- Dream
We get back from England, and we don't speak about anything that happened there for a month. A whole month. It's March.
Sapnap makes football captain, Quackity and George both make the team. I go to their first match, which they win, by a lot.
Spring hits like it never has before. Flowers start to peek throughout the mowed grass. The days start to drag a little longer. The skies seem to be a little more blue. The sun gleams through the freshly mopped corridors.
Classes are going amazingly, and I've applied for multiple colleges under scholarship circumstances. I'll be grateful for anything, but I can't help but picture myself at Yale, or Columbia.
To sum it up, things couldn't be better.
Life seems a little too good to be true.
***
I flex my fingers, sitting back in my chair. The pen I'd been holding rolls to the middle of the textbook I'm sat before.
"You're gonna pass" Sapnap grumbles from under the covers. "Now please, turn off the lamp and go to bed."
"You don't know that" I answer, stifling a yawn. I pick back up the pen.
"Dream if you don't pass this, then none of us will" Quackity grins, sliding his queen to knock over one of Georges knights. "You've studied more this week then all of us put together."
"You're such a dick" George sighs, rolling over onto his back when Quackity picks up the knight to flaunt in Georges face.
It's a sleepover night. It had been a study night, but now its one in the morning, and the others have retired to bed. Well, Sapnap to bed, George and Quackity to sleeping bags on top of pillows on the floor.
We have a history exam tomorrow. It's not an important one, or anything, but I still really want to do well. Why shouldn't I?
Mine and Sapnaps dorm room is strewn with copybooks, textbooks, small revision sheets and all sorts of other things. Quackity is loudly chewing on a bag of chips that occasionally, George tries to snag.
"Someone test me on the Easter Rising" I snap, turning around to face George and Quackity. I extend my hand holding the small quiz I've made up for myself.
Just when George lets out a painful sigh, and reaches to take my quiz, theres a quiet knock at the dorm door.
Quackity, George and I all exchange looks, all clueless. I push my quiz sheet into Georges hand and shuffle over to the door quietly in my socks, dodging around the piles of books in the dark room.
I pull it open an inch. A bright, small smile greets me, looking slightly surprised. Karl.
"Hi" I smile, "you okay?" He nods, still looking a little uneasy.
"Who is it?" I hear George call lowly.
We're all thinking the same thing. If we're caught in the wrong rooms at this time of the morning, we'll be in trouble.
"I- swear- to- god!" Sapnap snaps, out of nowhere. I thought he was asleep. "I have practice at six thirty tomorrow, and I'm helping coach the undergrad team tomorrow evening and at this rate, I'm not going to get a minute of sleep! Go to bed! Damn whoever's at the door, tell them that if they don't go away, I'll throttle them!"
The room fills with silence. Then, almost comedically, George lets out a small snort of laughter, causing Sapnap to launch from his bed towards George on the floor.
Quackity dives out of the way, leaving me to push the door wide open as I attempt to grapple at Sapnap to stop him from strangling George.
"I'll kill you" Sapnap screeches at George, as he tries to wrestle from my arms.
"It was funny!" George retaliates.
"Who's the guy?" Quackity asks.
"We're going to get caught" I hiss, trying to push Sapnap back into bed. "Stop laughing, George."
Sapnap, suddenly, stops trying to resist me, and sits obediently on the bed.
I turn to peek at what made him listen so suddenly, only to see that he's not facing me, he's facing the dorm door.
I turn to look, then, too. And then we're all turning to face the awkwardly stood Karl who's patiently waiting for someone to say something instead of just staring at him.
Sapnap has gone a pale shade of red. He climbs silently from the bed and slips out the door, closing it quietly behind him.
"Was that Karl?" Quackity asks, finally breaking the uneven quiet in the room. "Why is Karl here?"
"That's Karl" I answer shortly, still confused.
"Did that feel weird for you guys, too?" George asks. "It wasn't just me?"
"Wasn't just you" Quackity yawns.
I sit back down at my desk, pulling my feet up on the chair to cross my legs. George climbs from the floor, and decides to sit on the edge of my knee, kissing the side of my head.
I tap my pen against the open pages of my book. George leans his head against the side of mine. Quackitys foot taps against the empty bag of chips.
