ARNAV
She stared at me blankly after I finished telling her everything that Sona had told us, it seemed like she dint have any words regarding the situation, well neither of us did, no one would have thought that something like this could ever happen.
I kept on waiting for her to say something, but she was silent and I didn't know what more to say, I had put us into this mess, I was hurting her and I really wished I could do something to make her feel better.
"Say something Khushi." I cupped her face and looked at her, she looked back at me, he eyes were so red it was like she hadn't stopped crying at all. She shut them and inhaled a deep breath and dint open her eyes for a while, but when she did, tears came rolling down.
She stood up and looked away from me as if trying to hide her tears or something.
"I am sorry that such a terrible thing happened to her Arnav, I really am, even though I don't know her personally, I feel for her, no one should have to go through what she went through." She turned to look at me again, at least she was talking now, I wanted for her to say everything she had in her mind.
"When I agreed to be with you, it was because she wasn't here, if I knew she was alive I would have never put myself in between you two. You told me you liked me Arnav, and you were attracted to me and with Sona gone, I really hoped you would love me which I don't see happening now.
I don't know if she still means the same to you, I don't know if I mean anything to you, all I know right now is that I trusted you, I put all my faith in you, and just knowing that she's back scares me to death Arnav." And the tears were there again.
I stood up and rushed to her, trying to wipe off her tears, the truth was that at this point I myself dint know what I felt for either of them, I had always loved Sona, but I wasn't sure if it was still there, I was so attracted to Khushi but I wasn't sure if it meant more that attraction or not yet.
"You know I would never hurt you like this on purpose right? Please stop crying Khushi, please?" I cupped her face.
"If you would never hurt me then choose me Arnav, look here I am, standing right in front of you begging you to choose me because I love you and I can't imagine of a life without you. I know it hasn't happened for you yet, but it happened for me, a long time back and I really wanted to wait to tell you about it until you were in love with me too but I can't wait now, so this is me, saying it finally.
I love you Arnav, I have never loved anyone like this before and I've gotten so attached to you I just can't imagine having to be without you, so please, please love me?"
"Khushi?" I looked at her with my eyes wide open, this was such a big thing, I mean yes we were dating, but I thought we were in the getting to know each other process, I didn't know she was already in love with me.
Oh God! Oh God! What was I supposed to do now? I couldn't hurt her at any cost, she brought light to me when my life was dark, how could I make hers darker? But would it really be fair if I chose to be with her just because of that reason?
"Okay, listen to me Khushi, I am thrilled, I really am to know you feel that way about me, but... I can't lie to you, I'd never want to lie to you and like I told you yesterday, I like being with you, spending time with you and you make me so happy, but I am not sure what I feel towards you is love.
If you want me to be with you I will be, I won't look at Sona I won't mention her or anything but it would only be because I wouldn't want to hurt you, you made me happy when I was broken, I wouldn't ever want you to be broken like I was but you deserve to know the truth so here is my truth.
I don't know if I still feel the same about Sona, I don't know if what I feel for you would ever get more than it is now, maybe I need time to figure it all out, and I want to be with you if I know I'll be in love with you in the future or I am already in love with you and right now I really don't know.
I'll do anything you ask me to do, I promise."
"Then be with me." She said.
"Okay, I will be with you, we'll continue with everything the way it was going, is that okay with you?" I asked.
"No! I don't want you to be with me out of pity or as a favor or anything Arnav, look at you making all wrong decisions." She said angrily.
"I am just trying to do the right thing here, and I was the one that asked you out, I was the one that told you I moved on from Sona so I should do everything to make sure I make us work."
"And how will you do that? By forcing yourself to be with me? I don't know about love but you'll end up despising me and that's the last thing I want."
"Then what do you want me to do Khushi?" I looked at her in defeat. My feelings weren't in my control, if they were I would direct them a certain way, what was I supposed to do when I wasn't sure?
"Leave me alone until you're sure of what you want Arnav. If you choose me, choose me because of love otherwise don't. I'll heal my own broken heart." She seemed angry, I could get her, I could understand her anger I could understand everything she was going through right now because that's what I went through the day we were told Sona was no more.
