It's been two weeks since the church trip and it's also been two weeks since I stepped foot into the church. I thought that people would be coming to my door and dragging me out of my apartment with a bag over my head, but instead it's been incredibly peaceful.
I just needed a small break.
Work has been great too. I've noticed that I'm a lot happier when I'm with my kids and seeing the smiles on their faces makes my heart flutter. One of our kids, Lily, learned how to draw inside of the lines this last week and I couldn't be more proud of her.
There was something so promising and fulfilling about watching the kids you love grow up and teaching them as best as you can.
It was very rewarding being a teacher. I loved it so much.
I've felt really good. Either it's a mental break waiting to rear it's head out, or I'm genuinely happy. Either way, I was content and not questioning anything about it.
At this point, I was just dancing around in my kitchen while listening to very loud music and learning how to bake brownies. I had never been able to be in the kitchen because my mom hated when I was in the kitchen, but I lived by myself so I could catch up on all of the things I never got to do when I lived with her.
I sang along, a bowl of batter in my hand as I stirred it around, swaying my hips to the music as my feet stepped along to the beat. Was this what feeling alive felt like? I never really thought about how dead I felt until now, though. There was always a dawning in my chest, but that feeling disappearing as a happy-longing feeling overcame it.
Even if it was just as simple as dancing in the kitchen by myself, I felt really good about it. The sun was out for the first time in weeks and the rain had subsided for now. It didn't take away the bitter coldness of everything, but it was still nice to wake up to the sun resting on your face sometimes.
Most time, I did hate it.
But after the shit that's been stressing me out, it was nice to have the sun pop out to say hello.
Even if it was for a day.
My phone buzzed softly on my counter, my brow perking at it as I stopped my sudden singing before placing the bowl down onto the oven and grabbing the vibrating phone. I wondered who would have texted me, considering it was mid day and Gracie was probably with Michael, I didn't think she would reach out to me.
Harry: Music a bit loud, don't you think?
Oh.
I had forgotten I even had his number.
A smirk spread across my lips as I texted him back quickly, my tongue pressed to my cheek as I looked over towards my speaker that was thumping with bass.
Me: Are you stalking me?
I sent it, then went to set my phone back down, but he was even quicker to reply.
Harry: Nope, just my walls shaking from the bass of your speakers, is all.
I giggled out. I thought it was funny because I have never listened to this kind of music before and now I felt like a proper human. Listening to music that everyone else listens too and dancing the way I want too. I didn't care who was listening.
Me: Want to come over for brownies?
Harry: Brownies, you say? Sure, let me grab my ear muffs and I'll be right over.
I rolled my eyes, letting out a scoff as I put my phone down and went back to attending to the brownies. I had a whole gallon of milk that was waiting to be drank with these brownies. I did turn the music down a little bit, though. I was in my care-free phase, but I had to care a little bit. Especially since we had a lot of older neighbors and I'm sure that they've already called the landlord to complain.
But all in all, I felt really good. I feel like I hadn't had a good day in a really long. I was flourishing in it all.
I stuck my tongue out as I laid out the batter into the pan, my brows knitted tightly as I made sure to pour it evenly throughout the entire pan. My favorite part of cooking was that I could eat the brownie batter without people telling me I was going to get salmonella.
I took the spoon out of the bowl, staring down at the sweet brown batter as I stuck my tongue out to lick it up. It tasted so sweet. I had did a really good job on this.
"You're gonna get salmonella," Harry said from behind me.
I nearly jumped out of my skin, a scream leaving my lips as my body shook. Immediate reaction was to curl up in a ball and cry, the next reaction was to beg to stay alive.
I would never make it if a murderer came in to kill me.
"Fuck! How did you get in here?" I said half annoyed, half kidding as I bit back a smile, shaking my head, "Great, now I got batter on my arm." I mumbled as I lapped up the batter off my arm, rolling my eyes before scooping it off on the bowl.
"You know, you should really start locking your doors. If I was a killer, you would be fucked." Harry smirked, pushing his hair out of his face as he leaned against the counter slowly, his eyes panning over to the brownie batter.
