo? I would be permanently marking my skin. Putting something onto it that I couldn't remove. The idea is, strangely, sort of appealing.
I'd be able to cover at least some of my skin with marks that I actually want. Getting a tattoo would give me a modicum of control over what goes on my skin.
Before I can decide, Tori talks again, her voice at a quieter tone than before. "You know, I did Four's tattoo... over his back."
I tense. I haven't seen his tattoo, but I assumed that it is big. If she did his tattoo, then she saw his scars.
Why is she bringing this up?
"If you'd like, I can do something similar for you. To cover them up. I won't tell."
My eyes widen. I scan her eyes for any hint of insincerity. I find none.
A surge of gratitude comes over me. She's offering to hide the reminder of my terrible past. It's not out of pity, from what I can tell, but just the urge to be a good person.
"Not today, but I might take you up on that sometime."
"Okay. Would you like a smaller one, then, somewhere else?"
A smaller tattoo shouldn't be so bad. I muse. The next thought seals my resolve.
Marcus would hate it.
"Sure. Can I look around, first?"
"Absolutely. Come to me when you're done. It's a quiet day, I'll do yours myself."
With those words, I turn around and continue looking at the intricate sketches. My eyes pass over many; a coiled snake, a tiger's face, several stylized versions of the Dauntless symbol, but none of them stand out.
I'm about to give up, having gone through most of the sketches on the walls, when I spot a sketch in the corner, one that I haven't seen. I walk over and examine it.
It's a carefully drawn bird, labeled under the picture as an eagle, with its wings spread wide. A fire blazes behind it. Beneath the eagle's tail and the flames are the words, "Fortis fortuna adiuvat."
The sketch is the first one to catch my attention. Something about the eagle and the majestic pose it holds, the fire, roaring in the background, and the words, they all call to me.
I gently pull the sketch off the wall, and walk towards Tori. "Hey, Tori."
Tori looks up from her sketchbook, tucking the pencil behind her ear. "Have you chosen the one you want?"
"Not quite." I show her the chosen sketch. "What do those words mean?"
"Fortis fortuna adiuvat." She reads. "It means Fortune favors the brave, in a really old language. Latin, I think."
Fortune favors the brave.
It's an interesting thought; the people who spoke Latin certainly believed it, or it wouldn't have endured throughout so many centuries. But Tobias is one of the bravest people I know, so why hasn't fortune smiled on him?
And what about my mother? She put up with Marcus everyday, always finding the strength to care for us and put on a strong mask. Isn't that courageous? But the universe repaid her by letting her die at Marcus' hands.
Despite all the evidence to the contrary that I have witnessed, the statement still fills me up with a strange feeling, something slightly familiar, something that I can't put a name to. Something strong, something warm.
It's that feeling that drives me to say, "I'd like this one, then. On my left side."
Fortune favors the brave.
Maybe, someday, it will favor us too.
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"Cammi?"
I start at the voice. I look up, my newly-tattooed side protesting a little at the movement.
Rowan is standing at the door to the transfers' dormitory, smiling nervously.
"Oh, hey, Rowan." I smile brightly at him. I'm secretly glad for his intrusion on the quiet; the empty transfers' dormitory, although good for pondering, as I was doing, gets boring after a while. "What brings you to my humble abode?"
He chuckles a little. "I, uh, wanted to ask you something."
"Alright, shoot." I tilt my head in question.
"Would you like to, uh, come with me and the rest of the Dauntless-borns for a little initiation ritual?"
I raise my eyebrows in surprise. "Initiation ritual - wait, is this why we have the day off?"
He shrugs. "Maybe, I don't know. Usually, only the Dauntless-borns with older siblings in Dauntless go, but I decided to join them this year anyways. I don't think they'll mind."
"Won't they mind me?"
"Not if you act like you belong. Just follow my lead." He extends a hand to me.
I stare at it for a second, my brain trying to process what he just said. He's inviting me to go with a bunch of Dauntless-borns on an initiation ritual?
His voice breaks me out of my thoughts. "Well, are you coming? We need to, uh, catch up to the rest of them."
Would I rather sit here, alone, or go with Rowan?
I grab his hand.
He pulls me onto my feet, and we take off, jogging to catch up with the rest of the Dauntless-borns. I ignore the slight twinges in my left side, from running after getting tattooed.
"So, where are we going, to do what?" I question, wondering what I've agreed to.
