The following day, Maya was up and going at 5 am after not falling asleep until close to 3 am. She was so exhausted and feeling very emotionally drained, but she forced herself to go for a run, knowing today was probably going to be very stressful and she wanted something to keep anxiety down.
She got home, getting in the shower as quickly as she could. Once she got out, she pulled on some sweats, not wanting to get her Class As dirty. She also pulled out an extra pair of clothes to wear after her inspection, tucking them into her backpack before going back to the bathroom. She then pulled out her hair dryer, getting herself ready.
As she was drying her hair, she heard the bathroom door open, looking and seeing Nora standing there with her little fingers in her mouth.
"Good morning Piccola," Maya said, a little surprised because Nora was almost never their first kid awake, "Did you sleep well?"
"Uppie," Nora said, reaching up toward her.
"I have to dry my hair first Nora," Maya said, shaking her head, "I'll pick you up when I'm done."
"Uppie," Nora said, tears filling her brown eyes, "Uppie."
"Piccola, I have to get ready to go to work," Maya said, looking at the clock and seeing it wasn't even 6:30, wondering why Nora was even awake, "Let me finish my hair and then I will pick you up."
Nora just walked over to Maya, sitting down literally on her feet, leaning against her legs as she sucked on her fingers. Maya finished her hair, pulling it up in the classic bun she had spent hours perfecting in the academy before bending down and picking up the little girl off her feet. Nora sighed, laying her head down on Maya's shoulder.
"Do you want to go lay in bed with Mamma?" Maya asked, rubbing her back.
The little girl nodded as Maya carried her into the bedroom. She hoped Nora would just go back to sleep and not wake Carina. The blonde watched as the toddler crawled over to Carina, laying down and closing her eyes. By some miracle, Carina stayed asleep and Nora seemed to be heading that way.
Maya headed out of the room, going to check on Rowan who was still asleep. Maya then went downstairs, deciding to make the girl's lunches to save Carina that hassle because Carina's appointment was at 11:30, meaning the twins would have lunch at daycare. She got a lot of their lunch made quickly before pulling out a cutting board to finish up the last few things. She cut up an apple, splitting it between the two lunch boxes before pulling out some carrots.
As Maya cut the orange vegetable into more manageable sizes for the twins, she tried to do some breathing exercises, just feeling completely overwhelmed. She must not have been paying enough attention to what she was doing and suddenly, her finger was stinging badly. She looked down, seeing she had cut the tip of her index finger. She grabbed a towel, wrapping it around her finger, applying pressure as she held it above her heart, trying to get the bleeding to stop.
She did this for about five minutes before bringing her hand down to look at the cut. It was deep, deep enough that she worried it might need a stitch. However, she didn't have time for that this morning so instead, she just held it wrapped in the towel again, hoping the bleeding would stop.
She looked at the clock, seeing it was close to 7. She needed to get moving in order to get out of the house on time. However, she couldn't do that with her hand how it was.
She went over to the cabinet where they kept the first aid supplies, pulling out some gauze and tape. She quickly wrapped her finger as best as she could before going to start breakfast for herself and her family.
She quickly threw together her usual protein smoothie, turning on the blender before going to the stove, starting a pot of oatmeal, a favorite breakfast of both the twins and Carina. She grabbed her smoothie off the blender, trying to ignore the throbbing in her finger as she took the top off the blender, putting on the lid she used for drinking.
As she was doing this, she heard little footsteps coming into the kitchen.
"Mommy," Rowan said, smiling as she walked over to her.
"Good morning Ro," Maya said, smiling at the blonde toddler, "How are you?"
"Ouchie?" Rowan said, looking at Maya's finger.
"Yeah, I got a little hurt," Maya nodded, crouching down so she was on eye level with Rowan, "But it's ok. See?"
"Bwood," Rowan said, looking at the bandage.
It was then that Maya realized there was indeed a little blood seeping through the bandage.
"Shit," Maya said, standing up before looking at Rowan, "I mean shoot."
Rowan frowned, looking at Maya as she pulled the bandage off. The cut on her finger wasn't bleeding very much, but it was still oozing just a little. As Maya tried to figure out what to do, Carina suddenly appeared in the kitchen, holding Nora in her arms.
"Buongiorno," Carina said, looking around the kitchen, seeing her wife standing there with a bloody bandage in her hand.
"Mommy ouchie," Rowan said, looking at Carina, "Bwood."
"Bambina, what happened?" Carina asked, going over to her wife.
"I nicked my finger while cutting carrots," Maya said, showing Carina, "It's fine."
"Bambina, that probably needs a stitch," Carina said, wincing when she saw how deep the cut was.
"Car, I do not have time for that this morning," Maya said, "I have an inspection and I don't have time to postpone another one. I'll be fine."
The blonde pulled away from her wife, taking the carrots that were covered in blood, throwing them away before grabbing out another cutting board and knife.
"Oh, the oatmeal," Maya said, going over to the stove, realizing it was burned, "Damn it. I mean darn it. I'm sorry Car. I was trying to get breakfast made and now it's burned and the twins' lunch isn't done and..."
"Bambina, calmati," Carina said, setting Nora down so she could give Maya her full attention, "Hey, look at me. Please calm down. It is going to be ok. I have all morning to make breakfast and lunch. Let me look at your finger and maybe I can get Andrea bring over a suture kit so I can fix this. It is all going to be ok."
Maya nodded, just letting Carina pull her into a hug.
"Sorry," Maya said, pulling back after a minute, "I don't even know what's going on with me."
