Six years ago, when Kenma saw the baby for the first time with her small hands that would wrap around his fingers and the small sounds she would make, he remembered asking why she was named Suki. Was it because her birth mother wanted the little girl to grow up being liked by everyone?
It was such a conventional name, Kenma guess there'd be millions of girls named Suki by the time Kozume Suki was born. It wasn't a unique name either, albeit it has its fair share of beautiful meaning. Kenma remember when her birth mother asked him what she would name the baby and Kenma said something along the line of just name her Suki because it's your favorite word. Because Kana liked everything, even the smallest and simplest thing.
"Suki," Kenma muttered. "Did she say she likes me or did she really say Suki's name?"
He rolled on the side, opening his eyes to see that the digital clock read 3:27 and Kenma hardly had any sleep. Pondering about what you said had left Kenma unable to sleep even though he shouldn't be thinking about a trivial stuff like that.
Trivial? Is being liked by someone really that trivial to him? It was rare but Kenma used to receive a few confessions back in high school, he knew it was only because he was always hanging out with Kuroo so the girls noticed him too, and he's good in videogames. But he doubt it was even that big of a factor, the biggest factor was indeed being around Kuroo.
Kenma had never felt like this after being confessed to. "Technically she didn't confess," he muttered. "Maybe that's why I can't sleep. This is so irksome."
Whether you said you like him or you said Suki's name, Kenma made sure to get the answer in a few hours once Suki had gone to school. For now, Kenma decided to get what little hours of sleep he could get until then.
By the time his clock started to make that annoying beep that Kenma was sure one of these days he might actually throw the clock across the room, he stirred in his sleep and rolled on the side, opening his tired eyelids. Somehow it didn't feel like four hours had passed since he fell asleep, it felt like he had just closed his eyes for a minute and his alarm clock is already giving him a 1-week worth of headache.
When he headed outside, Kenma heard Suki talking about her dream while she's eating her breakfast while you sat across her and listened attentively that you didn't notice Kenma walking towards the counter to get a mug of coffee until Suki called him.
"Ah, daddy!" she said. "I remember my dream. In my dream, daddy and mommy and Suki went out to pick the stars."
"Really?" Kenma asked and Suki nodded her head, eyes sparkling in eagerness. "What a weird dream."
"Well, dreams are always odd and unique, right Suki-chan?" you said and Kenma stopped for a second, looking at you.
He didn't know why he was expecting you to act a little flustered, after blurting that out last night and leaving like that. Or maybe you did say Suki's name, Kenma is starting to feel like his thoughts and memories are overlapping with each other.
"Finish your breakfast, Suki. I'll drive you to school in ten minutes," he said, finishing his own mug of coffee but before he can leave to go back to his room, you spoke.
"Can I drive her to school? I'll be meeting a friend in Chiyoda later."
"Who?" Kenma asked.
"A friend," you repeated slowly. "From my previous work," you added.
"Sure, you can use the car," Kenma said dismissively and left.
By then you finally let out a sigh and your forehead fell on the kitchen island as your face started to get warmer. Suki looked at you with her head tilted to the side before she slid down her chair and walked up to your side.
"Mommy?" she asked, tilting her head so she can see your face before you turned your head to the side to look at her.
"Suki-chan, thank you. Your name saved me some embarrassment."
"Eh?" the little girl asked, clearly confused as her eyebrows furrowed and stare at you before you straightened up.
"Nothing, have you finished your breakfast?" you asked and she nodded. "Let's go to school."
The friend you are meeting was a former colleague at your previous job as a paediatric nutritionist. She's a kind person but her personality isn't exactly that of a reserved young woman. It always seemed like she has two personalities, one she would show to the children she's tending to and the other she would show only to her closest friends.
"So, technically you're doing a nanny job for a single father?" she asked once you two sat outside a café in Chiyoda Park and you have basically told her most of what happened in the past few months.