"I don't know. All they said was it was going to be dangerous. Juniper will be there, because she has an older brother in Dauntless, but Kian and Chloe won't. I really thought that they'd agree to my plan of sneaking into the group, but they declined, something about extra training. Like they need it." Rowan rolls his eyes fondly.
I smile, amused at his assessment of his friends' skills. "How did you guys rank?"
"Juniper was obviously first, and I came second. Kian and Chloe came fifth and sixth. Callan and Freya, from our Capture the Flag team, were cut, as well as Jonathan, who was on the other team."
"Those are great ranks, congratulations!" I clap a little as I'm running, eliciting a shy, sweet smile from Rowan. We slow out pace slightly as we approach the back of the Dauntless-born group.
"Thanks. So, how did the transfers do?"
I open my mouth to answer, but the words catch in my throat as I feel a slight, cold prickling sensation crawl up my neck. Almost like someone is staring at me.
I twist my head around, trying to figure out who might be watching me. First, I scan the Dauntless-borns. But all of them are engaged in their own conversations with each other. None of them have noticed me, the odd one out, yet.
I frown, scanning the mouths of the many halls that intersect the ones we're running through.
Then, my eyes lock with a Dauntless man's, probably in his late 20s or early 30s.
Why is he looking at me?
I stare back at him, craning my neck to hold eye contact, ignoring Rowan's muffled voice, drenched in concern, hoping to intimidate the man. But he doesn't look away, not until we turn a corner, and he disappears from my line of vision.
I shake my head, and turn back to Rowan and the rest of the Dauntless-borns. That was strange, but the Dauntless man probably just recognized me as the Abnegation transfer and wondered what I was doing with a bunch of Dauntless.
Rowan's voice finally becomes clear again. "Cammi, you're not answering me. Are you alright?"
I cringe at his tone of voice, which is turning more and more frantic with every word. I probably worried him, zoning out like that. I don't want to do that.
"I'm completely fine, Rowan. I just zoned out."
"Oh." Now Rowan looks a little sheepish, for being so worried. "Okay, then."
There's a group of Dauntless members standing at the end of the next hallway, far outnumbering the initiates. Looking closely, I can see that some of the initiates share clear similarities with certain members. One of the members says, "Let's go." With that, everyone starts streaming through a dark doorway. Rowan and I follow, working our way up what I assume is a back staircase, in the darkness.
Soon enough, we exit the back staircase, walking through a door and into the bright daylight. We're a few hundred yards from the glass building above the Pit. The train tracks are only a few hundred feet away. Everyone lingers, an unspoken command hanging in the air: wait for the train.
As we wait, I search my mind, trying to remember his last question, which he never got an answer to. "Um, Julia ranked first in the transfer group, like we all expected. I came third, Zayden ranked above me. Ethan was fifth and Lav came sixth. Dante, Zayden's sidekick, and Sadie, the other Erudite girl, were cut."
"Oh. Is it bad that I'm glad Dante was cut? That's one less Candor bully in Dauntless."
I laugh. "No, not at all. I'm glad too. I wish Zayden was cut too."
"Yeah, that would have saved everyone pain."
I notice that a few of the Dauntless-borns have finally noticed me, and they're giving me calculating looks. None of them approach me directly - yet - but I can see that they're analyzing me, judging me, trying to determine if I'm worthy enough for their little pack.
Until one does.
The Dauntless-born girl, with the tri-colored hair - Catalina, I think - says something to her friends, then begins walking towards us. Rowan tenses more as she gets closer, until his muscles are as tight as a coiled string. I frown at his reaction. What has Catalina done to Rowan to make him react like this?
"Hey, Row." Catalina greets Rowan, completely ignoring me for the moment.
My frown deepens. Row? Rowan didn't seem to like her on Capture the Flag night, and yet she calls him nicknames that even his friends don't use.
Rowan reacts instantly to the nickname. "Catalina, my name is Rowan. Don't call me anything else."
"But, Row, you never minded before. You were Row and I was Cat, and-"
"Well, I mind now." Rowan's tone is sharp in a way I've never heard before, not even with Marcus. It literally screams, this conversation is over.
Catalina seems to pick up on that too, because she shifts her attention onto me. "Why is the Stiff joining us?"
I tense at her hostile tone. Rowan notices, and sets a hand on my forearm. His fingers are warm, and their presence, somehow, grounds me. He opens his mouth to respond, but I beat him to it. "Hey, I'm Cammi."
I extend my hand to her, trying to be polite. But she just stares at the hand, her nose wrinkling the same way as it did on the train, when she first saw me. My hand lingers for a few more moments, then I let it fall. An embarrassed blush colors my cheeks.
