Y/N stared up at the crack that ran along the ceiling, they knew at least a few hours had past since Natalia had left them alone. They were glad for it though, the quiet, they had spent so many years alone that they had forgotten what it was like to actually be around people. Being an assassin was a solitary life, one that Y/N had found to be the best way to avoid ever being disappointed by someone ever again. That and the Red Room had never allowed them to interact with another widow after what had happened in Budapest, they had kept Y/N in total isolation between missions, just another part of their punishment.
They needed to figure out a way to remove the wrist restraints, then get the hell out of here so that they could get this shit show of an assignment back on track. Maybe they should have just dealt with Natalia in that room at the Stark Tower, but Y/N had wanted to make her suffer first, to feel a fraction of the pain and suffering that had been a constant in Y/N's life since Budapest.
If they could free themselves then perhaps that would give them the opportunity to deal with Natalia here, where there were no other Avengers that could get in the way and protect her. Tilting their head to look down at the wrist restraints, Y/N glared at the Stark Industries logo on the side of them. Great, so these weren't going to be any standard kind of restraint, yet another complication to the plan of getting out.
Y/N dropped back against the pillow, eyes staring back up at the ceiling. Their thoughts drifted to earlier, when Natalia had been holding their face, pulling them out of the hellish nightmare that they had been stuck in. For a fraction of a second when they had opened their eyes and see Natalia hovering above them Y/N had found themselves remembering a moment similar to that one.
**
They had been in Budapest for a month at that point, settling into a routine and life that made it look as if they were model Black Widows, carrying out any assignments given to them. Behind that facade though Y/N and Natalia had been planning ways that they might be able to get out and no longer have every part of their lives controlled by Dreykov and his people.
Whilst the apartment they had been staying in had two massive bedrooms, one for the each of them, Y/N often found Natalia choosing to stay in the same room as them. Natalia had said it made her feel safer, so Y/N had never objected.
That evening Y/N had gotten back to the apartment after completing her assignment before Natalia. Feeling exhausted, Y/N had collapsed onto the bed and sleep had gripped them the moment their head had hit the pillow. Night terrors were something that Y/N had experienced from the moment the Red Room had taken them when they were just five years old.
The one that night had been the worst one that Y/N'd had for a long time, Natalia had been taken from them and her screams of pain filled the dark room that Y/N found themselves trapped in. There was no way out, Y/N beat against the cold black walls until their hands were bloody and broken, they had to get to Natalia, they had to protect her.
"Y/N! wake up, you're okay, just wake up" Natalia's voice pulled Y/N out of the torment of their own mind.
When Y/N forced their eyes to open, they saw Natalia right there, worry and concern creasing her brow as she held Y/N's face gently in her hands. Y/N then saw the relief in Natalia's eyes as their eyes met. A cold sweat had broken out across Y/N's forehead and their muscles ached as if it really had used all its strength to pound against those walls.
"You scared me half to death, I got in and heard you screaming" Natalia said softly, "I thought someone was hurting you."
"I'm okay" Y/N replied reaching their hand up to rest on top of Natalia's "It was just a bad dream, that's all, I'm sorry I scared you though."
"What was it about?" Natalia asked staying beside Y/N.
"You..." Y/N replied quietly.
"Me? I scare you that much you have night terrors about me?" Natalia joked with a small laugh.
"How much I love you scares me Natalia" Y/N admitted as their dark brown eyes met Natalia's, for so long they'd kept the depths of their feelings hidden from Natalia but these months together, Y/N couldn't pretend anymore.
"I was starting to think I was imagining it" Natalia said as she began to smile "I've been waiting for you to make a move, to tell me how you felt but then I convinced myself I was fooling myself that you might feel the same way about me, that I feel about you."
Y/N moved so that they were sitting up, taking Natalia's hand and lacing their fingers together before looking back at her.
"I love you Natalia and I have wanted to tell you that for a really long time" Y/N confessed, the words terrified them to say out loud but there was no hiding from it now.
"I love you too Y/N" Natalia replied before leaning in and kissing Y/N, softly at first and then with more desire and need.
