Roohi's POV:
Dearest Baby❤
It's the pain that makes people grow...
I was a girl who was too emotional and too sensitive
I was someone who would keep sulking even when a stranger would say a word...
But now I am a girl who is strong enough to face even my closed ones death in front of her eyes...
Thanks to you...
As promised you were there for me when I needed you the most because you were the only one who could bestow that strength in me...
You beared all my frustration patiently...
You made me strong enough to witness the ugliest of incidents of my life...
And don't be sorry for anything...
You don't have to pity me...I am a delicate flower but I am merciful
I don't blame anyone...
Neither you nor my parents...
Because I was at fault...
I broke the promise I gave to myself on my birthday when you asked me to grow strong...
My promise of never giving anyone the power of breaking me has been broken long back ago...
I gave you that power...
I gave you the power to break me...
I placed my heart in your hands and allowed you to crumple it however you want...
It was like you owned my soul and I couldn't do anything...
I had a lot to say too...
But I couldn't...
And now I want to throw that every word out of my heart because I want to be at peace...
I am not ashamed of my feelings...
I am not ashamed of my love...
I don't regret my emotions...
I loved you so much that I thought you were the meaning of my life...
I wanted to be your Meet (companion) Dumbo...
I wanted you to be the man I prayed for to be the man I would pray with...
But may be my feelings were not firm and deep enough
It was like I was destined to fall in love with you even when I couldn't have you...
But we are humans right...
The more we can't get it the more we yearn for it...
I always knew that we aren't as right for each other as I thought...
But then it's heart right...
A human heart...
Made of flesh and blood...as long as you are kind and sincere to it no matter how cold the heart is it will feel the warmth...it nurtures and grow
I was one of them...
I was loyal to my heart and my love..
And when someone breaks your heart that was nurtured with so much love it feels like someone has torn out your heart even though it's still beating inside mechanically...
The world seems dead as the one with whom you want to spend your life and share all your special moments isn't there with you..
Loving you was worth...
Loving you was like feeling broken apart and at the same time healing too
I don't know what others define love
I don't care what others name my love...addiction obsession and any other term...
All I know is loving someone is giving them what they want...
Loving someone is accepting them with their flaws...
My flesh and blood was in love with you...
And loving you was painful...
Too painful to bear that imagining my life without you seemed impossible...
Imagining my life with someone else felt too horrible...
Every time I had to exhibit myself to a guy I would break down into pieces and would keep crying at nights writing those words in my diary...
I really want to give up on you...but every time I have this idea my whole body is as painful as being torn and I feel like I would die at any moment..so there is no way...I am trying..but really can't do this...
I was stuck between heart and brain as I wrote...
Every memory of yours...
Your baby-like smile in the GTE lecture when you got the right answer first in the class...
Your songs and dialogues during our calls...
Your baby behaviour to get pampered by me...
Your cries when you had to cut and trim your hair and beard...
Your smiles and whines...
Your Babaji Pravachan...
The day in the theatre...
The day in the rain on bike...
Our late-night talks...
Everything we shared as time goes will be buried in the depth of my heart never unearthed
I wasn't sure if I wanted you or if I wanted you to go away from my sight so that I would stop feeling as I did...
But when you were gone I hated myself as I never had before
All this while I was bashed with many comments...all kinds of comments that I never heard and would never like to
Various glances of sympathy pity contempt and most importantly avoidance and indifference towards me
But I had nothing to do except doing my own things in silence...
Those people didn't deserve my attention...
And as already said you are all selfish...
You...
Shivani...
My parents...
Everyone...
And now it's time for me to be a little selfish...
Unknowingly you broke everything...
Everything I thought that we were building...
Everything we promised each other..
You broke me such that in my whole life I'll probably not love and believe in that word again...
Never again will I allow any emotion to overpower that shit feeling called love...
Never again will I allow my heart to get into the water that it can't see the bottom of...
Never will I allow anyone to get into my heart...I'll put a board on it
Do not try to step in...
The doors to this heart are locked...
Because I have tougher and stronger...
I have realised my flaws...
I am too giving...
I have realised that it is not good to be devoted to a particular relationship or a particular person...be it any relationship be it any person... it's not good to be too much giving...
Once the other party betrays and hurts the waves of pain are too strong that can shatter the calmness and peace of your gentle sea like heart
After all love affection parents marriage work are not the whole of life...they are just a part of life...
Every emotion is temporary...
I have realised to enjoy my life the way I want...
I don't need anyone to love me...
I am cute enough to love myself...
But yes it's not going to happen too soon...
I need time to accept and digest this but then realisation itself is my first step towards healing...
I have let time to heal my wounds
But Dumbo I always so wanted to ask you something...
Do you think it's meaningless to be with me???
Anyways...
A part of me thinks if I saw you today I had fall in love with you all over again but then another part of me thinks I would feel something different...or may be nothing
You wanted me to hate you and played those stupid tricks as an attempt to make it possible but it couldn't happen
And will never happen too...
Hating someone is not my thing...
I can not hate you...
You are my one and only bestie...
You are someone who knowingly or unknowingly had made me realise my real strength...
You turned a small bud into a rose in the wilderness with proud pistils that can dominate all the ugly blows of the four seasons...
You are irreplaceable in Rooh's life...
We are still friends right...
But yes now I can't love you too...
Because...
If you don't have the courage to let your heart love me
I don't have a heart to love you...
Not yours
Babe❤
*******
Some get love...
Some won't...
Sometimes love heals...
Sometimes love breaks...
Some love stories have a happy ending...
Some won't...
Some love stories get complete
Some love stories remain incomplete
But...
Some love stories are incompletely complete in their own way❤
So was mine...
It's incompletely complete in it's own way because I have realised my worth...
It's incompletely complete in it's own way because I am in love with myself...
So this is my
INCOMPLETE LOVE
And he is not my MEET(Companion) FOREVER
*******