"Get the fuck out of my house you devious piece of shit!" my drunken father curses at me in Russian. My legs storm me over to the front door. Just as I snatch the car keys from off the counter, I see the table lamp soaring in the air; it comes straight for my head. My quick reflexes gift me the ability to dodge it in time. The lamp shatters against the door and rests on the floor in pieces. My father groans with great irritation and hatred. "Look at what your stupid ass made me do, you have 3 fucking seconds to get the damn broom and clean this mess up!"
I swing the front door open; it sweeps the broken remains across the floor. My throat feels dry but I ensure that our argument ends with me. "All the brooms in the world couldn't fix you or your household!" I slam the door. Beneath the wood, I hear muffled yells. I run to my car, start it up, and I hit the gas.
I let out a sigh of relief while I glide on the smooth concrete road. The setting sun helps me feel at peace. The tension in my house seems heated, however, I regret to inform you that it was a completely regular day. My father isn't the most patient and compassionate person; all it takes is one tiny little thing to offset his entire demeanor. Once he's frustrated, he will reign hell. It wasn't even my fault as to why he was upset. It was the kind of situation of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. One of my younger siblings had pissed him off. I don't know how or why but I do know it's their faults and honestly, that's all I need to know- I could care less for the story. Not many of them really like or get along with my father. Would you believe me if I told you that I was the one to have the best relationship with him out of all my siblings? He told me that I was his favorite. Sad as it is to say, I don't get along with too many of my siblings either. I wonder if this would be any different if I had a mother in the picture.
Everyone in my family is unlikable; and that includes me too. I wasn't fond of receiving compliments or praises- shit, I barely can recount my friends. I didn't like the loneliness at first when I was a boy, but overtime I grew comfortable to it and it has become my choice.
So you might ask me where exactly I was driving to, and to answer your question: anywhere but my household. I had to get away from the constant screaming and violence for a few hours. I'll return once I am recharged. My mind subconsciously feeds me ideas as I wait at a red light; perhaps I could go to the store and pick up a new table lamp. I'm sure my father would appreciate it deep down inside. He needed all the light he could get in his life.
I turn my car to follow the imaginary route in my head. I pass a few stores along the way before I pull into a parking lot with a strip mall. I didn't like heavily populated areas but this mini mall was usually empty. It was peaceful. The strips of stores were clean and constructed beautifully- they boxed in a fancy water fountain. Within this mini mall, I know there is a good knick-knack store with affordable items. It was bound to contain a simple table lamp.
I swiftly pull my car into a parking space. I power off the engine and tuck the keys away in my pocket. Soon before I know it, I'm walking on the sidewalk to the store. I take in the lovely dimming scenery around me. I wish sunsets were longer, they were my favorite time of day. It's sad that they only last a few minutes.
I am interrupted from my thoughts when a group of 5 teenagers pour out from a clothing store in front of me. I knew these guys- they are enrolled in many of my classes and I am forced to see them at school. Luckily, it's summertime. Their names are Poland, Germany, South Korea, Japan, and America. I'm not going into detail of exactly who they are to me because I barely know them like that. All I know is that they are smart enough to be in my classes and could be vultures. They talk loudly and fill the world with laughter. I grow annoyed at their existence, and yet, anxious. Knowing that I had to walk past them made me worry. Anytime I have to walk past a group of teenagers, I found it intimidating- I don't know why. Usually, I was the one intimidating people. And the ironic thing is that I could take them all on in a fight.
I keep my head down and my gaze averted as I speed walk past them. Their conversation barely changes tone so I doubt that they had noticed me. It must be nice to be so distracted by good company that you lose sense of your surroundings. I want to envy them but I have no right, I chose to be ostracized. It was for the best anyways. The more people you know, the more problems you have; the more disappointed you will be in mankind.
I enter the empty shop and search for a simple table lamp.
About 15 minutes later I exit the store with the lamp in my grasp. I was successful at my search and found exactly what I was looking for. Just in time too, the stores were now all closing. I start to make my way back to my car, the group of my peers were gone. Or so I thought...
One stands in front of the hood of my car taking selfies of himself. I keep a distance of 10 feet and I stare at him bewildered. What the fuck was this moron doing? I clear my throat and I get ahold of his attention. "Can you please get away from my car?" I ask.
America looks up at me and lowers his phone like he was caught committing a crime. He lets out a loose nervous chuckle. "Sorry!" he takes a few steps away from my car and towards me. "You have a really nice car. Which dealership did you get it from?"
I roll my eyes and walk over to my trunk. "Don't you have something better to do?" I tuck my lamp in the back and close the trunk.
He shrugs. "Not really..."
"Bullshit!" I say, "I saw you hanging out with your friends before!" The audacity of him, to take something that great for granted.
