SPARKS
14. you can't save me
April 14th, 1912
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"PROTECT THEM BY THY GUIDING HAND," first-class passengers sang out "from every peril on the land."
Josephine looked down at the music book in her hands as she tried to follow along with the lyrics, although her head was up in the clouds. She contemplated all that had happened in the past hours; from being with Jack to being scolded by Cal and her aunt.
"O spirit, whom the Father sent," she sang along with everyone else "to spread across the firmament."
On one side, she had already left Jack standing alone after saying her goodbyes; and although she did not want to, she had prepared herself for not seeing him again. But the last words he spoke to her were still glued in her mind 'they're sucking the life out of you.' And although she had tried to ignore that warning, he was right. Now especially, she was certain that her fate was to marry as soon as the ship docked.
"Oh wind of heaven, by thy might," the voices carried on singing "save all who dare the eagle's flight. And keep them by thy watchful eye-"
Meanwhile, Jack was darting down the steps towards the very room Josephine was in. After thinking it through, he came to the conclusion that there was no way he would allow her to slip away so easily. Not without a bigger fight.
His ears captured the sound of everyone singing, and although it surprised even himself, he was able to pick up her voice amongst everyone else's.
"Hello, Mr. Andrews," he greeted the man with a smile when he walked past.
"Hello, Jack," Mr. Andrews nodded kindly, not even bothering to ask him to return to third-class.
Following the sound of singing, Jack headed towards two white doors, similar to the ones he had walked through when he went to dine the last evening. However, as he approached the doors, two employees stopped him in his tracks.
"Sir-" the first employee spoke softly.
"I just need to talk to somebody really quick-" Jack interjected.
"Sir, you're not supposed to be here," the man pushed Jack slightly, his tone still professional.
"Just need to speak to someone," Jack raised his voice as he tried to dart past the employee, his eyes searching through the glass for Josephine.
"I was just here last night, you don't remember me?" Jack spoke, already sounding impatient.
"No, I'm afraid I don't - you really have to leave," the man shook his head firmly.
"He'll tell you," Jack sighed in relief when Lovejoy opened the door and looked straight at him "I just - I just need to talk to Josephine for a moment," he asked the man.
"Ms. Lauder, Mr. Hockley, and the Bukater's continue to be appreciative of your assistance." Lovejoy informed Jack smugly before reaching into his pocket and pulling out twenty dollars "they asked me to give you this in gratitude."
"I don't want your money," Jack replied "please I just-"
"And to remind you that you hold a third-class ticket and your presence here is-" he paused in search of the right words "no longer appropriate."
"Please I just want to speak to Josephine for one second" Jack furrowed his brows in anger.
"Gentlemen will you please see that Mr. Dawson gets back to where he belongs," Lovejoy ignored Jack as he handed the employees the money he had offered to Jack "and that he stays there."
"Yes, sir," one of them spoke as they both grabbed Jack's shoulders and forced him to walk "come along you."
Looking back at Lovejoy in annoyance, Jack was already searching his mind for another way to find out how to talk to Josephine. He needed to know she was alright above all else - and after all the trouble that he assumed Cal and Josephine's aunt were going through to keep him away from her, he guessed he was anything but.
"Oh, hear us when we cry to thee," the passengers carried on singing, with Josephine unaware of what had gone on past the doors "for those in peril on the sea."
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"And they asked you to leave?" Tommy asked as he and Fabrizio trailed behind Jack.
"Forced me is more like it," Jack scoffed, his eyes looking to the first-class deck.
"Maybe it is for the best-" Fabrizio offered in comfort.
Jack could only shake his head as he tried to come up with a plan in the back of his head. There had to be something - anything that he could do to talk to her again.
"No," Jack spoke after a few seconds of silence "I have to see her, alright?"
"Just to get this straight - you kissed her last night, she ran away, and now her family's employee is trying all that he can to keep you away from her?" Tommy raised his brows.
"Well, yes but-" Jack shook his head once more.
"Then forget it, Jackie," Tommy advised, "she clearly wants to be left alone."
"You weren't there at that dinner, Tommy," Jack said as he walked to the stairs that lead to first-class "and you didn't hear all she's said to me about her life - she hates it."
"Maybe," Tommy agreed "but if you've already tried and she pushed you away - why'd you need to try again?"
"I didn't try hard enough," Jack lamented "she was looking for a better reason to stay with me; I could tell. And I just stood there when she walked away. I didn't know what to say to her. But now I do."
Tommy and Fabrizio both glanced at each other through the corners of their eyes before they followed Jack up the short stairs and through the gate that clearly informed them they should not walk through it.
But that was exactly what Jack did. He was already sick and tired of things standing between him and Josephine and was prepared to do anything he could. He could not just walk away knowing she was miserable - not when there could have been something he could have done to help her.