A minute passes, then five, then eight.
"What the hell is taking him so long?" Quackity asks, again, breaking the silence.
"Ten bucks they're making out" I grin.
"Twenty, but they aren't just maki-" George starts.
"Please don't finish that sentence" Quackity interrupts. Then, he adds quietly, "I'm with Dream, Sapnap doesn't have the balls t-"
A rush of light floods the room. All of us are shunned to silence. At first, Sapnap walks through the door and climbs straight back into bed. After, Karls head appears around the door.
"Sorry to interrupt whatever you guys are up to" he smiles, looking over at us. "Goodnight, for whenever you all actually go to bed."
"You weren't interrupting" George answers. "If anything, we wer-"
I jab him in the stomach. "Night, Karl."
"Yeah, night, Karl" Quackity adds. "See you around."
He flashes us all another smile, before quietly shutting the dorm door behind him, leaving us all in darkness despite my battery lamp and the few candles on my desk.
I resume back to tapping my pen, and Quackity to tapping his foot. George sits wide awake on the side of my leg, but now I can see him watching Sapnap curiously.
It's a quiet night. No rain, or wind. It makes the room feel all the more silent.
"So-" George breathes, before he's already being cut off rudely.
"Not a word" Sapnap answers. "Not, a word."
"Called it" I mumble quietly in Georges ear.
In just a moment, Quackity and George are over on Sapnaps bed, pestering him noisily about what he had been talking to Karl about.
"Never mind talking" George interrupts, as Sapnap sits up grumpily in the bed. "You were out there fa-ar too long to just be 'talking' to each other."
"Is that a bit of drool on your chin?" Quackity asks quietly, reaching out to wipe at Sapnaps chin.
"You both disgust me" Sapnap retaliates, swatting at Quackitys hand.
"Why was he here?" I ask, unable to keep myself from joining in on the fun as I shuffle to sit on the floor beside Sapnaps bed.
"Oh, not you too" he pleads. "I can deal with two, but not three."
"He seemed very happy when he got back in here, after 'talking' to you, didn't he?" I question, putting on a mock 'thinking' face.
"Is that where you've been running off too during lunch?" George asks, a hint of shock in his face. "You've been ditching us for your boyfri-"
"He is not my... boyfriend" Sapnap answers, laying back down and trying to pull his bedcovers up despite two grown teenage boys being sat on them. I can see him smiling.
"But he's something?" Quackity asks. "If you've been leaving me to third wheel with these two at lunchtime and our study sessions then he better at least be something."
Theres a short slam of silence before Sapnap utters his last words of the night.
"Yeah, he might be something."
***
I find myself sat on freezing cold bleachers with a half empty cup of coffee whilst I wait for this practice to finish.
I have my textbooks with me, but I can hardly keep my eyes open long enough to even focus on the blurry figures darting around the football field.
Sapnap and the coach are talking on the further side of the field while the rest of the boys are running laps in pairs. I'm the only one sat frozen on the sidelines.
My eyes have just begun to shut and my head has just started to droop when I hear a voice calling out to me.
My head jumps back up, my eyes focusing in on George, perching over the rail that distinguishes the line between the seats and the football field. He beckons me over to him.
I stretch a little, my neck feeling achy. Then I force myself down to where he's stood, trying to smile at him as I slump down the steps.
"Alright?" he peers, watching me as I fail to stifle a yawn. Theres small beads of sweat where the helmet has clung to his forehead.
God, him in the football gear is something I never knew I needed. The jersey, the shorts, the way his already growing hair gets messed up because of the helmet. It works for me.
I nod, leaning tiredly against the rail. He looks me up and down.
"You know, if you went back to bed now" George starts, looking down for his watch but remembering he isn't wearing it during practice. "I reckon you could get another hours sleep before classes start."
Even as the words fall out of his mouth, they sound like a dream. Sleep has never sounded so good. But I promised I'd be here.
"No point now" I rumble, trying to straighten myself up to look less tired. "Are you guys nearly done?"
"Half an hour left or so" he answers. Sapnap is stood across the pitch screaming for George to get back to laps. "I'm coming!" George hollers.
"Go" I usher him, patting his shoulder. "I'll be here, and then I'll nap later or something. Maybe I won't even need a nap, I'm not that tired."