When my hand drops, Catalina lifts her head again and stares me in the eye, her expression somewhat menacing. "Didn't anyone tell you that this trip was supposed to be for Dauntless-borns only, Cammi?"
Rowan chooses this moment to intervene. "Actually, Catalina, I invited her to come. I thought that she'd like to get out of the compound for a while."
The statement doesn't seem to calm Catalina at all. If anything, she seems even more upset.
"You're not supposed to be here either - " She points at Rowan. "But I don't mind you being here. I do mind her being here, though."
I frown at her, formulating a few choice words to say to her in my head. Who gave her the power to decide who should or should not be here?
Rowan talks before I can, though, and he sounds angry. "Well, I want her to be here. Not everything is about you. Now leave us alone."
A look of absolute shock flashes across Catalina's face, quickly being replaced by anger.
With one last glare in my direction, she stomps away, rejoining her friends.
I stare at Rowan, who is still glaring after Catalina, jaw clenched.
Why did he defend me so vehemently?
Finally, Catalina moves far enough away from Rowan, and Rowan drops his glare with a sigh.
I finally find my voice. "Why?"
As though he just remembered that I was here, Rowan's head snaps up. "Oh, um, why what?"
"Why did you defend me from her?"
"Cammi," Rowan says slowly, "You're my friend. And Catalina was being a jerk to you. I invited you to come with us. She can't tell you whether you should stay or leave."
I begin to speak again, but the sound of the train horn interrupts me.
Instantly, I'm wrapped up in a flurry of motion. The Dauntless, initiates and members alike, surge forwards, standing close to the edge of the tracks in preparation. Rowan and I are pulled with them, until everyone is jogging, single file, along the tracks, jumping into the cars in waves.
Rowan jumps in before me. I bend my knees slightly in preparation, then leap for the doors. My spot on the platform is taken up by more Dauntless almost immediately. My hands grab the handles, and I begin pulling myself in. Rowan quickly steps up to assist, steadying me after I'm in by holding my arm. We quickly find a place against the wall and sit down.
In the blur that is the Dauntless boarding the trains, I somehow spot Juniper's auburn, partially sun-bleached hair. "Juniper!" She's looking at someone off to the side. I wave at her to get her attention. Somehow, over the chaos, she hears me. Her eyes light up when she sees us, and she works her way through the crowd to reach Rowan and I.
"Hey Rowan, Cammi!" She greets us cheerfully as she slides down the wall on Rowan's other side. Her eyes are dancing, full of something that I can only describe as an exhilarated, This-is-dangerous-but-I-love-it feeling that only the Dauntless could possess.
"Hi Juniper." I reply, smiling at the Dauntless-borns' first-ranked.
"Juni!" Rowan acknowledges her next, slinging an arm over her shoulder. "Where's your brother?'
She points at the far end of the car. "With his friends, all the way over there."
Juniper and Rowan begin talking about something related to the Dauntless-borns' initiation, and I tune them out, looking around the car for any familiar faces. My eyes rest on a familiar figure, sitting near the other door to the car, a brown-haired girl sitting next to him.
As though he can sense my gaze, Zeke looks up, locking eyes with me. He smiles toothily as he lifts his arm to wave, using his other arm to elbow the girl sitting beside him - presumably Shauna, Tobias' other close friend.
I wave back. Shauna looks at me, suspicion clear on her face. It makes my heart plummet.
What if she doesn't like me? A voice whispers in my head. I don't want to make Tobias choose between his sister and his friends, but if she doesn't like me he'll probably have to-
But Zeke whispers something in her ear, and it makes every trace of suspicion clear from her expression instantly. She smiles at me warmly, a complete 180 from her earlier look.
I stare at her for a second, confused, before my brain puts it together.
Zeke probably just told her that I'm Tobias' sister. She probably thought her boyfriend was waving to a random girl initiate.
I really need to stop jumping to conclusions. And freaking out over said conclusions.
I return her smile, heart a little lighter.
Before the interaction can go any farther, someone yells, "Here we go!"
Instantly, every Dauntless who sat down is on their feet, including Rowan, Juniper, and I. People start gravitating towards the car doors, jumping out in small groups, constant streams of black spilling from the train.
When it's my turn, I hesitate for a millisecond. The train is going much faster than any other time I've been on it. But backing out, in front of all these Dauntless, that would be cowardice. That's what Dauntless is hoping to eliminate.
