Oh no, Hera!
Hailey's
"WHAT do you want, Hera?"
My father stood beside me while Tita Hera was standing right in front of us. Si Mama naman ay nasa may gilid, mukhang hindi niya alam kung anong gagawin niya. Mahirap nga naman ang sitwasyon niya. Tita Hera is her cousin, and although they're not close with each other, iniisip pa rin ni Mama iyon, Dad is her husband, of course that matters too. She stood there, looking at us, palagay ko nga ay iniisip niya kung anon ga ba ang dapat niyang gawin. I was sighing. Bakit parang galit sa akin si Tita Hera? Bakit parang sa sitwasyong ito, ako pa ang may kasalanan? Aren't they blaming Percy too? It's not that I want them to blame him, it's just that... it's just not my fault. Dalawa kami rito.
What does she even want from me?
"I want you to stay away from my son, Hailey. He's suffering enough! Hindi pa ba sapat iyon sa'yo?!" Pasigaw niyang binitiwan ang mga salitang iyon. Napaawang ang labi ko. What the hell? Akon ga ang sinisisi niya sa pagkakataong ito.
"I'm the one telling Perseus to stay away from me, Tita Hera." Mariing wika ko. I looked at my father who was looking straight at Hera Vejar's eyes. His green eyes are a bit of a darker shade now – an indication that he's getting irritated.
"Really? Anong ginagawa mo sa unit ni Perseus kaninang umaga?' Sarcastic na tanong niya. I looked at my father, he doesn't seem to be surprised about that information, but my mom looks like she got the biggest surprise of her life. I sighed. Wala naman akong dapat ipaliwanag Naiintindihan kong galit sa akin si Tita Hera, nakikita niya kasing nasasaktan si Perseus, pero sana makita rin niyang nasasaktan ako. I know how much she loves her son, but then, how about me? Hera Vejar tends to invalidate my feelings, basta pagdating sa mga anak niya, handang sagasaan lahat ni Hera, kahit na mali, kahit na anak niya ang nakakaagrabyado, but hell! This isn't right.
"Tita, I'm so sorry." Wika ko sa kanya. "Yes, I was in Perseus' unit early this morning. I came there to finally tell him face to face that we need to end our relationship. Matagal ko naman nang dapat tinapos ang bagay na ito, matagal ko nang alam na mali, pero pinanghahawakan ko iyong nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. I was in love with him. Perseus made me feel special. There was once a time that I was willing to defy my parents, to leave everything just to be with him. Damn the morality, damn our blood relationship, I just want to be with him, but right now, after all this time, I realized that I was wrong, that it's not worth fighting for anymore." I said to her. Nangingilid ang mga luha ko pero pinipigilan kong umiyak talaga. I need to be strong. I am doing this to finally be free from all these shits. I want to be free. Kahit ako na lang ang masaktan, basta hindi na masasaktan ang mga magulang ko. I am willing to do everything to spare my parents from pain – the pain that I have caused them. I want everything to go back to normal. Hell! I would even marry the man my father chose for me – if that's the only way from him to finally forgive me. I would be an obedient daughter until the day I die.
"What?" She even asked me. Parang hindi niya ako narinig. I looked at her again, sa pagkakataong iyon ay mas malakas ang loob ko. I looked straight at her eyes, I realized that I had no reason to be embarrassed at all. Alam ng mga magulang ko ang nangyari, iyong pagpunta ko kay Perseus, ginawa ko iyon dahil iyon ang tamang gawin. Nasaktan ko siya, nasaktan rin ako but it's about damn time to finally let all this go.
Hindi ko alam kung paano kukunin pabalik ang tiwala ng mga magulang ko, lalo na ni Daddy, but I am willing to do everything to be in his right place again.
"I want to end it. Perseus doesn't. He keeps on begging me to consider. He keeps on telling me that he needs me in his life. He even told me that your love was enough for you to forgive us and let us be. I didn't want to hurt my parents anymore, so I told him that if he can keep on hurting you and Uncle Hades, then fine, I'll let him, pero tapos na ako sa ganoon. Tita." Biglang bumalik sa akin ang huling usapan naming ni Perseus, how he cried and whimpered, how he asked me to stay. "Nagsasabi ako ng totoo. Daddy, nagsasabi ako ng totoo. I'm so sorry for what happened, for what I did. I never wanted to hurt you or mom, I was just thinking of myself, of my own happiness. For a while there, I thought that I could bear it all, but now, I am regretting every bit of my decision. I'm so sorry, Dad, Mom. Tita Hera, I'm so sorry too."
