SANDRINE
I ended up sleeping on one of the bedrooms that night. Gustuhin ko mang huwag umiyak, tinraydor naman ako ng damdamin ko. Is it really to much to ask if I want him to pursue me because I'm upset? I've been holding back these feelings for a long time, but at the end of the day... Babae lang ako, masama bang hangarin ang pag-tingin ng asawa ko? I am fragile, I am delicate. Why can't he see that?
Nakatulog ako nang may mga luha sa pisngi. Tanging sa pag-tulog nalang ata ako nakakaramdam ng ginhawa. Everyday that I wake up, I feel like I have this never ending to complete. Pakiramdam ko ay nagigising nalang ako para makipag kumpitensya.
I woke up late the next morning. I hated being late, sa ganitong oras ay nagsisimula na ang araw ko sa opisina. But I really didn't care that day. Ilang sandali pa akong tumulala habang nasisinagan ng araw ang aking mukha. Hindi man ako handang harapin muli si Gustave, pinili ko pa ding bumangon at mag-ayos. Mas lalo lang niyang iisiping mahina ako at naapektuhan ako kung hindi ako papasok sa opisina. Besides, the company needs me.
I wore a black short jumpsuit and I paired it with a Chanel belt, bag and a gold stiletto. Hinayaan kong nakalugay ang buhok ako at tinernunan ko iyon ng itim at gold na hikaw. My eyes are puffy and bags under it are prominent so I wore a designer sunglasses as well.
All I have to do today is to receive a monthly financial report from Enrique, check and finalize it and then pass it on to the office of the CEO. I am dreading this monthly meeting because I knew, out of all Gustave's family members, Enrique hates me. Hindi din siya nag-aabala para itago ang pagka-disgusto niya sa akin. Akala na niya, natutuwa akong makita ang pag-mumukha niya?
Ibinagsak ko ang katawan ko sa swivel chair. Nanlalambot ako at kahit na umaga palang ay parang pagod na pagod ako. Wala pang sampung minuto ay tumunog ang intercom.
"Madame, Mr. Enrique is here." Paanyaya ni Jane.
"Let him in." Sagot ko pagkatapos ay tinanggal ang shades at hinilot ang sentido ko.
Tahimik ang buong opisina at iilanh segundo lang ang binilang ko ay bumukas na din ang malaking double doors noon. Iniluwa ng pinto si Enrique na may naka paskil na nakakairitang ngisi sa labi.
"Good morning, Sandrine." Bati niya.
Tinapunan ko lamang siya nang matipid na tingin at saka humalukipkip. Hindi ko na dapat tinanggal ang shades ko, hindi ko tuloy mapaikot ang mga mata ko sa kanya.
"Jeez, you seem angry. Ang aga aga, nakasimangot ka. You should smile more." Aniya at humakbang palapit.
I have a lot of issues with Enrique, but this. I can't stand. Ako pa din ang COO sa kumpanyang ito, at hindi niya man lang magawang gumamit ng honorifics. Akala niya kung sino siya, eh saling pusa lang din naman siya sa pamilya. Mabait lang si Abuelo, kaya nabigyan pa siya ng posisyon dito.
"Here are the financial reports for the month of June. Feel free to browse and tell me if you need anything else." Ipinatong niya sa lamesa ang isang brown envelope at saka umupo. Agad kong kinuha iyom ay binuksan.
Naka summarize na ang buong financial report na ipinasa niya pero hindi ako kuntento. Gusto kong mabasa ang buong report para maka siguradong hindi napupunta sa wala ang budget ng kumpanya.
"I need the detailed report. When are you gonna be able to submit it to me?" Matipid at walang emosyon kong tugon pagkatapos na basahin ang kanyang ipinasa.
He cleared his throat as the stupid grin on is face slowly faded away. Napalitgan iyon ng dismayadong ekspresyon at ako naman ang napangisi.
"What's with the long face? Can't you fix this?" I asked.
"Are you doubting my skills? Baka nakakalimutan mong mas matagal na kong nagtatrabaho sa kumpanyang ito kaysa sa'yo."Aniya.
"Saan naman nanggaling iyan? I am simply asking for a detailed report. O baka nakakalimutan mo din na mas mataas ang posisyon ko sa'yo?" I asked, taunting him.
Bakas ang pagka inis sa kanyang mukha. Hindi na niya nagawang ngumisi at hindi na rin niya naitago ang pagka irita. Kamuntik na akong matawa pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko. Matagal ko nang kinundisyon ang sarili ko upang manatiling elegante sa mga ganitong sitwasyon. Lalo na at iba't ibang tao ang nakaka salamuha ko sa araw araw.
Jane was right on cue when the intercom suddenly echoed her voice.
"Madame, you're 10 am is here." Aniya.
I was sure that Enrique heard that be he just sat there dumbfounded. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay at hindi inalis ang tingin sa kanya. Hindi niya din natiis at asar na nag-iwas ng tingin.