"Bambina, there is a lot going on in our lives right now, and you are desperately in need of a good night's sleep," Carina said, "It is ok. Are you off tomorrow?"
"No," Maya said, shaking her head, "I have to make up the inspection at 88 and then I have to get all the reports squared away."
"Ok," Carina nodded, "Well, tonight, after the twins go to bed, we are going to lay in bed and you are going to rest. Remember what we talked about the other night? I need you to be taking care of you, or even let me take care of you, just a little, ok?"
Maya nodded, rubbing the tears that were starting to run down her cheeks, "I'm sorry."
"It's ok," Carina said, putting a hand on Maya's cheek, "I'm not mad. Thank you for everything you have been doing. I do think you need to try to get an appointment with Diane or someone else to talk about this though, ok?"
"Only if you do too," Maya said, looking at her wife.
"Deal," Carina nodded as she went to give her wife a kiss before pulling back, "Now, what time do you have to leave?"
"I need to be out the door between 8 and 8:15 at the very latest," Maya said, looking at the clock, seeing it was a little after 7.
"Ok," Carina said, "I am going to text Andrea and see if he can come over or send someone else over with a suture kit so I can fix that finger. Until then, I want you to go sit at the table, drink your smoothie, and relax, ok?"
Maya nodded, sitting down at the table.
"Mommy ouchie?" Nora said, walking over to her.
"Yes, I got hurt," Maya nodded, "But just a little bit. I'm ok."
"Uppie?" Nora said, looking at Maya.
"Come here," Maya said, scooping up the toddler with her good hand.
"Mommy sad?" Nora asked, putting her hand on Maya's cheek.
"I'm alright," Maya said, "I am feeling a little sad, but Mamma is taking good care of me and I am feeling better."
"Lobe you Mommy," Nora said, giving Maya a big hug.
"I love you too Piccola," Maya said, hugging her back.
"Andrea is coming with a suture kit in fifteen minutes," Carina said, putting down her phone, "He was just getting off shift when I texted him."
"Thank you," Maya said, "Sorry about all of this."
"Bambina, no more apologizing," Carina said, shaking her head, coming over to her wife, "It was an accident. Can I see it again?"
Maya nodded, taking off the gauze she had been holding on her finger.
"You really got it good," Carina said, glad the bleeding had at least eased up, "Does it hurt?"
"Some," Maya shrugged, "Oh, this is going to make getting my reports done take even longer."
"Maybe Andy can help you," Carina said, "Or I can help you."
"Thanks," Maya said, smiling at her wife, "I'll probably see if Andy can help me tomorrow afternoon. Oh, speaking of Andy, she is bringing dinner over tonight."
"That's very nice of her," Carina smiled, a little surprised, "Why?"
"She said she wanted to make tonight easier for us," Maya said, "And that we didn't need to worry about dinner." Carina smiled, biting her lip to keep from crying.
"Ok, Rowan, Nora, do you want some breakfast?" Carina asked, getting herself out of her head.
"Si," Rowan said, nodding.
"Do you want oatmeal?" Carina asked, looking at the stove where the pot of burn oatmeal was sitting.
Rowan nodded and so did Nora.
"Bene," Carina nodded, grabbing out another pot to cook it in.
"Sorry the first batch burned," Maya sighed, taking a sip of her smoothie.
"Bambina, it's ok," Carina said, "I have plenty of time to make more. Is there anything you need me to get for you?"
"Can you just fill my water bottle?" Maya asked, "Just my regular one, the green one."
Carina nodded, grabbing it out of the cabinet. Carina cooked breakfast for the twins while Rowan played with some blocks in the living room and Nora just sat in Maya's lap, cuddling with her while the blonde drank her smoothie. Carina had just put breakfast on the table for the twins when there was a knock at the door.
"I've got it," Maya said, getting up, "I'm sure it's Andrew."
Maya walked to the front door, opening it and finding her brother-in-law standing outside the door.
"I don't know how they let you be a firefighter," he said, shaking his head as she let him in, "You seriously cut your finger cutting carrots?"
"Yes," she grumbled, "It's not even that bad. Can you just give Carina the stuff to fix it?"
"Sure," he nodded, "Where is that sister of mine?"
"Andrea," Carina said, joining them in the entryway, "Come in. Or do you have to go?"
"I can stay," Andrew said, giving his sister a hug before all of them headed into the kitchen, "I want to see those beautiful little girls."
"'io dre," Rowan said, smiling at him as he walked into the kitchen.
"Hey Rowan," Andrew said, walking over to the table to give his nieces hugs, "Hey Nora. Are you eating some oatmeal?"
"Mommy ouchie," Nora said, looking at Andrew.
"Bwood," Rowan nodded, agreeing with her sister.
"I heard," Andrew said, "That's why I came over. To bring something to let Mamma fix Mommy's finger."
The twins nodded, going back to their oatmeal as Andrew handed the suture kit to Carina.
"Grazie," Carina said, taking everything from him, setting it on the area of the counter she had cleared off to do this, "Bambina, I am going to wash it first. This might sting a little."
Maya hissed a little as Carina wiped off her cut, biting her lip.
"Sorry," the Italian said, "I'm almost done."
"It's fine," Maya said, breathing through the pain, "It just burns."
"I'm done," Carina said, wiping a bit of blood off her wife's finger, "I am going to inject some lidocaine to get it numb. It'll probably take about ten minutes."
"And then you can stitch it fast, right?" Maya said, "Because I need to be in the car in less than half an hour and I am still not dressed."