"I feel ba-"
"I'm alright, George, really, now go. Before Sapnap drags you off by the hair" I smile, turning to retreat back up the steps to where I left my coffee.
***
What is the name of the doctrine outlined by English diplomat that formed the basis of...
My eyes scan down the page, looking for the answers to the question before I've even finished reading it. I scribble the answer. My stare finds the next question.
The North Atlantic Treaty Organization, a military alliance...
You're kidding me, right? This can't be an actual question, this is some sort of joke.
I look up to see if this seems real, and it sure as hell looks to be. George is sat in front of me, scribbling away on his page. Its a warm but dull day, and this history exam has got to be the easiest thing I've ever seen.
I write down the date. Next question.
I finish the exam in about a half an hour, despite it being three pages, not counting the long essay question.
This isn't the type of exam where you're able to just hand up your exam and leave, so I sit with my paper until the full hour is up and we're all excused to leave. I hang back whilst Quackity packs his things.
"How did you find it?" I ask him.
"I don't know, I think I did okay" he answers, shoving a book to the back of his bag. "Probably not as good as you did though, right?"
We both laugh. I'm about to reject the comment when Quackity turns around too suddenly to grab his last copybook, slipping it off the edge of the table and towards the floor closer to me.
I bend, and pick up the copy, extending it out to him. He smiles a small 'thanks,' and leans to take it back.
His hand curls around the copy, but then he stops.
He stares, intently, at the copybook.
I stare at him. "What?" I ask.
He doesn't answer, he just narrows his eyes, like he can't see something properly. I let go of the copy, but once I do, Quackity lets go of it altogether once again, sending it falling back to the floor.
Instead, he reaches and grabs my hand.
"Q!" I curl, abuptly pulling away from him.
"I'm not hitting on you" he hisses, reaching back for my hand. I don't say anything. I let him lift back up my hand. "When did you get this?" he asks, his hand curling around one of my fingers.
"When I was born?" I ask, flexing my finger. "You have them too."
He hits me on the side of the head, to which I laugh at. "What?" I ask him.
"The ring, Dream" he whispers, leaning in. "When did you get that ring?"
I stop laughing, and look down to which finger and ring he's talking to me about. Suddenly it's not so funny anymore, suddenly I don't feel like laughing.
I pull my hand back from Quackitys. He stares at me.
"It's mine" I lie.
"Don't lie" he says.
I don't know what to say. We stand in the empty, echo-y, too cold classroom. My bag has now slung off one of my shoulders. Quackitys copy still lays on the floor between us.
"It's stupid" I answer. "It's- just- you'll laugh, or something."
"No" he says, shaking his head. "I won't. I promise I won't laugh."
As the last few words fall from my mouth, Georges head peeks around the classroom door. He looks at the both of us.
"Are you guys coming?" he asks. "We need to get lunch seats."
"We'll catch up" Quackity calls, his voice sounding suddenly louder to the tone he had taken with me a moment ago. "Dreams just helping me with something."
George shrugs, then smiles, and calls a simple 'okay!' as his head pulls back behind the doorway.
Once he's gone, I drop my bag from my shoulder completely and sit on the table closest. Quackity follows behind, standing in front of me.
"George gave it to you, right?" Quackity asks. "He gave it to you in London, but you never said because you never told us anything about what happened in London."
"He did" I answer. Then, before I let any logical thinking link with my words, I say "he asked me to marry him."
Quackity, who doesn't seem to know what to, just continues to stare at me like I've said nothing new at all. It's nice, actually, and urges me to go on a little.
"After I hit his dad, for hitting him, and we left and drove two hours to his summer house in Brighton" I tell him, feeling more and more silly as the story goes on, "he made me park outside and sit in the car whilst he told me he wanted to marry me. Then he told me he loved me. Then I told him I would marry him, and he gave me the ring."
I lift up the finger Quackity had held a minute ago, wiggling it slightly. Its a simple golden ring, but right through the middle, if you look close enough, you can see a decoration of carved swirls and twists.
Quackity still hasn't moved, though his face looks to have gone a little paler.
"London was a shit-show" I sigh, dragging back my hair between my fingers. "London couldn't of been worse and you should be so happy you didn't have to-"
"You hit his dad?" Quackity spits, gawking at me like he's just now comprehending my words.
