"What's wrong, butt?" Ryder asks as I lay in his bed reading for class, while he sits at his desk catching up on the piles of work he missed before going back to class tomorrow.
"Nothing," I pout childishly while flicking his hat away from me.
Abandoning his work, Ryder sits in front of me and grabs my face, forcing me to look at him. "It's about the welcome back today isn't it?sa" he says, already knowing the answer.
This is so stupid. The team got back around noon today and of course we went to celebrate at Yost with about half the student body. All was going well, everyone was having a great time, I saw Ryders Coach smile a genuine for the first time ever, all in all picture perfect. But then the team was leaving and of course people were trying to talk to them and get pictures so I went and waited at Ryder's car. As he was making his way to the car, at most 10 feet away from me, some girl, with I think the student paper, started asking him questions so he stopped. The entire time she was talking to him she kept touching him like rubbing his arm and then when asking about his ribs she even tried to lift his shirt so see if there was a bruise. Ryder attempted to kindly set boundaries which I totally appreciate but I still was upset. Not at him, I can't even say I am super mad at her considering no one even knows we are dating besides our teams but I realized this is my life now. This isn't going to stop once he is in the NHL, if anything it will be worse. When I joked that I was going to have to mark my territory it was just that a joke, but now I actually am worried.
"Babe, I am so sorry," Ryder apologizes, looking guilty which bothers me even more because he didn't do anything. It isn't like he stood there and flirted with her or let her be inappropriate; he quickly set boundaries out of respect for me.
"You did nothing wrong Ry, I just... I don't know I need to adjust to it I guess. It is nothing you did, I am just not used to this yet." Ryder is quiet as he pulls me into his body holding me while I mope. "Luna offered to cut the girl with a skate blade," I confess while I run my fingers over his abs.
"Going to take her up on it?"
"No, not right now. People don't know we are dating so it's not really fair to have Luna and I quote 'cut that handsy bitch' for me when she probably doesn't even know I exist. But if you want Luna to cut her for you for not respecting your personal space, I support that fully."
Ryder laughs but shakes his head. "I am kind of used to people like her; it can be uncomfortable but it comes with the territory I guess."
"Guess I just need to claim you now," I joke.
Ryder looks a little concerned as I kiss his neck. "Just for my own personal uh knowledge, did you go through a Twilight phase when you were younger?"
Knowing exactly what he is thinking I decide to play it up. "Oh yeah, huge. I read every book twice," actually true, "went to see every movie in the theater," also true, "and I even had my parents buy me body glitter and fangs and ran around school telling everyone I was a vampire." That last one is the lie, but Ryder falls for it. "I am still convinced that maybe I am a vampire."
Ryder's eyes are so big as he shifts uncomfortably. I want to keep up the gag longer but I end up bursting into a fit of laughter nearly falling off the bed from laughing so hard at him. Ryder thankfully catches me then pushes me away from him, safely onto a pile of pillows. "You're an asshole Beck. Fuck you."
"Your face," I choke as he rolls his eyes and returns to his desk. When I finally pull myself together I pull out my phone and find Ryder's instagram. "It is so weird you're verified."
He just shrugs in response.
"Why don't you post more? It is all hockey pictures and nothing else."
"Nothing really to post I guess," he answers but I can tell there is something more to it. Bray and Stan and the rest of the team post pictures with friends or team pictures but Ryder's instagram is strictly him and even his tagged he has hidden. It makes him nearly impossible to stalk, something Maya actually complained about when I first started skating with him.
"Oh well, would you ever post us?"
Ryder tenses up at his desk and then shakes his head. "No, I wouldn't," he says but his voice is strained. I try not to feel hurt about it, maybe he just wants to keep his Instagram solely hockey, a lot of athletes do that.
"Well, can I post us? Maya took some really cute pictures Monday and today."
"I'd prefer you didn't," he sighs. He doesn't turn around to look at me, focusing on his work like it is the most interesting homework ever.
"Oh, yeah totally sure," I nod. That kind of hurts but some people are private so I get it, at least that's what I tell myself to try to make the ache in my chest subside. Hockey fan pages post pictures of my boyfriend all the time, but I can't. Wonderful, maybe I will just start my very own Carson Ryder Instagram page.
Both of us continue to do homework in silence for a while. I try to let go of the earlier conversation but it keeps gnawing at me. I know social media isn't real and if we post each other or not doesn't change our relationship but well, with all these girls constantly trying to grab at him I would like to stake my claim publicly. Which sounds so caveman like but it is true, I want people to know he is mine and to back the fuck up.
"Why?" I blurt as Ryder packs up his books for tomorrow, finally all caught up on work.
"Why what?" he asks, adjusting his hat.
"Why can't I post us? Are you embarrassed?"
Ryder scoffs in disbelief. "Embarrassed? Of you? Beck, are you on drugs?"
"Then why, explain it to me!" I yell, my voice rising. I don't usually yell but my own insecurities are bubbling up. Ryder closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, his hands starting to shake just a little. "Ry, I am sorry I didn't mean to yell," I rush taking a step toward him.
Subconsciously he takes a step back away from me. "I don't want them to find you. I want to keep them as far away from you as possible. I need to protect you before they ruin something else for me. I can't lose you and I refuse to let them threaten this, it is way too important to me."
I swallow suddenly understanding it all. Ryder isn't hiding me or his friends because he wants to, he feels like he has to. Hiding his life is the only way to stop his parents from sinking their claws into something else. The only way he can have any control over his own life is by literally hiding it.