Yumakap ako kay Dad. Wala na akong pakialam kung ganoon ang titig sa akin ni Tita Hera. Maybe she has something to say, maybe she'll insult me in front of our parents but right now, all I want is the comfort of my father's warm hug. I don't care about Perseus anymore, malinaw sa akin na wala na akong nararamdaman para sa kanya, o kung mayroon man, hindi na iyon sapat para ipagpatuloy ang kahibangang ito.
I am choosing my family.
xxxx
"YOU can't sleep?"
It was my brother Heath, who spoke behind me. Nakatayo ako sa verandah, I was holding a glass of water while I looking at the darkness in front of me. Iniisip ko pa rin hanggang ngayon ang naging usapan namin ni Tita Hera. Sa huli, wala naman na rin naman siyang sinabi, she just looked at me from head to toe and left. Ni hindi siya nagpaalam na aalis sa mga magulang ko. Sa madaling sabi, it seems that she walked out on us. Baka hindi niya nagustuhan ang sinabi ko, wala naman akong nagagawa, I did what I had to. Hindi naman pwedeng akuin ko ang kasalanan, may kasalanan rin si Perseus, gusto kong makita ni Tita Hera iyon.
"Oh, you're crying again." Kuya Heath said. He carefully cupped my cheeks to wipe my tears away. "Ang bunso, umiiyak, h'wag ka nang umiyak. Everything will be fine now. I know what you did, and you did the right thing." Hinaplos – haplos pa ni Kuya Heath ang magkabilang braso ko. I was just looking at him. I wanted to hug him, but maybe we're not there yet. Alam kong pati siya ay nagtatampo sa akin dahil sa naging relasyon ko kay Perseus.
"I'm so sorry." I told him. He sighed. Hinawakan ni Kuya Heath ang mga kamay ko.
"I was surprised, Bunso." Sabi niya sa akin. "Hindi ko inaasahan na gagawin mo iyon, Hunter was so mad, he was so disappointed, ako disappointed pero hindi ako galit. Hindi kita naiintindihan, but I know that love has something to do with it. Hindi natin kontrolado ang mga bagay – bagay kapag involve na iyong pagmamahal na iyan. Maybe up until now you're in love with him, but letting it go and distancing yourself from him is the right thing. Nandito kaming mga pamilya mo. Galit kami, pero mahal ka namin. Iintindihin ka namin, pero sana Hailey, huli na ito." Sunod – sunod akong tumango. I launched myself to him and hugged him so tight.
Hindi madaling kalimutan ang ginawa ko, pero tama sila, family is family, and I will always have them.
"H'wag ka nang umiyak." Kuya was caressing my back. "Everything will be okay. Ikaw pa ba? Hindi ka matitiis ni Daddy. You are his favorite little girl." Tumawa si Kuya. "Ikaw ang paborito noon kahit na mag-away pa kayo ni Hunter, ikaw pa rin ang kakampihan noon."
"But I hurt him." I sobbed. "He doesn't deserve this. He has been through a lot. Hindi ko naman masabing hindi ko sinasadya."
Kuya Heath clicked his tongue. "Don't think too much about it. Nga pala, can I ask you about the marriage thing?"
"Yeah. Dad told me he'd only trust me again if I agreed to marry the person he chooses for me and I am all for it. Kung iyon lang iyon paraan para mapatawad niya ako, gagawin ko talaga." Napabuntong – hininga ako. Kuya Heath ruffled my hair.
"You know what I think is a good match for you?"
"Who?"
"Theo." Hearing Theo's name made my heartbeat faster. Napalunok pa ako. Hindi ko pa siya naite-text mula nang dumating ako. I should've called him, but then he said he was tired. Baka naman nagpapahinga siya. Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko. Every time I hear his name, my heart does this.
"What?! He's my best friend!"
"Right." Natatawa na lang si Kuya sa akin. Inakbayan niya ako at saka hinatak na papasoj sa loob. Siyan a ang may hawak ng glass of water ko na kanina ko pa pinaglalaruan. "He's a good match. I'm sure he'll take care of you, right Hunter?"
Nakasalubong namin si Kuya Hunter sa may hagdanan. He looked at us.
"What?"
"That Theo is a great match for Hals."