I nod. "The rings sweet though, isn't it?" I ask him, holding my hand up for him to look at.
***
Quackity makes me sit and explain the entirety of our trip after my short little outburst. From the Friday through until the Monday morning when we got home. I keep it as short and easy possible.
He asks questions, of course he does. But I make him ask them on the way towards the cafeteria, otherwise there'll be no time for him to have lunch at all.
"Why didn't you just tell us about this when you got back?" he ushers, trying to keep his voice low. "Why didn't you just say something?"
"I wanted-" I start, but then stop. "This is the part that sounds stupid."
"I won't laugh" he promises again.
I know he won't, but for some reason I still feel like an idiot when the words start to file out of my mouth.
"It felt really- real" I mumble, "it felt like something we had between us two, like an unspoken contract or something."
"A secret?" Quackity offers.
I nod. "Exactly, like something we could keep for just us" I agree. "And, I like the idea of marrying him, and stuff. I like the idea of just, being his, and him being mine, and nobody elses. It felt like as long nobody else knew, or could judge, it could be real for us."
We shove our way through the busy hallways, since its lunchtime, until we get to the cafeteria doors. Quackity pauses. So do I.
"It's still real" he answers. "It's as real as you want it to be. He asked you, you said yes, you both love each other. That's really all there is to it, in my eyes."
In these few moments, as Quackity stands before me, shrugging and uncaring that I'm talking to him about me, a boy, marrying another boy, I realize how grateful I am that I have him here.
I realize that if there had been a different person stood in front of me, the chances are, they wouldn't react how he just did. They wouldn't be as calm as he is.
They'd probably be disgusted, in the times we live in today. They would probably walk away from me, vow to never speak to me again, or maybe even start a fight.
Not everyone is Quackity.
But not everyone is like that different person. Not everyone will be ashamed to be seen with me after I've told them that I like to kiss boys, and those people are important.
People like Quackity are important. People that understand that boys kissing boys, or girls kissing girls or people just kissing other people or whoever they want isn't the end of the world.
I hope I'm around to see a time where there are more people like Quackity. People that think like Quackity.
People like Quackity, who let other people be who they are, who they are meant to be, are important. We need more people like that.
I smile at him. "Thanks, Q. Really."
He shakes his head, grinning. "Can't believe you ran off to London and came back married. That's one for the books."
He leads us through the cafeteria doors, the two of us both laughing. We're greeted, in the middle of the cafeteria, to a huge, and growing, fight.
Quackity and I edge off to the side, avoiding any violence whilst we try to spot Sapnap and George. My eyes find George before Sapnap.
He's stood close to the outside of the pack of rowdy boys. Quackity follows behind me as I slip between two or three boys to try and see what the arguments about.
"Where the hell have you been?" George shouts, shoving at me once I get close to him. "You've got to get him, I can't get in, Dream, quick, before he hurts himself."
"What?" I shout back, "who?"
"Sapnap!" he shouts. "I don't know why he did it but he got up and just went mental, and then he started hitting people and by the time I got up the crowd had got too big and it's been like this for too long now and I don't know how many of them..."
I let his words trail off behind me as I rudely shove at the shouting boys in front of us.
Once I've gotten the first few out of the way George pushes in front of me, and starts to cave his own way to the fight.
George didn't lie. Sapnap is in the middle of the group of shouting boys, punching at Punz's friend from the other day, the one that had tried to pick a row with me.
God, what the hell is with all the fighting I'm getting caught up in lately?
I grab Sapnap. One of his arms flings out of my grip, and pushes to try and get away from me, but I manage to clasp him properly after that.
"We have to go" I hush in his ear, aware of the sudden silence around us, "a teacher's bound to show up any minute now and the last thing we need is you getting into trouble."
Nothing looks to be bleeding, but his lip is starting to puff up a little. His chest is heaving, and I know if I let him go then he'll just start fighting again.
I manage to turn him around, but once I do he stamps on my foot, making my hands loosen enough for him to be able to squeeze away.
Quackity tries to reach for him, but misses by barely an inch. Sapnap flies straight for the same boy, his arm raised. The other boys start to cheer in excitement of another fight.