That's her personality she would show to her closest friends, she doesn't usually mince her words and she has a tendency to be brazen. But you like this kind of people more, because they just say things as blatantly as possible and they don't need to coat their words with sugary sweet backhanded compliments.
"No, it's not a nanny job," you said. "It's just...a job."
Right, you thought, it's just a job and Kenma is your employer. There's nothing more and less than that.
"You left your previous job to take care of one kid?"
"Even when I didn't get a new job, I would have left long ago."
You realized after graduating college and finally getting a job that there will be co-workers who wouldn't like you and will do things to bring you down. If it's not for the money to pay off the debt, you would have really left that job the moment your surrounding had become unbearably toxic.
"At least you got a new job," she said, taking a sip of her iced coffee.
"And I get paid five times the amount of my previous salary," you muttered unintentionally.
She gasped when she heard what you said, coughing a few times as she lowered her drink down and leaned towards you. "Five times? Girl that kid got some rich daddy."
"Well, her dad's kind of rich."
"Girl did you hit a jackpot or something? Did you get yourself a sugar daddy?"
"A what?" you asked incredulously.
"How old is he? Does he have any friends who are single daddies you can recommend me to?"
"No," you said, looking at your friend with a deadpanned expression. Even when you knew she's normally like this, you still can't get used to this personality of hers. "And he's a year younger than us."
"Oh..." she muttered, her expression changing as she leaned back. "He was a teen dad and he's raising his six year old kid alone?"
"What about it?" you asked, though you somehow know the answer even before she said it.
"You know how society works, there are those who judge people easily, and he'd be scrutinized for being a dad of a six year old at that age."
You knew that much, and maybe that's why all along Kenma was trying to hide Suki from the rest of the world. Because if they knew, it's the little girl who will be suffering most. It's that kind of world you're living now.
After meeting your friend, the rest of the day blurred by. Somehow you managed to avoid Kenma until Suki came home. You thought you'd be able to avoid him throughout the rest of the day, but right after Suki had fallen asleep and you walked out of her room, Kenma was standing there as if he'd been waiting for you to come out.
"I like you," he suddenly said, making you stopped for a second until he continued. "Was that what you said last night?"
Thinking about it kept him awake for hours last night, and Kenma wanted to know the answer. But he should have also known that he wouldn't get it right away.
"I'll answer that if you answer my question first."
"Sure, what do you want to ask?"
"Kana," at the mere mention of the name Kenma's expression changed and for a second you thought you had seen a sliver of sadness passed through his eyes. "Did—do you still love her?"
His answer was something you should have expected the moment you asked that particular question. Still, somehow it kind of hurt to hear him say it. When you have no right to even feel hurt at all.
"There's not a single day that passed that I didn't love her," he said. "And there's not a single day that passed that I didn't regret not telling her when she was still alive."
"Then," you started, swallowing what felt like the lump in your throat before you continued with a smile to somehow hide the pain in your eyes. "I like you—was not what I said last night."
Perhaps that was also the last time you will ever say you like him.
You walked past Kenma and you were about to head back to your room when you suddenly heard Kenma's voice.
"Can I ask you another question?" you stopped but you didn't say anything and Kenma continued. "Did mom tell you about her?"
You nodded.
"Then is being Suki's birth mother the only thing she told you about her?"
Somehow, that statement had you thinking and yet before you can come to a conclusion, Kenma took a step forward and continued, all the while looking into your eyes with an expression that show the sliver of sadness swirling in his eyes.
"Mom didn't tell you that she's also my older sister?"
"Older...sister?" you asked slowly. "Then, Suki-chan...she's..."
Kenma paused for a few seconds before he finally said those words.
"Right, Suki is not my daughter."
A/n: I'd just like to say, props to those who called it.
Idk what you guys might feel about this plot twist (sorta) but it wasn't a spur of the moment decision, I had this thought through at the very beginning of this book so I wouldn't blame some (most, I think?) of you who thought Suki-chan was adopted.