"If you were a killer, I would simply just cry and beg you not to kill me," I said as if that was really ever going to happen. I knew it wouldn't, but it was the thought that counted. "In fact, I'm too cute to kill." I smiled dashingly back at him as I put the pan into the oven.
"Cute don't cut it. We all saw what happened to Sharon Tate and she was a beautiful woman," Harry tsked, shaking his head, "A shame really."
"Can we not talk about serial killers?" I half laughed as I tried to push the thought to the back of my mind. When I was a teenager, I seemed to have a weird serial killer phase where I read everything on them, but I think everyone did at some point. It's sick, but you just can't help but to read everything about it.
"I'm just saying! Looks surely won't cut it. Start locking your door or I'll bust in at night and scare you," He shrugged, a smug look on his face as he watched me scramble around the kitchen to get it clean, "So anyways, the music? This is the kind of music you listen too?"
"I'm branching out," I hummed, ignoring his other comment about coming into my apartment, "I'm trying to find my taste in music that's not oh-holy-art-thou shit. Gracie turned me onto this kind of music."
"I always pegged you as a rock music kinda person," Harry said as he grabbed the dirty bowl of batter and took it over to the sink to clean it, "Don't know why, you just look like the kind of person that drowns themselves in that kinda stuff."
"I like rock music too, I just don't know where to start with that kinda stuff," I frowned as I grabbed a wash rag and started to clean off the counters. Why did I have to be so messy with cooking? I hissed to myself silently as I scrubbed away while Harry rinsed out the bowl.
"Hmmm," He turned around for a moment, giving me a once over, "You should listen to the white stripes, or maybe Billy Joel."
"Duly noted." I nodded to myself. I had never listened to them before, but I was open to listening. I enjoyed rock music whenever I did get to listen to it, maybe this was my a-bit-of-everything phase too.
Suddenly, I heard the familiar notes come through the speakers, my face flushing as I looked back at Harry who was stood still at the sink. He perked his head up slowly, his eyes gazing over to the speaker as the voice came through.
"The Divinyls, really?" He laughed out genuinely as he looked back at me. My face was now red hot, my hand gripping the rag tightly as I giggled out nervously.
"I like the tune of the music, alright!" I said defensively, "If you don't like this song, then maybe you should reevaluate your music taste too."
"Oh, trust me, I know this song," He smirked as he took the towel from the counter and dried his hands off before facing towards me, his eyes giving me a once over, "Do you like the tune, or the message behind it? Honestly."
"Both. Alright? Geeeez, I didn't think I had invited the music police into my apartment," I laughed out, throwing the filthy rag into the hamper next to the wall before turning to face Harry who had his hands spread across the counter, his back hovering over it as he tilted his head to look at me.
"You're the one who makes me come running," He sang along with a goofy smile on his lips, his head tilted back as he dipped down, his knees anchoring slightly, "You're the sun who makes me shine, when you're around, I'm always laughing."
"Harry..." I put my hand over my mouth as I laughed out. A true, actual belly laugh as he danced around the kitchen.
Harry let out a small laugh, flicking his hair back as he looked over me with a lustful look. I couldn't tell if he was being serious or playing at this point, but it made my heart flutter.
"I wanna make you mine," He sang out, quickly spinning himself around to face the counter as he rocked his hips back and forth, "I close my eyes and see you before me, think I would die if you were to ignore me." He dramatically tilted his head back, putting the back of his hand onto his forehead as he looked over at me with a smirk.
"You are so--"
"A fool could see, just how much I adore you," He mumbled, pushing himself off on the counter as he took slow, long strides towards me with parted lips. He suddenly dropped to his knees, a loud thud coming from the floor as his shirt lifted slightly from the drop. I could see his ferns poke out, a smirk coming across my lips as he grabbed my thighs, "I get down on my knees, I'd do anything for you!" He laughed out, his hands squeezing my thighs softly.
This was the game he wanted to play?
Fine.
"I don't want anybody else!" I sang out, half laughing as I grabbed his hair, making him look up at me, a smirk spread across my lips as he looked at me with half lidded eyes, "When I think about you, I touch myself." I mumbled out, my fingers grazing against his jaw slowly.