**
"What a lie, what a lie" Y/N muttered to themself as they forced the memory away.
"You know they say talking to yourself is a sign of going crazy, right?" Nat appeared in the doorway of the room, she had changed no longer in her bloodied t-shirt and jeans, instead she was wearing a large grey hoodie and sweats, her hair tied up on a loose bun.
Y/N rolled their eyes and didn't bother to respond, instead just watching as Natalia moved to again sit in the chair that was in the corner of the room. So much for being left alone.
"If you think attempting to have another heart to heart with me is going to change my mind about what you are then let me save you from wasting your breath" Y/N said as Natalia sat down "There is no world in which I will ever be such a fool as to believe your lies Natalia."
Nat kept her face neutral, she had learnt earlier that she couldn't let Y/N see the way their words affected her. No, she needed to fall back into those years of training and lock her own emotions away to deal with this. Time was already running out, Wanda and Yelena wouldn't be able to buy her anymore time once the others found out what was really going on.
"Who hired you?" Nat asked, completely ignoring the glare that Y/N directed at her.
"I'm not telling you that, it's confidential" Y/N said flatly.
"Why didn't you come and kill me during the blip? You were out there causing all sorts of carnage weren't you? So why not strike at me when half the Avengers were gone?" Nat arched a brow as she spoke.
"How long has the metal armed murderer been your boyfriend?" Y/N shot back their own question, deflecting from answering any of Natalia's questions.
Nat shook her head slightly, she should have known that Y/N would have picked up on the way Bucky had been when he'd come storming into the boardroom and found them in there. It didn't seem like her mistake of sleeping with Bucky was going to be forgotten any time soon.
"Are you jealous?" Nat replied with a slight smirk, knowing that it would get under Y/N's skin.
"Not at all, he's welcome to a bitch like you" Y/N shrugged "It just means snapping his neck will be even more satisfying, taking away someone you care about from you."
There was no doubting that Y/N meant what they said, Nat knew that they were more than capable of hurting her friends and would do it simply just to get back at her. She wouldn't let that happen though, if it came down to it, Nat knew she would have to make that hard choice and she would chose her friends, her family.
"Kind of sounds like you're jealous if you ask me" Nat replied as she adjusted how she was sitting and crossed her legs.
"I am not jealous!" Y/N snarled, anger flashing in their eyes.
Nat held Y/N's stare, there was none of the warmth and kindness in them that she had been so used to seeing all those years ago. If it wasn't for the fact that she had already destroyed the Red Room and Dreykov, she would have done it all again to make them pay for what had been done to Y/N.
The buzzing of her phone finally made Nat look away as she read the message from Yelena.
'Are you still alive? Everyone is freaking out here. Bucky and Steve have tried to get me and Wanda to say where you are like a hundred times. They are very Dramatic!!'
'I'm alive. Sorry they're giving you a hard time, but just tell them I'm fine, I can look after myself'
'How's the chaotic psychopath? Talked any sense into them?'
'Stubborn and rude as hell. I'll call you later.'
'You should really just dump their cranky arse on the raft, Nat. Are they really worth the trouble?'
Putting her phone back in her pocket, Nat sighed. Maybe Yelena had a point, was going through all this really worth it? Was there really any chance that Y/N would see sense? Nat knew though that she owed it to Y/N, owed it to them to at least try before handing them over to Shield.
"Are you hungry?" Nat asked Y/N who had gone back to looking anywhere but at her.
"No" Y/N replied.
"You really don't want any of the pizza I ordered? It's got all the best toppings on" Nat said as she stood up.
"I'd rather starve than share a meal with you Natalia" Y/N said as they tried to ignore the fact that they were actually hungry.
"Starving just means I win this game you started. Suit yourself" Nat shrugged as she turned and started to walk away.
"Does it have pepperoni on?" the question was out before Y/N could stop themselves.
"Double pepperoni, of course" Nat answered as she stopped walking away.
"Fine, I could eat" Y/N nodded slightly.
In no way would Nat let herself believe that this might signal a slight crack in the wall Y/N had built around themselves, but it was maybe the start of something.