"I'm expecting the detailed report on friday." Pahabol kong sabi nang tumayo siya at tumalikod.
He looked back at me and smirked but he didn't say anything else. I can feel his bad energy all over the room. Sa tingin ko, kailangan kong ipa cleanse muli ang office ko. Pinaikot ko ang mga mata ko at nag-buga ng hangin.
Sumandal ako sa swivel chair at sa sandaling katahimikan ay bumalik sa alaala ko ang mga pangyayari. I'm used to being in a loveless marriage and a relationship that is solely for the purpose of business but somehow, this time, I feel drained. I feel like I can't go on any longer. Like I reached my limit. Which is so unlikely because when I decided to marry him, I knew exactly what I was getting into and I didn't expect much from him.
I had two quick meetings and then I was done for the day. Bandang hapon ay nag-usap kami ni Jane tungkol sa aking mga engagement. Araw araw ay ginagawa namin ito para masiguradong wala akong nakalimutang gawin o kausapin.
"When is my next appointment with Mr. Vasquez?" Tanong ko, tungkol sa isang posibleng kliyente na may ari ng isang malaking shopping mall sa Visayas.
"As per his secretary, he'll be back in Manila two weeks from now, Madame." Aniya.
"Did they schedule a specific date?"
"Not yet, Madame."
"Call them and ask. Puno na ang schedule ko hanggang sa isang buwan. Tama?"
"Yes, Madame. I'll see what I can do." Yumuko siya at nag-tipa sa ipad.
"Ano pa? Did I forget anything?" I asked.
"Madame, Mr. Gustave requested your presence at the La Tour de' Argent tonight. I already informed you about this last week but I just want to remind you today in case you forgot." Jane was speaking straight but when I saw her fidgeting like she was nervous.
Itinikom ko ang bibig ko at tumahimik.
Ah, right. Today is that day.
I almost laughed. Sigurado akong hindi na nag-e expect pa si Gustave na pupuntahan ko ang pakana niya. What is it this time? A dinner with a Michelin Chef? Expensive bag? Jewelry? He should just save it. Hindi ko kailangan ang mga iyon. Lalong lalo na pagkatapos ng ginawa niya sa akin kagabi. He never cared and he never will and a dinner with him wouldn't change that.
"I have somewhere to be. Tell them I won't be coming." Malamig na sagot ko.
Nanlaki ang mga mata niya at tila nataranta. I'' sure by now she knows. Ilang taon na rin siyang nagta-trabaho sa akin.
"Pero madame, kabilin bilinan po ni Vilma na siguraduhing makakapunta kayo. Malalagot po kaming dalawa nito kay Mr. Gustave." Halos mag-makaawang aniya.
"Sino bang amo mo, Jane? Who do you really serve? Kung mas takot kay kay Gustave, iligpit mo na ang mga gamit mo at mag-hanap ka ng trabaho sa kanya." Marahas na sigaw ko. I ha
only have a hair-like patience left. Wala na akong pakialam kung maibunton ko man sa tontang ito ang sama ng loob ko. Wala akong kakampi dito. They are all serving the Salgueros.
"H-hindi po madame! Pasensya na po. I was out of line. I'll tell Vilma that you're not coming." Yumuko siya at saka ako tinalikuran.
I slammed my palms on my table. Umikot ang mata ko kahit wala na si Jane doon. Si Gustave nalang ba talaga ang papanigan nila? Pakiramdam ko, hindi ako makahinga. Para akong nakakulong sa loob ng opisina. I need to get out of here.
Iniwan ko ang trabaho. I instructed my guards not to follow me, even Sonly. Hindi ako madalas na nagmamaneho. In fact, I can't remember the last time I took the wheels. But I just needed to be alone. Especially, today.
Natagpuan ko ang sarili ko sa puntod ni Arnulfo. How easy would life be if he was still here with me. Malamang ay nasa kung saang bansa kami ngayon at nag ce-celebrate.
It was the middle of August and the skies are dark. Ilang beses pang kumulog at kumidlat hanggang sa tuluyan nang bumuhos ang malakas na ulan. Ang kaninang maliwanag na araw ay nag-mistulang gabi. Ang payong na panangga sana sa init ay naging pansalo ng ulan.
"Happy birthday, Arnie." I said as the tears started falling down from my eyes. Hindi ko ininda ang anggi ng ulan o ang putik na tumatalsik sa akin.
Hindi ko alam kung para saan ang mga luhang iniiyak ko. Kung para pa ba kay Arnulfo ang pag-luluksa ko o para sa sarili ko. I had always felt like a part of me died with him. I was never myself again.
I didn't know how long I was standing there. It felt like I was in a trance. Half of my body is wet from the rain and the thunder keeps on rolling but I didn't move one bit. Kung tamaan ako ng kidlat ay ipag-papasalamat ko pa. Hanggang sa maramdaman ko ang pag-vibrate ng cellphone sa bulsa ko. Para akong robot na kinuha iyon dahil iyon na ang awtomatikong galaw ng katawan ko. It was Conrad, one of Gustave's brothers.