His cheeks went red, his tongue darting out to wet his lips as his grip on my legs tightened. I took a few steps back from him, playfully teasing him as I swayed my hips to the music, my hands resting on my hips as I tilted my head back before flicking my hair into my face and pointing at him.
"I want you, I don't want anybody else," I sang out as I slowly lowered myself to my knees, crawling towards him on my knees. Harry stared at me with wide eyes, a wide smirk now splayed on his lips as he watched me.
"And when I think about you, I touch myself!" I sang out loudly, quickly flipping my back onto the floor as I ran my hands down my torso, all the way down to my pelvis before kicking my legs up in the air.
"Anna, Anna," Harry tsked as he crawled over me, grabbing my leg before pulling me closer to him, "Naughty girl, looks like we're gonna have to adjust your playlist."
"You call me naughty, yet you were the one dancing like a whore," I mumbled as I put my hand onto his cheek, leaning up towards him slowly, "Have you ever considered being a dancer? I think you got the hips for it."
"Mm," He smirked, a small laughter coming from his lips as he wiggled his brows down at me, "Wouldn't that be a drastic change in careers? Priest to Stripper? I think we could make that work."
"Millions of people in the world, you never know if that's already been done before," I said softly, pushing myself away from him before standing to my feet. The aching between my legs were very much there, but after our last conversation, I think it was safe to say that I wanted to take a break from having any kind of relations with him.
He was sat there, looking up at me while his long hair fell into his face just slightly. It was almost as if he was confused, or maybe he wanted to stay closer to me. Either way, I had a feeling that we both felt the same in this moment.
"Would you like to join me for dinner tonight?" He asked as he stood to his feet, his hands clasping together as he stared over towards me.
Dinner?
"That sounds like you're asking me on a date, Father Harry, how scandalous of you," I teased him, my brow arched. Had I wanted to go to dinner with him? Honestly, I wasn't sure. The chase of him was exciting, but now that he was open to being around me more freely, it felt scary in some way. I think I was more scared of having anybody find out.
"I suppose that is what I'm asking," He said softly. I felt his presence behind me before his fingers trailed down my arm carefully like soft feathers. I inhaled slowly, my eyes started to flutter as I felt his hot breath against my ear, "Would you be so kind?" His voice was rough, raspy, it almost made me white knuckle the counter.
"Where?" I asked thickly. I felt his front hit my back as he rubbed my arms, then squeezed them softly. His plump lips kissed down the back of my ear, then down to my neck as his tongue trailed out to lap my skin slowly.
"Wherever you wanna go. Tell me and I will take us there," He mumbled against my skin.
At this point the only place I wanted to go was into my bedroom with him.
I tried to hold back the moan that spilled out of my throat, but it was so hard. I let out a soft whine as I fell back against him, his hands wisping past my hips to grab them. I tilted my head back to look up at him with doe eyes, my lips parted.
"Someone is handsy today," I whispered out, almost croaking. He let out a small chuckle as his fingers drummed against my skin before pulling them away.
"Italian--I want Italian," I said before he could reply. You couldn't go wrong with pasta and plus, if this was a free dinner than I got all the wine I wanted.
"Italian it is," He hummed. I felt his body leave mine and it almost left an empty feeling when he walked away. He really did have a hold on me. I shook my head, brushing my hair out of my face with my fingers.
"Does eight sound okay?" I said as I grabbed the oven mitten to get the brownies out.
"I'll be here at eight to get you then," He said with a small smile, leaning against the doorway of the kitchen, "And we can have your delicious brownies afterwards."
"You better. I worked really hard on these brownies, mister!" I scolded him with a smile on my face. This was probably the first time I hadn't burned anything that I cooked.
"Of course, they look as nearly as delicious as you--" He stopped himself, tilting his head, "Eight o'clock. Be ready." He pointed at me as he backed away towards the front door.
I rolled my eyes, shaking my head as I heard the front door shut. Had I ever been on a date before? No. This would be my first date considering I was never allowed around guys as a teenager, but now that was all about to change for me.
A sudden feeling of nerves took over me and I tried to swallow the bile at the back of my throat. It all happened so quick, I didn't really take the gravity of the question until after he left the apartment and I was alone.