"I love you Beck and the thought of them finding out about you keeps me up at night. I would love to post you all the time and brag to everyone about my hot, amazing girlfriend but if they find out," he shutters, "I can't have them find out."
"They won't and even if they do Ryder, they can't touch us." I take a step forward carefully and when he doesn't react I close the remaining gap between us. "They can try to break us up, they can throw their worst at us but babe you have to remember one thing."
"What?" he whispers, burying his head into my hair.
"It is Fryder against whatever life throws at us, and Fryder always wins."
Ryder pulls back a little and looks down at me. I push up on my toes and kiss him trying to convey in just the small kiss that we can handle whatever shit his parents try. He holds me and I listen to his racing heart slowly calm down the longer we stand together.
"Want to go cook dinner?" he asks after finally releasing me.
"Yup yup," I smile, skipping out of his room down to the kitchen. Normally there would be a party to celebrate but the team decided to host the party tomorrow instead of tonight so everyone can get caught up on the school work they missed being gone all last week. Thankfully no one has too much to do since next Tuesday is the last day of class but enough that we are the only two in the kitchen.
"What is that buzzing noise?" I ask when we reach the kitchen. Ryder rolls his eyes and opens the basement door revealing some sort of fight club but with toy cars.
Shutting the door, Ryder ignores whatever is going on in the basement and begins taking out all the stuff we need for steak tacos. I climb onto the counter to grab some stuff and I feel Ryders hand on my back even as he moves around grabbing stuff. When I try to climb off the counter he wraps an arm around my waist to gently placing me on the floor.
I love cooking with Ryder I find out. He is a very serious cook who is a real stickler for directions. As he cuts up the steak his tongue pokes out just a little in the cutest way possible. How someone so incredibly hot can also be so cute is mind blowing at times. "Are you going to help or continue to check me out?" he smirks, quickly kissing my nose before bumping me with his hip to go cut up some tomatoes.
"I wasn't checking you out," I defend.
"Mmmmhm," he hums unconvinced.
Once everything is prepped Ryder handles cooking the steak, claiming I was making too much of a mess. While he stands at the stove, shirtless, I grab his right hand and stick it out and hit it with my own. I do a few more hand motions before forcing him to close his hand into a fist before doing a few more.
"What are you doing?" Ryder tilts his head watching me continue to move our hands.
"Making us a secret handshake so when we are in public we can tell each other I love you without anyone knowing. We are gonna need something this summer, no way I can hang out with the Islanders new rookie without people watching."
Ryder pulls me to him by the hem of his shirt I stole and kisses me. His hand, not stirring the food, grabs the back of my neck and keeps our lips together. "I can't believe how much I love you," he breathes with his forehead resting against mine. "So what is this handshake butt, teach me it."
Ryder tries to multitask by cooking and learning my overly complicated handshake. In the end it is too complicated for us to even remember so we go for something a little more simple. We start with tapping our hands together twice, and then closing our hands and hitting our fist together; first I go down and hit the top of his hand and then he goes down and hits the top of mine and then we end with tapping our right elbows.
"Did you know the excess skin on your elbow is called your weenus?"
Ryder laughs as I continue to bump our elbows together. "Beck, why the fuck do you know that?"
By the time our handshake is locked in and dinner is ready and we both sit down to eat in the living room since some of the last regular season hockey games are on. The Islanders are just barely going to make it to the playoffs which has been a hot debate between us lately. I think that they could be a sleeper team and go all the way based on sheer dumb luck but Ryder has his money on them getting absolutely trashed in round 1.
"You have no loyalty," I accuse as we watch the game.
"I am being objective," he shoots back as our goalie lets in another goal.
"Ah, fuck this!" I yell throwing an empty water at the tv.
"Fuck me instead," Ryder jokes as he leans over and kisses my neck, then kisses his way up till he reaches my lips.
The game is suddenly forgotten as he pushes me back against the couch so he is laying on top of me. My brain goes fuzzy, unable to stop him as he pins me underneath him.
"Bad Frys," Bray yells, literally dumping water on us. "You little horny fuckers, no!"
"You fucked in my car!" Ryder yells, shaking his head and sending water droplets all over the room.
"Yeah and I can do that because I am medically cleared, unlike you."
Ryder takes the couch cushion and throws it at Bray who barely dodges it. "Cock block," he mutters as Bray runs off.
"I should go home," I announce, pulling my wet shirt off my chest.
"No, please sleepover again. Please please please babe." Ryder gives me the saddest look with the sad eyes and boo boo lip and I nearly cave but we both have class tomorrow so I can't steal his car like I normally do.
Admitting defeat, Ryder sadly gets up and grabs his keys. He wormed his way into driving earlier so I don't bother fighting it, he is going to drive tomorrow anyways. When we get to my apartment Ryder follows me all the way upstairs and into my apartment.
"He isn't sleeping here," Luna shouts her eyes like slits watching him follow me around as I get ready for class tomorrow. I think she is still pissed about being kicked out of bed last weekend.
Ryder flips her off before leaning down and kissing me. His tongue slides along my bottom lip but I don't open my mouth for him knowing he just wants to piss Luna off. "Night Ry, I love you."
I walk him to the door and we do our handshake. "Night Beck, I love you. I will text you when I get home."
I watch him walk to the elevator and get in before I shut the door. When I turn around Parker is completely uninterested, Maya is literally vibrating, while Luna looks disgusted. "It's our handshake, isn't it cute?" I smile at my friends.
"So cute I want to gouge my eyes out," Luna replies.