"Ah well... hanging out is no fun when you are only the fifth wheel..."
"Cry me a river. Be grateful your friends are nice enough to include you in their plans." I tell him.
He sighs. "You won't get it; forget I said anything." He begins to walk away.
"Gladly." I mutter. I reach for the car door handle but I don't open it because I soon hear America stop walking.
I turn to look over at him and he glances over his shoulder. "Also, I wouldn't put that lamp in the trunk like that. All it takes is one sharp turn or bump to cause it to shatter."
I narrow my eyes at him threateningly. "You got a better idea wise guy?"
He rotates his body to fully face me seeming interested. "Yes I do as a matter of fact!" He walks over to my trunk and gestures his hand to it. "May I?"
My angry gaze stays fixed upon him as I pop open the trunk. I was curious to know what he could possibly have in mind, it wasn't like I was in a rush to get to where I live. He smiles and takes the lamp from out of the car. He walks over to the passenger seat, opens the door, and straps the lamp in the seat. He extends his arms out as if he was displaying a rare exhibit.
I stare at him unamused and disgust swells in my face. "That is the most fucking ridiculous thing I have ever seen! Get the fuck out of my sight!"
He starts laughing hysterically. I walk over to the passenger door to remove the lamp and I slam the door shut. He continues laughing at something so pointless. He wipes a tear with a smile on his face. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry... it's stupid but I promise it'll work!"
I roll my eyes and I walk away to the driver's seat with the lamp cradled in my arms. He calms down and asks me "Where are you going?"
I wanted to say "home" but the word would leave a bad taste on my tongue. I don't consider where I live to be my home, it felt so distant and uncomfortable. I live on edge and I feel I will be attacked at every given moment. It definitely wasn't a healthy environment to grow up in. I walk past the driver's seat and pop open the trunk again. Back to square one. I tuck the simple lamp into the void of my car.
America didn't seem to mind that I ignored his question. He walks more over to where I am and he changes the subject. "You know, you are very mysterious."
"Okay?" I say. I wasn't sure if it were a compliment or an insult.
He stares at me with a soft smile. It's starting to creep me out- come to think of it, I found it odd America was still lingering around. "Do you want something? Why are you still here?" I question.
"Well I don't know how to say this lightly but, I was hanging out with my friends and they split up to start doing "couple stuff". I'm not one to want to be involved or witness such things, it made me very uncomfortable so I discreetly left them to wait until they were done. It's been about 20 minutes, I thought they had completely forgotten about me by accident..."
I look at him in confusion. Why was he telling me such a long story? I wish he could be more direct.
"It turns out they left me here on purpose. They took my car keys when I wasn't looking, stole my car, and left me stranded here. My phone is dying and I was wondering if you could just give me a ride home."
"No." I say cold heartedly. I felt sorry for the guy but not that sorry. I would have never guessed of how shitty his friends were, see why I don't have any?
"Please?" he tries.
"I said no." I repeat.
"But why?" he asks with confusion.
"Because I don't have to and plus, you were being fake from the very start. You should have just asked instead of forcing a dreadful conversation." I explain.
"My original intentions were not to ask you for a ride, I needed someone to talk to." he tells me.
"Bullshit!" I say, "I hope you rot in this parking lot." I go to my driver's seat and I speed off leaving the American.
Call me an asshole. I don't care. I don't do favors like that; and for a good damn reason. Over the years I learned that if you do something nice for someone, they will keep asking you for things. It will be a never ending cycle and you will always feel obligated to help them. I was only looking out for myself.
And yet, I partially began to feel bad for my doing. I didn't even want to go home; I could've spared a bit of my time helping out the American. I always thought of him to be an annoying jerk but he has been nothing but respectful and nice. However, he could've only been acting like that because he wanted something.
Overthinking hurts my brain; it is a true curse. I guess that is a con of being so isolated, I was forced to hear all the thoughts in my head. I do a U-turn on the lone road and I drive back to the mini mall. When I arrive, it was as desolated as I had left it.
I park my car and I hop out. It was dark outside, all that lit my way were the lampposts and my headlights. "America!" I call. I hear not a sound in return.
He doesn't seem to be here. I start to regret not helping him earlier- I was too late. Well, I guess all I can do now is hope that he gets home safe. I was about to walk back over to my car; but I see something moving on the dark cement. America.
I walk over to him. He lays down in the middle of the parking lot staring up at the sky. He surprisingly seemed comfortable. "Hey, did you not hear me calling you?" I asked annoyed. He doesn't answer.
"What are you still doing here? Get off the ground!" I say.
"If you concentrate long enough, you can see the stars through the clouds." America says without taking his eyes off the sky. His tone sounded tired.
I was in no rush. I lay down next to him and I stare up too. I was urged by my curiosity and not having anything better to do. I try focusing on the sky. "I don't see shit." I say.