I was going on a date.
With Harry.
What?
Seven-thirty rolled around, knowing I had only thirty minutes before Harry walked over to come get me. I spent most of the night pacing around the room and thinking about what to wear. This was the first date I'd ever been on in my life and it was with Harry.
Father of the church.
Harry.
I tried not to feel too guilty about it, though. I really wanted to get myself out of my head and have fun with him, but I was a bit skeptical on why he would ask me out on a date. Why?
I had wondered if he was going to ask me to come back to the church or some shit. He surely had noticed that I hadn't been there in a couple weeks. Would he really try to rope me into it again? I tried not to think so low of him, but I guess the track record of people I trust have been not as great as I expected it to be.
I wanted to play it off as casual though. So with that, I had dug out a black dress that had long sleeves and put a gray plaid coat over myself with a scarf. It wasn't that cold out, not as bad as it was earlier, but still a enough to make me shiver. Me and the cold have a love-hate relationship. Love this time of year, hate that my fashion is boiled down into slim pickings.
I put on some light makeup. Not that I knew how to do it, but some light mauve blush and some lip gloss should work just fine. I kept fiddling with my hair, not really knowing what to do with it. I slightly scolded myself for being at an age where I should know how to do this shit, but I didn't. I was clueless.
As I put my hair up into a bun, I heard a knock on the door and my heart nearly skipped out of my chest. All the nerves from the past couple of hours finally came crashing down onto me. I was hoping that he would tell me he was calling it off and he had other things that came up so I didn't have to experience how awkwardly I was going to be on this...date.
Rushing out of the bathroom, my feet carried me to the door without hesitation while my mind screamed at me to turn around and not answer the door. Why was I so nervous all of a sudden? It was just Harry, it wasn't like he was going to make this some fancy going out date.
My hand wrapped around the doorknob as I exhaled shakily, my eyes fluttering closed for a moment as I swallowed thick.
Open the door, open the door.
Without thinking, I pulled the door open and opened my eyes to see him standing there with a smirk on his lips. My jaw nearly dropped when I saw him standing there with a tux on, so fucking neat and tidied. He had black pointy boots, his button down white shirt had a few buttons that weren't clipped while his top coat hung off his shoulders. His fingers were ring cladded, but that was no shock to me. He always loved to wear those rings.
I think the kicker was that his hair was a lot more curlier than usual. Did he bring out a curler to do his hair with?
"You just gonna stand and stare, or are you going to say anything?" He broke the silence with a curled smirk.
"Um..yeah, you look really good," I chuckled out, rolling my shoulders back slowly, "I just didn't expect you to get all--dressed up, I suppose."
"Hm? Oh," He pursed his lips as he looked down at himself in thought, "You more than anybody knows this is how I dress--but, you look amazing as well. As gorgeous as ever."
"Thanks," I said awkwardly, rubbing the side of my arm as I walked out of the apartment. I tried to avoid eye contact for the sole purpose that I didn't want to see if he had any second thoughts, or maybe if he was lying to me.
I closed the door, quickly locking it with my key before shoving it into my pocket. When I turned to face towards him, he was standing closely behind me with a soft look on his eyes. There was something about the way he looked at me that made my heart flutter, even if he was judging me on the inside.
"Well, we should head out--"
My sentence was cut short when his hands cupped my cheeks and gave me a hard kiss to the lips. I gasped out, my eyes widening for a moment as my fists clutched tightly by my side. I had no time to react, no time to close my eyes and engage before he had pulled away. It was a rather quick kiss, but still had me longing for more.
"Now I'm ready," He licked over his lips with a smile before his hand ran down my arm. I blushed as I felt his fingers dance their way down to my wrist before he interlocked his fingers with mine. He took my hand and led me down the deathly steep stairs, and for a second I felt like one of those people in the movies that run away with the guy you're not supposed to see.
Deep down inside, I knew that I wasn't supposed to be seeing Harry like this, but I didn't really care. I wouldn't say I had any feelings for him, though, I would say that these feelings were pure lust and animalistic. I suppose I had never sat down to analyze any feelings that I may had for him. Things had been so hectic, I was constantly in fight or flight mode that I haven't had time for myself.