"She's a goddess among mortal men, there is no denying," Tommy spoke as he trailed behind Jack "but she's in another world Jackie, forget her."
Jack simply ignored his friend's advice. His mind was much too preoccupied with thoughts of Josephine to pay any attention to what Tommy was saying.
"She's closing the door and you're trying to barge back in," Tommy exclaimed.
"She isn't the one closing the door-" Jack shook his head as he climbed atop a part of the deck and looked through the railing "her family is."
"Just forget her," Tommy repeated once more, sighing once he realized that she was not getting through to Jack.
Meanwhile, Fabrizio was watching closely from behind Tommy, a smirk painted on his face. It amused him beyond compare to see his carefree friend act so worried and lovesick over a girl he had just met.
"He's not being logical, I tell you," Tommy complained, his eyes turning to Fabrizio.
"Up, up," Jack asked for a boost so he could climb onto the deck.
"Amore is not logical," Fabrizio grinned as he and Tommy gave Jack some help.
Once he had successfully climbed up to the deck, Jack looked around him to ensure that no one had seen him. When he realized he had been successful, he walked past two men who were teaching a boy how to play a game.
His eyes darted to the group before he grabbed a coat and hat that no doubt belonged to one of the two men. Slipping the coat on and placing the hat atop his head, he began searching the ship for any signs of Josephine.
The girl in question was walking around the ship with the rest of her family, her hands twisted together as she touched the soft fabric of the shawl she had wrapped around her arms. She and Rose watched carefully as a worker approached the Captain, a piece of paper in his hands.
"Another ice warning, sir," the man spoke, "this one is from the Noordam."
"Thank you, Sparks," the Captain quickly dismissed before he looked back from the paper.
Josephine and Rose shared uneasy glances with each other at this, clearly, both worried about what this meant for their voyage. And to Josephine, the fact that the Captain had so quickly gotten over the warning made her uneasy.
"Oh, not to worry, quite normal for this time of year," he smiled "in fact, we're speeding up - I've just ordered the last boilers lit."
"And you're sure that if the lookouts see something, the ship will turn in time?" Josephine asked, "because excuse me for saying Sir - but this is a very large ship."
"Anything big enough to sink this ship will be seen in time, Miss," the Captain smiled once more "you can count on that."
Josephine nodded her head with a small smile before saying goodbye to the Captain and following Mr. Andrews as he carried on with the tour he was giving them. She turned her head to see that Rose was quietly thinking to herself, her brows furrowed in concern.
"Excuse me, Mr. Andrews," Rose spoke up "but I did the sum in my head, and with the number of lifeboats times the capacity you mentioned - forgive me but there doesn't seem to be enough for everyone on board."
"About half actually," Mr. Andrews replied "Rose, you miss nothing do you?"
"Why would this ship not have enough lifeboats?" Josephine wondered "it certainly is large enough for them."
"I put in these new type davits, which would fit an extra row of lifeboats," Mr. Andrews explained, "inside this one."
"Then why aren't they here?" Josephine asked.
"Well, it was thought by some that the deck would look too cluttered," Mr. Andrews sighed "so I was overruled."
"A waste of deck space as it is on an unsinkable ship," Cal mocked as he hit one of the lifeboats with his walking cane.
"Rest easy, the both of you," Mr. Andrews smiled "I have built you a good ship - strong and true; she's all the lifeboat you need."
Josephine felt a bit of comfort at the words spoken by the man, and she could tell that Rose was feeling the same. Still, for some reason, she could not help but feel a pit of dread in the bottom of her stomach - warning her that something was wrong.
"Just keep heading in that direction," Mr. Andrews said as he and Rose sped forwards "the next stop will be the engine room."
She was starting to follow behind the group that had already created some distance due to their quick pace when a hand grasped her arm and pulled her back. Josephine turned, her heart hammering and she saw Jack standing before her, his finger raised to his lips.
"Come here," he told her as he pulled her into the empty gym and shut the door behind her.
"Jack, this is wrong," Josephine shook her head "I can't see you."
"I need to talk to you," he asked, his hand gently leaning her back on the wall near the door.
"No, Jack," Josephine replied, her voice faltering "you can't."
"Just listen to what I have to say," Jack's eyes looked into hers.
"Jack, I'm going to be engaged as soon as this ship docks," Josephine told him, her eyes not daring to meet his "Ruth has already made it so. And seeing you last night already upset Cal - which in turn threatens Ruth and more importantly, Rose."
"What?" Jack exclaimed under his breath "you were kissing me last night and now you're about to be engaged? Since when has this been happening?"
"I found out this morning," Josephine told him "but I'm fine with it, really." She lied, hoping it would make it easier for Jack to leave her be.
She watched as Jack looked at her for a few moments, his blue eyes were standing out due to the sunlight streaming through the window, making him look even more attractive than she thought possible. Her eyes continued on his face as Jack took a deep breath, the ghost of a nervous smile on his lips.
