By the time I found Billy again, he was on the porch stood next to Milo of all people. Milo was smoking a joint when I approached them and was the first to notice my presence.
"Charlie, where have you been hiding?" Milo greeted me when I stopped in front of them.
Billy turned to see me stood beside him and gave me a smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. I could tell he was probably still pissed about earlier, which made what I had to tell him so much worse.
"Bathroom." I told Milo.
"Listen, that thing that came up during the game, it was nothing. Probably Lizzie pissed off I wasn't paying her any attention."
I raised my eyebrows slightly at his comment. It was the first time I had seen him outwardly present his ego to me. I didn't like it.
"Ugh, okay." I replied and turned back to Billy.
However, I felt Milo's hand on my shoulder. "Seriously, I just want to reassure you — I'd never do anything like that."
"Sure." I replied, trying to sound like I believed him, but my voice sounded quiet and weak.
"Don't worry about it, it's not like we'd actually believe that crap. Someone was just being a dick." Billy interrupted.
I was glad for the interruption, but I was unsettled by Billy's comment. Billy was outwardly saying to us that he believed Milo. A shiver ran down my spine.
God, I'd never experienced a conversation like this.
"Yeah or someone's being a bitch." Someone butted in and I turned around to Sadie now standing opposite me.
A half nervous laugh escaped my lips as I felt my heart freeze as Sadie met my eyes.
Was she going to tell him now? In front of Milo? He couldn't know I did it. Shit. What would someone like Milo do if they found out I had just exposed him in front of his friends?
I needed to get out of here.
"Um, Billy?" I said, turning my focus onto him. "I think I should be getting back. My Mom told me I couldn't stay out late tonight. Could you drive me home?"
I was lying about my Mom giving me a curfew. I just wanted to get away from here. This was a bad idea. I was alone and in over my head. I couldn't wait twenty minutes, I needed to leave now.
Billy turned to me with a hint of slight disappointment in his eyes, but he nodded and search the pocket of his jacket for his car keys.
"Saydes, I'll drop Charlie back and pick you up from here on my way back if you want to stay here a little longer? Or you can ride with us?"
"Pick me up on your way back to this side of town," Sadie replied and looked at me. "I'll keep you company on the drive home, I'll bet you'll need some." Sadie said, meeting my eyes. I tried not to gulp.
"Sure." Billy said.
As soon as the words escaped Billy's lips, I mumbled a good-bye to his so-called friends and headed towards his car. Sadie called after me saying something like it was wonderful to see me again and I had to force myself not to turn around and point my middle finger at her.
I was probably six steps ahead of Billy when I got into the passenger seat, but he was right behind me being a lot quicker than I would have liked. He shot me a confused look when he finally climbed in next to me, but I ignored it, wrapping my arms around myself.
"You good, Char?" Billy asked as he turned the keys.
I nodded. "Mmh, I just want to get out here."
"Me too, fancy going back to mine?" Billy asked, glancing over at me as he started the car. "I mean, just because the party was shitty, doesn't mean the rest of the night has to be. We could order pizza?"
I froze in my seat, there was a million ways I could interpret what he had just said to me, but I decided to block them out. Billy wasn't what I came out for tonight. I went to the party for answers. Yet, I still didn't know if he knew.
"Actually, remember that thing I needed to talk to you about?"
"Yeah? Is everything okay?" He asked. Concern laced his words. His eyes were kind.
How could someone seemingly so sweet and kind have a friend like Milo?
It was strange, the way he talked to me was so soft and delicate. Billy had never treated me badly. The only red flags had been given to me by other people. Now I had to decide for myself whether he was the asshole everyone thought he was or he had just been caught up in drama.
"Yeah, I think so. I just need to make sure."
"Make sure of?"
I sighed and took a deep breath. So far it had looked as though Billy didn't know about Milo and Molly. And If Billy had no idea about the accusations against Milo then my stepbrothers were probably wrong about him and I would have caused all this drama tonight and exposed the truth about Milo to everybody in the worst way possible. I should have talked to Billy first, but I jumped at the chance to show Milo up and maybe even make him pay just a little bit, but no where near enough for what he did to Molly. But, I was now starting to think it was not my place to do that and yet I had done it anyway.
"Did you know about Milo?" I asked.
Billy scoffed and looked over at me with his eyes narrowed in my direction. "Did I know what about Milo?"
"About him, you know... being a -"
"Being a what, Charlie?"
"A rapist." I said, but my voice was hollow.
All my confidence had been drained out of me as Billy turned to look at me properly, his eyes turning away from the road. I couldn't even blink when I realised
all the softness in his had vanished and his eyes slowly turned predatory. It was as if what I had just said had turned me into his enemy because it had revealed to Billy one simple thing: I believed what was written on the note.
"What?" Billy choked out, looking almost stunned.
I couldn't reply. Nothing would come out as I tried to speak. Billy couldn't see one of his friend's being something like that. In his mind, Milo was the boy he had been playing football with since they were little kids. He wasn't some sexual predator. A stranger. A monster. Milo was his friend.