Goddammit, how can I be Dauntless if I'm hesitating to jump out of a train? It's what the Dauntless do.
With that thought, I jump, landing a second after Rowan and Juniper. As soon as I regain my balance, we're jogging again, running through the silent, abandoned Michigan Avenue of the city's northern sector.
I scan the path of the Dauntless. From what I can tell, we're headed for the Hancock Building, the tallest building north of the bridge, which is completely empty.
What do the Dauntless want to do here? Climb it?
Well, I guess they got a lot of practice, on the structure outside the Upper Levels school.
We run faster as we get closer to the building, going from a jog to a sprint. The run is exhilarating, freeing; the gentle touch of wind on my skin makes every synapse fire in the most invigorating way.
We run, right through the broken glass doors at the base of the building, into the cold, abandoned entryway. Broken glass crunches under my feet; if we didn't have our shoes, the feet of every Dauntless member would be cut to pieces.
Surprisingly, the Dauntless begin piling into the elevators, not going up the stairs.
Wait. An elevator?
I stop in my tracks, in the middle of the lobby. People stream around me. My breathing starts to pick up, even though I'm not in the elevator yet.
Oh god. A small box with so many people inside-
"Cammi?" I manage to lift my head and make eye contact with Rowan, even though I'm freaking out. "What's wrong?"
I don't want to be here, I don't want to go into the elevator, no, Marcus, stop, don't put me in the closet, please-
Someone snaps their fingers in front of my face. "Look at us, Cammi." Juniper is now standing beside Rowan, forehead creased with concern, arm extended. "Can you tell us what's going on?"
Walls, closing in on me, becoming smaller and smaller-
"D-Don't" I somehow eek out. "Don't l-like small spaces."
The confusion on their faces dissipates, but the concern is still there.
"Hey." Juniper steps forward, resting a hand on my arm. "Don't worry. We'll be there with you, every step of the way."
"Yeah." Rowan steps forward, so he's beside Juniper. His face is inches away from mine. His hazel eyes bore into my own, with an intensity that grounds me. "Or we could take the stairs, if you like."
The stairs. The idea is tempting, but the building is tall, and, knowing the Dauntless, we'll probably be going all the way to the top. That would even make my legs hurt. More importantly, it would make Juniper's and Rowan's legs hurt. And it would take a lot of time. I don't want to hinder my friends because I can't face a stupid fear.
"No." I shake my head, once, twice, three times. "No. I'll be fine."
"Alright." Rowan stretches the word out, keeping his eyes on me. "If you say so."
"Just-" I hesitate, not wanting to sound childish in front of these two Dauntless-borns who I have befriended. But my fear, lingering in the back of my mind, drives me to blurt it out. "Stay with me?"
They both smile, not seeming phased by my childish actions or tone at all. "We already said that we would, didn't we?" Rowan questions softly, with a small chuckle. The sound is contagious, and, before I know it, I'm giggling weakly too.
We start walking towards the elevator bank again. Juniper and Rowan stick close to me, like they said they would. Their radiating warmth on either side of me is comforting.
We step into the initiate elevator. In the process of loading, Catalina ends up beside Rowan.
She smiles at him, sickeningly sweet, but he just turns away. I would question the dynamic between the two, but I'm too focused on clutching Juniper and Rowan's arms tightly, using the feel of their skin under my palms to keep me grounded.
The elevator starts moving. The utter speed of the ascent makes my stomach drop and my ears pop.
I hold onto the arms of my two friends tightly, controlling my breathing, forcing back all the haunting memories by sheer force of will as the elevator zooms up, finally coming to a stop at what I assume is the highest floor.
As soon as the elevator doors open, I rush for them, not caring who I'm jostling with my limbs.
As soon as I'm out of that cramped elevator, I finally feel like I can breathe again.
Juniper and Rowan join me seconds later. "Wow." Rowan says, looking up. "I wasn't expecting that to be how we're getting to the roof."
It's only after those words that I realize that strong gusts of wind are pushing my hair in front of my eyes.
I look up, and my eyes widen at the sight of a huge hole in the roof of the hundredth floor, with a shaking, very unstable looking aluminum ladder propped up against the edge of it.
Zeke is at the top of the ladder, holding it for the next person, who is currently about halfway up. The ladder is creaking loud enough for us to hear it over the chattering Dauntless, and, with every step the person takes, the ladder seems like it's about to fall apart.
