Bonnie Gold x Shelby! sister reader
Warnings: angsttttt, death :"(, (i like pretending that ep 5x02 didn't happen but here i am writing about it)
Request: some angst with Bonnie and shelby sis?
word count: 1.7k
You were the most well put together out of the Shelby family. At least, that's what people of Small Heath would tell everyone.
You were able to calm your siblings, especially Tommy, when they got set in a blaze of nothing but fury. You made sure to visit your older neighbours regularly and made sure they were safe and taken care of. You visited the orphanage and took the time out of your busy schedule every Friday to sit and read to all the children who admired you.
Y/N Shelby was an angel born in hell.
But if those same people who spoke those words were to see you now, you're not quite sure how they would act. You looked like a walking disaster, from the black makeup stains that lined under your eyes to the skirt you haven't had the energy to change out of for the three days. You were completely and utterly broken.
You watched as the vardo in front of you bursted into flames causing soft tears to fall down your puffed cheeks. The same vardo that you shared so many memories with him in. Your Bonnie.
You knew that your family were watching you from the corners of their eyes – you choosing to stand away from the small crowd that have come to honour your love with Bonnie's father, Aberama.
The older man had taken your hand in his, trying to anchor you both to reality before you lost yourselves in pain.
It wasn't long before you couldn't be there any longer, squeezing Aberama's hand once before turning on your heels – walking into the open field, away from the memorial.
Reaching a clearing, you sat on the edge of a small lake before letting yourself finally break. Your cries came out pained and in gasps, your hand clutching your shirt while you tried to breathe.
He was gone. Your Bonnie was gone and there was nothing you could do to bring him back.
You could still remember the moment that you had found out, you had left the campsite early that morning with Polly – despite not wanting to. But Tommy wanted the family to attend a gala he had organised now that he was politically involved, which is what you did.
You had spent the entire night glued to your brother, Finn's side – until you noticed Tommy storm towards the door to his house, pulling his gun from his waistband.
So with rushed footsteps, you pushed past all the rich snobs to catch sight of a sobbing Aberama yelling and pointing a gun towards Johnny Dogs, while your brother tried to get him to put the weapon down.
With a deep from, you had rushed towards the three men – hoping to be able to talk some sense into Aberama who had taken you under his wing as soon as he found out you were dating his son.
"What the fuck is going on?" You called out, bunching up your skirt as you made your way down the steps and onto the gravel that made the soles of your black heels turn grey.
Tommy was quick to turn to you with wide eyes, waving a hand in your direction for you to stop.
"Y/N, get inside!" He ordered, anyone else would've been smart to follow his instructions, but you ignored him.
Walking towards Aberama who was still manically waving his gun in the air, you softly grasped his hands in yours – taking the cold metal weapon from his grasp.
"What's going on, Mr Gold?" You whispered, forcing the older mans focus onto you. "Why are you pointing a gun at Johnny?"
Aberama only let out a loud sob, it was one that you had heard countless times from your siblings when your brother John had died – one that could only be expressed when you had suffered a loss so painful it felt like someone was clawing at your heart; trying to rip it out.
You instantly knew.
"No," you muttered, taking a slight step back from Aberama who kept shaking his head – you stared at him as if willing him to be wrong. "No, no, no!"
"He was the only one who knew where we were!" Aberama spat towards Johnny – the innocent man begging for someone to just believe that he hadn't given the Gold's camp away. "My son is dead!"
Those four words were the confirmation that had you crumbling into a heap on the floor. Tommy was quick to try to catch you, ultimately ending up on the ground with you as he pulled your thrashing body to his chest.
He knew the pain of losing your love all too well.
All he could do was sit and hold you, ignoring the gunshot that his wife, Lizzie, fired into the air as she yelled for everyone to get away from her home. He didn't let go even as you begged for him to – even when you tried to push him away.
He didn't let you go.
That was why Tommy was the one to follow after you as you walked away from the funeral – his heart aching when he saw his little sister in a heap of tears.