I guess I was starting to realize that things were starting to slow down a bit more.
"Where are we going?" I asked him as the car roared to life. I tried to make this as normal as possible, or try to show that I'm not as awkward as I always am. Awkward silences are always the worst and I had always thought that I needed to say something. I've never liked the silence anyways. It made me nervous.
"It's a surprise," He hummed to me, tapping his fingers onto the steering wheel to the beat of the song that played through the radio, "Mind if I have a cigarette?" He looked at me out of the corner of his eye.
"Oh, go ahead," I nodded, my eyes looking out the window slowly. Those things always smelled. I remembered when my father used to smoke big cigars in the kitchen with his newspaper every morning. My mom used to scold him until he eventually quit, but I never really liked the smell.
"Our secret between us, yeah?" He said as he lit the cigarette, the smoke barreling out through the cherry as it filled the car. The smell snuck through my nose, and it made me sneeze softly into my arm.
"Yeah," I sniffled, rubbing my nose, "I had no idea that you smoked."
"Only when I'm nervous," He said softly as he took another hit from the cigarette.
I blinked hard, thinking back to when I first saw him smoking a cigarette and that was before the mission trip. It did look as though he had been puffing it pretty hard from the way the cigarette was unevenly burning between his lips. It wouldn't take a genius to figure that he was nervous that day.
I didn't want to linger on the subject, so I quickly changed it.
"Do you have any hobbies?" I asked him softly as I peered over at him. The night was coming over us, the sun slowly saying goodbye for the stars to come out and paint the sky. I always loved this time of day.
"Hmm..." He mumbled, tilting his head, "I like learning languages. It's one of my favorite things to do, but I'm not sure if that's a hobby."
"You know multiple languages? Conosce I'italiano?" I smirked softly over towards him.
His eyes widened softly before turning his head to look over at me. His lips curved into a small smile as he licked over his lips before nodding, "Si."
"How did you learn?" I asked him. This man was full of surprises, I had wondered if he had any other secrets he was going to share with me.
"No, I should be asking you the same thing," He chuckled, shifting into his seat as he took a turn onto a dirt road that went up a hill. I blinked, looking out the window as we passed the dying trees.
"My mom's Italian. Part, anyways. My grandma and grandpa raised her there for ten years and then they moved to Madrid," I said softly, surely of my words. I was a little distracted on how he was taking us to a secluded place, it was a bit intimidating.
"But I was born in Madrid," I continued, "My mom taught me Italian and I learned from my grandparents too."
"So, born and raised, huh?" He said thickly, nodding to show he was listening, "Madrid isn't as far from my hometown--as much as I want it to be. Wish it was further."
"Why did you move here?" I looked over to him, turning my body to fully face him. He swallowed thickly, rolling his neck before taking another hit off the cigarette then flicking it out the window with ease.
"New beginnings, I thought I had told you that already," He said as the smoke spilled from his lips as he spoke, "Nosey thing, aren't you?"
"What can I say?" I shrugged.
Harry stayed quiet as he revved up the hill, finally coming to a flat surface at the top of the hill. I had never been here, never in the time of living here. I thought that I knew Madrid from top to bottom, but Harry was proving me wrong. He pulled the car up near the edge of this hill that overlooked the city. The lights were so bright, it was nearly impossible to see the stars, but it was still a beautiful view.
"This isn't an Italian restaurant," I pointed the obvious out as I shifted nervously in my seat. I had seen the movies before where guys would take girls up to secluded places like this and made out with each other. Even more than that.
"No, but if you look with your pretty eyes, you'll see that I made a picnic for us," He pointed at the blanket that was on the ground in front of us. The headlights lit up the picnic basket with a wine bottle that poked out of the top of it.
"Oh," I whispered softly, wiping my hands onto my pants as I let out a nervous breath, "It looks lovely, thank you.."
Harry turned the car off, sending me a smile before turning the car off along with the headlights as well. It was dark for a moment, but after my eyes had adjusted I could see clearly through the night. It wasn't that dark anyways though, the lights of the city had lit up the hill just enough for us.