I knew the Dauntless were reckless, but this... a morbid part of me wonders if anyone has died climbing up to the roof like this.
If someone has, I wouldn't be surprised.
I climb up after Rowan. As I reach the last few rungs, Rowan lets go of the ladder with one hand and extends it to me.
This time, I take it without hesitation, and Rowan pulls me up the rest of the way. I sigh in relief, grateful to be off that death trap of a ladder.
I turn around and hold the ladder for Juniper to climb up next. Rowan hovers at my side, waiting for Juniper or keeping me company, I don't know.
Once Juniper is on her feet, with Rowan and I, I finally take a look at our surroundings.
The powerful winds are the first thing that I notice. They push at me to the point where I almost fall into Rowan, who reaches out to catch me before I catch myself.
The view is stunning, almost like the scene that Tobias' mind created in his fear landscape. On one side, there is the brown, desolate marsh, stretching as far as the eye can see. On the other there is the city, similar in range to the marsh, but completely different when it comes to colors and dimensions.
Then, I focus my attention on the actual roof. Most people seem to be headed for a line that is forming behind Zeke, who is standing next to a pole which has a thick steel cable attached to it. My eyes follow the cable; it soars over the tall buildings of our city, roughly following Lake Shore Drive. I can't see where it ends.
At his feet, there is a pile of slings, made out of tough, black fabric, which look big enough for an average adult. There's a pulley hanging from the steel cable, and that is what Zeke is attaching the first sling to.
I stare at the pieces of the puzzle, my eyes widening more and more as the pieces come together. When the final piece clicks into place, my eyes are as wide as saucers.
"Holy moly." Juniper breathes. Rowan seems just as frozen as I am.
We're going to get into a black sling from a thousand feet up and then slide down a steel cable.
The first person to go is a Dauntless member that I faintly recognize, from our Capture the Flag game. He gets in the sling and shifts until the black cloth supports the majority of his body. Zeke then pulls straps across the top of his thighs, his shoulders, and the small of his back. After checking them twice, he pulls the man in the sling to the edge of the building, and counts down from five.
At zero, he shoves him forward, surrendering him to gravity.
The man begins hurtling towards the ground, headfirst, at a steep angle. The man's mouth is open, as though he is saying, or yelling, something, but his words are lost to the wind. He sails over the city, like the birds I used to point out to my mother, until he is nothing but a black dot in the distance.
The Dauntless cheer for their fellow member, crying out in delight. They push each other in attempts to get the best spot in line.
I stand there for a second more, gaping at the sight.
A part of me (that sounds a lot like Tobias) warns me against the obvious danger of this 'initiation ritual'. What if the straps come undone? What if the cable snaps? What if-
Then, there's another part, that craves the thrill of wind rushing against my face as I fly through the air.
Screw it.
I break out of my frozen state, and start walking towards the line. After all, when will I get a chance to do this again?
"Cammi?" I turn to look at Rowan and Juniper. Rowan is still stuck in the same spot. Juniper has taken a few steps to follow me. It was Rowan that spoke.
"Yeah?"
"What are you doing?"
I shoot him a confused look. "I'm getting in line. Are you coming?"
Those words seem to break Rowan out of it. He starts walking, trailing a few steps behind Juniper.
I smile, and start walking towards the line again. I end up being the third initiate in line, behind two Dauntless-born girls, one that I don't know, and one that was on our team for Capture the Flag, with a name starting with an A. Juniper stands behind me, and Rowan behind her. Of course, behind Rowan, stands Catalina.
Why does she bother Rowan so much, I don't know.
Ten more people have to go before I can. The number is somehow both disappointing and reassuring - there are ten people between me and the dangerous activity that we're about to do, but there are still ten people between me and the zipline.
I watch as the Dauntless go, one by one. Some get in headfirst, on their stomachs, the same way the first man did. A few lay on their backs, feet-first, as though they're lying in a cradle. One person lays on her stomach, feet-first. Each of them gets shoved down the cable by Zeke.
The expressions of the members are the complete opposite of the expressions of the initiates. The members seem unafraid, as though they've done this a million times, but the initiates look worried, even though they try to act excited. I wonder how many of the initiates here today will be returning next year.
The number of people in front of me decreases steadily. Ten. Shauna is the fourth person to go. Eight. Five. Three. Two. The first initiate goes. One.
And finally, it's my turn.
I can't decide whether I'm excited or terrified, but my body apparently decides that it's terrified. Zeke hangs my sling from the cable, but my feet are frozen. I can't even approach the sling.
