In the morning, I helped out with the cleaning up the day after the attack. Moving bodies and burning them, burying our own dead. There had been minimal damage despite all the chaos the previous night, apart from bullet holes in cars and buildings.
I saw Tara getting out of a car. "Hey, you feeling okay now?"
On the night of the attack, she had been shot by an arrow to the shoulder. Despite the doctors insistance of taking it easy, she was out with everyone else. I admired people like her, it never failed to amaze me.
"It's just a scratch." Tara said. "I'll be fine."
"What if it ain't?" My dad asked.
"Then it's my own fault." Tara replied. "He's back with them because of me."
"No, he's back with 'em 'cause that's who he is."
"We got lucky." Tara said. "Finding Maggie, Rick. It could've been different. It was for me, when I was with the Governor."
"Lovely memories." I shrugged but got nudged.
"Yeah, but you weren't one of them." Dad replied.
"But I was with them." Tara. "Your brother too."
"Uncle Merle?" I scoffed. "If he was alive he'd be happily skipping around and being Negan's lap dog."
"My brother ran the wrong way his whole life. If he were here, if I'd stuck with him when he left, we'd be Saviours too. Or some other groups just like 'em. But I'd have figured out who they were just like you did."
"Maybe that's what happened to Dwight." Tara shot back.
"Is that before or after he killed your girl?" Dad asked and I gasped quietly. "Or is that all square now?"
"Dad." I whispered harshly.
"It is." She replied seriously. "I might hate him forever, but he saved my life"
"No, he tried to kill you last night." Dad argued.
"When we were in the woods, when we were coming here, I saw him try and help us win." Tara explained.
"Yeah, I saw what I saw too." Dad answered back and walked away.
"Sorry about him.." I placed my hand on Tara's arm. "He's a bit stubborn."
"Tell me about it." She offered a small smile before leaving.
I was left alone, now that I was it had given me time to think. So I did. Long and hard. So it made me decide..
I had to read Carl's letter.
I chose to read it later that night, when it was peaceful. Nobody could walk in and interrupt. Just me and Carl.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Dear Lilia,
I used to say I 'accidentally' pulled you into the water, but now I think back to that I realised I did it on purpose. Just so I could see you smile, despite being younger back then I still loved to spend every bit with you. Even if it did mean getting distracted by a bird cloud. (It was a bird)
I always knew you knew that it wasn't accidental, but resolved or not it's one of my favourite moments.
I don't think I ever really spoke about what I did with my dad. Counting squirrels just to start a conversation is something you would say to your dad and not your female 'best friend' at the time. That's sort of something you would talk to your son about when they start to grow up. I hoped that I could do that with my son if we ever started a family, maybe you can do it for me.
I always thought about our family, I think I would come up with better conversations that squirrels though. I hope you will too if you start a new life.
I thought about death a lot, and if you died around me I would never forgive myself. The guilt of even thinking about it consumed me, there would be a thousand things spinning in my head but I wouldn't be able to say it. So, I'm sorry you had to feel that way about me.
We've seen people die, people we loved. My mom, Shane, Hershel, Dale, Beth, even Glenn and Abraham. But the thing is, we never really lost them. Even though you can't see them, they're always there. Whether that's in a gift, in your memories, even in your heart. They touched our hearts and let us know what it truly mean to love someone.
I don't want you thinking I'm gone for good, I'll always be with you. Whether you see me in Judith, that old hat, my dad, or even yourself when you look in the mirror. I may not be here physically, but I'll always be watching over you.
I have so much I wanna say that I wish to write down, but I'm running out of room on the page.
Don't lose who you are. Don't become someone you're not. Don't be sad, be strong for everyone. For Michonne, my dad, and for Judith. I don't want you to hate anyone, not even Siddiq. I helped him, made my choice, and I don't regret it. So I don't want you to either.
Look after Judith for me. Tell her stories about her brother, the adventures and special moments. Be the sister she has always wanted. Don't let her grow up without knowing who I am.
My only regret is not being able to start a family. Not being able to see our hypothetical family running around, chasing them around the lawn for our hats.
If you do, make sure baseball Fridays are a thing. Those were the best.
I'll see you again soon, when that day comes I'll be waiting. I'll save you a seat at the baseball games I always spoke about. Hopefully not for a long time though, keeping living. For me.
I love you so much. I'm sorry our goodbye had to end like this.
All my love,
Carl.
P.S
Carl Junior is a perfect name.
and I'll stand by that.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
As I finished the letter, I felt my throat closing up with emotion. I didn't bother hiding it, the end of my bed in Barrington House was isolated enough.
Sniffling sharply, lacking of composure surrounded me. Waterline started to flood, until it flooded out.
I love you so much,
I love you to. So much Carl. I'm going to miss you so much.
My eyes flooded, droplets falling down my cheek. The sour taste ended up in my mouth.
I didn't notice the door opening quietly and shutting in front of me. I hastily put the letter back into the envelope and composed myself. No one needed to see me like this.
Michonne came in, I looked up and saw that she had an empty envelope in her hand.
"Hey.." She said, and broke the silence.
"Hey." I choked out. It sounded like I was agreeing rather that greeting. "I read it.."
"Me too." She gently sat down next to me and placed her hand around my shoulders. "Do you wanna talk about it?"
I suddenly wanted to hold my breath. I felt paralysed and scared. It was like admitting my fears out loud and it would sound so so stupid, but it was probably the only thing building up inside to cause the nausea I kept feeling.