I push forward again, reaching to grab Sapnap. But instead, one of the other boys friends tries to grab Sapnap around the neck, in an attempt to pull him off his friend.
George isn't happy.
"Did that other guy just grab Sapnap?" he shouts.
I look at George. "No" I rush. "George, you can't, you ca-"
But he's already gone. I watch as he lurches forward, and grabs at the second boy who had been trying to double team Sapnap. Shouts grow louder, much louder.
"Aren't you going to grab him?" Quackity calls. "Shouldn't we grab them?"
I rock back and forth on my heels. Sapnap didn't cause a fight for no reason, and George is totally right in his motive.
Two against one is hardly fair, right? And George was just defending Sapnap.
I look up, and around us. Most of the faces surrounding us are ones I don't know all too well, faces you just glance at in the hallways. Then I see him, Karl. Staring down Sapnap.
"Let's give them a minute" I mumble, watching as George lays into the second boy.
Quackity looks up at me for a moment, and then scoffs, rolling his eyes.
"You're only saying that so you can stare at George" he accuses, nudging into me.
"Absolutely" I agree, not denying it. "And because Karl is stood over there practically drooling over Sap."
***
Despite the fact that Quackity and I didn't actually do anything, we're still dragged into our year heads office when the fight is finally broken up.
Sapnap escaped with just a busted lip, George, unscathed. I still haven't got to ask what the fight was even over yet.
"This is the fifth time in two months that I've had at least one of you sat in this office" our year head scalds. "You know what I like to call that?"
None of us answer. Sapnap stares glumly down at his hands.
"Unacceptable" he spits. "Thats what I like to call that. Unacceptable, disgraceful behavior."
Again, none of us say anything. Until Quackity pipes up.
"Sir?"
He looks up. "Yes?"
"Well" Quackity starts unevenly. "Well, Dream and I didn't actually do anything. I don't understand why we're here. Actually, where are the other two boys that were fighting? Why are we-"
He squeezes his temple, causing Quackity to just stop talking altogether.
"You two" our year head sighs, pointing at Sapnap and George. "Detention, for a month, and you have to report to this office every Friday for the next two weeks."
A month. That's not awful, right? It could be worse. I thought it would be much worse.
"As for you two" he says, beckoning to me and Quackity. "Just, get out of here, before I change my mind. All of you, go. Sapnap, head to the nurses and get your lip fixed. The rest of you go back to your dorms for the rest of the day, and think about what you did."
I'm first to stand. The others follow behind me, out of the office and to the field between the administration building and our dorm building.
We all walk alongside each other. The field seems longer then it's ever been, and none of us seem to want to speak first.
The air is cool, but still warm. George and Sapnap have both taken off their school jumpers, the two of them gripping them in the same right hand, looking strangely alike.
Whilst we walk, I take the small black hair tie I always have with me and pull my hair back out of my face. The swift breeze feels nice.
"Are you mad?" Sapnap asks eventually, breaking the odd silence. "I know you've been trying to be good for college, and if you want to be mad at me for messing that up then I get it and it's oka-"
"I'm not" I cut in. "I'm not mad, at either of you. In fact, I think I'm proud of you both. I have a feeling you both did the right thing."
Nobody says anything else after that. We near closer and closer to the dorms, but it's really quite deserted out now that lunch is over and everyones heading back to class.
George is walking sheepishly beside me, like he doesn't quite believe that I'm not upset with him. I pull an arm around him, and kiss the side of his hair.
***
- supermarket by carwash
"I don't know if I can fix this" George sighs, dabbing exasperatedly at Sapnaps lip. "It might need stitches and I don't know how good I feel about giving you stitches.
His lip isn't bleeding anymore, but it still looks pretty bad. Sapnap rolls his head back in a pained way. "I don't want to go to the nurse."
"You might have to" George mumbles, lifting his head back around.
"Well, let's look on the bright side" Quackity argues. "At least we got the rest of the day off."
"Thats a bright side?" I mumble.
"For literally everyone here but you" George responds, as Sapnap winces at the cold cloth. "No, look, Sap, I'm sorry but you have to go to the nur-"
The dorm door flies open, with a loud bang. My chair that I'd been swinging on connects with the floor with a loud clash, George drops the cloth he'd been holding and Quackity falls off the bed.