If this accusation had been made against Joe, would I believe the accuser on the accusation? It's easy to think it would never happen because it's Joe. My Joe would never do something so evil. But, I was beginning to realise you don't know the truth about everyone even if you think you do.
"Nothing." I replied. "Yeah, let's head back to yours?"
Maybe by the time we got to his, I'd be able to work up the courage to talk the Milo thing out with him properly.
"Sure." Billy replied.
The drive to his house was quiet to begin with. I thought it was mainly because I was too nervous to speak. I hadn't occurred to me it could be something else. Billy's mind was just as preoccupied as mine was. All the drive was doing was stalling.
However, it appeared Billy couldn't keep the thoughts racing in his head to himself much longer. Billy turned to me once again.
"You don't believe what that asshole said about Milo, do you?" Billy questioned me.
My neck twisted towards him. He wasn't going to drop this at all. I knew I'd talk to him, I was trying to get the courage to bring it up and see it through. Why was I so scared to have the conversation with him? I'm not scared of Billy, I don't think he's a bad person.
Yet, i don't want him to hate me for asking the question. The great thing about being with Billy is that he's a distraction. When I'm with him I feel like the person my Mom makes me out to be doesn't exist. I'm not a problem and Billy doesn't see me as one. Yet, now I was starting to realise I'd become a problem in this situation all because I couldn't not do anything.
I hate myself right now for being so impulsive.
"Billy, I'm sorry —"
"— What are you apologising for?" Billy interrupted, making my stomach drop.
I had to be honest. I needed to know whether Billy knew or not. Sadie sure seemed to. The three of them seemed tight knit. If Sadie knew, it was likely Billy knew. And if that was the case, I don't know what to think about it.
Maybe getting to know Billy was a bad idea. Maybe my step-brothers were right. Maybe this whole thing, whatever it was, is a headache I've given myself.
"I believe the note." I replied. My voice was hollow as it came out. I knew I was missing the detail that I wrote the note and that I believe what I wrote, but the words didn't come out.
"Are you being serious right now?" Billy twisted in my direction, anger swirling around his dark looking eyes.
I watched him stare at me for a moment. The silence hung between us, making heat rush to my cheeks as Billy eye's met my crystal blue ones. In that second, I wondered whether I had the sort of face that someone could read. Could someone read me like a book? Or were people who were trying to figure me out like a reader of a book? Do they have to put the pieces together the author plants onto the pages? Or was I an easy mystery?
In this moment, I hoped I held all the cards.
"There's no smoke without fire." I replied, my voice came out quiet and desolate.
Billy shook his head and turned to look at the road. I watched him carefully as he shook his head in anger. His jaw clenched as his face tightened. His whole demeanour changed in front of me. He was stiff and rigid.
It was now or never.
"It was me, Billy. I wrote the note."
"You did what?" Billy said, his voice sounding almost breathless as his eyes darting around my face looking for reassurance. He didn't want to believe it was me. Billy didn't want me to be the one who had exposed one of his best friends as a rapists.
I was starting to realise that I wasn't Billy's partner in crime, I wasn't someone he could trust or depend on. In this moment, Billy was looking at me like I was his enemy and only now I was realising that maybe I am. Maybe I didn't want to play for his team. Maybe I'd rather be his nemesis than be with someone's who finds out their best friend is a rapist and decides to overlook it.
"I had always wanted to know why my stepbrother's hated you so much. I thought it was a petty rivalry, but it turned out it was more than that." I explained, but Billy was looking at me almost speechless so i decided to continue. "It turned out that it was less to do with you, but a lot more to do with who you're friends with. They didn't think I should be around you and your friends and now I see why. They knew what Milo did and they were trying to protect me."
"Milo didn't do anything!" Billy argued.
"How would you know, Billy? Were you there?"
"You weren't there either? The Lakewood's hate us, Charlie. I wouldn't put it past them to make up something as disgusting as this. This isn't Milo. I know Milo. Milo would never do anything like this, ever!"
"You can be wrong about people Billy and I think you're wrong about Milo."
"Are you really going to believe your stepbrothers of all people?" Billy said looking over at me. "They're not the right people to trust, Charlie. They've made it clear before that they don't like you. Why would you trust someone who speaks to you the way Harry did? Why can't you believe me when I say that Milo wouldn't do something like this? I've never shown you that you can't trust me, I've never treated you badly, yet you can't take my word that I know Milo and he wouldn't do what they said he did? What the fuck, Charlie?"
"I understand it's shocking to find out one of your best friends has done something like that, but you can't just dismiss it and not even consider whether there's some truth to it."
"There's nothing to dismiss, Charlie. It's not true. I know Milo."
"And I know my stepbrother's wouldn't lie about this."
"How would you know? You've only known them since summer. How would you know if they made this up? They're my enemy. I wouldn't put it past them to do something like this just to get back at me for going out with their stepsister."
"Billy I've only known you since summer too. I've known them longer than you. And I don't really think time is a significant factor here. I trust them."
"Even Sebastian? He probably convinced Harry and Tommy to go along with this. This is probably Sebastian getting into your head. None of them want us to be friends, let alone going out. This is probably some plan they came up with. Can't you see that they're manipulating you?"
