A/N: Flashbacks: all are in italic
Picture: Chris Hemsworth as- Chris Morris
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Chapter Eight
I Won't Give Up On Us...
Point Of View: Jeremy
The door to the cupboard flew open unexpectedly, the barrel of a gun aiming steadily at my head, once again. Ice blue eyes glaring down at me for only a moment before they softened considerably, and filled with love, and affection. Those eyes came from the only person I could trust. But, I couldn't trust him when he had a gun pointed at my head.
"Shit," he gasped out, making me jump. He placed the gun on the counter before crawling slowly towards me, where I was conveniently hiding, and absolutely terrified for my life. I knew I wasn't in my right mind at the moment, and honestly I was so completely scared that there was nothing I could do about it, even though I wanted to. "It's okay, babe."
It was not okay, though.
He reached those strong arms out to me, I wanted to fall into them. Oh, I wanted to so bad. I wanted him to wrap them around me tightly, to the point I could barley breath, I just wanted to feel safe in his arms, the pieces of me put back together, because I felt completely broken.
But I couldn't, my body felt detatched from my mind. All I could do was flinch, and squeeze myself deeper into the confinement of the cupboard. I looked around frantically for an escape of any kind, to get away from this situation. I could feel myself trembling, and I hated it. I hated feeling so weak, and lost in my own mind.
"Jer, babe." He whispered, my head snapped in the direction of his voice, desperation laced his gentle voice, and concern etched his handsome face. "It's Chris, come on, you want to come out of that little space, stretch your legs a bit."
I shook my head frantically when what he purposed sank in. There was absolutely no way I was leaving my sanctuary. A piercing pain rocketed through my skull, I closed my eyes, hoping to gain some relief.
"What do you think your life would be like if you never met me?" He asked me as he played in my hair, running his fingers repeatedly through it. Our naked bodies were intertwined in Chris' sheets, my head resting comfortably on his chiseled chest.
"Umm....." I shrugged my shoulders gently, tilting my head to the side so I could look up into his face, thinking over his question with serious consideration. My hands glided up and down his smooth sculpted chest, his blue eyes gazing intently into mine. "It wouldn't be much of a life, not nearly as exciting and filled with love as it is now, as it is with you. God, I can't even imagine my life without you in it."
"Yeah, I can't either," Chris turned his head to look down at me, our heads brushing against each others, as he gazed into my eyes intimately, snaking our fingers together to hold my hand. "You're amazing you know that?"
"Ummm...." I blushed, looking away from his penetrating stare. "That, i'm not."
"You are, very much so," he nodded playfully. I knew that look.
"Noooo!" I whined, trying to scramble away from his constricting hold around my waist. Successfully, I got away for just a moment, one minute I was running towards the door, my freedom, and the next, laying flat on the bed. I was still laughing as my body was being crushed into the mattress by his weight, obviously pleased with himself for catching me, a smirk gracing his pink lips. I smiled, and let him bask in his moment of triumph. It was a short moment though, as his hot breath fanned across my lips, claiming my attention once more, and as my smiling eyes met his smouldering ones, I blushed.
Fantastic.
Now he knows that something as simple as a penetrating gaze that left absolutely no doubt as to what he thought or felt for me, and this situation we were currently exploring, could make me feel such a.....
.....thrill.
"I want to play something for you," he said out of the blue, smiling down at me from above.
"What?" I asked perplexed, a small smile gracing my lips. He nodded his head towards a corner, my eyes slowly followed the gesture, and fell apon a guitar. "I didn't know you could play."
He dropped his forehead onto mine gently, my eyes reflecting in the bright blue's of his, "I love you, Jer.....so much."
We lay there a moment, just watching each other from our close proximity, before I smiled once again, and said, "I love you too. Now, are you going to play for me, or what?"
He looked torn between not wanting to get up, and be away from me for even a small moment, or going to get the guitar. I grinned and gently pushed him away, watching as he reluctantly got up, and crossed the room. I sat up, crossing my legs, pulling the sheets over my lower half, and relaxing back against the headboard.