He didn't say anything as he rushed over to you, pulling your hands away from your neck – placing them above his heart so you could feel it beat.
"Y/N," he whispered, watching as you kept shaking your head. "Hey, focus on my heartbeat, eh? Focus on the beats and count."
You tried, he could tell by the little crease that formed between your eyebrows and the way you kept taking huge shaky breaths. Focusing on his heartbeat was something that he had done since you were little and lost your mother – it was a simple way to ground you, but it had never not worked before.
With a shake of your head, Tommy could tell that it wasn't working – quickly pulling you to his chest as he sat down in the wet grass with you; not giving a shit about the stains that were going to ruin his new suit.
"It hurts," you whimpered, taking your older brothers hand in your own as you focused on calming your erratic breathing. "It hurts so fucking much, Tom. I need it to stop. Please make it stop."
Tommy swore that was the moment his heart well and truly broke. You were the one person in his life that wasn't supposed to be tainted – the one person he was supposed to protect from everything bad. But here you were after losing the love of your life and he didn't know how to help you.
"It's my fault. If I hadn't gotten involved with him, he would still be here-"
"Stop," Tommy shook his head, wrapping his arms around you tighter. "It's not your fault. Believe me when I tell you. I thought it was my fault with Grace, and it almost ruined me – you saw that. Don't do this to yourself."
Silence settled over the pair of you, only the sounds of the trees rustling in the wind and the water gently running could be heard – until you spoke up.
"All I wanted was a happy ending," you whispered, afraid to speak any louder. "I had that with Bonnie. But we're poison, Tom – anyone we touch is in danger because of us. Maybe we're not supposed to ever be happy, maybe this is the price we pay for being Peaky Blinder devils."
Tommy bit his tongue at the way you spat the words your family had thrown at them all too often. But he also couldn't help but think that maybe you were right – maybe these losses were the price your family had to pay for the evil things that happened in the shadows.
"Aberama told me to give this to you," Tommy muttered into the open air, his hand reaching into the pocket of his trousers to pull out a small box. "He said that when you're ready to collect Bonnie's rings – you can. This, however, he wanted you to have now."
Your hands tentatively reached for the box, taking it out of your brothers hold before slowly opening it – letting out a cry when you caught sight of the diamond ring.
"He asked for my blessing a month ago," Tommy pressed a kiss to your forehead as you shuffled around in his lap to look at his face – a solemn look gracing his usually hard features. "The boy spent months trying to gain the fucking courage to ask you which annoyed us to our wits end. Aberama said that the day it happened he was on his way to the gala and was finally going to do it."
Your sight was clouded by an on-stream of tears, your arms wrapping around your brothers shoulders as you buried your face in the crook of his neck. Tommy let you openly cry for the future you had lost with your love. He let you seek comfort in his embrace, worried that if he let you go too soon you might succumb to the darkness just like he had.
When you had calmed down a bit, you pulled away from your brother – giving him a soft smiled before shuffling off his lap.
"Would you be able to give me a minute alone?" You softly asked, knowing that Tommy would understand.
He knew that you were overwhelmed with so much grief that it would take you a long while to finally make peace with everything that had happened – so he let you have this moment. Pressing a final kiss to the crown of your head, Tommy stood up and brushed off his suit before walking back to your family – glancing back at you every few seconds until you were out of his sight.
You were left alone, red-rimmed eyes focused on the pretty ring that you hadn't removed from the box – just staring at it.
"You should've asked," you spoke into the open air; hoping that wherever he was, he could hear you. "I would've said yes, Bon. You had nothing to worry about."
With shaky fingers, you took out the ring – holding it up so the gem met the sunlight casting pretty rainbow glows around you.
You weakly smiled, sliding the piece of jewellery onto your ring finger. "I don't know how I'm supposed to do this without you, Bon. You promised to always be here, but now you're just gone and I'm so lost without you."
You words were met with expected silence as you let out a sigh and wiped the tear tracks from your cheeks before rising to your feet. Staring out into the beautiful field in front of you, you briefly shut your eyes.
"Until we meet again, my love."
Until you meet again.