"Oh yes! He will surely take care of you, unlike that asshole Perseus Vejar. H'wag na h'wag kong makikita si Perseus na lumapit sa'yo, babasagan ko ng panga iyon!" Matapos niyang sabihin iyon ay nilayasan niya na kami. I only made a face. Kahit paano ay gumaan na ang loob ko dahil nagkakausap na kaming magkakapatid. Isa pa, mukhang gumaan na ang loob ni Dad sa akin muli.
I know we will get there, sabi nga madalas ng mga nagmo-move on, baby steps, baby steps and we'll get there.
"Oh, Hailey, before I forget." Natigil kami ni Kuya Heath sa paglalakad sa hallway ng second floor nang masalubong namin si Dad, Kalalabas nila lang sa private office niya. My heart beat a bit slower. I bit my lower lip. Pakiramdam ko may sasabihin si Dad sa akin, isang importanteng bagay. Napalunok pa ako. Kinakabahan ako kahit na may ideya naman ako kung tungkol saan ito.
"Tomorrow, you'll meet the man you'll marry. Be ready at six pm. We'll have dinner with him."
My mouth parted. Napahawak ako sa kamay ni Kuya Heath nang mahigpit.
xxxx
Theo's
I didn't have any ounce of sleep the other night. I kept thinking about Hailey. Paikot – ikot lang ako sa kama ko habang paulit – ulit kong naririnig sa isipan ko ang naging usapan namin ni Mr. Demitri, hindi lang iyon, halos lahat ng mga tao sa paligid ko ay sinasabi nilang in love ako ka Hailey – na in love kami ni Hailey sa isa't isa.
Iisa ba kami ng mga nakikita? I've been friends with Hailey for a long time, but I never thought of us that way, but why does the people around us think that way? Hindi ako mapakali. Am I in love with Hailey? Am I?
Well my sister is right, I am ready to drop everything just to cater to Hailey's needs. She is my priority, but aren't friends like that? Hindi naman kasi tatawag si Hailey sa akin nang hindi naman emergency so I am always available for her. I want to attend to all her needs, hangga't maaari ayoko siyang nalulungkot, kaya nga ginagawa ko lahat para sa kanya, kaya lang ang labas pal anito, mukhang in love kami sa isa't isa.
I sighed again.
"Ang aga – aga, nakasimangot ka, Kuya." It was Liu who spoke. Nasa kitchen ako at nagkakape na. The maids are already preparing our breakfast, mom and dad went out for a walk, si Mona naman ay tulog pa.
"Do you think I'm in love with Hailey?" Napatitig sa akin si Liu.
"Why are you even asking me that? Ikaw nakakaalam niyan. Ikaw, do you think Clarita Sihurano will ever realize that I love her?"
"Talaga?" Napatitig ako sa kapatid ko. "Iyong panganay ni Senator? Wow ha. But she's a great girl. Nakikita ko siya sa university."
"Well, nakikita ko rin siya, pero tuwing nag-uusap kaming dalawa, nag-aaway lang kami. Buti nga kayo ni Hailey, may friendship, at least if you're gonna cross that line, may foundation naman na kayo. And yes, I think you are in love with Hailey, and she's in love with you too. Baka hindi niya lang napapansin kasi nasa iba ang atensyon niya. I think, you need to sort your feelings. Hindi ka pa nagkaka-girlfriend, it could be that you are in love with her, or maybe you're just used to having her around, either way, there are feelings there, you just need to realize it."
And somehow, Cornelius is right. He seemed to know what he is talking about. Napapailing na lang ako. Maybe I need to avoid Hailey for a while, I just need to sort this thing out, I just need to make sure, so that if ever I make a move on her, sigurado ako sa nararamdaman ko. What if Liu is right, that I was just used to having her around, and that maybe she's like that too.
Ewan ko, naguguluhan na ako. Basta ang alam ko, kailangan ko munang dumistansya. Sa lalim ng iniisip ko, hindi ko napansin ang tatlong beses na pagtunog ng phone ko. Liu just nudged me when he noticed my phone. I opened the first message that I accidentally clicked and I almost dropped my cup of coffee.
It was from Mr. Helios Demitri.
From: Creepy Hailey's Dad.
Msg: 6pm, Tomorrow. I will tell Hailey about the arrangement. I already talked to your father. He agreed. See you. Wear your best suit.
So much for avoiding Hailey!