"Alright," Chris muttered as he plopped down in front of me, crossing his legs just as I did, our knees brushing up against each others, he positioned the guitar in his lap, conveniently hiding his lower region. He gazed into my eyes looking apprehinsive and vulnerable. He grabbed my face in his big hands, and kissed me sweetly on the lips, which seemed to give him that little extra boost of confidence that he needed. "My voice isn't as good as Jason Mraz's so....please bare with me."
I blinked.
Chris placed his fingers to the strings and started to play the correct chords, eyes closed, lost in the music. Then slowly he opened them, looking up at me under his long, thick eyelashes, and he began to sing.....
And he was unbelievably good.
When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
Then the chords changed, his voice raised with the melody, eyes closed as he strumed away at his guitar, a small smile gracing his lips. There was so much emotion in his voice, playing a vital roll with the lyrics, that for a moment, I could have sworn he wrote the song just to sing it to me.
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am
I slowly opened my eyes, not remembering when I closed them in absolute bliss, just to find his eyes roaming my face. I watched the many different emotions swirling around in the depths of those blue eyes, I lost myself in the song, and in his deep, but gentle voice.
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, still looking up.
Well, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)
As he continued to sing, I watched as he alternated his gaze between the guitar, and me so fast that I could barley keep up. As the song came to an end, I leaned closer to him. His breath blew across my face as he brought the chords and his voice back down, singing softly, just above a whisper.
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
We shared a long piercing look, a look that relayed every emotion we felt towards each other, before he suddenly swung his guitar over the bed to lay it on the floor. He then grabbed my waist, my lower region brushing along his as he pulled me against him, he thrust against me, I threw my head back stiffling my whimper, a deep groan passed his lips. I smiled.
His fingers slid into my thick brown hair, his thumb traced my slightly parted lips and his wet tounge shot out to lick them. I wanted to taste him, all of him, I decided, as he kissed me deeply, guiding me downward until my brown hair lay tousled around his dark gray comforter.
"Stay...." Chris whispered in my ear, biting gently on the lob, before blowing on it. I shuttered.
"Huh?" I breathed out, lost in the feel of his rough hands roaming all along my body.
"Stay...." He repeated softly. "I want you to stay with me, Jer."
"W-Wait," I stuttered out, grabbing his roaming hands that were descending down my body. "As in move in together?"
"No," he corrected, shaking his head. "I mean yes. Wait," he pulled his hand out of my grasp to trail them up my chest, shoulder, neck, where they came to rest on either side of my face. "Let me try again."
"Okaaay...." I agreed completely confused.
"I love you, and you love me, right?"
"Of course, but....." I agreed, though not sure where this was going.
"I want you to move in," he paused, eyebrows scrunched up in thought. "No, I want us to move in together, get our own place. Not mines or yours.....but ours."
"Chris....." My tone was apprehinsive.
"What?" He asked staring intently into my eyes, determination shining through.
"Moving in together, that's a serious step. I mean huge," I replied adamantly. "Once we do this, get our own place together I mean, there is no going back easily. We'll be stuck together, even if we have a huge fight, we can't run away from each other."
"I know this baby." He said softly. "I know what moving in intitles. I want to take this step, with you. I want us to share a home through all the fighting, and petty arguements. Through all the embarressing moments, fighting over what furniture goes where, I want to know everything about you." He intertwined his hand with my much smaller one, brought our fingers to his lips, and kissed them gently.
"Okay..." I grinned.
"Okay, what?" He asked confused.
"Let's move in together..." I breathed deeply, letting out a much needed breath.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes..." I nodded my head.
"Then we need to start looking for a home," he laughed full of joy, wrapping his strong arms around my small frame, and squeezing tightly. "I love you."
"I love you too."
He pressed his lips to mine sweetly, sealing the deal with a kiss."
(END FLASHBACK)
I shook my head at the sudden memory. Now I had two memories of him, my sanctuary, the one person I could completely trust. I knew deep down he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. The way he spoke to me, smiled at me, and even gazed at me, was proof enough that he loved me. What I felt for him, I didn't know. What I did know is that in the short amount of time that i've been getting to know him, he was beginning to mean alot to me, I cared for him.
"Chris?" I breathed, not sure if he actually heard me. His head snapped up to look at me, his bright blue eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Chris...."