"Si, Bambina," Carina nodded, "It will take maybe two minutes to get the stitches in. And then I am going to wrap it up so it doesn't get infected."
"Ok," Maya nodded, wincing as Carina injected the lidocaine into her finger, hissing a little.
"Sorry," Carina said, "Just one more pinch."
"Mommy otay?" Rowan said looking over at them.
"I'm ok," Maya said, putting on a brave face as she looked at her daughter, "Mamma is just giving me some shots to make my finger hurt less."
Rowan nodded, going back to her conversation with her sister and uncle.
"Ok," Carina said, "Now, ten minutes and that should be nice and numb."
"Can I go brush my teeth?" Maya asked, glancing at the clock.
"Si," Carina nodded, "Of course. Do you need any help?"
"No," Maya said, shaking her head, "It's on my left hand so I'm good."
"Va bene," Carina nodded as Maya disappeared upstairs.
"Are you guys ok?" Andrew asked, looking over at his sister.
"Si," Carina nodded, "I just have my appointment this afternoon and I think we are both a little on edge."
"Ok," Andrew nodded, "Do you want me to take these two crazies tonight? Give you and Maya some time alone? You both look completely drained."
"Um, let me talk to Maya," Carina said, "But maybe."
"Just let me know," Andrew said, "I love getting to spend time with them."
"Can I get you some café?" Carina asked, "Or some breakfast?"
"'io eat totemeal?" Nora asked, looking at him.
"If you have extra oatmeal, I will take some," Andrew said, "But if it was going to be yours, I am good."
"I have extra oatmeal," Carina said, having made some for herself but not feeling much like eating it now that it was made, "Do you want anything in it?"
"Just some maple syrup," Andrew said, "I can get it."
"I've got it," Carina said, shaking her head, "Coffee too?"
"No," Andrew said, "I am going to go home and sleep after this and if I have caffeine, I won't. Thanks though."
Carina gave Andrew the oatmeal before going back to finish making the twins' lunch. Once she got carrots cut without blood, she popped their lunch boxes back into the fridge.
"Mamma, dwink?" Rowan asked.
"Oh, si," Carina nodded, "Scusi. I forgot to get you milk."
She quickly poured two sippy cups of milk, giving them to the twins. Once she was done, she realized it was about time to give Maya her stitches. She was about to go upstairs and get her wife when she heard footsteps coming down the stairs.
"I was just coming to find you," Carina said as Maya walked into the kitchen dressed in a white tank top and her class A pants.
"Let's get this over with," Maya said, putting her hand down.
"Is it numb?" Carina asked as she pulled on some gloves before touching Maya's finger.
"I can't feel a thing," Maya said, shrugging.
"Me see?" Rowan asked, having finished her breakfast.
"Not right now Patatina," Carina said, shaking her head as she pulled out the needle to stitch Maya's finger, "I will show you when I am all done."
"Me see," Rowan said, grabbing onto Maya's leg.
"I can pick her up," Andrew said, getting up.
"Ok," Carina said hesitantly.
"Are you sure she should see this?" Maya asked, looking at her wife.
"It is fine," Carina shrugged, "She wants to see. There is nothing wrong with it."
"If she wants to get down, I'll let her down," Andrew said, holding the little blonde in his arms.
"Ok," Carina said, "Here we go."
Quickly, Carina threw two stitches into Maya's finger, realizing one was not going to be enough.
"Mommy all bedda?" Rowan asked, looking at Maya.
"Yep," Maya nodded, "Mamma fixed my finger."
"Me see," Rowan said, reaching for Maya's finger.
"Don't touch," Maya said, showing Rowan her finger as Carina pulled the gauze out.
"Me see too," Nora said, coming over to them.
"Ok," Maya said, bending down and showing Nora her finger.
"Ouchie?" Nora said, looking at Maya's finger.
"Just a little," Maya said, "Now, I need to let Mamma finish fixing it."
"Uppie," Nora said, reaching up to Maya.
"Come here," Andrew said, picking her up, "Now you can both see what is happening to Mommy."
"Alright Bambina," Carina said, taking Maya's hand, wrapping the top of her finger in some gauze, securing it with a little tape, "Good. Now, don't get that wet."
"Thank you Car," Maya said, leaning over and giving her a kiss, "Now, I need to go finish getting ready."
"Do you need help?" Carina asked, cleaning up the suture kit, knowing she would need to take it to the hospital to properly dispose of the sharps.
"No," Maya said, shaking her head, "Thank you."
The blonde went upstairs putting on her shirt, finding the buttons much harder than she wanted, struggling to get any of them done. She gave up on her shirt for the time being, pulling on her shoes instead. She managed to get those on with any problems before turning back to her shirt. Just as she was struggling with her buttons, Carina walked in, seeing what was happening.
"Come here Bambina," Carina said, walking toward her wife, quickly buttoning her shirt, "It's a little weird to be doing up the buttons on this shirt instead of undoing them."
Maya smiled at her, shaking her head a little.
"Andrea offered to take the twins tonight," Carina said as she picked up Maya's tie, happy that she had learned to tie a tie in order to help her dad when she was growing up, "And I told him I would ask you, but I think it is a good idea. We both could use a night in alone. But if you don't want to, we don't have to."
"No, I think it's a good idea," Maya said as Carina finished tying the tie before smoothing down Maya's collar, "Thank you."
"Of course," Carina nodded, caressing Maya's face, "Now, is there anything else?"
"No," Maya said, grabbing her cap and jacket, "I need to get going."