The tension came out in a scared half-laugh/sob and put my head in my hands. My face felt warmer but hands were sweaty.
Michonne didn't seem to mind though, she was patient.
"He doesn't want me to be sad.." My breath caught in my throat as my emotions clouded in my head. "But that's the only thing I can feel everytime I hear his name."..
Michonne nodded understandingly, tightening her hold on me. I wrapped my arms around her, feeling the needed pressure on my arms.
Then a scream pierced and it sounded chaotic outside, making me jump and break from Michonne.
"The fuck?!" I yelled at the noises.
Michonne took my hand and we went out the door, venturing across the hall. I wiped my face quickly to disguise the tears that once formed.
Michonne led us to Maggie who was rounding people up. "There isn't much we can do right now, make sure everyone has somewhere to sleep. Move the injured downstairs and everyone else upstairs."
"What's going on?" I asked.
"Set up a night watch, make sure everyone's okay." Maggie ordered.
Things started to get worse, we were all in Maggie's office and keeping watch out the windows. All was silent until a thud was heard.
"Did someone just..fall down the stairs?" I raised my eyes rows.
"I don't know." My dad said and pulled his knife out, going out the door.
I followed him, when we saw people sleeping outside the office, there was also a walker..
It was feasting on someone's arm, more began to appear as they followed the noise.
"What the shit!" I said as my dad killed a walker and I looked around. "Get outside! Everyone and stay alert!"
I helped herd people towards the exit, without a weapon there wasn't much I could do.
I felt something tug against my top, turning around to see a walker grabbing my jacket, rotten fingers trailing over my bandage underneath.
I pushed it away but it's grip was firm, letting go to try and bite my face. Then a knife was plunged through its head, blood splatting onto my face and jacket.
I turned to them and it was Jesus. "Thanks." I said shocked.
"No problem." He grinned but my eyes widen as I look behind him.
"Duck." I told him and he complied.
He crouched down and I grabbed his knife to launch it at the walker approaching him. The body limped and dropped next to Jesus who looked in disgust.
"Thanks." He said and I gave him the knife back.
"No problem." I grinned and high-fived him, he went back to killing more walkers while I helped others get to safety.
Not many people had any idea what had happened, as far as I was aware, nobody else had been bitten when the Saviours attacked. Everyone was seen to by Siddiq and given the all clear.
I kicked another walker in the back of the knee and it dropped down, giving me a chance to stab it in the head with a stick.
"The hell happened?" Dad asked.
"I don't know." Rick replied. "Maybe walkers got in during the fight."
"These are all our own people though." My dad pointed out and gestured to the casualties.
I looked around and wiped some blood off my cheeks, stepping over fallen bodies as I though about it. A scream was heard from upstairs which drew our attention. Rick, Maggie, dad and I ran upstairs and followed the scream to a bedroom. Carol stood in the doorway and was holding a knife while looking down at the walker she just killed.
"Tobin..?" I gasped. My head was sweaty, a line of wetness trailed along my face.
"He wasn't bit, but he turned." Carol said.
"They have us working for them again." Maggie said. "Killing our own."
"It's the fever." A man lying in the bed said. "That's what it is. It makes sense now. One of you...you're gonna have to do it. I can't. You gotta do it for me, please..please."
It then all made sense. Fluid exposure. Walker blood on their weapons, guns, bullets..knives..
I stepped out the room, a pit in my stomach. I felt fine, it could be survivable. My wound isn't that deep anyways..
We found Tara, Rosita, Enid and a few others in another bedroom down the hallway. Rick opened the door first and walked in first and everyone trailed behind, my dad stayed with Carol.
"Hey." He greeted.
"Good out there?" Rosita asked.
"House is clear." Rick replied.
"How'd this happen?" Tara asked.
"The Saviours did something to their weapons..Everyone who got injured, cut up, or shot, they got sick. Some even turned." Someone spoke up, but I didn't realise who it was. I was in deep thought about this all.
Was I gonna get sick? Turn? No..
I felt sick to my stomach. I was totally swamped by a giant wave of nausea. My chest was squeezing and pounding, it was like a hammer was banging on my insides, ropes tied together until I couldn't breathe.
My hands were dripping in moisture, as if I had dunked my hands in a bucket of water but no towel could be used to dry it off.
The air felt more cold to my sensitive skin. Feeling bitter throughout the top of my reactive body. But, my insides felt hot. Like someone was burning a furnace inside, and it couldn't be turned off.
"What?" Enid gasped. "No.."
"Okay.." Tara breathed out. "But, wait.. everyone?"
"Yeah." Maggie breathed out.
"Lilia..she got.." Tara trailed off and pointed towards my arm. Everyone turned to look at me, although I couldn't feel anyone's presence when they tried speaking.
My eyes wandered around at the muffled speach, everything was fuzzy, unfocused. My lips felt dry, cracked and my tounge couldn't taste anything but acidic flavours.
"Lilia.."
"Are you feeling okay?"
"She isn't responding.."
"I'm...f-fine." I tried mumble, but nothing came out.
I felt lightheaded, like I was floating. The floor started to sway randomly beneath me. I tried to move a step forwards but I bumped into someone behind me who caught me. There was a reeling sensation, people were crowding. I couldn't see past the bodies above me, saying muffled words.
"LILIA?" the only familiar voice asked.
dad?
Until black consumed my eyes.
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
next chapter is gonna...😱
I wanna hear your guesses on what will happen :