He got out of the car and rushed to my side to open the door for me. I blushed, shaking my head as I got out of the car. He was most certainly a gentleman.
I took note of that.
"So," Harry cleared his throat as he steadied himself down onto the blanket. I sat down across from him, looking down at the basket then back out towards the view of the city, "I got us Italian take out, a bottle of wine and some breadsticks." He said as he unpacked everything.
I turned back towards him, watching him push the bowl of food towards me. I was shocked that it was still hot, who knew how long he had this sitting up here before we came here. I liked picnic's, don't get me wrong, but I was starting to think that he didn't want to be seen with me.
"It looks really good," I hummed as I opened the plastic container, the smell of the pasta invading my noise. It made my stomach growl just to smell it. I honestly couldn't remember the last time I had take out before this moment.
"Oh! and," He hitched his voice as he turned around to grab something out of his bag, then turned back towards me to put candles in the middle of us, "Candles, cause that's romantic, right?" He questioned as he lit them with his lighter. I couldn't help but chuckle at him as he poked his tongue out in concentration.
"Okay, this is officially cliche," I giggled as I grabbed my fork and started to shove the pasta into my mouth. I didn't really care about people watching me eat, I knew I was somewhat a messy eater so if Harry liked me then he would like me at my messiest.
"I have to be honest," He sighed as he twirled the pasta onto his fork, "I haven't been on a date in a really long time. I think the last time I was on a date, I was seventeen and it didn't go as planned."
"Oh, yeah? What happened?" I covered my mouth as I spoke, continuing to chew on my food. Harry took his bite, tilting his head as he pondered the memory before letting out a small chuckle through his nose.
"Geez," He shook his head, "Back in London, dates were so...I don't know. I took her out for a couple drinks. I ended up getting drunk off, like, two or three beers. I didn't really drink a lot back then, so yeah..." He cringed, scrunching his face up, "I puked on her. All over her. Made me sicker than shit."
"Jesus," I laughed out, leaning my body back as I tried to hold back my laughter at his misfortune, "Did she call you back after that?"
"God, no," He laughed out, shaking his head, "I think I would be a bit concerned if she did. I hadn't a clue what I was doing anyways."
"I thought puke was supposed to be sexy, so is there something I'm missing?" I teased him with a chuckle. He glared at me playfully before taking another bite of his food.
"Mmm.." He hummed out, "What about you? Your first date?"
"Oh," I whispered out. Did I want to tell him to truth or lie? Lying would do no good, but telling the truth would just embarrass me even further.
"This is, uh..my first date," I mumbled as I stirred my pasta, "But it's going good, so y'know...No puke yet!" I teased him again, trying to hold back the smirk that dared to front.
"The keyword is yet," He pointed his fork at me, perking his brow up with a soft smile, "Night's not over yet, Anna."
"Please!" I laughed out, shaking my head as I cupped my hands over my face.
We had finished our food rather quickly. It was so delicious, but not as good as the wine that we started to drink after our food had settled. I had always loved wine, although did not enjoy the hangovers. Wine always left a dry taste in my mouth and made me have a pounding headache.
But, I did not plan on getting drunk tonight, so this was enough for me.
We laid on our backs, staring up at the sky as the breeze took over our bodies. It was kind of chilly, but not as bad as I had thought it was going to be.
"Why did you ask me on a date?" I asked him, rolling my head over to look at him.
"Isn't that what you're supposed to do when you fuck a girl without a condom?" He asked back teasingly with a smirk as he rolled his head to look back at me.
"Wow," I laughed out, rolling my head to look back at the sky, "Didn't know that rule, that's for sure."
"I'm just kidding, c'mon," He giggled, then let out a sigh as he put his arms under his head, letting out a sigh, "Don't know. Just wanted to get to know you better. Obviously I kind of like you so--"
The words made me freeze, but I tried to play it cool. Like I had said prior, I really hadn't sat down and thought about liking him before. Sure, he was amazing in bed and everything, but I hardly knew anything about him.
"Well," I cleared my throat, sitting up on my elbows as I rolled onto my side to look at him, "I'm sure that I will sorely disappoint you in the interesting department. There's nothing interesting about me, honestly. I just work and come home, that's it."