"You're not looking hard enough." America says.
"There is nothing to be seen."
"You're wrong." He finally turns his head to look at me. "There is always something to be seen, you are nothing but negative."
I sit up angrily. "I am solely being realistic!"
"Nah, you are definitely a pessimistic person. It isn't necessarily a bad thing." he concludes.
"If you ever call me that again..." I threaten.
"Threatening someone would be considered negative." he chimes. I roll my eyes, "Shut up, I don't know what you are trying to prove."
"If you refuse to be labeled as negative, does that mean you think you are a positive person?"
"No, stop putting words in my mouth- that isn't what I am saying at all!" I shout back in annoyance. Perhaps I should have never returned.
"You don't have to say anything; I already know." he says confidently.
"Know what?" I question.
"Call it basic or call it traditional; you are negative on the outside but I know you are a positive person within." he elaborated.
I stare at him like he has 7 heads. "I am neither positive or negative, I am only neutral!"
"Sure you good hearted bitch." he states slyly with every word laced in a joking tone.
My jaw slightly drops; surprised at his sudden change in behavior. I never knew him to act like this. I respond by flipping him off with my middle finger.
He barely looked offended. "You may come off as a jackass but you drove your car back here all the way to find me. You certainly aren't heartless, your heart is simply imbedded in your thick skin." I want to say something but I hesitate. I am afraid that the next words I say will be used against me in some way.
"I could honestly read you like a book, I already know so much about you from this conversation alone." he chuckles lightly.
I finally string my words together. "That's it! Stop fucking analyzing me right now you creep, I didn't ask for you to do that!"
"Sorry, I can't help it. I'm slightly interested in studying the brain. I hate to admit that I find joy in exploring other's minds." he says. I resort to a more calmer tone of understanding. "Well please don't ever do it again."
"Why? Did it make you that uncomfortable?" Quite inquisitive this man was- I'll give him that! I answer him slowly; "Very..."
"You're cute when you are on edge like that." he tells me.
"Did... what did you call me?" His comment raises great discomfort in me. It was unexpected and took me by surprise.
"Cute." he says with a poker face. "I don't think I've ever seen you react like that, you're usually pretty quiet." I respect of how open and honest he was, however, I'd be lying if I didn't say that it was starting to intimidate me. I build a defense within myself and offer him a new threat: "If you ever refer to me as that again, I think I will actually slit your throat open and make it my new air refresher."
"I like it when you threaten me, the shivers feel nice." he answers like a psychopath- perhaps had I encountered a masochist? Why was it that I stumbled upon this?
"You're a fucking weirdo." I tell him.
"You're a fucking cutie." he says back to me.
"Stop." I speak through my gritted teeth. I was still having a hard time of understanding how I appeared to be "cute", I in fact believed I was the complete opposite. This man had to be toying with me. I soon hear America respond in a small laugh. I had thought of it to be mocking but I couldn't bring myself to view him as an enemy. He seemed to be different than everyone; I couldn't even relate him to the characters I would read about in my books. I had no desire to leave in the moment.
Uncomfortable of the situation, I find myself switching the subject for a change. I looked over to him. "So why did you decide to lay in the parking lot?" I lay back down beside him. I couldn't believe that I was now interested in him- but I couldn't help that I was genuinely curious. I found myself to be a lotus-eater; and he was the flower.
His laugh fades into the air. He took a second before answering. "After a long terrible day, it feels nice. Knowing that it is unusual and that I am not suppose to, brings me comfort- or maybe I wouldn't mind being hit by a truck." he admits.
"Lay on a highway next time then." I suggest to him. I see his expression change like he had came to a realization. "Maybe someday..." he considers.
I look back up at the cloudy sky while America looked at the starry sky. I still couldn't see any stars. We continued to talk to each other. It was oddly refreshing, and yet so bitter sweet. It was clear that neither of us were in the right head space, we spoke as if we had been defeated. I never had a conversation like this with anyone before. I could feel my guard being let down, I wasn't used to doing it but it felt right. It then started drizzling. "Do you feel rain drops too?" America asks me.
"Yeah." I respond. A drop hits my eye and it winces. I didn't mind the rain but I could only withstand it for a small duration of time.
"You know, before I left my house I checked the weather app. It said clear skies for the whole day, but the only clear thing I see is that it had lied." he chuckles. "Has that ever happened to you?"
"Too often; that's why I don't rely on it anymore. I'd rather be taken by surprised than disappointed." I say.
"Huh." he nods his head. He pulls out his phone and starts tapping on the screen. "You make a great point. I think I'll delete it right now." I watch America do exactly what he said he was going to do. Right when he finishes, his phone dies. He sighs unamused. "Son of a bitch." I feel a small smile grow on my face as he tucks it away. He wasn't too bad to keep around for company.
