Hiring someone is the only rational option. My mother's voice is screaming in my head that showing up to a wedding with anyone but my husband is highly inappropriate, but desperate times call for desperate measures. And these are definitely desperate times.
But it's becoming increasingly obvious as I call agencies and check rates that there is no one in my price range. The two guys I've found so far who are available, inexpensive, and don't provide... additional services... are waiting in the lobby of the hotel for me to interview them.
The wide pillar near the front desk gives me a vantage point to check them out without them being able to see me.
The one nearest the door bounces his knee aggressively and checks the clock every fifteen seconds on the dot. His black hair falls into his face in a way that is at least a little bit attractive.
"I don't like this," Divya says from behind me, making me jump out of my skin and almost give away my position to the enemy.
"I don't like that you feel the need to bring a stranger to my wedding. Honestly, will you please just let me uninvite Tyrone?" She and I are now safely huddled behind the pillar, completely ignoring what are sure to be dirty looks from employees and guests alike.
"I will do no such thing. I'm an adult and I can handle myself."
"And by 'handle myself' you mean what, exactly?"
"I mean I'll find someone to come with me and I'll be perfectly amicable to my ex-lover and his new supremely amazing fiancée. Cross my heart."
"No scenes? I can't have a scene. Can I interview these guys with you?"
"Would you?" That actually sounds like a good idea. The whole point of this is to make a buffer between me and Tyrone so I can make Divya's wedding less embarrassing. Her help makes sense. Plus, I'm terrified. "I'd like that."
"Oh, thank goodness. I'm seriously getting nervous that the blond one might pass out over there. See how he's adjusting his tie all the time?" She points across the lobby to the man sweating all over the ornate wooden chair he's perched upon, still as a statue.
"Oh, no. I think anyone in my budget is going to look 'budget'."
"They do look a little nervous, but maybe once they meet you that'll change. I'm sure one of them will work out."
"One of them will have to."
Divya opens her mouth to say something and then snaps it closed again without a sound. She's obviously not about to repeat Carla's suggestion, and I'm grateful for that because it's right out of the question. Hot Bond man, Enrique, is legally my husband but I'm not about to string him along. I don't know him. I'm not doing it.
"Deep breaths," Divya reminds me, patting my left shoulder with her hand. "You got this."
"Let's go," I say, pulling my shoulders back and marching across the lobby toward the still-as-a-statue blond.
Sensing my arrival, he stands from his perch and extends a hand.
It is even sweatier than I thought it would be. "It's a pleasure." I try to force a smile as he hands me his resume.
"As you can see I have a great deal of experience off Broadway and now I'm here in Vegas. I am a certified minister in case anything goes wrong at the elopement and you need someone to step in. I'm also CPR trained and I can sing. Dancing is sufficient for a wedding unless it's Greek. I don't do Greek weddings."
"You do a lot of weddings?" Divya asks, sitting on the edge of a nearby sofa and dragging me down with her.
"No, I don't get a lot of weddings, but I've been booked to sing at a few and I step in for Julio when he needs help as the minister."
"So you have experience with weddings, then?" I have no idea what to ask in an interview for a wedding date. I'm pretty sure that sounded worse when I said it out loud than it had in my head. Which is saying something.
"I do. Yeah, I do. I'd love to just help you out with anything you need. I'll be the picture of a doting boyfriend-"
"Husband," Divya interrupts. "You'll be playing the role of her husband."
His Adam's apple visibly bobs as he gulps. "Husband?"
How is it possible he is more sweaty now than before? Surely that cannot be possible.
"Is that a problem?" Divya stands to full height and tilts her head, arms crossed as she waits for an answer.
He fumbles out some kind of answer and offers his hand. "Thank you for the opportunity."
"I'll be in touch." I try to smile, but he's racing out the door faster than you can say 'failed interview.'
And then there was one.
Black Hair spots us walking toward him and waves. "Hey! Are you Bianca?"
"Yes. I'm Bianca and this is the bride, Divya."
"Nice to meet you both," he says, shaking our hands. His heel is still tapping against the floor.
"Do you have somewhere else to be?" I ask, unable to keep my curiosity inside where it should be.
"No. Oh, no. I'm just a little nervous. This would be my first wedding date."
"You've never been to a wedding before?"
"Once. My cousin Edna got married when I was twelve."
"What do you usually do for work, then?"
"I work at a wedding chapel and casinos as an impersonator. I can do Elvis, of course, but also-"
"We don't need an impersonator, though," Divya interjects. "I'm sure you're very good at it, but-"
And then this man... This man cocks his brow and does an Elvis impersonation right here in the middle of the hotel lobby. Please tell me the earth has opened up to swallow me whole.
I would rather die than show up to my best friend's wedding with this man on my arm. You couldn't pay me enough money to show up with him.
"Thank you for your time," I say, turning on my heel and walking straight into the open door of the elevator.
Divya chases me down and stands beside me in stunned silence as the doors close between us and the worst interviews known to humanity. Well, not quite. There was that one time I interviewed for-
"Well," Divya says finally. "I guess that's a no, then."
"Those are not suitable dates for even the shadiest elopement, not to mention your actual wedding. Maybe I can just say my husband is sick."
"That would work fine until you had no buffer between you and Emiko. I'm not running interference on my wedding day."
"Dude. I never said you had to."
"Well, I know. But please just let me uninvite him. I don't want to have to deal with this. I already have enough going on with my parents and... I'm sorry, Bianca, but I really need you there and I need your head on straight. No drunken weddings."
"I can't do that again, Divya. The only reason I could do it the first time is because I wasn't married."
"At least I have that comforting thought to look forward to."
"Just, don't uninvite them, okay? I can't do that to Raj. Or to Emiko. Neither of them deserves that. I'll just... I'll figure it out."
"How?"
My phone buzzes in my pocket. Ugh. I guess there's only one way out of this. And it's a way that is wholly unkind to a man I just met. But he did marry me when I was drunk, so maybe fair is fair.
♤ ♥ ♤
Author's Note:
I'm back with another chapter and this one was fun! I can't wait for you to re-meet Bianca's husband Enrique. Hopefully he doesn't do impersonations for a living.
While you're waiting, I have another (N)ONC entry to share with you. Deathmark is written by the wonderful CeeMTaylor and I love her writing. If you're interested in paranormal fantasy to go along with your romance, you'll definitely want to check this one out. She is posting to her wattpad profile and her patreon for free!
By day, Cyprian Cavish is a powerful water mage. By night, he's a famed Ilian monster hunter, keeping the city safe from evil spirits. Cyprian has one rule: no one dies on his watch. But Cyprian's teammate, the infuriating Jael Soti, harbors a curse-one that kills him repeatedly, but won't let him stay dead.
To make matters worse, Cyprian is in love with him.
When the curse warps and threatens to kill Jael once and for all, Cyprian must find a way to trace and defeat the caster, or his time with Jael will run out.