"And you bake brownies," He pointed at me with a smile, "Don't forget the brownies."
"Ah, yes.." I sighed through my nose, then collapsed to my side as I let out a huff.
"So, why did you say yes then?" He rolled onto his side, scooting closer to me as he placed a hand onto my hip, "Is it safe to say that you find interest in me as well?"
I pinched my brows together, scanning over his face in thought. I had told the truth so far, I probably needed to stay that way. I just didn't want to hurt his feelings.
"Uhh...honestly?" I whispered out, pursing my lips before shrugging with my one shoulder, "It was just something to do, I guess... I do find you interesting, but I guess just--"
"Oh," He retracted his hand from my hip as there was a long silence between us. He stared at me for a moment, lips parted before he sat up onto his ass.
"No, I didn't mean it like that," I said as I sat up with him, turning my body towards him, "It's just that--"
"No, I get it," He cleared his throat, shaking his head, "It was just something to do, y'know? I don't blame you. Gets boring in Madrid."
"Can you just listen to me?" I snapped softly, pulling myself to sit in front of him, "You can't expect me to like you if I don't know you. The sex is great, don't get me wrong, but that's all it's been for me...Just sex."
"Just sex," He chuckled as he scratched the back of his head, "God, I must really have bad luck with dates, huh?"
"I thought the date was going good," I huffed out, crossing my arms over my chest, "I'm just being honest. I want to get to know you better, but I can't like someone if I know nothing about them."
There was a long silence between us for a minute or so. It was the awkward silence that I tried to avoid all night, but because of my truth, it was dead silent. I turned my body towards the city lights as I stared out towards it, my hands fiddling in my lap. I kept peering out of the corner of my eye to see Harry staring out at the city lights too, but he was sitting still instead.
"What do you want to know?" He finally asked, quietly.
"What?" I said, watching him stare into his lap.
"About me," He said before gazing towards me.
"Oh," I whispered out. I didn't really think about it. I hated having to ask people questions. I really preferred when it came naturally, but now I was on the spot.
"Tell me about you as a teenager, I wanna know about how you were as a kid," I said softly.
"Uh, okay," He scratched the back of his head, letting out a nervous laugh, "I was just as weird as any other kid. Actually, I really loved comic books as a kid. I used to collect them, there was a comic book a couple blocks away from my house and I used to walk there and get comics," He chuckled out.
"They used to be .99 cents when I was a kid and I would always save up money to go and get my favorite comics," He said softly, "Marvel, wasn't a big fan of DC. Spider-man, Thor, and uh.. also Dark Horse had some good comics--" He looked over at me as I blinked hard at him. I tried to understand him, but I was lost when it came to those kinds of things.
"Well, anyways," He cleared his throat, gesturing his hands as he spoke, "There's really not a lot to talk about, but I suppose I was normal up until me and my parents decided to join that church, then after my dad died, I just kind of...found hobbies in drugs," He sighed, peering over towards me out of the corner of his eye.
"That's really sad," I said softly, "To be a kid that was so innocent and then grow up to be traumatized like that. I'm sure it wasn't easy for you."
"I didn't know if it was easy or not, honestly. I just numbed my pain a lot when he died and I was never home. Mum used to call me to come home, cause I still stayed with her at the time, and I would never answer the phone. Lot of the time she usually just assumed I was dead," He mumbled, looking up to the city lights ahead of him, "So many times there's been a missing persons report on me and after the fourth one they stopped looking--supposing that they knew I was just off getting high."
"What ever happened in that church?" I asked, "Was that a reason why you were doing drugs? Or pushed you to doing it?" I couldn't really think of anything else, but Angela did force him to take drugs on the mission trip. I was just trying to fill in the blanks.
"What happened in that church was devastating," He laughed through the pain, rubbing his face with his palm, "So many people killed themselves because of that church--cult. They thought they could be saved if they did that, and the kids would just end up in foster care or..it's just hard to talk about, the shit I've seen."