"Ok," Carina nodded, handing her wife her backpack, "I will see you in a few hours?"
"I promise I won't be late today," Maya nodded as they walked down the stairs, "I will probably talk to Jack about what's going on just so he knows, but I will be there on time today."
"Don't stress about it Bambina," Carina said as they walked into the kitchen, "I know you will be there when you can."
"I will be there," Maya said firmly as she walked over to where Andrew was sitting with the twins.
"Mommy," Rowan said, reaching for her.
"I have to go to work now," Maya said, scooping her into her arms, kissing her cheek, "And Zio Andrea is going to take you for a sleepover tonight."
Andrew glanced over at his sister when he heard this, nodding at her.
"Lub you Mommy," Rowan said, giving her a kiss.
"I love you too," Maya said, squeezing her tightly before handing her back to Andrew before taking Nora, saying her goodbyes with her as well.
"Thank you so much for everything Andrew," she said, handing Nora back to him.
"Of course," Andrew nodded, smiling at her, "Whatever and whenever you need me."
After one more hug and kiss for her wife, Maya headed out the door, leaving Andrew, Carina, and the twins in the kitchen.
"Do you need help getting them ready?" Andrew asked, looking at his sister.
"No," Carina said, shaking her head, "I have plenty of time to get them ready. Though if you have time, I can go pack an overnight bag for them so I don't have to remember to bring it later."
"Of course," Andrew nodded, "And I can just pick them up straight from daycare if you want."
"That would be very helpful," Carina nodded, "I can leave their car seats for you. Give me like 10 minutes to go pack their bag?"
"Of course," Andrew nodded, "Maybe these two can show me their toys?"
"Pway," Rowan nodded, scooting off Andrew's lap, Nora following closely behind.
"Alright," Carina nodded, heading up the stairs, "I'll be quick."
Carina went upstairs, pulling out a bag and packing some pajamas, clothes, and diapers in the bag along with an extra set of toothbrushes and some shampoo. Andrew had a guest room with a bed that he would take the mattress off and put on the floor so the twins could sleep on it safely. She doubled checked everything before heading back downstairs, finding Rowan and Nora feeding Andrew from their fake kitchen.
"Alright Bambine," Carina said as she walked into the room, "Zio Andrea has to go home so he can take a nap."
"No," Rowan said, shaking her head, grabbing Andrew's hand, "Pway."
"I have to go," Andrew said, looking at his niece, "But guess what? You two are going to come spend the night with me tonight so I will see you after daycare, ok?"
"Pway," Rowan said, lip sticking out.
"We will play later, ok?" Andrew said, standing up, picking both girls up as he did so, "I love you both very much and I will see you very soon, ok?"
Both girls gave him a big hug before he set them down and they went back to their toys.
"Thank you so much for being willing to take them," Carina said, handing him the bag for the twins, "And if they give you any problems, just call and we can come get them."
"We will be just fine," Andrew said, giving his sister a hug, "You and Maya need a rest. I'll have them call you before bed?"
"That would be great," Carina nodded, opening the door for Andrew, "Grazie Andrea."
"Ciao Carina," Andrew said, heading out before Carina closed the door, going to find the twins. She played with them for a while before taking them upstairs to get ready for the day.
"Ok," she said once she got them dressed and got their hair done and teeth brushed, "I need to go get ready now so come play in Mommy and my room, ok?"
"Otay," Rowan nodded as Nora reached for Carina to pick her up.
"Come on," Carina said, scooping up the toddler as Rowan ran down the hall.
Nora held on when Carina tried to put her down.
"Mamma uppie," Nora said, shaking her head.
"Ok," Carina said, not having the energy to fight with Nora on this, "But I have to get ready so I cannot just hold you."
Nora nodded as Carina carried her into the bathroom, Rowan sitting down on the floor with some books in the bedroom. Carina got ready pretty quickly, deciding to put her hair in a braid because she hadn't washed it in more days than she could remember. She kept checking on Rowan because after the lotion debacle the day before, she was paranoid that the toddler was going to get into something. Luckily, she was happy just reading her books, Nora eventually joining her.
Once she was ready, Carina glanced at the clock, seeing it was already close to 11.
"Alright," Carina said, "It's time to go. Ready?"
Both girls nodded, heading downstairs. Carina made sure she had everything the girls would need for daycare and going to Andrew's. Once she was sure she had everything and got the twins loaded in the car, she headed toward the hospital, trying desperately not to panic about what she was going to do.
Somehow, she managed to get both girls in the stroller without any meltdown which almost made her cry for some reason today, remembering to pull the car seats out of her car, carefully balancing them with her hands on the stroller.
She dropped them off at daycare before heading up to her office to wait for her wife. However, as she went to put her key in the lock, she noticed it was already unlocked. She could have sworn she had locked it the night before, but it had been such a long day that maybe she had forgotten. She opened the door, almost jumping when she saw her wife sitting on the couch, a cup from a local smoothie place sitting on the table.
"Bambina, how are you already here?" Carina asked, looking confused.
"I got through the inspection pretty fast this morning," Maya shrugged, "I knew I couldn't be late today. I also stopped at Vital Smoothies and grabbed you a smoothie because I know you haven't really felt much like eating lately, but you need so put something in your body. I got the strawberry lemon one you like."
"Thank you," Carina smiled, walking over to her.
"Of course," Maya said, wrapping her arms around her wife, "I know I didn't make this morning easy for you and I wanted to do something to make up for it."
"You did not have to do this," Carina said, "But thank you. Now, would you like some help with the buttons on your uniform?"