"Don't you envy your phone when it dies?" I ask jokingly. I hear him fill the air with a delightful laugh. "Yeah. I wish it were me sometimes."
"Me too." I agreed. The rain begins to pour faster. I find myself sitting up finally losing my tolerance for it. "I'm starting to get uncomfortable..." I admit. "Let's go to my car."
America looks at me with a smirk like he wants to say something snarky. I know he wasn't expecting for me to allow him into my car. But he is wise not to comment on it and I watch as his face dissolves his smirk. "Sure!" he answers wholeheartedly. He holds his arm out indicating that he wants me to assist him in standing up. So I grab his hand and help him up as I stand. I let go of his hand to brush myself off of the recollecting rain drops building upon myself. We walk over to my car and get in. America rubs his hands together and looks around my car like a child in a candy store. I start the engine and turn on the heat because I can see that he is colder than me.
"Can you turn the heat on?" he asks unaware of my doing.
"I just did." I inform. He speaks once again with a chill demeanor, however, I can hear frustration and impatience imbedded in his voice. "It's blowing out cold air!"
"Give it a second." I try to cure and bring down his level of concerns.
"One." he spits out. I stare at him unamused. He smiles in response. "I'm only messing with you. Hey, are you sure you don't want the lamp in the front seat?"
"Stay there. The lamp will be perfectly fine." I start driving with no destination in mind. I had not a clue of where the American lived, I wasn't so sure that I was prepared for his departure quite yet.
"Can we make a bet that it won't be?" he challenges. I warn him that "I'm not giving away more than 5 dollars..."
"It doesn't have to be money. If that lamp breaks while you're behind the wheel, then I want you to hang out with me this weekend."
"That is an odd request but okay." I was relatively confused because out of everything he could ask for, that is what he suggests. I was troubled trying to understand why. Did that mean he too was enjoying my company? It makes the ocean within me stir and slosh around. I feel that my car has finally started to warm.
"Now it's your turn to think of something." he says. Sadly, I failed at coming up with something on the spot. "Uh alright... if the lamp is completely fine, which it will be, I want you to...um. I don't know... I still need to think."
He is understanding and tells me "That's good enough for me, you won't win anyways." he smirks. It slightly irritates me so I say the first thing to come to mind. "When I win, I want you to lay on a highway."
His smile widens in satisfaction. "Alright you got yourself a deal." he says. The strong will he had to go along with it without questioning anything raised genuine concern in me. I cock my eyebrow up at him. I was only joking about laying on the highway, did he really think I was being serious? "You know that I was kidding right?"
His smile returns to a neutral state. "Oh...sorry- it's honestly hard to tell when you're joking; you only have like three facial expressions: tired, angry, and even more angry."
"Tch try walking a day in my shoes and you'll start to see why..." I joke again.
He laughs and relaxes more in his seat. It has appeared that he had learned quickly of my jokes after that correction. "I think we are going to be good friends." he tells me.
"I don't want friendship, it's a waste of time." I say stubbornly. He develops a quick response to counter against my argument. "With the wrong people, yes, but I assure you I'll be worth your while."
"Don't give me hope." I plead. Was I even deserving of a friend? The thought troubled me greatly; it seemed unnatural for me to be in a friendship of any sort. I was deprived of it for years, I found it impossible for me to rekindle the sense of normalcy.
"Wow, who made you this pessimistic?" he asks me seeming fascinated. There is only one to be blamed for it; "Me, myself, and I." I say. I then realized I had finally admitted to him that I was in fact pessimistic. I expected to be bashed for it but he never comments on it. He only shakes his head with his words following shortly after. "I do not deem that to be true, you were most likely corrupted by bad people and I'm truly sorry about that. At least we are in the same boat."
I could see where this conversation may be heading. Before it could ascend further, I hit the breaks, well not literally: "Holy shit you really like personal deep conversations huh?"
He smiles once again. "I live for them actually! I haven't had a real conversation like this in years. It's refreshing. Thanks for being the set of ears to listen to me. Let me return the favor."
"Return the favor?" I ask. He nods and explains. "Yes, it's your turn now; go ahead, speak your mind. I'm listening." His words for whatever reason brought me great comfort. He made me feel something I had never felt before; seen.
It seemed to be such a great opportunity but I found myself unprepared. "I don't know what to talk about..." I admit with my words slightly saddened. He attempts to help me out. "Talk about anything. It could be about your interests, hobbies, past, or your overall feelings of life. I'll listen to absolutely anything."
I decide to seize the opportunity; I was holding too many things in that I needed to release. It was unhealthy. It felt safe for me to overshare just this once. After all, we seemed to be in the same boat.
"Alright..." I begin.