"Hey, Cammi." Zeke, apparently sensing my problem, walks over and places a hand on my shoulder. The contact is too casual for someone I've only interacted with briefly, but somehow, knowing his relationship with Tobias, I don't mind.
"You know, if you scream like a chicken with its head cut off, I won't let Four let you live it down."
The playful threat somehow helps ease the tension in my shoulders, and unstick my feet from their spot. I walk over to the sling, and, with badly shaking hands, climb in, headfirst, on my stomach.
"Four wouldn't dare tease me for this. After all, I could always spill the reason why he never comes on these ziplining trips."
Zeke's eyes widen. "You know why he doesn't come?"
I shrug, ignoring the feel of my trembling body as Zeke tightens the straps. "Yeah. Let's just say, it's not for the reason everyone thinks."
"I will get the reason out of you, or him, someday." Zeke grins as he slides me to the edge of the roof. I stare at the city, and at the edge of the roof, which drops off in front of me. Suddenly, Tobias' cautionary voice in my head sounds a lot louder.
But I can't back out now. I'd look like a coward. Besides, nobody else fell out. Why would I?
He tugs on the pulley attached to the steel cable, making sure it holds. "Are you ready, Stiff?" The derogatory nickname is said in a teasing manner that makes me smile as I contemplate the question.
Am I ready?
"Yes. No. I don't know." It's the best answer I can give when my mind is spinning, and my heart is slamming against my ribs, and sweat is beginning to inhabit the crevices of my skin.
"Well, you should probably make up your mind in the next few seconds, because I'm letting go n-"
Before he even finishes the word "now", he releases the sling, and I'm hurtling towards the ground.
The wind seems to push every worry, every voice, every word, every thought out of my brain. Gravity takes hold of me, and it seems content to never let me go.
Is this how birds feel?
Do birds feel so weightless, so free? Do birds get tears in their eyes when they fly especially fast? Do birds get to see the wide expanse of my city stretching out beneath them, as far as the eye can see, everyday? Do birds have feathers to protect against this fast, intense cold that lashes me, a human, in the face?
I think I would really like to be a bird.
I don't yell or scream, like the other Dauntless did, out of either fear or exhilaration. I suppose old habits die hard. But I allow the smile that has settled on my face to expand, until it reaches my eyes.
I take a chance, trusting in the black sling to hold, and throw my arms to the side, embodying the creatures that can soar like this without the straps or the cable.
For a second, just a second, my mind flashes to my new tattoo, of the eagle with its wings spread, in much the same position I am now.
I imagine what that eagle would feel like, diving down towards the streets of the city, how the wind would rustle its feathers, making the ends flutter constantly. How it could screech its call, every bit as majestic as its pose. I imagine the eagle looking down on his land, catching his reflection in the marsh, before all the water in it was lost.
If I was a bird, I think I'd be an eagle.
My heart is beating wildly, frantically, and my breaths are short, but none of those things bother me at all.
This is so much better than the run to the Hancock building; if that run made every synapse in my skin fire, then soaring down this zipline is making every synapse in my whole body fire a hundred times.
Every part of my body is awake, buzzing, yelling their exhilaration at the experience. The world is turning into a blur, a smear of colors, as the ground grows closer. The wind's force keeps my arms outstretched, not that I would want it any other way.
The eagle has spread its wings.
Now, I'm sailing parallel to the ground, like most birds do. It takes at least another minute for me to slow down.
My hair is hopelessly tangled, I can already tell, from how it settles on my shoulders as I slow to a stop. It will take forever to comb out later, but I can't find it in me to care.
I hang about twenty feet in the air, an inconsequential height compared to the one I sailed down from, just minutes earlier. I undo the straps behind me, watching as the Dauntless below start creating a human net with their arms.
Trusting that they won't let me splat on the ground, I let myself fall into their arms.
The landing isn't the comfiest, but I can't help but lay still in their arms for a second anyway.
Before this, I knew I was finally home. How could anywhere else, any other faction, be my home, if it wasn't by my brother's side, by the sides of my friends, transfers and Dauntless-borns alike?
But now, laying in the arms of the Dauntless, who laugh and whoop and grin, for me, I redefine my home.
My home will always be with my friends and my brother.
But now, my home is with my faction and its people, too.
I let the Dauntless pull me onto my feet.
"So, what do you think?" Shauna asks, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder.
The attention of the Dauntless shifts to me, and, for a second, I feel uncomfortable under their gazes.
Key words, for a second.