"Yes please," Maya nodded, looking at her finger which was still wrapped in gauze, "How long do I need the gauze for?"
"Maybe just until tomorrow," Carina said as she undid Maya's tie, "Just to give it a chance to start healing."
"Well, then I am going to need help again tomorrow morning," Maya sighed as Carina worked quickly through the buttons, "I have inspection at 88 tomorrow."
Carina hummed in acknowledgment, kissing Maya's cheek before allowing the blonde to take off her own clothes, Carina handing her her other clothes which thankfully lacked buttons.
"Ok," Maya said, picking up the smoothie and handing it to her wife, "Ready?"
"Not really," Carina said, rubbing her eyes, "But it must be done."
"How long is this supposed to be?" Maya asked, slipping her hand into the Italian's.
"I think they are usually about an hour," Carina said, "Maybe two. I occasionally come in to help consult for the surgeries for cancer patients if the case is complex and they need an extra set of hands, but usually, it will just be Melissa Cho. She is double board certified in oncology and OB. She is the best there is."
"If she works here, she has to be," Maya said, "They only hire the best."
Carina smiled thinly at her as Maya squeezed her hand. They arrived at Dr. Cho's office, the younger woman inviting them in.
"Alright," Dr. Cho said, "You guys can take a seat on my couch. I know we went over some of our plan for your treatment the other day, but today, I just wanted to go over more specifics and answer any questions you might have."
"Ok," Carina nodded, holding on tightly to Maya's hand.
"I also set up a consult with the therapist the oncology department has who specializes in helping people who are going through cancer treatments of any kind. It is something I try to do for all my patients at some point during the planning stages of treatment. Is that ok?"
"It's more than ok," Carina said, looking at her wife who was nodding.
"Are we both allowed to talk to her?" Maya asked, not totally sure what the rules were.
"Of course," Dr. Cho nodded, "This meeting, all of it, is for both of you to get your questions answered and help alleviate as much worry as possible."
Carina looked at Maya, giving her a small nod as if to reassure her that she was just as much a part of this.
"Ok," Dr. Cho said, "Now, I know we talked about surgery on the 15th, is that still going to work for both of you?"
"Si," Carina nodded, "We both already talked to our bosses and got the time off."
"How long is Carina going to have to stay in the hospital after her surgery?" Maya asked, knowing her wife probably knew all these answers but she had been waiting to ask the doctor so she didn't just bombard Carina with them all the time.
"We typically say 2-3 days," Dr. Cho said, "It all depends on how things go and how much pain Carina is having."
"Am I allowed to stay with her?" Maya asked, hating the idea of her wife being in the hospital without her.
"No Bambina," Carina said, shaking her head, "No, you need to try to keep everything as normal as possible for the twins while I am in the hospital."
"We have plenty of people who will watch them," Maya protested.
"No," Carina said firmly, "No, I need you to be with them. While I am inpatient, I have nurses to take care of me, but at home, I will need you so I think it would be better if you went home with the twins while I am here and then maybe we let people take them my first few days at home?"
"We can talk about it later," Maya said, not liking the idea of leaving her wife in the hospital at all.
"And remember, Carina, post-op, you won't be able to live anything over 5 pounds for at least six weeks, though I normally like to have people wait eight weeks just to make sure everything is healed," Dr. Cho said, "So anyway, the 15th, surgery. You know how it goes. Someone will call you on the 13th and let you know about timing, but normally, I like to do my scheduled procedures first thing in the morning. The surgery normally takes about two-ish hours. Maya, you are welcome to stay with Carina until she is taken into the OR and then we will keep you updated the entire time."
"What exactly is happening during the surgery?" Maya asked, biting her lip, "Cause I was reading online that if you take the ovaries, it will cause her to go into menopause right away and I just want to be prepared."
"So, originally, I was going to take them," Dr. Cho said, "But I reviewed everything and I don't think there is any reason to take the ovaries. The cancer is in the cervix and there is no evidence of spread. The plan is to take the uterus, cervix, a few lymph nodes, and the upper part of the vagina."
"Thank god," Carina let out a breath she didn't even realize she had been holding, wiping tears from her eyes, "I was not looking forward to that."
"You know we try to preserve at least one ovary whenever possible," Dr. Cho said, "And then recovery, Carina, as you know, you will probably have some bleeding, bloating, and pain for the first few days. And then you will probably have some achiness for a while while you heal. No working out or strenuous physical or sexual activities for six weeks."
"That's so long," Carina groaned, knowing that was the rule but not enjoying hearing it.
"Babe, we have to get you better," Maya said, squeezing her hand, "We survived longer than that when the twins were born."
"I guess," Carina nodded, smiling a little at Maya before looking back at her doctor, "What is your recommendation for me coming back to work. I know I usually tell patients two weeks?"
"I want to see you for a post-op visit two weeks out and we will decide from there," Dr. Cho said, "Obviously you will need to be on modified duty because I don't want you on your feet in the OR for hours on end and you can't lift anything heavy so how would you feel about just doing office visits until you are completely healed from surgery?"
"That was exactly what I was thinking," Carina nodded.
"Good," Dr. Cho said, "Now for radiation, I am thinking 8 weeks with treatment 5 days a week."
"I was wondering if I would be able to schedule them on my lunch breaks?" Carina asked.
"That could be arranged," Dr. Cho nodded.
"Is that safe?" Maya asked, "Or a good idea? Isn't the treatment pretty intense?"