"Sorry!" Karl screeches, when he realizes how loud the door was. "Oh, god, I'm so sorry, this is the second time today I've barged in here, and the second time that you guys have fought for me and got in trouble over it and I just feel so bad, I really don't know how to tell you how sorry I a-"
If enough hasn't happened in the last ten seconds, Sapnap stands from his chair, and in three swift moments he crosses the room, pauses briefly, and then bends his head up slightly to kiss Karl.
Quackity sits on the floor, mouth wide open in shock. All I can do is smile, whilst George grins happily. George shuffles over to stand behind my desks chair.
"Ten bucks" I whisper to him.
***
Sapnap heads off to the nurse not long after his 'moment' with Karl. We're calling it the 'moment' and not the 'kiss' because Sapnap had glared at us all before he left in a way that made us know not to make a big deal about it.
Quackity leaves us to go and grab dinner. George and I promise to follow him down in a few minutes. About fifteen minutes ago.
"Leave dinner" I argue, his hair curled between my fingers. "Just this once, leave dinner, come on-"
"We can't" he laughs, pressing a kiss to my nose. "Whats gotten into you? I'm usually the one like this."
He's giddy, and feeling playful. He wouldn't actually mind leaving dinner, I can tell, he's only doing it to annoy me. Dickhead.
I nudge him back down onto the bed with my head, causing him to giggle again, his lips quickly finding mine as he smiles into the kiss.
We kiss for just that moment longer, with just that bit more urgency that gives me the hint that I might just get what I want, but then George pulls his head from mine, smiling.
"You're evil" I laugh, burying my head in his chest, feeling my cheeks heat. "You're evil and mean."
He chuckles, and drops one of his hands from my face to find my hand. I raise it to his, letting him find it much more easily, letting him take it and hold it.
It's still bright outside. It's bright and warm, the type of weather that makes you wish and wish it was Summer already. It's six thirty and its still bright outside. It even sounds weird to think about.
The light pushes through the window, right onto half the bed that we're currently laid on. It heats up the bed covers, and makes the right side of Georges face light up in a pretty pale yellow.
His eyes, which usually just look like his normal, lovely coffee colored eyes melt into a honey, warm chocolate-y colour, glowing brightly.
The things I'd do for him. I love him so much. So, so much. I love him. I still can't fathom that. I still can't bring myself to face the fact that I love the boy laid below me. That I'd do almost anything for him. I love him.
"Do you regret it?" he asks me suddenly.
My eyes, that had been admiring every pore and freckle on his face, look up to meet his eyes instead.
"What?" I ask.
"Do you regret it?"
"Regret what?"
"Saying yes" he says, a little quieter.
My eyes crease with confusion, searching for any hint of what might of made him think that. But he just stares right back at me, his face just looking a little upset all of a sudden.
I squeeze his hand. "No, George, absolutely not" I whisper. "It was one of the best things I ever did. Why? Do you?"
He shakes his head. "No, I don't. Not at all."
I feel his hand stroking over the ring on my finger. I bring the ring, up to my mouth, kissing it. Then I lift his hand, kissing that also.
"What made you ask that?" I ask him quietly.
He looks down at me, his hand brushing through my just washed hair. He undoes any tangles in my wet hair with his fingers, gently.
"I don't know, we just never spoke about it or anything and I couldn't tell if you were embarrassed over me, or someth-"
"Embarrassed?" I ask, sitting up. A small laugh escapes my lips. "Of you? You thought I was embarrassed of you?"
He laughs too, covering his face with his hands. I stand out of bed. "What else was I supposed to think?!" he tries to reason, standing on the bed.
Once he stands on the bed, I take my chance to grab him. He doesn't try to fight me. Instead, he curls his legs around my waist, letting me hold him up.
He looks at me. I still get that feeling in the pit of stomach. The exact same way I did when he looked at me like that for the first time. It still feels like that.
His hands push back my hair. And he kisses me, a sweet kiss. His sweet kiss.
"We have to go to dinner" I murmur against his lips. "Quackitys going to come looki-"
"I love you" he murmurs, kissing me again.
And god, am I a sucker for those three words.