"I feel like you're manipulating me!" I argued. "I don't even like Sebastian and he certainly doesn't like me. None of them would go this far. Do you understand the gravity of what you're accusing them of? This is serious stuff, Billy. It's not the kind of thing you pull on someone just because you're involved in some stupid rivalry with them that doesn't really mean anything and I've told you all since I found out about the rivalry, that I don't give a shit about it. It's not my business or my problem. What I do care about is the fact that I have been told that someone has committed sexual assault and there has been no consequences. On top of that, you're practically defending a rapist!"
"I'm not defending a rapist because there is no rapist. It's a lie that needs to be stopped before it can ruin his life."
"The girl he assaulted hasn't gone to the police." I growled. "It's not going to ruin his life. He's going to fucking get away with it -- he's getting away with it and you're happy watch him live his life with no consequences. How's that right?"
"It's right if nothing happened. I can't believe you're so easily convinced by them."
"It wasn't even them who told me about Milo. My stepbrother's didn't know if they could tell me and so in the end it was one of the girl's friends who told me."
"Who?"
"It was Freya Calloway."
Billy shook his head. "She's the same as them, Charlie. Sebastian's got his hands in her pockets."
I sighed and realised that i wasn't getting through to him. Billy wasn't hearing me at all. He knew a version of Milo that he wanted to keep. The Milo he knew couldn't change. It was fixed in place no matter what I said. There was nothing left to say. There was nothing I could do. I could only tell him the truth about his friend. It was his choice if he believed it.
"Take me home, Billy. I don't want to be with you right now."
Billy looked at me, irritated. He shook his head and looked at me. The car swerved slightly as he wasn't looking at the road, but he quickly looked back to the road and regained control.
"Don't make me out as the bad guy here, Charlie."
"I'm not, you're doing it to yourself."
"Nothing is black and white, Charlie. I didn't take you for the narrow-minded type. You're just like Sebastian, he has always given me that vibe."
"I'm nothing like Sebastian."
"The way you're taking his side right now, you're making me think you're actually related. You really are becoming a Lakewood."
"Fuck you."
I looked at Billy in disbelief. He wasn't being understanding at all. Now I wished I'd listened to my stepbrothers. I should have seen the red flags from the start. This never could have worked.
"I'm beginning to think they've been protecting me all along. That's the whole reason they didn't want me to go out with you. They knew you would stand by someone like Milo."
"This is all about their fragile little egos, Charlie. People like them can't have one their own fraternising with the enemy."
"You're right, Billy I am a Lakewood and I choose to take their side on this over yours. You're being a coward and you can't even see it. They see you for what you are and now I know, so do I. Are you really so scared of Milo you can't see that it's actually him that's bad news? Why would you want someone like him as a friend? Why would you let someone like him make you into a bad person?"
"So now I'm a bad person?" Billy laughed as he guided his car swiftly round a corner. "I'm actually a pretty nice guy, Charlie, but I guess a nice guy is a pretty subjective concept. Forgive me, if choosing not to believe the false rumours about my friend. If that makes me a bad person then so be it. God, Charlie, I thought you were above all this rivalry. Since when were you the type of person to believe in petty gossip?"
"I believe someone when they decide not to let the person who abused them to silence them. I'd rather believe a lie with good intentions than disregard something that could and probably is true. And judging by Sadie's reaction tonight, this isn't the first time she's heard of your friend being accused of sexual assault."
"Sadie? Sadie doesn't know anything about this."
"Are you sure about that? She confronted me upstairs. She knew I wrote the note. I saw her reaction when you read out what was on that note before you told us who the note was referring to. Sadie looked right at Milo and then she came straight to me and confronted me. She did that to protect him because she knew. Sadie knew what Milo did."
"That's not true. Even if she did know, she'd know it was a lie made up to have this effect. Sadie's not a bad person."
"Through the rose tinted glasses you seem to wear, I think you'd mistake the devil for the face of God."
Billy scoffed and shook his head, but before either of us could say anything else, I heard the sound of a thud. Billy had smacked the steering wheel in a fit of anger and put his foot down on the gas. I heard Billy saying profanities under his breath. He was kept glancing at me like I wasn't real. It was like he didn't know the person sat besides him in the car. Disbelief clouded his dark eyes and he didn't know how to look at me anymore. I was Charlotte Lakewood in his eyes now, his enemies sister.
When he glanced at me, i saw anger and hurt swirling around in his eyes. Yet, before I could analyse him any further, the car jerked forward. My body strained the seatbelt as i felt the car swerve sideways as Billy struggled to control the wheel. My eyes could barely keep up with the way the car was struggling to keep its focus. The car was drifting onto the other side of the road on its own accord and Billy was unable to regain control. it was like my body already knew it was too late because before I could say anything, I felt it.
The world shifted and shook all around me. The world around me became blurry as it spun. My thoughts were scattered as fear took over. I knew it was too late
as I felt history repeat itself.
Exams, courseworks and dissertation have been killing me. Stick with me though, I'll soon survive them ;)
Ohh god, Charlie really has got herself into a bad situation now. It's never a good sign when the past comes knocking on your door almost like deja vu...