"I can be," Dr. Cho nodded, "A lot of people will do them on their lunch breaks or after work or during other breaks. But Carina, I will say you can do that, but I also expect that you will listen to your body and take breaks and rest when you need to. A lot of people don't really feel too much for the first week or few weeks, but eventually, it will start to take its toll and when that happens, you cannot just push through it."
"I'll make sure she isn't pushing too hard," Maya said, looking between her wife and the doctor, "I was reading about the side effects, and some of them sound scary."
"Well, most of the time, the effects are unpleasant," Dr. Cho said, "And occasionally, they can cause some serious issues, but the most common things we see with this particular radiation treatment regimen is some skin changes on the abdomen, some vaginal changes, an upset stomach and diarrhea, potentially some bladder issues, nausea, and vomiting, and the big one is the fatigue. Pretty much every person who has radiation treatment deals with pretty bad fatigue at least some point during treatment. We will also be monitoring your blood counts at least once a week to keep track of your blood counts because this can make your blood levels drop. These side effects can begin any time during treatment and usually all resolve after within a few weeks of the end of treatment. There can be some long-term effects like permanent bladder, bowel, or vaginal changes. Those are not very common, but we will address them if they come."
"That sounds like a lot," Maya said, voicing what both of them were feeling in that moment.
"It can be," Dr. Cho nodded, handing Carina a tissue for the tears running down her cheeks, "But we will tackle it one day at a time. The first step is getting you through surgery. How are you both doing? I know this is a lot to go through."
"I don't know," Maya said, trying hard to be strong for her wife who was sitting next to her, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"I will give you guys some papers on what we talked about, what to expect, how to plan for everything," Dr. Cho said, "And also, Carina, I know you have it, but Maya, this is my personal cell phone number. You can call or text me if anything comes up from a question to a side effect to just needing more information."
"Thanks," Maya said, taking the folder filled with papers along with the sticky note with Dr. Cho's number on it.
"Is there anything else I can answer for you right now, either of you?" Dr. Cho asked.
"I can't think of anything right now," Maya said, looking at her wife.
"No," Carina said, "Not right now."
"Ok," Dr. Cho said, "Well, I am going to go grab Dr. Beth Hendrickson who is our psychiatrist. Like I said, it's just a consult and you can choose if you want to see her more than just today or not. It's just something that has been shown to be extremely helpful in helping individuals and families cope with cancer diagnosis, treatment, and recovery."
"Can we meet with her in my office?" Carina asked, "I don't want to invade your space."
"You are welcome to do that," Dr. Cho nodded, "I had planned to go work in the attending's longue so you can stay here if you like, but if you would be more comfortable in your office, that is also fine."
"Let's go to my office," Carina said, knowing both of them felt much safer and calmer in her office.
"Alright," Dr. Cho said, "I will go let Dr. Hendrickson know. I will meet you there once she is done to answer anything that comes up."
"Thank you Dr. Cho," Maya said as they stood, heading back to Carina's office.
"How are you feeling about the plan?" Maya asked as they sat down on Carina's couch, the Italian curling her feet under her, cuddling close to her wife.
"Overwhelmed," Carina said, "But I also knew it was coming. I have been parts of those meetings, have told my patients those things, but hearing that it is going to happen to me...I don't know. It feels...scary. How are you feeling?"
"I don't know," Maya said honestly, "I...I feel overwhelmed too and terrified for you and also I hate all of it and I just want to take you and the twins and run as far away as possible and keep you all safe forever which I know is stupid."
"It's not stupid," Carina assured her, "I feel the same way. I don't want the three of you to have to watch me go through this treatment, but I want to be able to grow old with you and to watch the twins grow up and doing this is the only way I will be able to do that."
"I know," Maya said, wiping a tear from Carina's cheek, "But we will get through this together. We will be there for you through all of it."
They just sat there together in a comfortable silence until there was a knock at the door.
"Come in," Maya said, not wanting to move or make her wife move.
"Hello," an older woman said, coming in, "I'm Dr. Beth Hendrickson. You can call me Beth if you want."
"Hi," Carina said, moving a little so she was sitting more upright, "I am Dr. Carina Bishop-Deluca and this is my wife, Battalion Chief Maya Bishop-Deluca."
"But please call us Maya and Carina," Maya said as they both shook Beth's hand before the psychiatrist sat down.
"Nice to meet you both," Beth said, "Sorry it is under these circumstances. Carina, I have seen your medical chart and talked about it a little with Dr. Cho and she talked to me about your treatment plan. What part are you worried about the most?"
"Um, probably the permanency of the hysterectomy," Carina said, "And having my wife and daughters have to watch me go through this. And not being able to pick up my babies for two months."
"How old are your kids?" Beth asked.
"They turned two last month," Carina said, "Twin girls, Nora and Rowan."
"I can understand why you are worried," Beth said, nodding, "Were you planning on having more kids?"
"We still are," Maya piped in, "We still have some embryos frozen and I decided I would take a turn being the pregnant one."
"Carina, how do you feel about that?" Beth asked, looking at the Italian.
"Um...I am grateful that Maya is so willing to do that," the Italian said, "But...I loved carrying our girls and the thought of not doing that ever again is hard. It feels like my body is failing me at doing something women's bodies have done naturally forever."
"That is a very common thing that people with cancer feel," Beth said, "That their body has somehow failed them so know you are not alone in that, but also know that there is no failing happening when a person gets cancer. It just is. I know you know that. Your body is about to do amazing things for you as you fight this."
Carina nodded, wiping at her eyes as Maya held her tightly.