"Yeah babe," his familiar deep voice calming my nerves, and fighting away all my fears. "You want to come out for me?"
I glanced around, making sure there weren't anymore people wanting to point a gun at my head. I slowly unraveled myself, crawling out of the cupboard, and throwing myself into his strong waiting arms. I breathed a sigh of relief as my body crashed into his, curling myself as close into him as I could get, trying to become one. I clung onto his shirt, afraid he would pull away, he didn't, just wrapped his arms tightly around me. Before I could stop myself, all my fears came tumbling out in the form of sobs and tears.
"I'm so sorry, Jer." He whispered, pressing his lips to my hair. "You're safe now."
I didn't want to let him go, ever.
I don't know how long we sat there on the cold tiled kitchen floor, curled up against each other, him never letting me go as I never let him. All the stress and fear of today had eventually caught up to me, and closing my eyes seemed to be the biggest physical relief that I could have asked for at the moment. I felt relaxed pressed up against the huge frame of my husband. Numb, and relaxed, I could feel things growing dark, but it was a pleasent darkness, one I wasn't afraid to let invade me.
Soon I was thrust into that place where sleep has consumed you, but your mind is still partially conscious to what's going on around you. I was aware of being lifted into someone's strong arms, but I was too far gone to protest. I knew the arms belonged to Chris, that was all that mattered, and I felt so completely safe so I let myself be claimed by the darkness.
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When I woke up, I didn't bother to open my eyes, afraid that there would be light. I groaned. I was in way to much pain, and I couldn't understand why. My head was absolutely killing me. I suddenly felt something cool being pressed against my head, and I quieted down, not realizing I had been whimpering in pain sence I woke up.
A hand engulfed mine, and squeezed. "Jer, are you awake?"
I turned my head towards the deep voice etched with concern. I tried to figure out who that voice belonged to, but I was so out of it that I couldn't have told anyone my right hand from my left.
"Hold on, babe."
Hold on? To what exactly? My head. Mabe that would help to make it stop throbbing. There was the sound of scraping, like a chair moving across a tiled floor, then silence. A few minutes later, there were footsteps entering the room. The first voice, and now a second voice had a conversation, I don't know what they spoke about, or what happened after that. The sounds weren't anything I could make out in my current state. All I could hear was the blood rushing through my head.
The warm hand engulfed mine once again, fingers were running through my hair also, and that seemed to help a bit. "You'll feel better soon."
I did eventually start to feet better. It was probably a hour or two, though i'm not sure the accurate time that passed. When your in pain everything seems to intensify, even time seem's to take forever. I groaned, slowly blinking my eyes open, finding my head didn't hurt nearly as much as it had before.
"Jeremy..." I slowly turned my head, not wanting the pain to resurface. Chris was sitting next to me, he was pale, and looked as if he hadn't slept in a while.
"What happened?" I whispered. Why was I currently in a hospital, or why my head felt like a bomb went off inside it when I woke up.
"What's the last thing you remember?" He asked quietly, squeezing my hand he had in his grasp. I looked at him confused, before thinking back.
"Umm..." I muttered, "I remember you leaving with Derek and me taking a bath." Had I nearly drowned? Had I fallen asleep in the tub?
"You called me on the cellphone, someone had broken into our house," Chris replied quietly. That's when everything came rushing back to me like a tidal wave. I remembered it all from being in the bathroom and hearing noises, calling Chris on the phone afraid, investigating the noises, being on the wrong side of the gun barrel twice, and curled up against Chris feeling completely safe.
"Why am I in the hospital?" I asked looking up at him with widened eyes.
"You had a head injury," he said grinning, making my knees go weak. I'm sure if I was standing at this moment, I would have fell over. I must have hit my head pretty hard. "You have a concussion."
There, that explains the wierd reaction.
Chris gazed into my eyes for the longest time with a blank expression on his face, I didn't dare look away, I couldn't even if I wanted to.
"I was scared...." Chris admitted in a whisper, his voice deep and heavy, getting caught in his throat as he traced my face with his hands. I closed my eyes tightly, reminding myself not to flinch away, that this was okay. He was my husband. His fingers gingerly traced over the bullet scars, my body trembled from his touch.