I allow myself to remember the feeling of adrenaline, rushing through my veins, of the wind hitting my arms, which were spread as though I were the bird that is tattooed on my side.
And I let the words tumble out of my mouth.
"That was... incredible!"
The Dauntless grin at my response, and I allow myself to grin with them.
Madmen, Marcus would say. Hellions.
I guess that both his children, as transfers to Dauntless, are hellions, too.
I don't think I'd have it any other way.
I turn my head towards the Hancock building, now so far away. I see another figure on their way down. Juniper.
The Dauntless laugh and chatter, already moving to form the human net for Juniper. I join them without hesitation.
I think I'll be one of the ones returning next year.
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The Dauntless - my faction - trudge into the cafeteria, with messy hair and flushed cheeks from the adrenaline, but also with happy smiles and sparkling eyes.
Zeke and Shauna offer me a wave, before heading off, presumably to get some dinner. I walk over to the table that my transfer friends sit at, Rowan and Juniper close behind.
I frown, a thought suddenly occurring to me. Hopefully they won't be upset that I didn't think about them when I went with Rowan?
Even the thought makes a little stab of guilt in my heart. They're my friends, why didn't I think of them?
Lavender, Ethan, and Julia, as well as Kian and Chloe, who are sitting with them, look up as we arrive.
Lavender, Ethan, and Julia look mildly surprised to see me arriving with a bunch of Dauntless, but not mad. At least, not yet.
"Hey, you guys." Kian is the one to greet us first. A chorus of "heys", "his", and "hellos" follows. "How was the super-secret 'initiation ritual'?"
"Great!" Juniper replies for all of us. She then turns to my transfer friends. "I'm really sorry that we didn't take all of you... we were on our way, and then Rowan just ran into Cammi and invited her along."
I turn and raise my eyebrow at Rowan, who looks a little sheepish. Just ran into me, huh?
I shake my head slightly, confused at the lie, before turning back to my friends.
And that's when I realize that Julia has a sling on her left arm.
"Oh, my god, Julia!" I exclaim, not caring that I cut off whatever Ethan was about to say. Everyone's attention instantly goes to my black-haired friend, who blushes slightly. "What happened?"
Before Julia can answer, Lavender does, her voice sounding more angry than I've ever heard it, even more so than when Zayden insulted her family in the first fight. "Zayden was upset that Julia got first rank. He tripped her while we were walking through the Pit. She landed hard on her left arm and sprained her wrist."
I clench my teeth. Zayden...
Before I can express my anger, Rowan does. "Want us to kill him for you?" His tone of voice is dangerously low, and incredibly serious.
Juniper adds, "We'll dispose of the body well." Her fists are clenched at her sides.
"No, no, guys, it's fine." Julia, always the cool-headed one, insists. "He's just being petty and childish. I've already had a field day trying to convince these four-" she points first to Lavender and Ethan, and then to Kian and Chloe, "to not murder him, so please don't make me convince you too."
"Fine." My voice still contains anger, but, for the sake of my friends, I cool it a little. "But tell us if he bothers you again." Julia opens her mouth to retort, but I keep going. "I know you can take care of yourself, you're first ranked for a reason. But that's what friends are for, okay?" I set a hand on Julia's shoulder, and smile at her. I'm relieved when she returns it.
"Yeah, sure." She rolls her eyes at me playfully, murmuring, "Overprotective, much?" under her breath, even though she knows we'll hear.
I laugh, and shove her right shoulder gently. "Yeah, we're overprotective. Part of the job."
"Anyways." Ethan changes the topic back to whatever it was earlier. "It's completely fine, Juniper. Actually, we had a lot of fun today." At this, Lavender blushes slightly. It's only then that I notice that Ethan and Lavender are sitting a little closer than normal.
"You two have something to tell us?" I raise an eyebrow at them, which only causes Lavender to blush more, and red to start blooming across Ethan's face.
"Uh, yes, actually." I stare at Ethan expectantly, and I notice that everyone, even Julia, Kian, and Chloe, are doing the same.
"Is this about that walk you two took earlier? Around the compound?" Julia questions, somehow looking fierce even though she's injured.
"Yeah." Ethan scratches his elbow. "On that walk, uh, I took Lavender to the Chasm, and I kind of... kissed her?"
Everyone is silent for a second.
And then we all cheer.
The Dauntless in the cafeteria stare at us for a second, then look away. I guess the chaotic sight, with Rowan and Kian clapping Ethan on the back, and the girls congratulating Lavender, whose face has turned fully scarlet by now, isn't abnormal.