"Maya, how do you feel about all of this?" Beth asked, "What worries you?"
The blonde bit her lip, not really wanting to talk about this in front of her wife, looking everywhere but at the therapist.
"Bambina?" Carina said, looking at her wife.
"I don't want to talk about this," Maya said, shaking her head.
"You don't have to," Beth said, "But I think it would help."
"I scared of losing her, ok?" Maya said, biting her lip hard after she said it, "I can't imagine losing my wife."
"Oh Bambina," Carina said, moving their position so she could hug her wife.
"I know the chances of this being the thing that makes me lose you are so small," Maya said, trying not to sob, "But it still scares me."
"Maya, that is a very real thing to be afraid of," Beth said, "And I know that Carina's odds of getting through this are incredibly high, but it is ok to still be afraid. Cancer is scary for everyone involved. Have you told Carina how you were feeling?"
"No," Maya said, shaking her head, "I talked to my friends about it yesterday though."
"It's good you are talking to someone about it," Beth nodded, "Carina, how does it make you feel to hear Maya's fears?"
"I'm sorry you are feeling like that Bambina," Carina said, "But you can tell me things like that. I have thought about it too, believe me. I promise you right now that I will do everything in my power to be here for you and the girls for a very very long time."
"I know," Maya said, hugging her wife, "I know. It's just so terrifying and you don't deserve this."
"No one deserves this," Carina said quietly, kissing her cheek.
"This is very good," Beth said after a few minutes, "The fact that the two of you are talking about hard things is excellent. And Maya, you said you talked to your friends too?"
"We talked to a lot of our friends yesterday," Maya said, nodding, "And our brothers too."
"And how did they all take it?" Beth asked.
"They were all very supportive," Carina said, wiping her eyes, "They all offered to help and said they would be there for both of us."
"Good," Beth said, "That is really good. Lean on them as much as you can. You are not going to be able to do this just the two of you, especially with two young toddlers. Let other people help you. And keep leaning on each other too. It will be important as you move forward."
Both of them nodded, grabbing tissues off the table.
"I want to also encourage both of you to start journaling," Beth said, "Just to get your thoughts about what's going on out and help you process them. I think it will help. You don't have to share them, but you can if you want to. And I can give you some support groups you can go to also, if that's something you would be interested in. There are ones for people with cancer, ones for people who have loved ones with cancer, and ones you both could go to together. Some people really enjoy them and some people don't."
"Grazie," Carina nodded.
"Do you guys have anything else you want to talk about?" Beth asked, looking between them.
"No," Maya said, shaking her head, "Car, do you?"
"No," the Italian said, "But maybe, could I have your card?"
"Of course," Beth nodded, handing Carina the piece of paper, "Feel free to call any time, either of you, ok?"
"Thank you," Maya nodded, trying her hardest to smile at the psychiatrist.
"Good luck with everything," Beth said, "And like I said, any time you need to talk, just let me know. I'll go let Dr. Cho know you are ready for her."
Beth left, leaving Maya and Carina alone.
"I'm sorry I am putting you through this," Carina said quietly, not looking at her wife.
"No," Maya said firmly, "No more apologizing for that, ok? It is not your fault and I do not want you to feel guilty about it. Got it?"
The Italian nodded, trying not to start crying again. They just sat there with each other until Dr. Cho came back in.
"Alright," she said, sitting down in one of the chairs, "So I just wanted to touch base, see if you had any more questions?"
"I don't," Carina said, shaking her head.
"I can't think of anything right now," Maya said, "I'm sure at about 3 am, I will think of something."
"Well, if anything comes up, text or email me," Dr. Cho said, "If not, I will make sure you get the information about surgery. We've got you through this whole thing, ok? Is there any particular nurse you would like to have working on the day of your surgery?"
"Can you see if Rosalie is available?" Carina asked, "She always impresses me with how she handles my hysterectomy patients. But really, everyone is great. I love all our nurses."
"Does everyone know you are about to be one of our patients?" Dr. Cho asked.
"I have told some people," Carina said, "But not many. I just don't know how. They will all find out when I have surgery."
"I get it," Dr. Cho nodded, "Do I have your permission to let people know what is going on with you if they ask?"
"Si," Carina nodded, "I would actually really appreciate that. This is still very overwhelming to talk about."
"Alright," Dr. Cho nodded, making a quick note in Carina's chart, "Now, unless you have any other questions, I would say you two should go home and get some rest before you have to pick up your kiddos if you can. Today was a lot."
"Andrea is actually taking the twins for us tonight," Carina said as all three of them stood up.
"That's great," Dr. Cho said, "I'm glad you guys have people to lean on right now. That is so critical when you are going through something like this."
"We are pretty lucky when it comes to that," Maya nodded, squeezing Carina's hand, "Thank you for everything today."
"Of course," Dr. Cho nodded, "I will be in touch. See you both in a few days if not sooner."
"Do you need to do anything else?" Maya asked, looking at her wife, "Or are you ready to go home?"
"I'm ready," Carina said, already feeling incredibly emotionally drained and feeling the bone deep exhaustion setting in, "Let's go home."
They walked out of the hospital together, luckily not running into anyone, slipping quietly into their car. When they got home, they both headed up to their bedroom.
"I need to text Andy," Maya said as they both slipped out of their clothes and into pajamas, "She's going to bring dinner by if that's ok."
"Si," Carina nodded, "Not having to cook tonight sounds perfect actually."
"Ok," Maya nodded, looking at the clock and seeing it was after 3, texting her friend, telling her that they were home and she could come by whenever.