"Josephine - you're no picnic alright?" he told her slowly "in fact, you're a spoiled little brat who has done nothing but complain to me since we met."
"I'm leaving," she told him, trying to brush past his shoulder. But Jack was quicker, and he grabbed her shoulder, forcing her eyes back to him.
"But underneath that, you're the most amazing, kind, strong, and astounding girl - woman, that I've ever known," he smiled, hands gesturing as he tried to get his point across.
"Jack-" Josephine tried to get away once more.
"Let me try and get this out" he begged, "you're, you're perfect-"
Her heart ached inside her chest as she watched him close his eyes for a moment and take a deep breath. Once they opened once more, Josephine searched them to find that he looked sadder than before.
"Look, Josie - I'm not an idiot," he sighed "I know how the world works; I've got ten bucks in my pocket; I've got nothing to offer you."
"That's not true," Josephine shook her head adamantly "I don't care about any of that, Jack. And you have everything to offer me - but I can't take it. Don't you see? This would never work."
"I understand," he nodded softly "but from the moment we met I've worried about you. I've thought to myself 'how can a girl this great be so miserable?' and when you explained it to me I had this urge to help you. No matter what."
"This isn't your fight, Jack," Josephine whispered.
"I'm too involved now," he told her, his body coming closer to hers as he spoke "you jump, I jump remember? I can't walk away without knowing you'll be alright."
"I'll be fine Jack," Josephine lied, her head turning towards the ground "really."
Jack was about to open his mouth and say something when his eyes landed on the small cut that was near her hairline. He furrowed his brows before his hand automatically made its way to the scar; his thumb began rubbing it softly, making Josephine look up and meet his concerned eyes.
"Who did this?" he asked, face turning red with anger.
"It's nothing," Josephine brushed it off, not wanting him to worry.
"I've looked at you long enough to know that this is new," Jack interjected, "it's something."
"I-" Josephine contemplated lying, but soon decided against it, knowing full well he would see right through her "Cal got upset when he found out that I had seen you after dinner last night. He said it would hurt his reputation - and then Rose tried to defend me and he flipped the table over. A piece of cutlery hit me - that's all."
"And you still tell me that you'll be fine?" Jack scoffed.
"I'll steer clear of Cal from now on," Josephine told him "I don't condone what he did if that's what you think. But I'm powerless to stop him - especially considering the fact that my aunt is so set of Rose marrying him. But I'll be alright; don't worry about me. I can defend myself."
"I don't think you'll be fine," Jack shook his head "they've got you trapped, Josie. I told you once and I'll tell you as many times as you need to hear it - they are sucking the life out of you. And I know that you might even be fine for the first few years because you're strong."
Josephine kept quiet as his hand moved to cup her cheek, instantly sending her flashbacks from the last night. She could see in his eyes how desperate he was to help her - but it wasn't anything he could really do, and no matter how much she wanted to be with him, Josephine could not bear leaving Rose.
"Sooner or later, all the kindness and spark that you have in you is going to burn out," Jack told her seriously "I can't let that happen, Josie."
"Don't call me that, Jack," Josephine begged, "you're making this too difficult."
"It doesn't have to be," he replied.
"You've made me into a godforsaken mess," Josephine brought her hand up to touch his own hand that was still on her cheek "I can't stop thinking about you, Jack. But this is the only family I have left - how can you ask me to leave them?"
"I've made you into a mess?" Jack raised his brows "you've made me into the sort of idiotic fool that keeps begging for someone. But I just need to know that you'll be able to live out your dreams without anyone stopping you"
"You can't save me - it's not up to you to save me, Jack," Josephine whispered, her hand still holding his on her face.
"You're right, only you can do that" he agreed quietly "but let me help."
"You can't worry about me like this," Josephine told him "go live your life - you deserve to be carefree, Jack. Just because I've never had that option, does not mean you have to give yours up to help me."
"Josie," Jack spoke softly, his face coming closer to hers "I can't turn away without knowing you'll be alright."
"I'll be fine, you've shown me things that no one else ever has, and that's enough to bring me joy for the rest of my life" Josephine smiled lightly "but now I have to go. Don't look for me anymore. It will only make everything more painful for both of us. I can't have you sucked into my mess."
Jack watched silently as she removed his hand from her face and stepped away from him. His heart was pumping loudly as she opened the door and quickly hurried away from him. Taking a deep breath, he leaned his head on the window and bit his lip, deep in thought.
As for Josephine, she wanted to go back the moment she left. But if being with Jack would end Rose's engagement, then she needed to stay away from him. Although she despised Cal, until her cousin decided to leave him herself, Josephine would not tamper with the arrangement.
That, however, did not stop her heart from aching as she walked away.
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