"Ate... Where are you? Are you alone?" He asked. Siguro ay narinig niya ang malakas na tunog ng ulan sa background.
"Yes, Emil. What can I help you with?" Suminghot ako at sinubukang ituwid ang aking boses.
"Kuya asked me to draft a contract for the acquisition of Ecowind. Once we finalized it, all we need is the Chairman's approval and a representative from Ecowind to make it official." Aniya.
Hindi ako sumagot. I was expecting this. All I could think was Abuelo. How am I gonna explain this to him? How can I justify how much my husband wasted for a mere piece of land. Kung ipinapaalam niya lang sana sa akin ang plano niya ay hindi ito mangyayari.
"You're telling me this, why?" Hindi ko naitago ang pagka-irita. I just didn't know if he was trying to rub it on my face like his brother.
"I just didn't want you to find out from the media. Kilala ko si Kuya. I know how much he's keeping from you." Aniya.
Hindi na ako sumagot at ininaba ang tawag. Hindi ko pa man naibabalik ang cellphone sa bulsa ko ay muling tumunog iyon at nag-vibrate. This time, it was him. Gustave.
Tiningnan ko muna ang screen ng ilang sandali. Tumalikod ako at nag-lakad pabalik ng sasakyan. Tumahimik ang paligid nang maisara ko ang pinto ng kotse. Muling tumunoh ang cellphone ko. Sa pagkakataong iyon ay sinagot ko na ang tawag.
"Where the hell are you? Sinong kasama mo? Bakit ka nagpa-iwan sa mga bodyguard mo?" His voice echoed as I heard his teeth gritting from anger.
"I— I want to be alone..." Sa hindi maipaliwanag na dahilan ay hindi ako makapag salita.
Sumakit ang lalamunan ko nang pilit kong pigilan ang pag-hikbi. I don't want him to hear that I'm miserable.
"Sandrine, look. I am humbling myself. I knew I was wrong. So please. Please come here and we'll talk. Okay? Please." Lumambot ang boses niya.
Somehow I felt better when I heard his voice. But there was something else. The hurt, hatred, everything.
"I can't. I'm sorry... Please leave me alone. Please let me, Gustave..." I broke down.
I started crying endlessly and he just listened. He didn't drop the call. He didn't try to comfort me he didn't tell me that everything is gonna be alright.
"Sandrine... Where are you? I'll come pick you up. Just, please. Talk to me. Okay? I'm sorry." I can hear the sincerity from his voice but I just couldn't.
Lahat ng sinasabi niya ay walang talab. Where was he when I was so ready to talk? To give in? To try? He pushed me away. And it felt like I reached my limit. It was too late.
Galit ako. Pero hindi ko alam kung sa kanya pa o sa sarili ko. I kept asking myself why? Why do I find comfort in hin? I hate him. But why do I want to run to him, hold him, feel his warmth against my skin? Is it possible? To find comfort to the same person that made you this way? Is it possible to want someone that you hate?
GUSTAVE
I sat on one of the chairs that are in the middle of the whole restaurant. The restaurant that I reserved just for the two of us.
The band that I hired looked more tired than me. I didn't doubt it because I knew how heavy a cello is. They are having small talk but it still wasn't enough to be heard all over the place.
I sighed as I ran my fingers through my hair put of frustration. I've been waiting for her for hours now. Umaasa pa din akong darating siya sa kabila ng ginawa ko sa kanya? Oo. Dahil asawa ko siya. I've always thought that she would stick with me no matter what, because for some time, she did. But did I go overboard this time? Fuck.
"Sir, I am so sorry to say this but we are closing in ten minutes. Darating pa po ba si Madame?" A waiter approached me and asked.
Sumandal ako at hindi siya pinansin. Nilagok ko ang natitirang wine sa baso ko. Tatlong bote na ang naubos ko. I ran my fingers through my hair. Hindi na ba talaga siya darating?
Umakyat ang dugo sa utak ko at umikot ang paningin ko nang bigla akong tumayo. I knew I couldn't drive in this state. But I want to find her. I want to see her. I need her to know how sorry I was. I need her.
Lumabas ako ng restaurant at nag-hintay. Huminto ang isang itim na Lamborghini at lumabas mula doon si Enrique.
"Jesus, man! You're wasted." Aniya nang makita ang estado ko.
"Did you find her?" Tanong ko.
"No." Umiling siya.
Nag-mura ako at muling sinabunutan ang sarili ko. Where the hell are you, Sandrine?
"Gustave, you are the CEO of the biggest energy company in Asia. And you're sitting there, miserable because of a woman? What is wrong with you? Hindi kita nakilalang ganyan. Let's go." Enrique grabbed my arm and slammed me inside his car.
"Where are we going?" Nakapikit kong tanong. Everything is fucking spinning and I feel like I'm gonna throw up if I open my damn eyes.
"You'll see." He said as he stepped on the gas.