"So," He continued, running a hand through his hair as he pinched his brows in stress, "Yes and no, I mean, after I left the church I had made some new friends and I didn't think there was anything wrong with them, but I was weak. I was a weak person leaving that place and the people I met were on drugs. I thought they cared about me, and one person did, but the rest didn't give a fuck about me. I told myself one time, and then it became everyday. Couldn't get through the day without doing a Xanax or some type of opiate."
"Oh.." I whispered with a frown. When I started to think about it, me and Harry were similar in very different ways. We both were stuck in shitty situations and now we are dealing with the aftermath of it.
"Yeah," He sighed, "Only way I got clean was locking myself in my house for two weeks. It was the worst two weeks of my life. My whole body hurt and I felt like I could just fuckin' die. Used to wake up in pools of sweat and it hurt to breathe."
"Why?"
"Withdrawals," He shrugged, "It was purely withdrawals. I'm shocked I didn't die. When you consumed as many drugs as I did, you're really supposed to go to rehab so they can give you things to ease you off, but I didn't have the luxury of having the money to go. My mom also didn't want to draw attention to our family in that way, especially after dad died."
"Your mom sounds...interesting," I said softly, looking down into my lap, "It makes me sad that parents like that can't even take care of their kid properly, even as an adult when they need help the most. We are all trying to figure our shit out, more than ever as an adult. The support of our parents is needed all of our lives, even if it's to tell us that we are doing a good job."
"My mom was always supportive until she went into the church, it really changed her," He looked over to me with sad eyes, pulling his bottom lip into his mouth, "And ya know, you're right. At the age of twenty-five, even I don't know what the fuck I'm doing half the time. Adult-hood is fucking bullshit."
"You know.." I rubbed at my teary eyes, letting out a breath of laughter, "It's the worst feeling ever when you grow up and realize that your parents failed you. Once you realize that, it's like the worst sting. We are so young too, but everyone around us used to tell us we had to get our shit together before we turn a certain age and now a lot of us think that we have to have it figured out or we are wasting our lives."
"Far from the truth, my dear," He shook his head as he turned towards me, taking my hand into his, "Our parents may have failed us, but we won't fail us. That's the difference. I've found that I would rather live my life the way I want than to waste it away freaking out about what I'm going to do, or what I'm going to be, twenty years from now."
"If you can look back at your life at the age of sixty and be happy with the memories you have with old friends, or even by yourself, then you have lived a happy life." He finished, pressing a soft kiss to my hand before sighing out. His eyes pierced into mine, very sincerely, almost reassuring me that I would be okay.
"You should be a therapist," I croaked out through laughter as I wiped at my eyes, "Seriously, why aren't you a therapist?"
"I don't know," He chuckled out, shrugging his shoulders as he pulled himself closer to me, "If I was a therapist then I wouldn't have met you." He mumbled as his fingers drew over my jaw slowly.
"I promise you that we would have met, I've been looking for a therapist for sometime now," I laughed softly as I fluttered my eyes at him. He let out a soft laugh before pulling me into a gentle kiss, his lips lapping soft over mine.
I let out a hum as I tasted his wine scented lips, my hands resting on his knees as I lapped my tongue over his lip to to taste him. He let out a soft breath, his arms wrapping around my waist as he pulled me into his lap. I used my knees to climb onto his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck as I deepened the kiss.
"I love kissing you," I mumbled before feeling his tongue poke out to lap over my tongue. I felt my body shudder as I let my tongue hang out as he lapped it over and over again with his. He was like a cat, slowly lapping his tongue over and over again before sucking my tongue into his mouth, his hands tightening on my hips harshly.
I rolled my eyes back as he sucked on my tongue, then let it go with a small pop. He pulled from the kiss, looking up at me with half lidded eyes. I could feel his hard cock against my ass, making me shift slightly in nervousness.
"I love kissing you too, taste so sweet.." He mumbled as he rubbed my bottom lip with his thumb, "Sei cosi bella, Anna." The accent rolled off his lips as he sighed happily.
"Umm.." I giggled nervously, "So, brownies?"
"Yes," He mumbled, nodding his head, "Would love some brownies now."
"Let's go before the brownies get cold then!" I squealed as I got off his lap with a chuckle. Harry laughed out softly as he started to gather the things from the picnic.
"Wouldn't want those brownies to go cold on me." He teased.