When we're finally done, the really big question is finally asked.
"So, are you guys dating now?" Julia questions, face alight with happiness for our friends. I can feel the same expression blooming on my face.
"Yep." Lavender smiles shyly at Ethan, who is already looking back at her adoringly. The action makes me smile.
As far as I'm concerned, they're a perfect match for one another. Different in so many ways, but also incredibly similar. Both are funny, brave, and loyal to a fault.
I got to watch them grow to like each other more and more. While it was sometimes awkward, it was also endearing. Now, watching them looking into each others' eyes, I can see the start of a new emotion, one that's bigger, deeper.
And, if everything goes smoothly, I'll get to watch that grow, too.
The thought fills me with a warm emotion that I can't express. Instead of trying to identify it, I just smile, a bright, glowing smile, at my friends, hoping that they can stay this happy for all of eternity.
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We spend some time with the four Dauntless-borns, wandering the Pit, laughing and teasing one another, and, overall, enjoying our day off. It makes me feel light, like all the troubles of the past few days have been washed away.
When the clock hits ten, we decide to retire for the night, so we're fully rested for the new, unknown initiation phase ahead of us. The Dauntless-borns insist on walking us back to our own dorm. After a little bit of arguing, we give in.
Before we know it, the eight of us are standing outside the transfers' dormitory. As goodbyes are being bade, Rowan pulls me to the side, into some shadows.
"Cammi, I..." He scratches his elbow, seemingly more out of nerves than an actual itch.
I frown. Why is he nervous around me?
"What's up Rowan?" I cock my head to the side, puzzled. The flurry of emotions crossing Rowan's face doesn't make the situation any easier to decipher.
"I, uh, just wanted to ask... did you like the ziplining today?"
I smile gently, touched that he would pull me aside to make sure I enjoyed my day. "Rowan, I didn't like it." His face falls, and I grin at him encouragingly. "I loved it."
Just like that, his face lights up again, and I can feel my heart lift, happy that I'm able to make him happy.
"Well, I really enjoyed having you there." Rowan returns, voice quiet.
"I really enjoyed being there."
"That's good. Yeah. Really good." Then, Rowan moves. I expect him to be walking away, but instead, he moves towards me. Before I can comprehend what's going on, his lips touch my cheek.
I freeze, caught off guard. His lips remain there for only a second more, before he backs away. "Good night, Cammi."
"Good night, Rowan." I manage to croak out. He seems unfazed by the surprise in my voice, and quickly strides away to join his friends, who are waiting for him at the end of the hall.
I bring a hand to my cheek, where his lips touched my skin. I stand there, in the shadows, with a hand to my cheek, replaying that moment over and over again, for a long time.
A/N: And that's a wrap! (I really love that phrase for some reason)
Okay, so... eagles. Wondering about the symbolism behind Camilla's tattoo? Well, an eagle is a symbol of strength and loyalty, both of which are embodied in Camilla. Plus, the eagle was a prominent symbol on Roman legion standards. The fire is, obviously, for Dauntless, bravery. And the saying, fortis fortuna adiuvat, well, that was explained by Tori. And it's in Latin, which was what Romans spoke, and, yeah, you get the point.
I've always loved this Latin phrase, so, I decided to include it.
(No one asked.)
Yeah, well, this is my book. I like to ramble about all my problems and the symbolism behind everything (because I'm a nerd) in long author's notes, deal with it. Skip them, if you'd like.
So, Zayden is a petty jerk, the Ethan + Lavender ship has sailed, and developments in between Rowan and Cammi... what an exciting chapter!
It's everyone's favorite time of the day! (Or possibly nobody's, I wouldn't know) Today's book is...
Uprising! (By Margaret Peterson Haddix)
This book offers a view into a part of history that is not very prominent, especially in comparison to the other events of the 1900s. This book takes place in the early 1900s, in the period before World War I, when boatloads of immigrants sailed into the US, looking for a better life. When working conditions, especially for immigrants, were abysmal. When both the women's rights and organized labor movements were rising up. It focuses on the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire, which stands today as a horrific reminder of the results of the cruelty laborers were subjected to. It's an eye-opening tale of a cloaked time in US history, a time full of suffering for the oppressed.
Link to author's page: https://haddixbooks.com/book/uprising/
This book has no sequels.
The next chapter is either going to be fun or difficult to write... the first fear simulations. Oh goodie...
Have an incredible day!