"Come here Bambina," Carina said from her place in bed as the blonde put down her phone.
"I should be holding you," Maya said, climbing into bed.
"No," Carina said, shaking her head, "No, you have been spending all your time since my diagnosis making sure I am being taken care of. Now, it is my turn. Come here. I love you so much, and just like you always tell me, I am going to do every single thing in my power to come home to you forever, ok?"
Maya nodded a little, feeling the tears filling her eyes quickly.
"Just let it out," Carina said as sobs started to rack her wife's body, "I've got you. I am right here."
Maya curled into her wife's arms, clinging to her tightly. It took a good half an hour, but eventually, the sobs settled, Carina just gently rubbing Maya's back. The two of them just laid in bed, holding each other as they drifted in and out of sleep.
About an hour later, Maya's phone buzzed, Andy letting her know she was outside with food, asking if Maya wanted her to just leave it. The blonde told her friend she would be right there, carefully pulling away from her wife as she headed downstairs.
"Were you sleeping?" Andy asked as Maya opened the front door in her pajamas, looking rough.
"Not really," Maya shrugged, "Kinda. I haven't really been sleeping very well since everything, but Carina has insisted on an afternoon/evening in bed and resting tonight."
"Where are the twins?" Andy asked as she carried the food into the house, "And what happened to your hand?"
"Andrew has the girls tonight," Maya said, helping Andy put the food in the fridge, "And I sliced my finger while making the girls' lunch this morning. Andrew brought over a suture kit and Carina gave me two stitches."
"Oh Mai," Andy said, "You guys can't catch a break. I'm glad Andrew took the twins so you two can get a little bit of a break. Is there anything else I can do?"
"You brought dinner," Maya said, "That's more than enough. Thank you."
"It's really no problem," Andy shrugged, "And actually, I talked to Amelia and we came up with a meal schedule to have someone ready to bring you guys a meal every night for three weeks after Carina's surgery. We also know that you probably won't need that much food, so all you have to do if you don't need food is text me or Amelia and we will take care of the rest. We can have people drop meals off just on the porch at a specific time so you don't have to see them if you don't have the time or energy for that."
"Thank you Andy," Maya said, feeling more tears to fill her eyes, something she was very over at this point, "You guys did not have to do that."
"It takes a village," Andy said, shrugging, "And we are your village. We can also arrange childcare for you guys if you want/need that. All you have to do is say the word."
"I don't even know how to thank you Andy," Maya said, looking at her friend.
Just then, they both heard footsteps and a sleepy looking Carina walked into the kitchen.
"Ciao Andy," Carina said, walking over to the two of them, leaning a little on her wife.
"Hey Carina," Andy said, offering a small smile, "I am so sorry about what is going on."
"Grazie," Carina said, rubbing her tired eyes, "And thank you also for dinner. It really means a lot."
"Andy and Amelia also put together an entire meal train for the three weeks after your surgery," Maya said, looking at her wife.
"I...Thank you," Carina said, trying hard not to cry.
"Like I told Maya, it's not a big deal," Andy said, "We've all got you guys. We are a family, and that is what family does. Now, you two both look like you need some rest so let me get out of your hair. For dinner, it's just tortilla soup so it just needs to be heated up and then there are toppings in the smaller containers, a salad, and Luca insisted we make cookies while Ronnie had her nap so those are what's under the tinfoil on the plate."
"Thank you so much Andy," Maya said as they walked toward the door, "Oh, also, is there any way you would be able to help me transcribe my notes for 42 and 88's inspections over the next couple days? With these stitches..."
"Of course," Andy nodded, "I can come to the station tomorrow after your inspection at 42? Robert has been trying to spend more time with the kids so this will give him the perfect opportunity."
"Thank Andy," Maya said, "I'll text you."
"And thank you for dinner," Carina said, "And everything else."
"No problem," Andy said, "Bye guys."
Maya closed the door, leaning heavily on it when she did.
"How about we go heat up some soup because neither of us have eaten much today and then go take a bath?" Carina said, brushing a piece of hair off her wife's face, "We can wrap your hand in something to keep it dry."
"I think that sounds perfect," Maya nodded, leaning closer to her wife, pressing a kiss to her lips, both of them trying hard to just be in that exact moment and not think about what was to come.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What did you think? This chapter was about 9,000 words, but there was just no way to cut it. Also, sorry it has been so long. I had an extremely stressful week of school two weeks ago and then I have been on spring break and spending time with a few friends which I never get to do. I'm hoping to be updating more regularly, but no promises.
Also, let's talk about the past two episodes for a sec. Vic is on the edge of doing something dangerous and I am genuinely worried about her (albeit less so because she opened up to Andy and seems to maybe be doing better). Robert getting promoted was absolutely uncalled for and not at all what should have happened. I will never forgive him for his disloyalty. Beckett needs to go immediately and I need Maya back in her roll. Beckett is going to get people killed by drinking on the job. I'm super excited for the clinic and getting to see Dr. Deluca-Bishop in action some more. Carina and Jack's friendship is weird and so help me if they make him the sperm donor, I will be so mad. I think Emmett (because he is Maya's brother from another mother) or an anonymous donor is the only way to go. Maya and Carina need to talk to each other. I think part of Maya's motivation to get promoted is because that job is safer for her and as a parent, she wants to do everything she can to not leave her baby and wife alone (just my thoughts). But I need the two of them talking because this is not working right now. I'm sure I have other thoughts, but it's late and I'm tired so that's all I've got. Let me know what you think if you want.