"What now?" She looked at me bitterly while I continued staring at her blankly, it was like in a moment she had become a different person.
"Why are you being rude to me Khushi, all I'm trying to do is talk to you and get a way around this situation."
"Because I am tired Arnav, I am tired of being hurt, of feeling this way."
"You think I like to feel this way? You think I asked for this Khushi? Sona was dead for me, now she's alive it's not like I was the one that did it all, you are hurt, you are feeling the pain what about me? Do I look like I am heartless? Don't I feel any pain?
I am sorry for hurting you but do you really think I'm doing it on purpose? Do you think everything that's happening is in my control? If I could tell my heart to love you I would but it doesn't work like that and you know it too. All I am asking for is time, to clear my head, to figure things out, you don't have to be like this towards me. I haven't lied to you even once, I've always told you the truth then what are you punishing me for?"
"Neither did I do anything wrong here, but I'm being punished too aren't I?"
"You know what, you are right, I am the problem here so I'll just leave and let you be. Thank you so much for trying to understand me." I said sarcastically as I turned around and walked away from her.
Yes she was hurting, but I was hurting too, why was her pain worthy and why wasn't mine worthy enough? I came here to talk to her, to tell her what happened and she was acting like this with me, it was just so sad... I thought she would at least try to understand me, how did I become the bad person here?
Did she want me to lie to her? To give her false hopes? What did she really want me to do?
*****
As soon as I walked back into the mansion, Sona came rushing to me and held me into a tight hug, I held her back and waited for her to break it, after everything she went through, the least she deserved was a hug, from her best friend.
"Are you okay?" She asked breaking the hug.
"Yeah, just shocked about everything that happened to you."
"And I'm just glad to be back here, with mom and with you." She smiled faintly at me, I just nodded and headed to sit with everyone. Mom and Asha were busy discussing something in whispers so I just stared at them blankly.
"Where had you gone Arnav? I thought you'll be around." Sona looked at me with a pout.
"I... I went to see Khushi." I sighed, everyone looked at me sadly, yeah they all could feel sad for me but not really understand what I was feeling at the moment.
"Who is Khushi?" She asked.
"She's my girlfriend. She was here when you showed up, I don't know if you saw her or not, anyway I just went to explain things to her." I sighed.
"You have a girlfriend?" She looked at me in shock.
"Yeah I do." I nodded
"Wow, that's really great Arnav, I'm happy for you." She smiled.
"Are you really?" I looked at her seriously.
"Yeah... just a bit shocked obviously but I would have never wanted you to spend your entire life stuck to me right, I mean I wasn't dead but if I was dead I wouldn't expect you to never fall in love again. I'm glad you found someone, I really am." She looked at me with a genuine smile, but her eyes were full of pain, the same pain that was in Khushi's eyes, but you know what, I was going through the same pain too but who cared? Khushi dint seem to really care right?
"I'm sorry, I don't know what we are now..."
"Best friends, that's where we started from right? That's what we'll always be." She smiled, I nodded along, of course we were always going to be friends, the problem was who I was going to be with. Khushi was actually right, I was the problem here, she loved me, Sona loved me, both these girls were clear, I wasn't the one that wasn't clear, I didn't know if I still loved Sona, or I had actually moved on from her, maybe that's why I even gave Khushi a chance in the first place right?
"You should invite her for dinner or something, I'd really love to meet her." Sona suggested.
"She wouldn't come." I shrugged.
"Why?"
"Just... we had a fight. Anyway if you don't mind, I need to be alone for a while. If you need me I'll be in my room, otherwise everyone else is here with you okay?" I smiled at Sona who nodded, I stood up an headed into my room, locked my door and sat down on my bed.
I looked at my phone hoping maybe Khushi would have calmed down and texted me something, anything, I just wanted to hear from her but the screen was blank, I had no notifications or anything. Maybe I had been really rude to her, maybe I ended up hurting her again.
I sighed as I pressed the call button on her contact, the phone kept ringing but she wouldn't pick up, why was she being like this to me? How were we ever going to find a solution to this if she wouldn't talk to me?