"Chris...." My voice quivered as I called my husbands name in protest.
"Shhh...." He quieted me, wrapping his strong arms around me, pulling me to him in a hug. I didn't protest or fight, I knew he needed this to calm his fears, just as much as I needed it.
When he pulled back he graced me with that heart stopping grin that seemed to give me goose bumps. When I closed my eyes he cupped my face with gentle but rough fingertips he soothed the swollen skin on my face. I opened my eyes to see the beautiful blues of achris staring back at me full of love.
I blushed, looking anywhere but at him.
"Can I ask you a question?" I asked tentatively.
"You can ask me anything you want, love." His deep voice whispered.
"How old am I?" It had been bothering me for a while that I knew absolutely nothing about myself. This seemed like one of the easier questions that were plaguing my mind.
"You're twenty-nine," Chris informed me with a smile. "And, before you ask i'm thirty-two."
"How did you know I was going to ask that, old man?" I giggled, blushing, ducking my head away trying to hide my reddened cheeks.
Chris laughed loudly, "Yeah, I like my men young."
"Did I always want to be a detective?"
"Yes, you once told me, you wanted to change the stereotype from overweight police officers who ate Donuts twenty-four seven to hot young men with sculpted chest like in those porno's." He relayed.
"I did not!" I gasped outraged. I could feel my face heat up, I placed my hands over it completely embarressed.
"You did," Chris continued after he calmed down from his laughing fit. "You turned beet red after you said it, just as you are now. You tried to stuff your face in a pillow," he chuckled.
I shook my head amusingly, looking around the sterile hospital room. When I glanced back at Chris, confused at seeing the crestfallen expression on his face. I reached out placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder, and smiled tightly. "It's okay...i'm okay."
"No. Jer, it's not okay. Not for me," he murmered softly, grabbing the hand I had placed on his shoulder, and intertwining it with his larger one. "I felt as if I had lost you for the second time when I rushed into the house, you were nowhere in sight."
I squeezed his hand in mine reassuringly.
"The first time was the worst day of my life. I thought I lost you forever, then this second time just felt as if my life was over." He looked into my eyes, his bright blue ones full of sorrow. "So this right here." He squeezed my hand, I squeezed back. "This right here, you not having your memory, I can take this. This is far better then the alternative any day."
Chris placed his head against mine. I gazed into his face, his eyes closed, long thick eyelashes brushing against his cheek bones, and a small smile gracing his lips. He was gorgeous.
There was a moment of silence, before he spoke once again. "I won't give up on you. On us. If I have to start over from scratch, make you fall in love with me all over again, then so be it. I will just have to 'woo' you with my charm. Baby, I love you more than anything. I hope you believe that."
I sighed, sucking in a deep breath of air. He loved me so completely, and I knew it with every word he spoke. However, the question was, am I in love with him. This handsome, gorgeous, hunk of a man.
Was I gay?
I didn't know.
I'll admit, I was confused when it came to my husband, how I felt about him. How I wanted to feel about him.
If I knew anything as of right now, it was that there was no way I could stay away from him. He was the one who loved me, when I couldn't even love myself. He was the one who I could completely trust as my mind floated around in nothingness. And, he was the one who held me, and put the pieces of me back together when I felt shattered and broken.
He was the one I had to fight my feelings for as I tried to convince my mind that being curled up against him felt more natural than trying to convince myself otherwise.
He leaned foreward, slowly. It felt as if time slowed painfully down as I watched him advance into my personal space. I licked my lips unconciously, his eyes snapped to my lips. I stiffened as his lips began to descend apon mine.
I wasn't ready.
I didn't know what to think about this.
I jumped when a phone began to ring, sounding loud in the otherwise quiet sterile room. I sighed in relief as Chris pulled back and dug in his pocket to pull it out.
"Yeah?" Chris answered the call.
From what I heard on this side of the conversation, I couldn't understand what was going on. From Chris' expression, whatever it was couldn't be good.
When he glanced at me with those bright blue eyes of his that had dimmed considerably, I knew it had something to do with us.
When would we catch a break?